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BURN | Bobby x Female Reader

Genre: Gangster AU, Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Deals with mature themes, explicit language, physical violence (nothing domestic), explicit language, possible PTSD triggers, + other dark themes (read with caution please!)

Word count: 17,094 (lol kill me)

Sometimes he reminded you of fire.

Not something raging or destroying like a house burning or a tree set aflame, but something you sit in front of when your toes are too cold, desperate to feel the warmth in your bones when you feel like a hollow shell. Its passion bleeds through you like a welcome home and you want to stare at its brilliance until it eventually dies out. When it does, it breaks your heart so much to see it go that you light it again, an eternal flame that you couldn’t live without. The orange hues that make your heart the happiest, make you think that the heavens have to be real because how could something be so beautiful. You reach out because you want to touch it, you need to know how it feels, if the flames are as soft as they look, but when you do the burn extends up your palm like a warning. ‘Stay far away, I’m pretty on the outside, but inside I’m waiting to destroy something as precious as you’.

A flame you could never touch. A treasure you could never hold.

Bobby held the deepest and darkest parts of you, and sometimes you wished you could hold his. He kissed your tears away when terrible things popped up behind your eyes at night, demons of a past you always tried to wish away but somehow never left, held you pressed against his chest until you felt a little less broken. He let you shine in such dazzling ways, dressed you in diamonds and silk, showed you off at parties, kept you pressed to his side like the most magnificent trophy he’d ever held. He looked at you like you were starlight (it broke your heart a little to think he never saw it before you).

It was winter when you met him. Snow clung to the leafless trees, but you loved the crisp air that came with the cold. Loved how it stole your breath away and breathed life into you at the same time. You would go on walks at night, the clearest sky ever above, stars dancing to the rotation of the earth, moon full and glimmering as if to say ‘I own this world. The sky belongs to me.’ You were feeding a stray kitten outside of your apartment building when it looked up at you with twinkling eyes. It meow ’ed and started to walk away, looking back as if you were supposed to follow, as if it was taking you home. It reminded you that you truly did feel lost, no real family or home to call your own. This cat was probably more loved than you had ever been in your entire life. So, you followed. It never strayed too far, never stopped looking back to make sure you were still there, always keeping the closest eye on you. It was funny, how this was the most wanted you had ever felt, how you never had someone who looked back for you, someone who made sure you weren’t lost.

You made it to a park beside the woods when it stopped, turning back and winding itself around your legs. You smiled and reached down, half expecting it to run away, but instead it let you lift it into your arms and scratch the top of its head while it purred. It was a comforting feeling, to know that this little being trusted you, that it felt comfortable enough to let you carry it in your arms like an old friend. You were whispering things to her (finding out shortly after, she was in fact a she) about the snow, the stars, the forest, how you would call her Yuki (you saw it on a web search just the day before when trying to name another stray cat that ended up leaving), when you heard a commotion coming from somewhere in the trees, loud thumps and branches cracking. You looked over at the heavily dense woods and held Yuki tight to your chest, unsure if it was to protect her or to protect you.

“Hello?” You called out, hoping it was just your imagination that it sounded like a fight going on. You heard muffled groans, harsh voices as you stepped closer to the tree line when a group of men ran out, shoving past you. You nearly screamed but it instead came out like a choked gasp, scared to say anything that might make them stop and hurt you. When they were gone, having passed by you without a second glance, Yuki pushed at your chest and jumped down from your arms, running into the woods. It was strange, how the attachment you had for her already made you follow.

“Yuki!” You yelled out, following close behind as she slowed near a figure on the ground. It wasn’t until you got closer and it rolled over on its own that you realized it was a person. It took hold of you, the fear the sight of his face caused, bruised and bloody, hair sweaty and sticking to his forehead. His left eye was already too swollen to open, but it didn’t really matter because he looked unconscious. The sight triggered memories inside your brain, still frames of your past flooding back as if it was yesterday, a life where you had a family, faces flashing by at an alarming rate, your mothers when your dad came home drunk and angry, your brother after school when he tried to fight anyone who looked at you wrong, your father’s after the crash. Eyes dead and empty, the same eyes you saw on your mom and brother that same night, looking into your soul like they could see right through you. Like they were accusing you of a wrong you never committed, like it was unfair they all died, and you lived.

Yuki meow ‘ed, jumping on the man’s chest and the sound snapped you out of the trance you were in, causing you to move closer until you stood just above him. He wore a black suit with a white button-down shirt that was covered in blood, the first few buttons undone so you could see the sliver chain that dipped below and down his chest. His hair was a mess, dark brown and curly, sticking to his forehead, but you could see that he was probably more put together before whatever happened with those men.

“Hey, are you okay?” Stupid. As if you couldn’t see that he was broken and bleeding in front of you. You squatted down, tucking your hair behind your ears so you could get closer, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. He took a deep shuddering breath when you made contact and you immediately pulled away, grabbing your phone. You watched as Yuki curled up on top of him, like he was her resting place for the night. She rested her head just under his neck, and for some reason the sight made your heart ache. He looked so broken, and Yuki just wanted to make sure he wasn’t alone. Tears sprung to your eyes and you weren’t sure why, heart racing because you didn’t want to leave him alone ever. You didn’t even know him.

Your hands shook as you tried to dial the police, messing up the first few tries before you finally got it right.

“Hello? Yes, I’m with a man who’s been attacked, he needs an amb-“ You were cut off by the man grabbing your wrist and pulling you down, your hand dropping from your ear to keep you from falling on top of him. His unswollen eye was open, glaring at you when he reached across and grabbed your cell phone, ending the call.

“No police.” He mumbled out, groaning at the movement he made.

“You’re really hurt, you should go to the hospital.” You said, desperate. Yuki was readjusting herself after he inadvertently shoved her off, no concern at all for his current state.

“No. Police.” He repeated, more emphasis on his words that time, breathing haggard. His gaze was fierce, effectively shutting you up. You felt your heart pounding in your chest, too scared to stare at him for too long because his face reminded you of too many dark things. His hand remained wrapped around your wrist and you were acutely aware of the tug it had on your heart.

He hissed as he tried to pull himself up and it was instinct alone that made you grab his arm to help him. He was out of breath, spending up all of his energy in that minimal movement, yet somehow found the strength to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone, dialing a number and pressing it to his ear.

“It’s me. I have to lay low for a while. Seunghyun’s people knew I would be alone. They knew everything.” He mumbled out. You kept your hand on his arm, too scared he would fall back if you let him go (too scared you wouldn’t feel the warmth of his body again). Yuki laid in his lap and you stared at her pointedly, as if she could understand the danger she might be in if he realized she was there, never worrying about the danger you might be in for doing the same thing.

“Get everything ready. When I come home, I want them to know I’m coming for them.” His face was so pale, and the moonlight hit his eyes in such a way that he looked scary. Still, you didn’t actually feel scared of him. He ended the call and shoved his phone back into his coat pocket, wiping his hand down the left side of his face, smearing blood along with it.

“Help me stand up.” He demanded suddenly, not waiting for your answer as he pushed himself off the ground. Yuki jumped off of his lap and you had to wrap your arms around his chest, a squeal falling from your lips as you tried to support his weight. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and it took all of the strength in your legs to keep the two of you upright, praying to every God there was that you wouldn’t break your ankle, you couldn’t afford it.

“You can’t walk on your own!” You shouted, annoyance and worry now overrunning your thoughts, scared of the dependence he now had on you as you could feel his knees buckling every few seconds. “How can you expect to go anywhere like this?!”

You groaned under him as you pulled an arm away, grabbing his hand that slung over your shoulder and holding onto it while your other arm remained secured around his waist.

“How far away do you live?” He breathed out and you stared up at him, blood now smeared on your sweatshirt. He looked down at you, and your breath caught in your throat. You heard the things he said on the phone. Knew logically that he was a bad person, a person who was caught up in ugly things that you needed to stay out of, but in your heart, you just wanted to help him. You felt like you needed to help him. His eyes were going in and out of focus and you knew you didn’t have much time before you would have to drag him.

“Not far, just a few minutes.” You said softly.

“Your apartment then. Let’s go there.” He replied. You were already turning to walk him before he replied. Your limbs were aching when you made it to the front of your apartment building, trying your best to move quickly so you wouldn’t draw attention. You had pulled a mask out of your pocket before you made it out of the woods, putting it on him to try and shield some of his face. He stayed quiet the entire time, saving his energy to walk, knowing that you couldn’t do it alone. When you made it into the building, Yuki trailing behind you the entire way, you led them both into the elevator and felt his legs start to give.

“Don’t, please, we’re almost there.” You pleaded, pressing the button to your floor. He found some energy in your words, straightening up a little during the ride up and walking out with you when the doors finally opened. You pressed in the code to your apartment and led him in, too tired to be embarrassed about the state of the place. It was tiny, a kitchen, a bathroom, and your bedroom/living room – still almost more than you could afford. You helped him to your bed and tried your best to sit him down carefully knowing it would hurt worse to let him fall. His arm dropped from your shoulders and you wrapped your hands around his neck, lowering him back before lifting his legs up onto the bed. After that, you fell to your knees, arms resting on the bed beside him. You took your time catching your breath before looking up at him. He was out cold, breaths even and deep, hoping that was a sign he didn’t have any broken ribs.

