librarian!gojo princess!reader
summary: where princess!reader battles the trouble of being derelict in her royal duties (marrying a man of nobility) and trying her hardest to maintain a friendship the was never bound to remain one
a/n : repost
“you use me.” satoru whispers eyes burning holes into the dark oak before him but all other senses focused on your presence around the room. you laugh lightly, fingertips drifting over book spines as you step inside. it figures he’d know it was you seeing as no one else ever came close to the shunned room. “for books in my own library?” you tease.
“you know i yearn for you yet you turn your head at my every declaration,” the words tumbled out. a heavy sigh following them, “you think of me lowly…?”
you brows knit, concern laced between them “of course not. why would you ever utter such words?” you inch closer to the desk; hand just about to lay atop his until it is quickly drawn back “you do!” he bursts out. salty signals of emotion run from those impossibly blue eyes. “because you are royalty and i am nothing but the one who mans your affinity for ink meeting paper.”
“you are not nothing.”
“i am sorry my princess but i render that disputable.”
“i treat you nothing of the sort.”
“you treat me nothing regardless!” he snaps, you blink back at his vexed tone and soon enough he realises his mistake and cowers back into himself. “apologies your majesty. i do not mean to appear so disgruntled with my words.” he bows and your heart aches.
“that is how you will address me now? after having such affliction to the words?” you’re sure your voice betrayed you many times in that sentence but refusing to let the tears blurring your vision drop was on the forefront of your mind.
°❀.ೃ࿔*
you first met satoru three years back when he was simply a frosty haired boy that sat in your boundless garden. behind the flowering shrubs and castle guards peering eyes pen in hand and a leather bound notebook that looked just about ready to wither away but he clearly wasn’t prepared to let go. you’d wandered off on another attempted adventure but upon the sounds of marching knights you’d quickly run to hiding spot that apparently was not your own anymore.
satoru quickly clutched his book to himself at the shadow approaching; taking a quick glance at royal before him and forcing his eyes back to the sharp blades below. “i do not wish to see what you write only to be awarded my place of refuge.”
“well i would have refused your greed ridden eyes anyway.” he huffs trying to stand but the small space and your towering figure forced him to stay seated. “greed ridden?” you shriek and he actually contemplates putting a hand over your mouth so he wouldn't be reprimanded but your reaction was unpredictable at the time. “my eyes are suited to fine arts not whatever incessant rambling you’ve put to that undeserving page.”
instead of dignifying you with a witty response he stands tall giving you a final glare and marching back to the castle.
he just walked away from you.
a random boy not even meant to step foot on palace grounds just walked away from you.
a random commoner boy that you had the power to get beheaded just walked away from you.
you were quick to run after him ready to give him another piece of your mind and force him to take it because you’re royalty. but all the plans you made simply wafted away, the diatribe you were ready to launch at him died right in your throat because you saw him hugging a maid.
comforting one another though no tears flushed either ones face. you’d never hugged anyone except to give them that fleeting show of comfort and seeing this made you feel sick. like you had an obligation to fulfil that was never meant to be yours.
the absolute stranger called empathy that you’d never asked to meet came over you; pushing your feet to meet the pathway to your quarters. immediately flopping onto the comforting italian sheets. royals weren’t meant to feel bad about things it’s been your example to conduct yourself so why did you feel differently now.
it felt like awakening something that was meant to sleep indefinitely within you because you’ve never seen a glimpse of it in anyone else. not when your mother made a fit at the dinner table, sending the expensive imported fruits and cheeses onto the hardwood floor. glaring daggers into the servants then screeching for them to ‘clean their mess’. that malevolent glint in her eyes when she knew that no one could object.
not when your eldest sister had her difficult modiste appointments, belittling every adjustment and refusing to cooperate. squealing at the final look and not even gifting a small smile to the seamstress. just leaving the small shop with her chin held high hand in hand with your mother. they’d shout for you to cease dawdling and make haste but it was only because you were complimenting her immaculate stitches though you nothing about them for a reason unknown to you.
so with the overwhelming feeling to do something for the boy in which you had no obligations to. you stood and searched those vast bookshelves of yours for that notebook you’d never used. gifted from the duke of somewhere a cerulean leather shrouded the neatly lined paper after finding out you were fond of reading.
