Discover Top Posts Tagged with #jesse mcgrath

Introduction: The Food-Pairing Tournament

Welcome one, welcome all, to by far our most ambitious and probably dumbest project yet: The Food Pairing Tournament.

We have here 32 of the most elite food & beverage pairings on the planet. We’ve chosen to have them duke it out, tournament style, and see who emerges victorious.

BUT, to make it more fun, the two of us will also be duking it out, as we have randomly chosen sides and recruited teammates.

Jesse is fighting for the Food Network Conference. Wilder is fighting for the Travel Channel Conference.

Every Monday, we’ll check back in with the tournament to figure out just how well our foods are doing, finally culminating with our champion.

FAQ-

What are the ground rules? Everything in this bracket needs to be something that people commonly consume ON ITS OWN as well as by itself. In addition, these foods need to be thought of in their most perfect form. The absolute top of their game.

Is that why Ketchup & Fries aren’t here? Yes. Same with Chips & Salsa.

But I love those foods. Don’t care.

Yeah but people eat ketchup by itself. Well those people deserve to be burned alive.

Yeah but what if- SHUT UP ALREADY, THEM’S THE RULES.

How do the teams factor in? Teams are to talk as much shit to the opposing team as possible. Also everybody on the winning team will receive a one million dollar cash prize.

How did you figure out the seeding? We wrote ‘em all out and drew the names randomly in two sets of 16. Then we had a third party seed them for each conference (making sure to keep repeat foods in different divisions). It’s all very fancy and sciency. You wouldn’t understand.

Your bracket looks poorly drawn. You look poorly drawn.

Alright. Them’s the berries. See you in a week for the first round results.

#jesse mcgrath #wilder shaw #food pairing #bracket #tournament #guide to life #food

A new podcast featuring our very own Jesse McGrath

Digging this pod so much I wrote a little primer on it for Super Trashed. It’s a bunch of (very smart and knowledgeable) sweeties trying to find comps between real world and fictional animals. They’re also trauma bonding about disturbing zoological facts. Fun!

#blair bazdarich #brian pagano #jesse mcgrath #podcast #zoology #cryptozoology #cryptid #fantastical field guid #fantasy #science fiction #science

The Definitive NBA Nickname Ranking

The thing about basketball is that is it’s the best sport.

Jesse doesn’t agree, but I think we all know that the poor boy is cute as a button, but dumb as a stick.

There are a multitude of reasons why basketball is the best sport (e.g. Charles Barkley, Slam Dunks, The Time Allen Iverson Stepped Over Tyronn Lue Like He Was Literal Trash), but a big one will always be how much of the players’ personalities we get to see: tattoos, facial expressions, and yes, the best nicknames. I don’t know who comes up with them but I can only assume it’s the same hero that is responsible for Squeakquel and Chipwrecked.

So yeah, I ranked ‘em for you.

RULES: • I’m not going to rank every damn nickname that has ever lived because that is lunacy. I picked ONE HUNDRED AND ONE, so quit whining. • These are current players & retired players, but no coaches or entire-team nicknames. • I dug a lot of this information up on Wikipedia, the web’s most reliable source. As a result I found a lot of alternate nicknames I have never heard before. • So, I am ranking THEIR MOST COMMON NICKNAMES. They won’t get bumped up just because they have some fun alternative ones. It’s gotta be the main thing they’re known for. • Well, sort of. A ton of players have names that are just their first initial and then the first syllable of their last name, so in those cases I will pit their alternate nicknames against each other.

Enough chatter. Let’s do the damn thing.

101: Marco Belinelli Nickname: “Beli” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: I don’t need to explain why this nickname is trash, do I? ‘Beli’ is far from scary. It already sucks that Marco Belinelli is one of the NBA’s biggest uggos, it’s a damn shame that he’s saddled with the literal first two syllables of his last name instead of an actual nickname.

