#jesse vents

[st4rvingvampy]

My now ex boyfriend and I are on a break, we're still friends, it's just because we're both not in awesome places atm and it'd be better for him :]

Watching a video ab big Ed, feeling better ab myself already

Weird confession time I guess, I used to pray that he would break up with me bc I felt like he was going to and I just needed the bandaid to be ripped off as quickly as possible.

And like it's not like I'm really upset over it, they're still here in my life and everything is pretty much the same it's just so sudden I guess. But it's also not. I knew it, I could feel it. I'm not even upset with him, there's no reason to be everything's fine. Idk ik that I'm overwhelming to just exist around, and he says that I'm not but I know I am. Idk where I was going with this. Whatever.

[jessedrawz-in-the-void]

Vent?..kinda

guys I feel like bricks are being thrown at me for weeks now like first puzzles and WPNZ dying in wotfi 25, then smg4 announcing he's ending the series, then school work being due when we only have a day left and now there missing because we got it the day before Friday, my (dead) dad's birthday (I think) is coming up, having to catch up on my trick or treat asks, not knowing how to rely to a message because I said someone was awesome and it was impossible to get their level and they replied with a legit reply when I was just trying to be nice because I'm raised to uplift/be really nice to everyone. and lastly my mom won't stop yapping to me or just complains abt stuff to me but I'm just trying to watch/draw/listen to something.

[onwardspasserine]

giggling @ my unedited wip knowing i've hit an all time creative low and my motivation to write more is beneath zero even if it kills me not to write 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

[st4rvingvampy]

There is something so fundamentally wrong with me. Why do I get so anxious I get nauseous just because my boyfriend takes longer than usual to respond? Why am I always so terrified he's going to leave me despite the fact that there are no signs pointing to that? Why do I have to be the annoying, needy, clingy partner?

And I try not to. I try to act normal and keep my reassurance seeking to a max of like 3x a week. It's just so hard to exist without knowing he loves me. I'd never tell him but I need them more than anything. When I picture them leaving I can feel the hurt in my bones. I've been making myself nearly puke with anxiety daily just by thinking about it.

[st4rvingvampy]

It feels like everyone is going to leave me. Not even my cats want to be around me anymore.

[jesseevelann]

I'd just like one day to have a conversation without something stupid like "hm", "ok", "it's fine", "mm" or a damn thumbs up emoji flipping and destroying my mood for the rest of the day.

I hate my triggers.

I hate it all.