as if you would ever have the want to write?
anyway as a peaceful offering you searched the castle for him and which wouldn’t much hard with the rarity of the features he sported. except he had an exceptional talent for hiding which you should’ve expected since he had found yours.
searching everyone room and place you’d even considered hiding with a sigh you pulled open the doors to the dining hall. peeking inside you caught sight of the woman from earlier you stepped in fully. “my princess is there something that you need?” she rushed over voice panicked whilst you simply scanned the room. “all is well miss..?”
her face was struck with confusion, why would you want to know her name. were you reporting her? would she lose the work that she fought so hard for?
you laughed lightly at the exceeding pause “i did not know giving your name would be such a heinous act.”
“of course not your majesty.” she hesitated clutching the broom tighter.” “gojo”. the book slipped to one hand as you offered the other to her. “it is wonderful to meet you miss gojo… the boy you were with earlier, your son?”
“oh goodness he doesn’t mean to get in trouble your majesty. he’s learning the ways of the palace and i promise he’ll learn quick.” she blurts practically ready to fall to her knees. “i- it’s fine. i am not here to chastise though he may deserve it.” and yet again the tone you took for playful fell on scared ears. ears that were prepared to hear the worst in whatever you said.
“i’m sorry my princess it’s just my nephew wanted so badly to visit the palace i never knew he’d bother you.” the book shifted to one hand as you lowered the other to meet hers. “you mistake me for the queen, i have no ill intent just… a gift.” she lets her hand fall lose in yours finally meeting relief. “a gift? have the two of you made friends oh his mother would be so proud!” she exclaims the jittery and shy demeanour she once held fractured now housing an overly excited “he likes to linger around that old library if that’s any aid your majesty. i hope the two of you become best of friends if thats alright.”
giving her hand a small squeeze you saunter back into the hallways feeling somewhat excited which was strange.
you'd barely ever felt this way when meeting another princess a or a daughter of a family highly favoured in your mothers eyes that you ‘just had to meet her!’. but all the conversation ever amounted to was how lovely the sky looked that morning and what new stitch they’d learnt with their embroidery class. topics that you could barely add to so you sat shrinking into yourself wondering when you'd just get the courage to just say the right thing and not make a fool of yourself in front of them.
the thought alone is enough to make you overthink your upcoming interaction, you wouldn't be able to stomach it if he refused it because of how the last one went. maybe he'd think you were no different from your family and be reluctant to even respond.
god why did you get yourself worked up like this. now you stand infront of the wooden door unprepared yet ready to put on the best brave face you could.
-
“for you.” you said pushing the book towards him. you wouldn’t have seen him because he’d chosen to sit in the darkest corner of the room, in fact the only thing that told you of his presence was the loud turning of pages. “have you laced the pages with some sort of poison?” he scoffs eyeing it with precision meant for the men's hunting groups or something of the sort.
“would you just take the peace offering...please.”
and he did begrudgingly but it was obvious how he fought to hide a smile. and it was even more obvious when he moved over to let you sit and see what he was reading, something you already had before but that didn’t stop him from articulating every single thought he had about it.
°❀.ೃ࿔*
you step around the desk releasing a sound of disbelief. your hand instinctively raises to his porcelain cheek. “toru where does this come from.” he immediately recoils from your touch stepping backwards until his heel meets the wall. “satoru, your majesty. people in this castle whisper, servants overhear and relay to the likes of me.”
‘the likes of me’ he always spoke so negatively of himself when upset making you feel horrible in turn. his soft eyes that once followed your every movement now refused you being in their lens.
“i’m not understanding, has someone rumoured someth—”
“it was not a rumour but a truth you refused to speak aloud. you are to be wed to the prince of spain are you not!”
“i- i have not yet decided.” you sputter. sure your family encouraged the union but in no way were they forcing you, not with the many calling cards they’d been given.
insignificant little pieces of paper that acted in place of an actual introduction. they’d preform their whole bowing ordeal then without a word hand the card to your mother and walk off.
“so it is true.” it wasn’t a question, it was a sentence meant to end the friendship that you held. to give closure to him but his own words caused him greater pain than anything else. “i think you should take your leave your majesty. i have organising to do that’ll take silence.”
“are you telling me i talk to much.”
