Apr 17, 2025
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Wanna talk more about system failure?
Ya know what? Sure. I'll bite.
You know how my hc for System Failure is. Rot slowly seeping into the puppet chamber. The utter desperate attempt to physically remove it because it's no longer something you can just unsee since its THERE invading YOUR space. Now seeping into YOU, whispering to you, the foreign voice in the back of your head to stop fighting. To tell you that there's nothing wrong, even the cysts growing pulsating from your joints are there to help you. LET it.
Make it worse. I dare you. Tell me the most utter horiffic prompt you can add into the bunch. Tell me all the details. Something that can REALLY make people question what the hell is this train of thought. Be it physical or mental details. Hit me with your best shot. Starting from now (the previous system failures prompts are archived. Ill get to them but they dont count to this.)
I will draw the worst one possible in all the details and delete the rest. Tell me in the ask if youre attempting this so i dont mix it up with normal asks i get.
Well. I apologize in advance people. Theres a storm brewing.
THE SILLY YORDLE AND THE TIGHT SPOT
A classic children’s story for all ages!
Dedicated to @chickenparm and @kikorenart — I hope you’re both proud of yourself.
The sun was shining, and Jayce was in a very good mood. There were lots of things to hammer, lots of photographs to smile for, and it was even pizza day in the Academy cafeteria! Yes - today was going to be the best day ever.
Jayce skipped down the corridor, humming a jolly song to himself, but he stopped and frowned when he heard a funny noise.
It seemed to be coming from inside Professor Heimerdinger’s office, and it sounded like someone was in trouble.
“I‘m big and strong, and I can help!” Jayce announced to no one in particular.
He opened the office door and jumped in surprise. There was a lady who he had never seen before, and she looked to be in distress. “No wonder!” Jayce thought, “She must be cold, because her clothes have fallen off!”
“Oh thank goodness you’re here,” the lady cried, “we were playing a game, and now Professor Heimerdinger is stuck!”
“Oh no!” Jayce exclaimed. It was true. Professor Heimerdinger’s furry head was stuck right up the nice lady’s bottom!
“Please, you have to help!” The lady implored.
“Mmpf nmpf!” Agreed the professor, kicking his little legs.
Jayce puffed up his big strong chest, and grabbed onto the Professor’s tiny feet.
He pulled and pulled and pulled. But the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” The lady and Jayce cried.
“Hmpff!” Said the Professor.
But just then, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be? It’s Viktor! Jayce’s best friend and the smartest man in the world.
“Oh dear,” Viktor hummed, scratching his chin in thought, “it appears you have found yourself in a bit of a conundrum.”
“Perhaps if two people pull, we can free the Professor!”
“What a good idea!”
Viktor grabbed Jayce, and Jayce grabbed the Professor.
They pulled and pulled and pulled. But the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” The lady, Jayce, and Viktor cried.
“Hmpff!” Said the Professor.
But just then, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be? It’s Mel! And she doesn’t look impressed.
“Oh Professor,” Mel sighed and shook her head, “Not again.”
“Perhaps if three people pull, we can free the Professor!”
“What a good idea!”
Mel grabbed Viktor, Viktor grabbed Jayce, and Jayce grabbed the Professor.
They pulled and pulled and pulled. But the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” The lady, Jayce, Viktor, and Mel cried.
“Hmpff!” Said the Professor.
But just then, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be? It’s Silco! And look! He’s brought all his friends - Jinx, Sevika, Ran, and the other one!
“What have we here? Digging for treasure, Professor?” Silco drawled, and all his friends snickered behind their hands. It was a little mean, but no one really minded because of his winning charisma.
“Perhaps if we all pull, we can free the Professor!”
“What a good idea!”
Silco’s gang grabbed Mel, Mel grabbed Viktor, Viktor grabbed Jayce, and Jayce grabbed the Professor.
They pulled and pulled and pulled. But the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” The lady, Jayce, Viktor, Mel, and Silco’s gang cried.
“Hmpff!” Said the Professor.
But just then, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be? It’s Vi and Caitlyn - here to save the day!
“We heard someone was in trouble, and we’re here to lend a hand.”
What good heroes they are!
“Perhaps if we all pull, we can free the Professor!”
“What a good idea!”
Vi and Caitlyn grabbed Silco’s gang, Silco’s gang grabbed Mel, Mel grabbed Viktor, Viktor grabbed Jayce, and Jayce grabbed the Professor.