100: Derek Fisher Nickname: “D-Fish” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: Not even a single other nickname? A five-time champion? One of my favorite players ever? He deserves a nickname, like ‘Mr. 110%’ or ‘The Barnes-Slayer’. WAIT, better yet, just ‘Jamie Lannister, The Kingslayer’. GET IT? CAUSE MATT BARNES WAS ON THE KINGS FOR ONE SEASON??!?!? DO YOU GET IT OR NOT??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

99: Tracy McGrady Nickname: “T-Mac” Other Nicknames: N/A Thoughts: This is only 0.0000000000001% better than ‘D-Fish’, but like, whatever. It’s still awful. Poor Tracy.

98: Derrick Rose Nickname: “D-Rose” Other Nicknames: "The Windy City Assassin", "Poohdini", “The Glassman”, “Glass Rose” Thoughts: Love ‘The Windy City Assassin’. That right there is a great nickname. Too bad his most common one is D-Rose and that sucks all the wieners.

97: Dwyane Wade Nickname: “D-Wade” Other Nicknames: "Flash, "Father Prime" Thoughts: As per the rules, ‘D-Wade’ is not what I’m talking about. ‘Father Prime’ is pretty alright I guess.

96: Kevin Durant Nickname: “KD" Other Nicknames: "Durantula", "Kid Clutch", "The Baddest", "The Servant", "Mr. Tickle", "The Rim Reaper", "Slim Reaper" Thoughts: GET OUT OF HERE WITH ‘MR. TICKLE’. ‘Durantula’ and ‘Slim Reaper’ are great but people usually just say ‘KD’ and that one sucks. I gotta take a break, I’m still giggling like a schoolboy at ‘Mr. Tickle’.

95: Chris Paul Nickname: “CP3” Other Nicknames: “Cliff Paul”, “Chris Smooth” Thoughts: It goes without saying ‘CP3′ is terrible, but does ‘Cliff’ even count? It’s not really so much of a nickname as it is somebody he plays on television. Honestly though, sometimes I forget Cliff Paul is fake.

The Definitive Holiday Song Ranking

‘TIS THE SEASON.

I suppose it’s always some sort of season, but as a culture we’ve decided to unleash our inner San Francisco and refer to winter as The Season. A time for laughter, and cheer, good tidings, a magical fat man who breaks into your house by way of the chimney, and of course, holiday music.

NOW BEFORE YOU GO ALL DONALD TRUMP ON ME and get angry that this is a “Holiday” music ranking, trust me (ya boy’s Jewish by the way) when I say that I am well aware how much better Christmas is than everything else. This is essentially a ranking of Christmas songs, but two of them happen to be non-Christmas so I’M JUST TRYING TO PRESERVE MY JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY, YOU SWINES.

Rules: • Most of these songs are covers of traditional Christmas songs, so don’t get all up in my grill telling me that these aren’t the original versions. The original versions were recorded 70 years ago and sound like dirty water trash. • You’ll notice that “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is not here. That’s because that shit is rapey and weird. • There’s no “Let It Snow” here. There’s no “White Christmas” here. There’s no “Silent Night” here. A lot of classics aren’t here, but them’s the berries. • Sorry for being so mean.

10: “Señor Santa” Y La Bamba

This song is very weird. It’s basically a cover of “Mr. Sandman” which isn’t really a Christmas song, but turned into a Christmas song about Santa, but also Spanish-themed. It’s all over the place. Try saying Señor Santa without smiling. Can’t be done. At one point singer Luz Elena Mendoza says “We used a hankie when we blowed our nosies” which is some adorable Rugrats dialogue if I ever heard it. This song cracks.me.up.

9: “The Hanukkah Song” Adam Sandler

There are two Hanukkah songs. The first one is “I Have a Little Dreidel” which is probably the worst song ever recorded, and the second is Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song. He went all Peter Jackson on it too, and kept making sequels – legend says he’s performed up to Part 5. The single best thing about these songs is that instead of saying anything at all about Hanukkah, he basically just lists a bunch of Jewish celebrities. Timeless. A+.

8: “Santa Baby” Eartha Kitt

This is probably the least strange of all the songs about somebody wanting to bang Santa. She never outright says she’s DTF, but it’s heavily implied. Like, who would call him ‘baby’ if they weren’t tryna get some? It’d be weird for a child to say ‘Santa Baby’. I’m veering off track I think. My favorite part of this song is her really specific requests. She asks for a light blue convertible – which like, how you expect that bro to fit that down the chimney, Eartha? – and Christmas tree decorations from Tiffany. She’s asking for really expensive stuff. And a ring? She’s tryna lock that down. You go girl.