Yuki climbed up your bed and onto his chest where she had been, and you stared at her incredulously before walking to the kitchen, filling up a bowl with water. You found your first aid kit under the sink, an old thing you had gotten years ago when you moved in, everything in it probably expired or unnecessary for what he needed, but you hoped you might find something useful. After grabbing a washcloth and walking back towards the man on your bed, you sat down beside his head and pulled the mask off of him, dampening the rag before cleaning at the small cuts on his face. It seemed like most of the blood came from a gash above his swollen eye, finding no other major cuts around it. The entire left side of his face was a dark red, extending from his eye down to his jaw. His lip was also split, and you dabbed at it gently. Once his face was clean, you took a moment to really look at him, grateful he was unconscious. Besides the now swollen shut eye, strangely the prettiest purple and blue you had ever seen, he was handsome. Maybe the most handsome man you had ever been so close to. His jaw framed his face perfectly, squared and defined, plump lips prominent though you weren’t sure if it was because they were swollen or not. You remembered his brown eyes (well, eye) from before and wished he was able to open them both now, wish you could see his face the way it was meant to be, an anger resting over your shoulders that you hadn’t felt before, wondering how someone could harm a face so pretty.

You quickly shook yourself out of your thoughts and decided that you needed to take his shirt off, needed to find out if he was hurt anywhere else. You plucked Yuki off of his chest and moved her to lay on the other side of his head, where she quickly found a comfortable resting place on his shoulder. Unbuttoning and removing his shirt was difficult, being that he was wearing a suit jacket, but you didn’t have the heart to cut it. It looked so expensive. So, you took off his cuff links – setting them on the nightstand, undid the buttons on his sleeves and rolled him back and forth until you could get the them off. There was a deep gash on his side that looked like it was from a knife, extending from below his ribs and down to his hip accompanied by a large bruise higher up on his rib cage. You cleaned around the wound as much as you could before grabbing a stack of gauze from your first aid kit and putting pressure. The bleeding had mostly stopped, but you still taped the gauze in place, scared that he would bleed onto the sheets while he slept. You tried your best to ignore the rest of his body, but it was… difficult to say the least. He was a well-defined man, abs splaying out across his stomach like he was born with them, arms toned and strong. He looked like the kind of guy another man might envy, someone who didn’t have to try very hard to be attractive. It made you angrier knowing that he was strong enough looking to defend himself but was still hurt like this.

You pressed antibiotic cream to the small cuts on his face and his eye and moved to your dresser to find an old t-shirt you could put him in. It was surprisingly easier than expected to get on him, though it still left you out of breath, deciding he could change his own pants when he woke up. After you finished, you walked to the kitchen and put all of your supplies away, not really sure how to act now that there was a stranger in your house. You wanted to shower, his dried blood caking your nails and making you uncomfortable, but it felt strange. He could wake up any time and walk in, hurt you, murder you, steal all of your belongings. You sat on the floor beside the bed staring at his profile and thought about it for a long time before deciding you would take a short one, enough to wash your hair and clean the blood off of your hands.

After the quickest ten-minute shower of your life, you changed into your pajamas and walked out, only to find him in the same position you left him, Yuki back on his chest where she had been before you changed his shirt. The disappointment that rested on your shoulders said too much. You rolled out a blanket on the floor and laid down, mind running too quickly for you to keep up with. When the exhaustion finally let your mind rest, your eyes shut like a prison door, no temptations to open them or fear to keep you up worrying about the stranger that laid in your bed.

When morning came, he was still there, in that same position. Yuki was clawing at the door to go out, so you pulled on your jacket and shoes and took her. She was only gone for fifteen minutes and you were just about to abandon hope that she was coming back when she climbed onto the bench you were seated on and crawled into your lap. You smiled and zipped her into your jacket, scared your neighbors might complain if they saw her in the daylight, before walking back to the apartment.

It didn’t shock you this time, noting that he still hadn’t moved. You ordered food for two, set out an extra plate, expecting him to wake up any time. Fourteen hours had passed and if you hadn’t seen his chest rising, you would have thought he was dead. He slept through your entire meal. Slept through the movie you played on your laptop, slept through you crying at the ending. Slept through you talking to yourself, talking to Yuki, talking to him.

“I guess you can stay. It’s so weird, I don’t know you at all, but it’s nice to not be alone. Nice to have someone. Even a stranger. Plus, Yuki seems to like you more than me even though I’m the one who feeds her, so if you leave, I imagine she’ll leave to.” You rambled on and on about things that didn’t matter, but still found yourself eager to tell him.

“I have to work tomorrow, so I kind of hope you’re awake by then. No offense, but I don’t know if we’re close enough for me to trust you in my apartment alone. I don’t even know your name. I’ll have to take my laptop to work with me probably, it’s the only thing here worth any value.”

You laughed at the random videos you found scrolling through YouTube and eventually find yourself tired enough to lay back on your makeshift bed and sleep. Honestly, you had never felt so safe. He was a stranger who you had shared no more than fifteen words with, but at least you weren’t alone. And you weirdly trusted Yuki’s judgement, trusted that she could sense he was a good person on the inside.

You dreamt for the first time in a long time, dreamt of someone holding your hand, showing you galaxies that you never knew existed, swimming through oceans filled with stars that were close enough for you to touch. When your hand reached out to grab the brightest one, another hand beat you to it, snatching it away and you whined, looking over at the star thief. It amazed you how you could see his smile so vividly even though you had never seen it in real life. This stranger who took over your apartment now flooding your dreams and you loved how complete it made you feel in that ocean of stars.

“Give it back!” You shouted and he laughed, teasing and taunting you by holding it so close before snatching it away. He swam off, pulling your star with him, laughing like you were friends or something closer. You chased after him, but he was too fast, body growing smaller and smaller as he moved further away. Your smile faded with him, no longer finding this dream fun.

“Wait! Wait, don’t leave me!” You shouted, and the uncomfortable chill that took over your bones broke your heart, loneliness seeping into your lungs as you breathed in an ocean full of stars that you could no longer swim in.

“Come back!” You cried, trying to swim for the surface before you drowned, but it was too late, you could feel the water pulling you down as you desperately kicked, fighting your way back to the happiness you held just minutes before with your stranger who left you alone in the dark.

“Come back!” You shouted, eyes opening in the darkness of your room, breathing heavily, no oceans or stars in sight. You sat up, heart racing as you looked up at the bed, finding it empty. The disappointment you felt was almost consuming, your heart not sure how to handle the loss of someone you didn’t know, how to handle the break in your soul when you didn’t even know his name.

“Are you okay?” His voice came from the other side of your makeshift bed and you screamed, pushing your back against your bed as If you could hide from him now.

The moonlight shined in through the window illuminating him perfectly, sitting beside where your head had been.

“What are you doing?!” You shouted and he simply shrugged in response.

“I woke up to you laughing, but then you started crying.” The look of concern on his face made you nauseous. Like it implied anything besides curiosity.

You sighed, running your hands over your face. “You scared me.”

He smiled and you get to see it outside of your dreams. It’s better than you imagined, better because it’s here, and it’s real. You hated the way your heart raced for him. Hated that you already knew it was going to end up with you broken before anything even started.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly, pulling his knees up to rest his elbows on them. You shook your head and sat up on your knees, suddenly curious about his condition.

“What about you? Are you okay?” You asked, noting that his eye was a little less swollen after nearly a full day.

He pushed his lip out in thought, nodding his head. “I’m sore, but better.”

You nodded in reply, relief flowing through. “Good. I was worried.”

“Why?” He asked and it caught you off guard.

“What?” You questioned and he looked at you. You could see his defenses rising before you even tried to invade and it made your chest ache, wondering what made him so closed off to someone who wanted to help.

“Why would you be worried about me? You don’t know me.” His words sounded like they were meant to be harsh, but you weren’t hurt by them. Instead you were just as confused as he was, wishing your chest didn’t ache every time you saw the gash on his forehead, wishing you didn’t long to see his eyes every second since you found him.

“I don’t know, honestly. I was just… worried.” You whispered, running your hands through your hair.

Your reply satisfied him enough to stop asking questions and he stood up, walking to the kitchen. He rummaged through your fridge before finding the plate you had made earlier that day, putting it in the microwave to heat up. You checked the time, 3:35am, and took a deep breath to steady your nerves. He sat in the kitchen to eat, pulled out his phone and started texting and calling people like he lived there. His voice was soft sometimes and harsh others, and you wondered who you had to be to get his soft voice. You liked it the most. Weirdly, you didn’t mind his harsh voice either, your mind easing, soul settling in a way it never had.

Yuki eventually crawled into your lap, purring in your arms, so you leaned your head against the bed and ran your hand down her back, let your mind drift off to the sound of his voice. You opened your eyes sometime later; the feeling of a blanket being pulled over your shoulders. Your hooded eyes looked up and it was him, face too close to yours, close enough that you should see the shimmer in his eyes. He stared down at you for a while, like he was trying to solve the world’s most difficult puzzle, before climbing onto the bed behind you. You didn’t move even though his hand brushed beside your ear, nerve endings on fire, yet too comfortable to stay awake. You didn’t feel scared, you didn’t feel worried. You just feel so warm. And that was enough for you.

