#jerkchronicles

[jerkizzle]

4/1/19

I still think about you everyday

Whether lts something I’d like to share

Because I know you’d like it

Or I simply just miss you

I miss us

I really thought you’d be my soulmate

And we’d share everything

I know I’ll never forget you

Even if your name is unspoken

[jerkizzle]

Hey baby, if your reading this it's because you need a pick me up. I'm sorry I can't be around to talk, but we both know it's for the best to keep it this way. Right now your going through a rough patch, don't let this stop you or drag you down. I know things will get better, you know they always do. They may not get worked out as soon as you would like, but things always fall back into place. Just because I'm not around to talk like old times, that doesn't mean your not important to me. You know you mean the world to me. I have no words to describe or express how I feel about you. Your the love of my life and always will be. Just know that your always present in my life whether or not your around. Your loved even though you may not see it or believe it. Ignore those negative thoughts that may be lingering around your head they're there to bring you down, don't let anything bring you down. So take a step back, take a deep breath, and relax a little. Be objective about every decision you make and be smart about it. I know the world always feels like its collapsing on you when things don't work out, but all this is temporary and sooner than later your life will be back on track to where it's supposed to be. Always remember that your an extraordinary person, you matter, and your extremely loved. A world without you in my mind is not conceivable. Don't forget your my person, and how much I love you. Save this letter for anytime you need a pick me up and a reminder of how wonderful you are and how loved you will always be. Be careful, don't rush to conclusions. Again I'm sorry I'm not there to talk to you, but we both know it's best like this..specially for me. You know your my kryptonite and I don't think I can handle you disappearing on me again after things get better for you. Imagine you've been walking in circles for days in a desert and you're so parched from the deprivation of water and all of a sudden someone hands you a huge cup of ice cold water. When the water touches your mouth it’s an instant satisfaction and relief. That's the only way I can describe how I feel when I get to talk to you after months and having that taken away so hastily it's devastating, but right now I know I'll be ok with time. Like I always say to you you're young and have a full life ahead of you. Don't give up bc depression and anxiety is driving you crazy. I hope you never have to read this letter because I don't want you going through these rough times. All I want for you is to be happy even if that’s not with me, and have what you've always wanted.

-Jerkizzle

[jerkizzle]

First love

They always say a girls first love is their father

Fathers teach us that we should be treated

As delicate flowers

They shower us with love and affection

In hopes we find someone like them

To love us unconditionally

But what happens when you don’t have that first love

[jerkizzle]

Welcome

Welcome to the circus

Where you’ll find

All sorts of shows

And roller coasters

Staring with self doubt

How to not hate myself

How do I even adult

And don’t miss our famous coaster

Identify crisis

-Jerkizzle

[jerkizzle]

1/3/19

I have this nervous feeling

Sort of like butterflies

But at the same time an empty

Falling feeling

One feeling shared by

Two different extremes

Sadness and happiness

Now you tell me which one

You’re feeling ?

-Jerkizzle

[jerkizzle]

10:25:18

Lately I’ve focused on me

And my depression

I’m feeling partly like this

Because I just had birthday

Not being where I want to be at 27

Makes me feel depresssed

Along with my other life failures

But I also noticed

How selfish I’ve been

With those who surround me

And their daily life struggles

I’ve been a bad friend

Just worried about my mental state

I feel the like weight of my problems is too much

That they’re dragging me down slowly

I just recently saw an old friend

Lost a sibling

It hit me hard seeing how selfish

I was to close myself from everyone

There are bigger problems in the world

And to think my problems were the worse

When clearly they’re not

I’ve been here having a pitty party

For a few months sulking

In all reality I feel even more guilt

Because I haven’t been thankful

Thankful that I have

Both my parents

All my siblings plus their kids

I’m full of blessings I’ve neglected

-Jerkizzle

[jerkizzle]

A is for anxiety

Another day when anxiety beats me again

I woke up at 6am feeling panic

Shorty after that I started to physically feel sick

It wasn’t long after

That I puked bile till I had nothing left

It really sucks waking up for no reason like this

Not having an explanation

Why I’m having these episodes

I feel like these episodes wear me down so much

I just really want to be normal!

[jerkizzle]

I don’t want to forget nor let you go. Years of memories,tears of sadness, and joy can’t be easily forgotten. I can recognize that we’re not good for each other, but rather we’re better apart. My love for you will always exist within my heart. For as much as I’d like for us to remain close, I know that it’s best if we grow apart. Just never forget you’ll always be in my heart.

-Jerkizzle