They pulled and pulled and pulled. But the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” The lady, Jayce, Viktor, Mel, Silco’s gang, and Vi and Caitlyn cried.
“Hmpff!” Said the Professor.
But just then, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be?
Everyone groaned.
It’s stupid Marcus, here to ruin the fun.
“What’s going on here? You’re all under arrest.”
“Please don’t arrest us,” everyone chorused in unison, “the Professor is in trouble and he needs our help!”
Marcus crossed his arms and had a very big think. He thunk harder than he ever had thunk before. He thunk so hard that his moustache quivered.
“Okay, I will help you.”
“Hooray!” Everyone cheered.
Marcus grabbed Vi and Caitlyn, Vi and Caitlyn grabbed Silco’s gang, Silco’s gang grabbed Mel, Mel grabbed Viktor, Viktor grabbed Jayce, and Jayce grabbed the Professor.
They pulled and pulled and pulled. But the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” The lady, Jayce, Viktor, Mel, Silco’s gang, Vi and Caitlyn, and Marcus cried.
“Hmpff!” Said the Professor.
But just then, there was a knock on the door. Who could it be? It’s everyone else! There’s Doctor Singed, and there’s Ekko! There’s Finn and Pim. Babette and Benzo. Vander, Mylo and Claggor. Sky, Tobias, Jericho, and even that weedy man with the glasses from episode one and six. And look! The entire Council stopped their work to come and help their friend.
“Surely if we all pull, we can free the Professor!”
“What a good idea!”
Everyone formed a very long line and held on tight.
They pulled and pulled and pulled. They huffed and puffed and tugged. They hefted and hauled and heaved.
But still - the Silly Yordle wouldn’t budge.
“Whatever will we do?!” Everyone cried.
“Hmpff.” Said the Professor, and he sounded very sad.
Everyone was beginning to lose hope. All except for one.
Clever Viktor rubbed his clever chin in clever thought, and he smiled a clever smile.
“Perhaps if we were to utilise opposite forces, we might be able to free the Professor.”
“Huh?” Everyone chorused.
“We have only been pulling so far. It is clear that we also need to push.”
“But however is that possible!” The poor lady wailed.
“Leave it to me,” Viktor assured, “Everyone else, take your positions - we are going to save the Professor!”
The line was formed once more, and everyone held on tightly.
“Pull!”
With a mighty cry, everyone pulled and pulled and pulled.
And clever Viktor, with his clever fingers, began to tickle the lady all over!
The lady giggled and squealed and shrieked.
Everyone else huffed and puffed and tugged.
The lady laughed and guffawed and howled.
Everyone hefted and hauled and heaved.
And with one last almighty tug—
POP!
Professor Heimerdinger came flying out of the lady’s bottom, and crashed into Jayce! Jayce fell onto Mel, who tripped over Silco’s gang, who tumbled into Vi and Caitlyn, who knocked over Marcus. Soon everyone was lying in a big messy pile on the floor.
“Great heavens!” Professor Heimerdinger cried, “You’ve done it! I am free at last!”
Everyone cheered and clapped and hugged in celebration. Even Silco had a tear in his eye, because he was so happy that his friend was safe again.
Wise, clever Viktor tapped his cane on the floor to gain everyone’s attention, and gave the Professor a kind but stern smile.
“Now then, Professor Heimerdinger, what lesson have you learned today?”
The tiny Professor stroked the damp fur on his head in thought, before answering with a big grin.
“Today, my dear boy, I have learned that it is best not to go exploring in tight spots, unless you have your friends nearby to help!”
Everyone laughed.
“Silly Yordle!”
I don't know what the hell kind of brainrot this hellsite instills on you but friendos, I was shoveling snow at 10pm last night and the thought popped across my mind fully formed
This is just like in Goncharov right now. The shoveling snow. Seemingly without end. What a masterpiece.
and I had barely even seen any of the Goncharov posts prior to this thought
𝕷𝖊𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖔 𝕾𝖙𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖘
"There's an old saying, if you can't beat em.. join em, and darling I can't beat you at thumb wrestling so we better just join hands."
Hold hands with me baybay cause I'm not tough so you better love me - eUë
Turns out the girls are after Harry not because of some vague notion of fame, but because the Potter men are famous/infamous for having TITANIC dongs. That's a reason to chase after Harry that Hermione can get behind! In all seriousness though, how is Hermione going to keep the hordes of hormonal teenage girls from killing Harry with sex?
anonymous
Happy valentines day
And a happy Halloween to you too