7: “What Are You Doing New Years Eve” The Head & The Heart

You’re probably all butthurt that I’m going with this version over the Zooey D version, but ‘tis what ‘tis. Her version was recorded on a webcam and doesn’t really have the ‘mmph’ that this version has. And, in a pinch, I’m going with Charity Rose Thielen’s voice over Zooey Deschanel’s voice every time. Sorry bout it. And let’s talk about the big finish, starting at 2:45. THAT’S THE STUFF, RIGHT THERE. This ending slays all other versions’ endings.

6: “Feliz Navidad” José Feliciano

First of all let’s just pause for a moment to reflect on what a true hero José Feliciano is in this picture. Look at that coat. My goodness. “Feliz Navidad” is a great example of a song that people love to sing despite not knowing most of the words. Everybody is capable of singing ‘Feliz Navidad’, but then as soon as it gets to ‘Prospero Año y Felicidad’, everybody just mumbles that part awkwardly until José skips to English. This song is a hundred years long, even though it’s just the same lyrics over and over, but you don’t care about that. You’re too busy dancing.

5: “Carol of the Bells” Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Dear lord, can you even imagine being at a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert? Those lights are a little thing I like to call Too God Damn Much. “Carol of the Bells” is a song that doesn’t make too much sense to me. It’s a Christmas song, but it’s extremely creepy. It’s not far off from the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack. TBO’s cover is spooky to the max. If you played this song for somebody for the first time, I’d be shocked if they guessed it’s a Christmas song. Either way, it’s a classic, and well worthy of the Top 5.

4: “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” Jackson 5

Child Michael Jackson had a better voice than every grown man in music. I’ll take child MJ’s voice over Freddie Mercury’s any day. I especially like that ‘Rooty-toot-toot and rump-a-tum-tums’ are real lyrics that somebody probably had to write down at some point. The song is excellent, but I think what gives this song Top 5 status is that it implies that Santa Claus is always watching you, like a little Narc. Don’t you dare whine or pout or cry because Big Brother Santa is watching you, god dammit.

3: “Linus & Lucy” Vince Guaraldi Trio

This might be the only jazz composition written to instantly put you in a good mood. If Christmas music is meant to inspire nostalgia, then give this song every effing award. It’s perfect. Iconic. Unstoppable. I’ll also take this opportunity to say that if you don’t like Peanuts you can go ahead and get the hell out of here. Creep.

2: “The Christmas Song” Nat King Cole

This shit right here is truly timeless. Nat King Cole’s voice is actual perfection, and even Paul McCartney’s cover can’t top this. Ignoring the mildly racist allusion to people dressed up like Eskimos, this song is perfect. Natty Ice even acknowledges that it’s been said many times, many ways – but the dear boy doesn’t care about that, because all he wants in this world is just to wish you a Merry Christmas. Jeez Louise. Helluva song.

1: “All I Want for Christmas is You” Mariah Carey

If you think for even one second that a better Christmas song has ever been or ever will be recorded, you need to check yourself into the nearest mental institution.

I’m not sure what she does the rest of the year, but in the month of December, I only recognize one god: #MARIAH. I don’t care about anything she does from January to November, but December belongs to her. If December was renamed “Mariah Month”, that would be 100% fine with me.

I looked up the stats on YouTube of how many plays the video has gotten, and saw this:

LOOK AT THAT END-OF-THE-YEAR SPIKE. You can bet your sweet bippy that 4/5 people near you right now have listened to that song today. It might also be the only Christmas Song attached to a beloved music video. That video is legendary. Just M-dog, frolicking around in the snow and opening presents in her santa robe. How bout that part where she’s with the reindeer and the reindeer clearly wants nothing to do with her? Classic reindeer. And let’s not pretend like when we hear this song we’re don’t immediately think of the scene in Love Actually where Jojen Reed plays drums.