“What’s your name?” You asked with your eyes closed, almost praying he didn’t answer. If you didn’t know his name, your heart would be safer when he left, no name to cry out in the dark when he was gone.

“Bobby.” He replied. You let it fall from your lips, loving the way it felt to say aloud, prayed you would get to say it for a long time. It was all you dreamt about that night.

The next morning started out like this – You rushing to get ready for work, pulling on clothes without looking at them, combing your hair wildly, putting on lipstick and shoving it in your pocket. You remembered as you were putting on your shoes that you wanted to grab your laptop and turned back, finding Bobby sitting up in bed, scrolling through his phone. He glanced up at you before turning his attention away with a small smirk on his face.

“I won’t steal your laptop. I know it’s the only thing worth any value here.” You remembered your late night rambles to him the second he said it and wished you had time to find out what all he had heard during his supposed unconscious state, but you had no time, so you instead you ran out the front door without a word.

You hated work before, but the thought that Bobby was sitting in your apartment made it worse. You wanted to see him, talk to him, make sure he was eating. Keep him from leaving. The thoughts plagued you like nothing else, but work was important. You didn’t have any other income to support yourself, and you had no family or friends to rely on. You bartended at a place not far from your apartment, somewhere that was sketchy enough to let you work when you were only nineteen after your family died, no money to stay in college, no home to live in after the bank repossessed it. You met Sabrina, the owner of the bar, at your family’s funeral. She told you that she was a friend of your fathers and her heart seemed really genuine, took you in like her own and gave you a place to stay when you had nothing, it gave you the sense of security you desperately needed.

At first, it was okay. You made good tips because you were pretty and the men loved your innocent eyes, but after a while you realized how dark people could be. How they didn’t care if you said ‘no’ when they asked for your number or when they followed you home from work, grabbing you until you pepper sprayed them or ran. Now you just worked because it was all you were good at; all you really knew how to do. Plus, it felt like you owed Sabrina a large debt, one that felt like it would take a lifetime to repay. She never asked for too much but made it apparent that she would be upset if you ever left. You felt stuck, torn between the life you wanted and the only person you could claim as family.

It felt like the longest shift ever, entertaining drunk men who didn’t care about anything but themselves, praying the night would end quickly. It was around 10pm when you walked to the bathroom, wanting to fix up your hair and touch up your lipstick before going home. It felt childish, the giddiness you had at the thought of seeing Bobby, excitement bubbling in your stomach like it used to when you were in middle school and had a crush on someone. You rolled your eyes at your reflection, embarrassment creeping up your neck, but still, you blotted your lips together and pinched your cheeks for some color before stepping out of the bathroom.

“Hey, y/n, leaving so soon?”

The regulars at the bar were usually easy to handle, knowing your limits and following them well, but sometimes they went too far. Miko often overstepped those boundaries, always too handsy and too bold, reaching over the counter to grab the things he wanted and whispering disgusting things in your ear that made your cheeks hot. He was in his forties, hair balding and stomach rounded from drinking every day and eating everything in sight. It was his slurred voice in the hallway that stopped you outside of the bathroom and you immediately felt cornered, isolated away from everyone else, and somehow you felt like he knew it. His eyes glazed over in a sinister way that made your stomach sink.

“Sorry, I have to get home. I have a new cat; she’s been inside all day.” You laughed nervously, hoping to conceal your fear, but it fell off of you in waves, his eyes darkening as he pushed you back into the ladies’ room, locking the door behind him. You immediately started rummaging through your bag for your pepper spray, but he grabbed your wrists before you could find it, fingers digging marks in as he pulled them up in front of your face.

“I thought about it earlier, and we’ve never spent any quality time together. I know everyone who works here, but I don’t know you very well.” He said, voice low, the smell of alcohol wafting from him. Tears formed in your eyes as he pressed you against the sink. “How about we have a little ‘get to know each other’ session. How’s that sound?”

You fought in his grasp to no avail before lifting up your legs and kicking at him desperately, shoes barely scraping at his shins as your body was too close to do anything significant. His lips pressed to your cheek and you screamed, the only response being the back of his hand connecting with your cheek, sending you to the ground before he pounced on top of you.

“Help!” You pleaded, but no one could hear, music too loud and everyone too far away. He pressed his lips to your neck, hot and wet and everything that made your stomach turn, slamming his hand over your mouth. You bit down on his pinky, pulling your knee up to connect with his groin before he finally yelled and rolled off. Everything was a blur after that, pulling yourself off of the ground and jumping over him, running out of the bar and down the street, tears falling freely down your cheeks as everything melted together around you. You made it to your building and were half-way up the elevator when you finally felt safe. It took you too long to gather your senses, but you tried to calm yourself down, hands still shaking with fear, arms tense and the taste of blood in your mouth. The doors opened and you wiped the tears from your eyes, embarrassed that you tried to look nice for Bobby only to end up in the state you had. You combed your hands through your hair and stood outside of the apartment door for what felt like hours, trying to appear calm and cool.

You didn’t know what to do. People had reported customers at the bar before, but they just ended up with a warning in the end, or worse – the employees would end up fired, the tight knit community unforgiving. You needed the money. Needed the tips you made more than anything and you were scared to disappoint Sabrina, scared to tell her and have nothing come from it. You wanted the night to reset, wished you could go back and leave without going to the bathroom, wished you could hide from the fear that would loom over you forever. Your own stupidity broke your heart the most.

You walked into the apartment and kept your head down, pulling your shoes off, hoping for the first time since he came that Bobby wasn’t there.

“I think you need more groceries, there’s nothing here to eat.” He said from the kitchen, fridge opened as he went through everything. “Eating out every night is unhealthy.”

You walked straight to the bedroom, laughing a little and mumbling out some subpar excuse, trying your best to avoid him as you could feel the ache in your jaw. You threw your bag on the floor and went through your dresser, picking out pajamas and turning back towards the bathroom, hoping to avoid a confrontation at all costs. Things weren’t working in your favor that day, Bobby standing directly behind you as you turned around, eyes glued to yours like he knew all of your secrets when you didn’t say a word. You noted that he was wearing different clothes, wondered if he had left to get them or if he had someone bring them. Either way, he looked better in his own black t-shirt than he did in your white one, setting off a run of palpitations in your chest that you had to ignore. His eye was nearly healed, the bruise still apparent as well as the cut above his eyebrow, but the swelling was almost gone. He looked at you so fiercely, like he could hear your thoughts, causing a lump to form in your throat, eyes suddenly wet again.

His scanned your face, eyes landing on your chin when he took it in his hand, turning you away so he could inspect the bruise that was now forming on your jaw. His touch was gentle, but the anger you felt radiating off of him was anything but.

“What happened?” He asked and it was the genuine concern that flashed across his face that made you speak, telling him everything without hesitation, tears falling down your cheeks without shame. His hands dropped to his side, fists flexing every so often, especially when you told him about Miko hitting you. He never interrupted, never asked any questions. He gave you no comfort in his arms or his eyes, staring at you so intently that you wanted to hide.

When you finished, he walked out. You couldn’t follow after him, too embarrassed and ashamed to do anything but climb in the shower and try to rinse the feeling of Miko’s hands off of your wrists, rubbed the skin where his lips touched your neck until it felt raw. You wished that Bobby had pulled you in his arms and held you for the rest of the night, felt stupid as the thought crossed your mind.

When you exited the shower, you immediately got dressed, wiped the steam from the mirror so you could see your face. It looked worse than it felt. Dark purple and red that matched Bobby’s eye extending from the corner of your lip down to your jaw. You remembered the feel of Miko’s rings connecting like rocks when he slapped you and closed your eyes, the memory replaying over and over as if you could change it somehow. You shook your head and pulled your hair up, walking out of the bathroom and to the kitchen. You sat there for a long time, leftover food from a few nights before heated and sitting in front of you. Nothing tasted good, thoughts running back to Bobby’s face when he saw that you were hurt. His eyes reflecting yours, sadness settling deep inside like stone sinking in the ocean. He was gone for so long that you thought he wasn’t coming back, but just as you were standing up to go to bed, a knock came from the door. You made a mental note to give him the passcode to the apartment before you opened it, but the thought quickly left your mind.

Bobby stood there, hand gripping the back of the shirt of a man kneeled down in front of him. Blood was pouring from the man’s nose, from his mouth, both eyes black and blue, bruises peeking out from under the collar of his shirt like he was choked. It was Miko. Your hands instinctively moved to cover your mouth as you gasped, looking down at him kneeling in front of you.

“Speak.” Bobby said, nudging him with his foot.

“I’m sorry y/n, so sorry. I’ll never do it again, I’ll never come back again!” Miko cried and you looked up at Bobby. His eyes were void of any emotion and that might be the only time you were ever scared of him.

“Please let me go, I have kids at home, I promise I’ll never see you again, I’ll never do it again!” He was pleading, hands clasped together as he begged for your mercy, as if you hand any control over his life, as if you made the decisions. The thought made you sick for all of the wrong reasons.

