#jimmyfictive

[fictive-confessions]

I kind of hate being a Jimmy fictive. Only one Curly likes me, one Curly *tolerates* me. No Anya's talk to me, no Daisuke's talk to me. I've yet to meet a Swansea outside of my own system.

- Jimmy of 🪽💫 (ignore if the tag is taken.)

.

[fictionkinfessions]

ok you know what? I do want to talk about this, too. (note: influenced by the recent jimmy kin confession about the same topic)

hi. jimmy mouthwashing here. I'm the secondary host or whatever (?) it's called. idk man, our fronting room kinda just looks like the inside of a Jaeger. we're just co-piloting any time we're fronting. co-pilot in source, co-pilot in system I guess. anyways

as a fictive, I exist mainly because source me reminded our system of our abuser. the attitude, paranoia, excuses. all that. then I popped into existence and they couldn't get rid of me lmfao. so there's an extra layer of "what the fuck"-ism for me when I see people portray source me as this very stereotypical cartoon villain. like they've never actually met an abusive person in real life and are basing their portrayal off of caricatures and nothing else.

like. hello? hello? the horror is that I'm literally just a guy. someone that many people, many women especially, can and likely will encounter at some point in their lives. our system exists because of someone like that, and many who felt the game resonated with them had stories to share of knowing someone like that as well.

was gonna write a lot more here but decided to cut that out because of personal info. TLDR (too long didn't write): abusers aren't one dimensional monsters that think of harming their victims 24/7. abusive people are in fact people. thinking otherwise is harms your ability to spot abusers in your own circle and hurts survivors.

plus the game is played through my point of view (for the most part). genuinely how the hell do you walk away from a game explicitly giving you source me's warped POV, thoughts, and shitty justifications and instead decide to portray me as cartoonishly evil as possible. what

ok now signing off

- Jimmy fictive (Mouthwashing) [#catfightsys🐾] [🦗] (<- not a tag, I just like crickets)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

Sooo fun how everyone completely ignores that I was actually losing my damn mind. That Curly never should have done my pysch eval, that Anya wasn't fucking qualified for her job. But like whatever. Definitely no real life people deal with the same kind of mental health neglect until they snap. No, all those hallucinations definitely came from guilt for my actions (which I did have, because I am guilty. I know what I did for fucks sake, you think I don't know it was wrong?) and not an actual breakdown that had been visibly building up for months under everyone's noses. Because totally sane people definitely choose to crash ships and sabotage their crewmates. It's definitely 100% my fault and no one else could've seen the signs and did something about it in the, I don't know, over a hundred and thirty days we were on that stupid fucking ship before the crash.

The ableism doesn't stop at Curly's treatment post crash. You're a bunch of hypocrites. You say mental health matters until someone actually has untreated psychosis and does something majorly fucked.

People think they're awful just for talking to me a lifetime apart. Some people do bad shit when they're out of their fucking mind. I'm sorry you all got hurt. I never fucking meant to hurt anyone. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to help. I was delusional and genuinely whole heartedly psychotic with no meds, no professionals and no help. Pony express hired me despite my record and promised me I'd have the care I needed.

Fuck you all.

-Jimmy, mouthwashing (fictive)

0

[fictionkinfessions]

Listen. LIIIIISTENNNNNNN listej tonme. LisTen. Listen. ListEN!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT LISTEN *gets really. close. to the fandom and Whispers* lsiten ok. are you listening. ok cool

I AM NOT A NARCISSIST I AM NOT I AM NOTTTTTTTTTT I AL NOT!! IM *NOT*!!!!!!!!!! WHAT FUCK... THE WORDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ARE ASSHOLE, DEPLORABLE, BASTARD, JACKASS, REPREHENSIBLE, VILE, ETC. ETC. ETC. I'M!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!NOT!!!!!!!!!! A NARCISSIST???!!!!!!!!! WOW THE ABLEISM??????????? WHAT FUCK FOR REAL???????! GUYS C'MON. *C'MON MAN*

im about 2 start killing again 4 realsies (JOKE IM KIDDING I WOULD NEVER) holy fucking shit if these guys don't STOP. JUST BECAUSE YOU HATE ME DOESN'T MAKE ME A NARCISSIST OH MY GOD THAT WORD HAS MEANING LOL! -Jimmy (#⏳⟳, fictive, mouthwashing)

c

[fictionkinfessions]

don't get me wrong. i GET it. i really do. but man it really does hurt when the entire fandom is so full of hate towards you. what happened to our worst moments don't make us a monster, huh? i'm trying to be better this time around. at least i can say that.

-jimmy (mouthwashing fictive)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

[slaps roof of brain] this bad boy can fit—

a Jimmy Mouthwashing fictive? apparently?

man has been here for months and ignoring him won't work. and it's different from kinning. so guess he's here to stay

✉

[fictionkinfessions]

haah uncomfortable being a fictive knowing absolutely no one else would be from the same... timeline i guess. but god i do seriously miss my crewmates. curly less than the others purely because my partner has a headmate that kins him and has been fronting with me but

fuck man, i got along with swansea and genuinely liked daisuke. curly got on with them Better but i never hated their company.

i don't really miss anya but that's. not her fault or really anything about her, i just feel like her best life would be one without me in it.

just... daisuke, you were genuinely fun to spend time with, especially when visiting me and curly in the cockpit, curly had nothing but good things to say about you. and swansea, i really liked how you were blunt and kind of grumpy, even if you learned nothing from me i learned a lot from you (about the tulpar not like. life lessons)

-- Jimmy Mouthwashing (fictive)

placeholder text because tumblr wont let me post ask messages without something in the reply box

[fictionkinfessions]

honestly going to follow up my last with some of my personal canon shit

curly and i would trade off who sleeps for our allotted 5 hrs, keeping one person awake and alert in the cockpit at all times. that said, when we were both awake, curly liked to leave me alone with the controls so he could check in on everyone else.

he and i also shared a room/bunk bed situation (he was on the bottom in case he needed to leave the room quickly). i preferred the bottom bunk too and would only sleep in mine if i thought hed be the one to come in and wake me up.

daisuke shared a room with swansea, but more importantly he'd get sent off to do inane chores while swansea slept (needed to stagger in case there was a failure anywhere on the ship), and after the first week he started hanging out in the cockpit with us to yap /pos. if anya was awake at the same time, hed alternate who hes spending time with, dude was just so extroverted. love that kid

-- Jimmy Mouthwashing (fictive)

placeholder text because tumblr wont let me post ask messages without something in the reply box