And how bout that version with Jimmy Fallon and the Roots? Majesty.

Mariah, never stop never stopping.

Happy Holidays, y’all.

[Wilder]

Who: Jesse McGrath, OJ Patterson and Justin Gomes. When: October 28th, 2015; 8:00PM Where: 144 Taylor St San Francisco, CA 94109 Cost: Free Age: 21+ One part nerd, one part slurred, Super Trashed Bros brings together comedy, video games and alcohol at a super rad bar/theater in San Francisco. Join comedians Jesse McGrath (SF Sketchfest), OJ Patterson (Courting Comedy), Justin Gomes (No, You're Drunk!), comedian guests and YOU! Audience participation is essential as a live crowd and online viewers—from the streaming platform Twitch—will participate in an elimination style gauntlet of Nintendo Wii U games (Mario Kart, Super Smash Bros, Wario Ware) and exponential inebriation. It's going to a long, hard, fun night! Special Notice: This is our first event at Pianofight and we want to make it super fun, and dynamic. We're still testing out the show, and could really use your support to help form one of the raddest nights of gaming in the City. Thanks! http://pianofight.com/ http://supertrashedbros.com/ http://www.twitch.tv/supertrashedbros

#comedian #super trashed bros #supertrashedbros #drunkathalon #Jesse McGrath #OJ Patterson #Justin Gomes #piano fight #pianofight #sf events #sfevent #sf event #sfevents #video games #videogames #twitch #twitchtv #twitch.tv

If binge drinking on Monday in San Francisco isn't your thing, come to this Smash Bros release party. Note: Not officially endorsed by the Nintendo corporation.

#The MADE #Museum of Art and Digital Entertainment #oakland #Super Trashed bros #Jesse McGrath #OJ Patterson

Give Me Fiction continues with its seventh installment, in the great tradition of serial numerical progression. Some of the finest minds in comedy, literature, and theatre write pieces around a theme, which they are free to interpret as loosely or strictly as they wish. This month's theme is OBSESSION, and reading will be: Jesse McGrath Matt Lieb Vince Mancini Caitlin Gill Alani Foxall Allison Mick And as ever, your host and guy creepin’ outside your house, Ivan Hernandez.

#jesse mcgrath #matt lieb #vince mancini #caitlin gill #alani foxall #allison mick #ivan hernandez #cynic cave #give me fiction

The Beach Boys Defense

If you’re anything like me, you often sit around wondering: “What the hell is the deal with The Beach Boys?” The Beach Boys, for those of you who have never seen 50 First Dates, are a five piece rock band from Southern California that originated in the early 60’s. Front man Brian Wilson (not the bearded cup of poo corn that plays professional baseball) started the beach/hot rod-rock band while still in high school. For close to five years, The Beach Boys stuck to surf rock and found success, with hit singles such as “Surfin’ Safari,” “Surf City,” and “Do You Guys Get That We Are Into Surfing? Is It Clear? Because We Are, And I Just Want To Be Absolutely Sure That Nobody Gets It Twisted. We Are Very, VERY, Into Surfing. Probably More Than Most Other People.”

But in 1966 Brian Wilson decided to move away from the wave rock and experiment with the psychedelic noises of the mid-to-late 60’s. The result was Pet Sounds, which is widely regarded as one of the most influential albums of all time. In terms of main stream relevancy, The Boys slowly faded away until 1988, after Wilson’s departure from the band, when they released their first number one single in 22 years, “Kokomo.”

Wait, what?

I give you this information because, to me, none of it makes any god damn sense. They started out as purely popular radio fodder that pumped out a ton of hit singles, evolved into an influential and experimental psychedelic band, and then, after years of consistent but fading success, returned to their roots and created one more hit single, without the help of the man that got them to the top. It’s like they went back in time, but replaced Brian Wilson with a wacky sax solo. They managed to top the charts, in a year where number 4 on Billboard’s “Top 100 chart was “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. Do you understand why I can’t stop thinking about The Beach Boys?

Here is the point: The Beach Boys are the most under-rated band in the history of music.

This is a non-arguable point. I will create a defense for it, but I don’t need to, because this is fact. Allow me to give an example.