You liked it. Liked that you had control over this person who tried to hurt you, tried to take advantage of you less than two hours before. This person who would have done worse had you not gotten free from him; the lingering feeling of his hands wrapped around your wrists becoming more apparent as you watched him beg. You wanted to see him hurt like you did, wanted to hear him cry and see him broken and bleeding. It made you nauseous, all of these new feelings you never knew you were capable of having.

“Please y/n…” You tried to feel the sincerity in his words, prayed he really did mean it, then grabbed Bobby’s hand and pulled it from his shirt, worried you were making a decision you would regret.

“Just go.” You said, watching as he hauled himself off of the ground, turning to run. Bobby grabbed his arm and turned him back, balling the front of his shirt in his fist while he pulled him close.

“If it happens again - no.” He shook his head with a humorless laugh before starting over. “If I see you again, if I hear your name across town through friends of a friend, if you touch another woman the way you did tonight,” Venom dripped from his words. “If you step within a hundred yards of her…” The air felt too cold as Bobby leaned into the other man’s ear, voice lowering to a whisper. “I’ll kill you.”

Miko’s face was white, tears pouring from his swollen eyes, fear apparent in the way he shook as Bobby shoved him away.

“I know lots of people around here.” Bobby yelled after him, watching as he ran towards the elevator. “Probably best you stay home from now on.”

You pulled on his arm, tugging him back into the apartment before people heard him shouting and came out to investigate. The door slammed shut and you turned to face him as he walked back to the kitchen, anger filling you up like a balloon ready to burst.

“What is wrong with you?! That is not how you handle things; you don’t just attack people!” You shouted and he paused as he pulled the fridge open, eyes meeting yours.

“He attacked you.” He said simply, eyes filled with hatred for the brief few seconds he looked at you. Your throat went dry. He looked away, pulling out a left-over container of rice before sitting down at the seat you had been in a half an hour before. A few minutes later, he was shoveling it into his mouth while scrolling through his phone, as if nothing had happened. It was true. Miko did something bad and he should be punished for it. Bobby fixed the problem, did more than you were willing to. So why were you upset?

You walked to your spot on the floor and sat down, staring at the wall across from you, heart racing for a thousand reasons. Bobby didn’t finish for a long time, eating everything and then cleaning the dishes, but he eventually walked over, squatting down to eye level with you. He saw the tears in your eyes, reaching his hand out to wipe one away as it rolled down your cheek, the lingering feeling of his fingers lasting longer than Miko’s did.

“You sleep in the bed, I’ll sleep here.” He said without asking, pulling the blanket away and waiting for you to move. You stood up and climbed onto the mattress, pulling the comforter up over your shoulders. You faced away from him, forced your eyes shut while you tried to keep every thought of him out, tried not to see the concern in his eyes replay like your favorite movie on the back of your eyelids. You prayed your heart would stop racing every time you thought of him and hoped that maybe it wasn’t all true. That maybe he wasn’t a bad person. The memory of Miko’s face brought you back to the reality you wished you could deny.

You woke up sometime in the middle of the night, nightmares forcing you awake. Your body was facing back towards the floor, the opposite of how you fell asleep, arm hanging off the edge of the bed. You didn’t notice it right away, but your hand was clasped inside of Bobby’s, his eyes remaining closed while gentle snores flowed from him. Your breath caught in your throat, the feel of his calloused fingers threaded through yours taking over all of your senses, making your heart speed up like you could die if you touched him for too long. You tried to pull away, but he gripped you tighter, not letting go.

“The only time you stopped crying was when I grabbed your hand. Go back to sleep.” He mumbled; eyes still closed. The sound of his voice gave you chills, and your cheeks felt too hot to bear, but your eyes closed anyways. You bit your lip to keep from panicking, pretended everything was okay, counted to one hundred over and over again until you could finally breathe normal.

In the morning, you had to pry your fingers free from his so you could go to the bathroom and get ready for work. When you came out, he was still asleep, sun shining on his face. His hair was longer, hanging in his eyes, the swelling of his left eye completely gone, and the bruising changed to a yellow/brown color. His lips were parted slightly, soft huffs of air coming out with each exhale, making you smile. You stared at him for as long as you could before gathering your things and walking out the door.

The days go on just like that. Bobby stayed in your apartment mostly, talked on the phone a lot during the day, watched you get ready for work. After the incident with Miko, he put his number in your phone and made you call every night when you were finished, so he could walk you out. Two and a half weeks passed by without you ever questioning his presence and you were too scared to ask him when he would be leaving (never really wanting him to). Instead you just enjoyed his presence. Appreciated that he was there.

“I think Yuki really does like me more than you.” He said one day, out of the blue while you washed the dishes.

“Hey!” You whined, turning back to face him. He was laying on your bed, Yuki curled up in her favorite place on top of him, him petting her softly while he smiled at her. Your heart constricted and you had to tear yourself away from the sight, scared you might fall for him over something that small. It would be stupid to fall anyways, this man you barely knew enrapturing your heart like it only ever belonged to him.

You found yourself scrubbing the same dish for five minutes, the thoughts rolling around in your head like a storm cloud when you felt him behind you. His arm snaked around yours, grabbing the dish you were cleaning and pulling it out.

“I think it’s clean.” He said softly, setting the dish on your drying rack, laughing to himself while peeking around to see you. You couldn’t help but stare up at him, remembering the day you found him in the woods, leading him to your apartment, cleaning the blood off of his face. He was absolutely the most handsome man you had ever seen. His eyes were brilliant, and they shined when he smiled, when he laughed, when he was yelling at someone on the phone. Now they were shining at you and you couldn’t help but lean up and press your lips to his. It was almost involuntary, like your body would have just dissipated to nothing if you didn’t do it. You pulled your other hand out of the water and rested it on his neck, fell for him like you had never fallen for anything before.

When he rested his hand on your shoulder, you expected him to push you away. He turned your body to fully face him, pressing your back against the counter, hands on your cheeks while his lips pressed against yours more urgently. You gripped the counter behind you, not sure why you could feel tears in your eyes when you were anything but sad. His hands left your cheeks to grab your arms, wrapping them around his waist before he pulled them back up to your neck. He touched you like you would break, but his lips; oh, his lips… They melted into yours like wax, tongues brushing against each other, kissing you like he could never get enough. You gripped his shirt like he would disappear if you didn’t hold him there, felt like it would all be a big dream that faded away the second you opened your eyes.

He walked you to the bed, sat down and pulled you into his lap, brushed the hair out of your face with the rough pads of his fingers that you loved so much, and you tried to remember that life could go on without him. Tried to remember that someday he would go, and you’d be alone again, and it would be okay (wouldn’t it?). Found it hard to convince yourself of that the more you fell for the stability he gave you, the stability you didn’t realize you had craved your entire life. You woke up every day to his soft snoring, got out of the shower and knew he would still be there after you got dressed, brought home dinner every night, always making sure there was enough for two. It was a sense of security that settled so deep in your bones that you didn’t realize how far gone you were. The way his eyes watched you put on your makeup, the way he held your hand while you slept because it was the only way you could dream beautiful things. The only way you could dream at all.

“Please don’t leave.” You mumbled absentmindedly as he moved to kiss you again, halting at your words. Your heart always spoke before your mind could think to stop you. His eyes went hard, looking up at you like you broke a rule, like you opened a door you shouldn’t have, but he didn’t move. Didn’t push you away.

“I don’t care what happens,” you continued, breathing uneven and urgent, tears filling your eyes again. “I don’t care if you’re a bad person, I just need you.”

He stared at you for a few seconds before letting out a shaky breath, head turning away. A chuckle passed his lips soon after and he shook his head a little, pulling his hands up to wrap around your elbows.

Your hands found their way to his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. Forcing him to see the tears that ran down your cheeks, tears he had a part in.

“I’m not asking you to love me. Just, please…” You let out a shaky breath of your own, sadness ripping through you like a tornado, forehead crinkling up as your tears fell harder. “Please don’t leave me alone again.”

You watched him soften at your words, saw for the briefest moment the darkness he kept hidden from everyone, prayed that someday you’d get to help him heal.

‘So stupid…” He mumbled before pressing his lips back to yours, and you didn’t hold back. You gave him every piece of you. You fell into his flames and only wished you could burn, because as long as it was him, you would learn to love the scars he would leave. You would love everything for him.

--

It was hard at first, loving Bobby. He didn’t make it easy, never let you know how he was feeling. Only ever wanted to laugh with you, never wanted to show you a weaker side. When he had to leave after a full three weeks had passed, time to return home to work, he wasn’t sentimental about it. Didn’t care to acknowledge your feelings much at all.

“I’ll pick you up after work, so don’t leave until I get there.” He said sternly, ignoring the tears in your eyes. You sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor, fear gripping you at the thought that he wouldn’t be there hold your hand that night so you could dream. He gathered the small things he had delivered to the house, throwing them all in a duffle bag haphazardly. The silence weighed on you like cement, pouring over your limbs with such ferocity that you never wanted to get up again.

He squatted down in front of you after a while and leaned his arms on your knees, looking up at you with such sweet eyes that you wanted to hit him.

“You cry too much.” He said softly, resting his chin down onto his wrists, making his lips pout up at you.