“i am telling you i’d like you to leave.”
without objection you pick up the unnecessarily huge gown and walk out of the now suffocating room. every inch of the palace was drenched in velvety red’s and luxurious gold’s. to a visitor it was splendid, on a bad day it’s an eye sore that makes you want to run to your chambers and scream into your pillows until you randomly awoke the next day.
though your nails weren’t that sharp they still tore small holes in the lace you held as if it were grounding. your stomping around the castle must have been heard because your younger sisters voice calls your name.
“what has got you walking like a man.” rolling your eyes you turn to her finally letting the abused gown rest at your sides. “there was no beast you could compare me to? only that of a man?” she laughs as you sigh walking towards you. a teal dress with floras stitched into the lace finally comes into frame.
“tea?” she proposes, “so you can tell me all your worries and i’ll promise not to tell mother or our eldest.” you hook arms with her now walking side by side. “you know i’d never drink that murky excuse for a beverage… but i’d settle for hot cocoa.”
“then so be it, we shall sit and chat over tea and hot cocoa.” she beams leading you to the drawing room.
°❀.ೃ࿔*
“it seems to me your recent upset may be the fault of a certain spaniard?” her pinkie raises as she sips from the decorated teacup.
she'd sat in on every one of his calls, stifling laughs at his weak attempts at flirting and at your so called amusing evidently confused face when he'd tried to show any sort of affection. your mother often whisper shouted at her antics to no avail because you would start trying to hide a smile beneath a gloved hand only resulting in an eruption of laughter causing the prince to chuckle awkwardly opposite you.
“do you not like him? you make it so obvious i’m surprised he hasn't left you to your devices already.” you exhale softly unsure of how to awnser to the impossible. “it is not that i don’t like him—”
“mother says she expects he’s giving you a proposal soon. will you accept?”
“and move my whole life the country who’s language i couldn’t care to know? and must you cut my words short.” she giggles placing a hand on your thigh, “i’m truly sorry but might i find solace in the fact my very own sister may become a princess.”
“no you may not.” maybe your finally understanding the ramifications of the union. you’d leave the only family you know, the only buildings you’d ever actually bothered to learn. and worst of all you’d be blatantly picking him over your currently distant friend satoru. “it would never work. he is far too him and i am far too me.” she fiddles with the embroidery already awaiting your disproval. “maybe.” she whispers, “and just! maybe. the two of you could learn how to be enough for one another.”
you straighten taking tentative sips, the graceful way you once held the china was now corrupted by the stiffest grip of all. “i take no interest in trying to be enough for him.” you mumble trying to find anything else in the smothering room. this is not the first time nor the last she’s portrayed a prying eye in your relationships and unfortunately she refuses to take no for an answer. the only time you'd find a glimpse of respite is in the library.
with he who shall not be named as of now.
with his ridiculous way with words. with how tedious ways of making sure every book laid perfectly though it made you laugh like never before or the absurd softening of his eyes whenever you were together.
a softening you could not replicate because you did not know how are a noble woman and should not be playing silly games with someone of a different class. someone your family would definitely refuse.
“it is as if you are not interested.” she chimes setting down the cup and looking at you.
really looking at you.
it makes you feel naked like with the intense examination she stared with you couldn't hold the secrets you buried within. perhaps you’d falsify a sickness before she asks a question. though she would quickly dispute that and cause a fit for your ‘withholding of salient knowledge’.
“maybe i am not.” you manage; voice abandoning its presumed confident tone shifting into that of a feeble squeak. “excuse me?” she gasps, “then i couldn't possibly fathom whom is making you so detached from reality.”
then finally she squeals as if she’s deciphered something standing up to pace like a madman. “surely you have some sort of lover that you’ve hidden outside castle walls—”
“no i do not.” you grit.
“it explains why you’re never seen around the palace. but of course you always hide yourself in that airless library with that very strange boy— of which i am still confused as to why he took your offering of manning it when there is no one but you in there..” her words trail off eyes widening in realization that you refused to match.
“tell me it is not true sister. tell me my mind has run loose and i am grasping at ideas we should bear not the thought of.”
your lack of defence is what proves her thesis true and she chcukles to your surprise. “i’m sure you would have had choice of the world yet your fancies lay on a royal book manager.”