Let’s say you did not read the last 423 words I have written. The only information about The Beach Boys that you have is from your own experience. Someone asks you to give a top 10 artists of all-time list. The Beatles is most people’s first answer, and then you work your way through Hendrix, The Stones, maybe Elvis or Michael Jackson, you might even try to get cute and say some wrong ass shit like U2 or Pearl Jam. Whatever you say, I bet it doesn’t include The Beach Boys, which is fine. But what if I expand it to top 15 or top 20? Are they even in your top 50? A friend of mine said that she would be “shocked if they cracked the top 100.”

Well simpletons, lucky for us, Rolling Stones magazine has created an official list as voted on by their writers and people in the music industry that deals with this very topic. I get that there is no definitive authority on music ranks, but this provides a strong point of reference for the argument. Without looking, care to guess where the beach boys sit on Rolling Stones’ top 100 artists of all time? I like the Beach Boys more than most people, and I probably wouldn’t have guessed higher than 25. They are 12th. Right after Bob Marley, and directly ahead of Buddy Holly and Led Zeppelin. Not impressed? Assuming Pet Sounds is their "best" album, where would you guess it sat on rolling stones top 500 albums of all-time list? I bet you didn’t say second, but that is exactly where it’s at. Are you fucking kidding me? Better than Thriller, and The White Album and London Calling and literally every album ever made except for one. The number one album, by the way, is The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Side Note: Pet Sounds came out a year BEFORE that album, and is frequently cited as the primary inspiration for Sgt. Pep.

So just to be clear, The Beach Boys are somewhere in the neighborhood of 12th greatest band of all time, with their masterwork album being the second greatest album of all time, and a large reason the #1 album even exists.

IF NOT FOR THE BEACH BOYS, THE GREATEST BAND OF ALL TIME MAY HAVE NEVER CREATED THE GREATEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME.

It’s like looking into the face of god.

Of course, I’m neglecting some important things. Right before Pet Sounds was released, The Beatles dropped Rubber Soul. It is widely believed that Brian Wilson made Pet Sounds in an attempt to top what The Beatles did the year prior, and he succeeded. The Beatles took the challenge and ended up making the previously stated greatest album of all time. And that was that. The Beach Boys became the Sammy Sosa to The Beatles’ Mark McGuire. Wilson followed up Sgt. Pepper with the single Good Vibrations in 66’ (widely regarded as The Beach Boys’ best single, and one of the greatest singles of all time, and also the name of seemingly every sex toy shop everywhere) which was to accompany their next album, Smile. Unfortunately, they never made it that far. A combination of Wilson’s mental instability and rampant drug use combined with incredibly demanding recording sessions ruined the project, and Smile never made it out. Eventually Smiley Smile would be released with some of the re-worked tracks from Smile, but it was met with an underwhelming response. Can you imagine if they held it together long enough to put out Smile and it was even half as good as Pet Sounds? Would that have been enough to get them into the top 5 conversation? If that happens, do The Beatles somehow put out an even better album?

Ugh.

Not many bands have achieved the mass appeal that The Beach Boys have. Music enthusiasts can talk about the way The Beach Boys were pioneers of sound. Casual listeners, especially here in California, appreciate the fun and wholesome goodness of the band. Every one of their songs has the sing-a-long-get-stuck-in-your-head-all-day factor. Most people know a majority of the words to at least one Beach Boys song, if not more. And if you’re picking up your girlfriend’s grandma from the airport, The Beach Boys are a safe choice that everyone can enjoy. Go listen to Pet Sounds and try not to weep over how sneak attack awesome it is.

The Beach Boys have somehow created music that has loads of depth, but doesn’t require you to understand it to it to enjoy the music. Yet, somehow, for many people they are merely an interesting cliff note in the history of rock and roll.

I challenge you, in celebration of their supremely under-rated work, to slap on some board shorts, do some shrooms, and go on a Surfin’ Safari. Or some other beach shit. You get the point.

[Jesse]

#The Beach Boys #Jesse McGrath #wilder shaw #guide to life #jesse and wilder's guide to life