“Stop making me cry all of the time then.” You complained, staring back at him. He smiled and leaned up, pressing his lips to yours. It was the sweetest thing, soft and gentle, pushing all of the sorrows you held to the back of your mind, every sadness cured by his lips and those puppy dog eyes he stared up at you with when he pulled away. He pressed another chaste kiss to your lips when he stood up and you smiled a little, enough to bring him some comfort as he walked towards the door.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He said, and just the thought of it made your heart race.

You prayed through your entire shift, prayed he wouldn’t lie, prayed he would really be there when you walked out that night. The way your heart leapt and fell at every car that passed while you stood outside made you nauseous, a sick you thought would only be cured by the sight of his smile. You waited for twenty minutes before turning to storm away, tired of standing in the cold, anger clouding your vision as you thought of all of the things you would say when you saw him next. It was just as you were pulling your phone out of your pocket that you noticed him a few feet away, leaning against the building you just came out of. He looked different, no longer sporting the t-shirt and sweats you always got to see, instead sporting a navy-blue suit, white t-shirt underneath, silver chain hanging the same place it always did. His hair was gelled back, a shade of class washing over him that you never knew was possible.

“What are you doing?!” You shouted, storming up to him and punching his shoulder.

“I was waiting for you! You seemed so busy watching traffic that I thought you might be waiting for someone else.” He said laughing, hands held up in defense. You hit him again, one more time for good measure before storming away, walking towards your building. He ran up behind you, lifting you up into the air and your laughter fell involuntarily from your lips as he spun you around and around. When your feet hit the sidewalk, you grabbed his arm, shaking the dizziness out of your eyes. He led you the rest of the way home and asked about your day, let you talk forever about the stupid things you had to deal with as if you were his favorite podcast to tune into, diligently listening and never interrupting.

When the tables turned and you asked about his day, he was short, never sharing more than a simple ‘it was okay, nothing special’. You hated how closed off he could be. Hated that he wouldn’t talk to you about everything the way you would talk with him.

“Do you ever get scared?” You asked and he looked at you.

“Scared of what?” He retorted and you tilted your head, curiosity taking over your thoughts.

“Scared of your life. The things you do. Aren’t you ever scared?” The words seemed to hit him in the same way they did when you had said you were worried about him weeks before. He shut down, fake smile filling up his cheeks, eyes empty as he chuckled lightly.

“No, I’m not scared.”

It broke your heart.

He walked you into your building, rode the elevator up to your floor in silence, a different person than the one who lifted you into the sky just a while before.

“Can you stay a while?” You asked, pressing in the code to your door and pushing it open. He didn’t enter behind you and you assumed that was his answer as you turned back.

“I can’t. I have some work I need to get home and finish.” He said with no regret in his eyes, so unemotional that your heart sunk at the thought of having to say goodbye.

Yuki was at his feet seconds later, pressed against his legs like he was her human magnet. You rolled your eyes as he lifted her into his arms, pressing kisses to her face and petting her.

“I’ll take her outside, is that okay?” he asked, and you nodded, jealousy ringing through your bones as you turned back to walk inside, an air of disappointment hanging around you. He grabbed your hand as it fell from the door and pulled you into his chest, Yuki now waiting beside his feet. His free hand wrapped around the back of your neck and pulled your lips to his, the taste of his tongue sweet like wine. It took you a little longer than him to react, but eventually, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him as close as you could, never really feeling like you could get enough.

When he pulled away, you whined, a smile forming on his cheeks instantly at the sound.

“Stop crying all of the time.” He said, pressing a kiss to your nose before reaching down for Yuki and walking away. You let the door shut behind him, sighing as you walked to your dresser and grabbed random clothes to sleep in.

You waited for him to come back before getting in the shower, scared he would let Yuki in and leave without a word. Fifteen minutes passed before your phone was buzzing beside you.

“Where’d you go?” You asked, curious about why he was calling.

“Every time I set her down, she cries for me to pick her up. I don’t think she has to go to the bathroom. Maybe she’s sick?” he said, and you sighed, defeat settling in your chest.

“She wants to go home with you. Just take her.” You huffed out, annoyance apparent in your tone.

“Are you sure?” He asked and you groaned, standing up from the bed.

“Yes, she always liked you the most, I’m sure she’d just cry all night anyways if you weren’t here.” You said and walked into the bathroom, ready for the lonely night ahead without either of them.

He sighed on the other end. “Will you be okay?” He asked and you turned on the shower, letting it warm up.

“It’s nothing I’m not already used to.” You huffed out before hanging up. It was childish honestly, no real reason to be angry. You weren’t actually mad at all; you had just been so spoiled with his company that the thought of being alone upset you. You finished your shower after some time, drying yourself off before getting dressed and leaving the bathroom.

The first thing that surprised you was Yuki, walking in front of you, brushing her tail against your leg. The second was the sight of Bobby asleep in your bed, suit jacket hanging off of your kitchen chair, enough room beside him for you. You smiled, ringing your hair out before walking closer, climbing under the covers beside him. He immediately rolled over, wrapping his arms around you and crushing you into his chest.

“This is the last night. I mean it.” He mumbled and you smiled into him, the smell of his cologne intoxicating you in a way that alcohol never had, a drug you never wanted to get tired of. You dreamt of a field full of roses that night, all planted by Bobby just for you; his smile and laugh filling your ears like the greatest song you had ever heard. You played it on repeat until the sun came up.

--

Bobby was weak for you in so many ways, never told you ‘no’, never held you back from doing the things you wanted.

After a month and some odd weeks, you found yourself staying at his house more nights than he agreed to. He was desperate to keep you away from all of his darkness, told you before that he didn’t want you involved in his personal business, but you wanted every piece of him; craved it more than anything. He needed to be home so often that it was only logical you stayed with him, but in your heart, you knew it was more than that. You wanted to know him, to know the sides of him he never showed.

At first, you didn’t see it. He was always making you laugh, kissing your tears away when you were sad, holding you until you fell asleep every night.

He took you to small parties first, events where there would only be people that he trusted, people he knew wouldn’t lay a finger on you, but eventually he took you other places. Places that were dangerous, where Donghyuk and Junhoe, the guards he trusted the most, had to follow close behind, ready for anything that might happen. You loved the thrill you got being the girl Bobby chose, loved the way people stared and wondered who you were. Loved that you finally felt like someone people wanted to be, wanted to have. It was exhilarating, dressing in the beautiful gowns that Bobby bought you, expensive diamonds dripping down your neck, hanging from your ears. It was a life you never knew you could love, but you loved it even more than you had expected because Bobby was there.

Every turn you took, you got to see his shining eyes that made your heart swell up three sizes, made your chest ache in a way that you would never feel for anyone but him. He was the cold winter chill you craved at night, stealing your breath and breathing life into you at the same time.

When things got dangerous, Bobby grew quiet. Distant. He made you stay in the house, wouldn’t let you go to work.

“I can’t stay here forever Bobby; Sabrina has texted me for the past three nights that she needs me there. I have to go.” You complained while he paced the room, stress apparent in his tense shoulders and the furl in his eyebrows, jaw clenching over and over again. He hated this argument. Hated that you pushed so far into his personal space, but now you wanted freedom. Hated that you had become too important to let out of his sight, as if he could just sit at home and wait for you, thinking about all of the people who wanted you hurt because of him.

“This is why I tried to keep you away.” He mumbled, running his hands up and down his face. He stopped pacing and turned to you; gaze firmly fixed on the floor. “I told you that I needed to keep you away, but you just kept pushing, kept taking it further and further.”

You climbed off of the bed and walked up to him, taking his face in your hands. You tilted his head up some so that his eyes met yours and gave him a small smile.

“You cry too much.” You joked and he groaned, grabbing your wrists and pulling your arms around him in a hug. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around your waist, the gesture making your heart feel like it would burst. You combed your hand through the hair on the back of his neck and smiled against him.

“Can’t you just stay here forever? Stop trying to leave.” He mumbled sweetly into your neck, the smile on your cheeks growing five times larger. You pulled away and fell in love with the worry on his face, fell in love with the neediness in his voice.

“When did you get so cute?” You asked and he rolled his eyes, a small sigh falling from his lips. You leaned up on your tippy toes and kissed him once before pulling away, loving the way he peered down at you like you won the battle even though you barely had to fight. You kissed him one more time before walking across the room and grabbing your bag.

“I’ll text you as soon as I get there and you can pick me up whenever I’m finished at 2, okay?”

You turned back and he shoved his hands in his pockets, nodding a few times in agreement. You smiled, waving at him before walking out.

Junhoe stood at the front door, but you told him you would get a taxi, certain that if you let him drive, Bobby would make him stay and keep an eye on you. You didn’t need them to stress so much, didn’t need the stress yourself. So, you went to work alone.

While Sabrina was the closest thing you had to family, you didn’t see her very often. She hardly came to the bar unless there was a special reason, so when you saw her that night, arm attached to a man, you knew something was up.

“Y/n! I want you to meet my boyfriend!” She shouted and you smiled, the sound of her voice something you weren’t sure if you missed, but still giving you a sense of comfort that you enjoyed. Sabrina was beautiful for her age, tall with tanned skin, hair dark and long, signature bright red lipstick pasted on her lips as it always was. You had wondered when you first met her why she wasn’t married, but never pried. She complained often about how no man was good enough for her, no man was good enough for life in general, but it was apparent that her mind had changed.

The man stood beside her was handsome, tall and tan mirroring her perfectly, hair black and gelled back exposing the defining features of his face. His black suit was tailored perfectly, clinging to his broad shoulders in all of the right ways, white button up clasped all of the way to his neck.

You smiled at him politely and nodded your head, sticking your hand out to shake. He took it in his at the same time she said his name.

“This is Seunghyun!” The happiness in her voice was drowned out by the alarms going off in your head. You remembered the name, falling from Bobby’s bloody lips months ago in the woods; remembered him mentioning it several times after, always in conversations filled with malice and anger. Your blood ran cold as your eyes met his and it was in the way he squeezed your hand as you tried to pull away that told you he knew; he knew who you were. Your knees shook at the way evil danced in his eyes and it took everything in you to nod at him again, a fake smile pulling your cheeks up.

Sabrina remained oblivious to the tension, not caring that the atmosphere had changed the second she mentioned his name.

“Isn’t he so handsome, y/n?! Make us some drinks, we’re celebrating!” She squealed, and you were finally able to pull your hand away, immediately turning to grab some glasses. Your heart was racing, filled with fear and anxiety. You poured out the drinks she requested while she went on and on about how they wanted to get married as soon as possible, wanted to have kids. It was hard to ignore the feeling of Seunghyun’s eyes on the back of your neck, hair raising at the thought that he was planning something to hurt Bobby. Why else would he be there?

You turned and set the drinks in front of them before excusing yourself, cell phone in hand. You were just about to press dial on Bobby’s number, hand resting on the restroom door when a hand grabbed your wrist, whipping you back around. Seunghyun’s eyes looked even darker in the dim light of the hallway as he pulled your phone from your hand. He smiled a little at the sight of Bobby’s name before locking it the screen and reaching behind you, stuffing it in the back pocket of your jeans.

“We obviously have business to take care of. Let’s talk somewhere more private.” He said, pulling you out the back exit. Winter was coming to an end, air warm enough to go without a jacket, but goosebumps ran up and down your arms despite that. His grip never left your wrist, shoving you up against the brick wall of the bar.

“This can go one of two ways. You can tell me Bobby’s plans or things…” He ran a finger down your cheek, standing much too close for your comfort. “Can get ugly.”

You took a deep breath and tried to steady your nerves, fear gripping you like a cobra.

“I- I don’t know anything. He never talks about that stuff in front of me.” It came out too shaky, like you were lying. His grip on your wrist tightened and you yelped, trying to twist away from him, but he slammed you back against the cement even harder, free hand snaking into your hair and tightening. He pushed you to the ground, hair pulling so you would look up at him while tears fell down your face.

“You don’t know anything?” He retorted, and you shook your head, begging for him to let you go.

“I swear, I don’t know anything, I don’t! Please let me go, I promise I don’t know anything!”

He hummed in reply, looking around as if he was thinking of what to do. It was a few minutes later when his grip loosened, letting you collapse on your hands and knees. You quickly scrambled away from him, back pressing against the wall as you stood up. He dusted his hands off on his pants and smoothed out his hair.

“You’re the closest person to him, yet you don’t know anything?” He added with a chuckle and you didn’t speak. “Must not be that close.”

The last part was a mumble and his eyes met yours again. “Still, I’m keeping you close. Don’t let me find out you’re lying to me. I would hate to break Sabrina’s heart, she’s pretty fond of you.”

He straightened out his suit before walking back inside. You sank to the ground, burying your face in your hands. The sound of his voice echoed around in your mind and it terrified you, all of your senses in overdrive. You could hear Bobby’s voice, telling you not to leave, trying to push you away, could see his face when Miko hit you, the image replaying over and over again, his eyes empty but voice filled with insane anger. He tried to make you stay home, begged you to stay. He would think it was his fault and you wanted to vomit at the thought, overwhelming concern filling you up quicker than before, and there was another problem. Seunghyun was dating Sabrina. You weren’t sure if he had any real feelings for her, if he had only used her to get close to you, but you were sure of her feelings for him.

The thoughts flew through your mind too fast, you could breathe, couldn’t see a way out, felt like the world was closing in around you until you opened your eyes and found that it wasn’t. You took a few deep breaths, pulling yourself off of the ground and wiping the tears from your face. After walking back inside, you went straight back to work, letting Sabrina ramble on and on about her new-found love, ignored the glares from Seunghyun. Tried your best to let the numbness wash over you for the night.

Sabrina’s arms wrapped around you before you left, telling her you had to leave early to feed Yuki.

“Please come around more. I know I don’t see you a lot, but I love you and I need you. More than anyone.” Alcohol fueled her words, but tears still filled your eyes at the sentiment. “Not just because I need employees, but because… you’re like a little sister to me.”

You let her hug you for a few more seconds before pulling away. “I’ll call you. I promise.” You said softly, quickly walking out before she could see your tears.

You took a taxi home, leaving earlier than Bobby would have expected, planning on showing up before he left to avoid him find out about Seunghyun. You stood outside of the house for a while, calming your nerves and trying your best to appear normal. It was just as you were about to push the door open that Bobby walked out.

“Oh,” surprise written on his face when he saw you standing there. “You told me to pick you up, what happened?”

You stared at him blankly and had the hardest time keeping it together. You wanted to melt into his arms, let him kiss away your tears, wanted him to hold you while you told him everything. Instead you smiled, the fake expression coming to you more naturally than expected.

“I got off early so I wanted to surprise you.” You lied, wrapping your arms around his waist. Your head was buzzing with anxiousness, resting your chin on his chest while he tilted his head, looking down at you quizzically. You worried if he could read your thoughts, if he could see the fear hidden behind your smile, but after a few seconds he wrapped his arms around your neck and pressed his lips to yours. The smile that raised on his cheeks was enough to settle some of your anxiety and you held him tighter.

“Let’s go get food.” He said and you were grateful. Grateful that you were able to keep this secret, grateful that you could go to bed later that night with Bobby smiling and joking, holding you in his arms with the same warmth and tenderness that always brought tears to your eyes. He kissed all of the worries you couldn’t tell him about away and your heart loved him more then than you ever expected it could. You never wanted to see sadness or anger in him, not over you. So, you held it in, kept your fear to yourself, prayed every night that you could avoid it, prayed that Bobby would never stop smiling at you.

--

Seunghyun kept his distance at first, never put his hands on you or pushed you for information. He seemed to be convinced that Bobby didn’t really care about you, and while the thought stung, you knew it wasn’t true, so you ignored it. Sabrina was by his side every night, and since the first meeting you had with him, you refused to leave from behind the bar while he was there. Bobby never found out. You kept him at a distance from your work, finding any excuse you could to keep him from coming to pick you up. He hated it initially, but eventually he seemed to accept that you would be fine taking a taxi home. Life seemed fairly normal for a while, like things would actually be okay.

It was a month later when you were getting ready to leave work that everything came crashing down. All customers had gone for the night as you stacked the last pair of chairs on a table, excited to go home, eat dinner and watch a movie with Bobby. It had been a long night, a night that you weren’t prepared to deal with Seunghyun walking through the front door, obvious distress written on his face. There was another man with him, blood running down his nose while Seunghyun sported a black eye and bloody lip. The anger that seethed off of the two of them had you standing up straight, backing away immediately.

“You knew, didn’t you?” He accused roughly, and the air around you froze at the sight of his dark eyes. You shook your head instinctively, but he didn’t listen, lunging at you and wrapping his hands around your neck. You fell to the ground, gasping as he squeezed tighter and tighter, tears choking you in the same way Seunghyun was. You were clawing at him, kicking your legs, not connecting with anything as desperation poured in your stomach. “You fucking knew!” He screamed.

You shook your head, gasping for air, eyes blurring when you couldn’t bring anything in. The pressure his fingers had around your throat, squeezing without hesitance, eyes raging, it made your body shake with fear.

“I didn’t-“ You tried to force the words out as black spots clouded your vision. He pulled his hands away as everything went dark and you took in a deep breath, rolling on your side as you clutched your chest, coughing spasmodically.

“He took out half of my men. Half of my fucking men! I’ll fucking kill him!”

He wasn’t screaming at you, turned around and throwing chairs, flipping tables. You tried to pull yourself off of the ground, hands shaking with adrenalin as he turned back towards you. When his eyes met yours, you turned to run towards the exit, feet not quick enough for his reaction. His hands gripped your hair, throwing you back to the ground. You screamed and his leg swung back, kicking you in the ribs once before rearing back and kicking you again and again. The oxygen that filled your lungs seconds before was gone, and you swore you felt something crack, no longer counting the blows you felt in your ribs. Your eyes went blurry for a few seconds, pain shooting through you like lightning.

“I swear I didn’t know; I swear!” You gasped out, hands gripping your left side as he stepped back.

He stared down at you like a lion hunting its prey. You had never felt so vulnerable, like he could kill you any second, the mania in his eyes terrifying you in a way nothing ever had. It was funny how the only thing that flashed through you mind was two nights before when Yuki threw a hairball up on Bobby’s pillow. He was so angry, yelling and cleaning it at the same time, screaming about how he was supposed to be her favorite. Ten minutes later, they were curled up in bed together, sleeping. Love pumped through your veins like the mechanisms of your heart worked only for him.

Seunghyun chuckled, squatting down in front of you. You flinched back as his hand reached out to grab your chin, turning your head up towards him. He was quiet for a long time, studying your expression.

“He really doesn’t tell you anything?”

You shook your head ‘no’ with tears in your eyes, too scared to speak, scared he would hurt you again; the pain you felt already too much to bear. The silence extended on for eons in your mind before he finally nodded and stood up.

“I guess we’ll see how much he cares when you show up like that.” He lit a cigarette and took a deep inhale of it before walking out with his partner, not saying another word.

It took you close to an hour to pull yourself off of the floor, ribs cramping like torture every time you took too deep of a breath. You locked the doors to the bar and walked to the bathroom, every step a challenge. Your face was tear soaked but otherwise free from marks, however deep red/purple bruises trailed along your neck, the tactile memory of Seunghyun’s hands causing your stomach to ache. You splashed cool water on your face, wiping away the ruined mascara that dripped down your cheeks in trails, before you lifted up your shirt. You could feel the ache inside, knowing the bruise would be bad, already appearing over your entire ribcage. Your lips trembled at the site, tears forming as another sharp pain took your breath away, causing you to lean over the sink for some stability.

Another thirty minutes had passed before you pulled out your phone and texted Bobby that you would be home late, but he responded just as quickly.

From; Bobby [02:48am]

Too late, I just pulled up

Your heart sped up, not bothering with a reply as you stuffed the phone back in your pocket. You stood up straight and practiced taking some deep breaths, fighting off every wave of pain and nausea that came in response. It took some time, but eventually you thought you could pull it off, thought you could trick both yourself and Bobby that everything would be okay. You grabbed your jacket from the front and pulled it over your arms, zipping it up all of the way so it covered your neck.

When the fresh spring air greeted you as you walked outside, you were met with the sight of Bobby leaned against his car on the street. He smiled as soon as he saw you, putting your heart at ease for the first and probably last time that night. Walking was simple, painful, but easier than breathing.

“What took you so long?!” He asked, happier than usual. You stopped in front of him and waited for him to move from the passenger door so you could get in, a smile forming on your lips.

“I don’t feel very good.” You lied, hoping the way you felt now could pass as an illness to his eyes. Concern flashed over his features as he opened your door and you slid past him, getting in as nonchalantly as you could. He slid into the driver’s seat moments later and you ignored the looks of worry he threw at you while he questioned what was wrong.

“I just have a stomachache, don’t worry.” You mumbled out, closing your eyes. That kept him quiet, hoping to let you rest some on the ride home. Every bump and turn brought tears to you, bile burning in the back of your throat. It felt like the longest ride home you had ever taken.

When he pulled up to the house, you prepared yourself for the pain of getting out, Bobby rushing to your side to help. He took your hand and pulled you up, which was the task you were most worried for. It wasn’t as bad as you expected with him taking most of your weight to help you up. You walked inside fairly normal after, steps too slow, drawing Bobby’s attention even more. Making it to the bedroom felt like the biggest victory, throwing your bag on the ground just inside the door like you were carrying a fifty-pound weight.

“Should I make you something? Are you hungry?” He asked and you shook your head, just wanting to sit down. You walked to the bed and he helped you, pulling your shoes off and setting them on the floor.

The adrenalin had worn out of your system long before, exhaustion rattling in your bones after everything you had been through, mind too tired to stop him from helping. He was grabbing the zipper on your jacket before time finally caught up with you. You grabbed his hands as they started to pull it down, desperation bleeding out in your fingertips.

“Don’t!” you said wide eyed, fear clutching your chest, ribs spasming with the deep inhale you took in. You let go of one of his hands to clutch your side and his eyes were scanning you, gauging the situation.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He said, watching as the tears now fell down your cheeks, pain from crying only making the pain worse. “y/n, what happened?”

You looked up at him, pleading with your eyes, ‘please let it go’.

His gaze hardened as he brushed your hands away, unzipping the jacket. The bruises had gotten worse over on hour, covering the sides of your neck in the pattern of a hand. You couldn’t look at Bobby’s face, couldn’t see anything through the tears that poured down your cheeks. When he stepped away from you, hands falling to his sides, you stood up, hand clutching your ribs. He hesitated before stepping closer, only to pull up your shirt, revealing the bruise splayed across your ribs. You quickly moved his hand away (not near quick enough), pulling your shirt back down.

He looked sick, the palest you had ever seen him, tears filling his eyes as you grabbed his face.

“Bobby, it’s fine, really. I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” He shoved your hands away and you shook as sobs broke through, fear masking the pain you felt moments before.

“Who did that?” He asked, too quiet, eyes filled with disgust and betrayal. You shook your head, not sure how to speak, how to tell him the secrets you kept. “Who the fuck did it, y/n?! Tell me!”

He was screaming and you covered your face with your hands, wishing you could take it all back. You told him everything. Told him about the first night Seunghyun came into the bar with Sabrina, how he threatened you, how you didn’t want to worry him.

“He doesn’t know, Bobby, he doesn’t think we’re that close. He won’t hurt me again, it’s okay.” You cried out and he wouldn’t make eye contact. Wouldn’t look at you at all. He let you finish talking before nodding his head, those same emotionless eyes you saw the night Miko hit you present.

He brushed past you to leave and you tried to grab his arm, but he shook you off.

“Bobby, wait!” You cried after him as he walked down the stairs. You followed close behind, ignoring the pain in your lungs so you could keep up.

“Donghyuk!” He yelled, the person in question appearing in front of him within seconds. “Get her things and take her home.”

He said it so simply that you didn’t comprehend it at first, but once the words mulled over in your mind, you were frantic.

“Bobby, stop!” You yelled, hand gripping his arm. He whipped towards you, pulling out of your grasp, all of his anger flurrying behind the eyes that were now directed at you.

“Don’t ever come back here, do you hear me?” He seethed and you shook your head, ready to fall to the floor, beg him to let you stay. “I told you it wasn’t safe, told you that you needed to stay out of it, but you didn’t listen. And you lied to me.”

You tried to grab for him again, but he stepped away, turning back to Donghyuk once more. “Take her home now.”

He shoved past you, ripping your hands off of him when you grabbed his shirt, ignoring the way you stumbled back and hit the counter. He didn’t look back when you screamed his name, didn’t look back as you tried to pull yourself from the hold Donghyuk took on your arm. He didn’t look back at all. Everything felt broken, dark and miserable, the uncomfortable feeling of loneliness seeping through your skin, clinging to your bones as you cried in the car after Donghyuk forced you in and buckled your seatbelt. He threw a bag of things he found throughout the house that were yours in the trunk and set Yuki on your lap.

When you made it to your apartment building, he had to practically carry you up, pain soaking through your ribs and making it even harder to breathe after all of the useless effort you put into screaming Bobby’s name, begging him to let you stay.

“You should go to the hospital tomorrow. Take two of these pills before you sleep and again in the morning.”

Donghyuk didn’t walk inside of the apartment, instead set your belongings just inside the door before thrusting a plastic bag filled with pills into your hands without so much as a goodbye before leaving. It was cold inside, colder now that it was just you and Yuki, the memory of Bobby sleeping on your mattress bringing a fresh wave of tears to your eyes. You poured a glass of water and took two pills from the bag, swallowing without a worry of what they were, hoping they would stop the world from spinning. You walked to the bed and sat down, staring into the darkness, wondering how you got there. How you could lie to Bobby for months and expect him to forgive you.

The sound of Yuki meowing beside the door, waiting as if he would walk in any second, made you bury your face in your hands, head pounding.

“He’s not coming Yuki.” You said softly, but she wouldn’t stop, her meowing constant, the silence that followed each reminding you of how alone you truly were, wishing you could drown in the sobs that were now choking you.

“Yuki please, please stop, he isn’t coming back.” You cried, hands covering your ears. “He isn’t coming back!”

You were shaking, wishing it would all end, begging her to stop crying for someone who was gone, someone who didn’t want her anymore. “Please, please stop!” Chest aching as your heart hammered wildly at the thought of a future without Bobby’s smiles, without his eyes, without his kisses. Thought about how you would rather die than never feel his love again.

It was hours later when you were finally able to sleep, no dreams of gentle kisses or shining eyes coming to you, no nightmares of the dark because you were already living in your own hell; you didn’t need any other realities to plague you that night.

--

Living without Bobby felt wrong, like there was no reason to wake up if he wasn’t beside you. You ignored Donghyuk’s advice of going to the hospital, took the pills that dulled the pain like they were candy instead. There were enough to get you through three days. You only got of bed to go to the bathroom, refused to shower, only ate when you had nothing left to throw up.

Sabrina called on the third day. You ignored it at first, letting it ring over and over again until the buzzing gave you a migraine. You answered after her seventh try.

“I need you to come to work tonight.” She said immediately, no real urgency in her tone.

“I can’t Sabrina, I’m sorry.” You replied, voice hoarse and dry.

She was silent for a few seconds before clearing her throat. “I hate to pull this card, but you owe me, big time and you know that, so I need you to come, whatever is happening I can help you with. Be here in an hour.”

She hung up without a reply and you stared at the ceiling, wishing the world would swallow you up. Your limbs felt like loaded down bricks as you pulled yourself from the bed, immediately taking Yuki outside. The day after you came home and cried yourself to sleep, you woke up with her on your chest and immediately broke down in tears again. You couldn’t imagine why she always came back even now that Bobby was gone, but she did, let you pull her into your arms and carry her upstairs.

Getting a shower made you feel surprisingly nice, despite the aches and pains that took over your torso with the movement and pressure. You could feel yourself healing, at least physically, and that gave you some form of relief. It was well over an hour later that you made it to the bar, not worried about being late when it was an accomplishment that you got out of bed at all. You found yourself deeply confused when you saw all of the curtains were drawn, no lights on inside, but you walked in anyways pulling out your phone’s flashlight and turning on the lights as the door shut behind you.

It took a second for your eyes to adjust, but when they did, your stomach flipped.

Bobby sat tied to a chair in the middle of the room, nose bleeding, dark hair a mess. Duct tape covered his mouth, and his eyes widened at the sight of you. You ran over, heart racing, confusion and fear fueling your actions.

“What happened?!” You shouted in a whisper as you started to pull the tape from his lips, tears filling your eyes, only to be answered with a hand on the back of your neck that paralyzed you with fear.

It was terrifying, how you never heard Seunghyun in the room, how you he moved close enough to put a hand on you without even the mildest realization that he was there.

“Yes, y/n, what did happen?” He mumbled in your ear. Bobby’s face was masked with fury and frustration as he stared up at you, arms and legs flexing as he struggled to free himself.

“You see, you had me under the impression that maybe you were a showpiece, a stand in at parties that had no real emotional connection with this guy, that’s how you made it seem the other night, but what confuses me is how I end up being hunted down after our little run in. After I was nice enough to let you leave in one piece.” His laugh was sinister and sent chills down your spine as the grip on the back of your neck tightened, causing you to flinch. You noticed Sabrina standing beside the bar, tears in her eyes, apology written on her face as well as a bloody lip.

“Tell me, y/n, why have I been chased all over the city for the last 72 hours if Bobby doesn’t care about you?”

You shook your head, tears falling down your cheeks. “I don’t know. I- I told you that it wasn’t that serious Seunghyun!” His grip released from your neck and you turned to face him but were met with the back of his hand across your cheek. You stumbled back and Bobby groaned from the chair, eyes raging.

“You’re lying.” He laughed out, cracking his knuckles while you moved yourself behind a table, tears taking your breath away as you tried to find a way out of this. “I’m so tired of people lying to me.” He pulled a knife out from waistband of his pants, simultaneously sucking the air out of the room.

It was a split second, the glance you shared across the room with Sabrina. She nodded once and it was like you shared the same thoughts. You turned and ran as fast as you could to the back exit, heart beating wildly, the sound of Seunghyun’s feet racing closer and closer fueling the adrenalin that pushed you forward.

You had just made it into the back alleyway when his hand closed around your shoulder, shoving you towards the ground. You turned back, trying to crawl away but he lifted you by your shirt.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” He hissed out; knife pressed to your neck. You choked out a sob and he smiled, bringing his face closer to yours.

“Such a shame you had to cause all of this trouble. You have the prettiest face.” He pressed his lips to yours and you reeled away, trying to tilt your head back as far as you could. When he pulled back, he laughed, no humor behind it. “Such a lousy kisser. Oh well, I won’t be dealing with you anymore anyways.”

He dragged the knife down your cheek, applying enough pressure to leave the sting of open skin along it, blood mixing with the tears that fell. He changed his grip on the knife and held it up in the air, a scream falling from your lips with clenched eyes, at the same time the sound of a gun cocking halted his movements. You looked up to see the barrel of it pressed to the side of Seunghyun’s head, Bobby’s hands steady though the anger in his form was apparent. He looked down at Seunghyun with a look so intimidating that it made you shake.

“Stand up.” He said, never pulling the gun away from his face, stepping closer to grip his collar in his fist. Seunghyun smiled, never taking his eyes off of you as he stood up straight, hands pulling away from your neck.

The events that happened next went quicker than you could keep up with; he whipped around to knock the gun from Bobby’s at the same time Bobby pulled the knife from Seunghyun, both weapons flying away as they fell to the ground. Fists connecting with flesh, the sound making you sick as your stomach rolled over and over, images flying through your mind of all of the anger, all of the darkness that consumed your life. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, could only follow the hollow paces that your body took you through, standing up from the ground, grabbing the gun that laid before you, emptiness taking the seat of the fear that once controlled you. You remembered seeing Bobby shove Seunghyun away, but after that it was black, the sound of a gun ringing so close, ‘who was shooting?’, ‘who got shot?’, thoughts racing so fast that your head spun.

When you came to, your arm was extended, pistol firmly griped in your hand. You were shaking, tears falling from your eyes as muffled voices shouted around you, voices you couldn’t make out clearly. Bobby’s face appeared in front of yours and you sobbed.

“Y/n, drop the gun!” He yelled, but you couldn’t do anything. You felt paralyzed, fear regaining control as it took over everything inside of you. The sobs wouldn’t stop, tears endless, bones shaking wildly.

“Y/n, it’s okay. You’re okay, I’m here.” Bobby took your face in his hands and you dropped the gun, the sight of his eyes pulling you back into reality. He pulled you into his chest and you gripped him like he was the only thing keeping you on earth, like you would die if he let you go. He held you in his arms, keeping your head pressed to his chest so you couldn’t see the body in front of you, protecting you from the world because he felt like he let you down. Felt like he failed.

Sabrina’s hand touched your back and you flinched before turning around. Her eyes were sincere, broken and numb like yours.

“I’ll tell them it was self-defense. Go.” She said and Bobby’s hand clasped around yours before you could say a word.

Bobby pulled you through the alley, guiding you the same way you did for him months before when you found him in the woods. He walked you into the building, entered the code to your apartment, all but carried you inside. He stood with you in the middle of your room, holding you tightly to his chest until you felt like you wouldn’t collapse with every breath you took. Ran his hands through your hair, whispered in your ear over and over that you were safe until you actually believed it.

“I killed someone.” You mumbled into his chest and he pulled away to see you. Your eyes burned with tears; throat thick with the words that fell from your mouth, not sure how to handle the reality of them.

His lips pressed against yours before he pulled you back into his chest.

“He would have killed you.” He whispered. Images of Seunghyun pressing a knife to your face, chapped lips pressed to yours, the smell of pine and beer making your head spin in a nauseating way.

You wrapped your arms around Bobby’s waist and found comfort in the way his warmth hadn’t changed. Found comfort in the sound of his heartbeat, the sound of your favorite coming home. Found comfort in the way he smelled like mint and laundry detergent, so different from Seunghyun.

“Can we go home?” You asked and felt the rumble of a laugh in his chest.

“How could you still want to be with me after today?” He questioned, pulling away from you some.

You looked at him, face serious. “I want to be with you forever.”

You expected him to push you away, shut you down and draw a line, but he didn’t. Instead he kissed you with all of the words he couldn’t say yet, kissed you with a thousand forever’s that answered every question you would ever ask.

Bobby was like fire, but sometimes you felt the same. Your secrets looked so tempting in the orange flames that rose from your shoulders, begging to be loved even though you knew the destruction you could bring. You never wanted anything but to love someone, even if it brought you ruin in the end. Meeting him was fate, flames joining and igniting in ways neither of you expected. He settled your soul more than you deserved and sometimes you ignited his, but it was okay because you had each other. Two lonely embers begging to be touched when the rest of the world broke them down, left them empty. It warmed you from the inside out, his kisses, his smiles, the magical way he brought the stars down to earth for you to see.

“I love you.” You said one night, a few months later, watching him put dishes away so mundanely that you couldn’t remember all of his dark parts. He looked back at you sitting on top of the kitchen counter with such a puzzled expression that you smiled. “I love you, Bobby.” You repeated.

His silence didn’t scare you, didn’t make you rethink your words or regret anything, having kept them inside even though you had felt them long before. Instead it settled all of your fears, wiped out all of your worries, the adoration that poured from his gaze filling you up with all of the love you ever needed. He walked closer and stood in between your legs, looking up at you. Your hands snaked around his neck as his rested down beside you. You ran your hands through his hair and kissed him lightly once before pulling away, resting your forehead on his. His eyes were shining in the way they always did, a glow that only you were luck enough to see.

“So stupid.” He whispered before pressing his lips to yours.

A love you knew would never be perfect, something you would have to fight for until the day you died. He gripped the backs of your thighs and pulled you closer, ankles crossing around his waist as he smiled into your lips. You fell into the fire of his soul, promised to yourself then that you would love every single piece of him even if it was the end of you. Whatever it took, you would burn for him.

--

A/N - Guys!!!! Bobby has taken over my heart and soul during my social distancing, and I have been up writing this for the last 6 nights until 5am, complete ruining my sleep schedule, but I just couldn’t sleep until I got my heart out for him dude!!! I hope you guys love this, it is absolutely the longest fic I have ever written, and I worked major hard on it, so plz give me some love/likes/critiques, anything is welcome!! I absolutely love hearing from you guys, so I hope you get some feels from this. Love you all!!! Hope you’re staying safe in this crazy world!

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