#jonathan carloway

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Jake, lips completely silver: I wanted silver M&Ms, but they don’t make those so I spray painted regular ones.

Jonathan: Well you can’t eat them, they’re poison now.

Jake, panicked: … Well yeah, obviously.

Stella: Go throw up.

Jake: but I didn’t ea-

Stella: Go throw up.

Jake: okay…

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Napoleon: Jonathan, can we talk? One 10 to another?

Jonathan: I’m an 11, but continue.

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I can’t go to hell, I’m out of vacation days.

Jonathan, every single day of his life

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Every time you yell at your nephews, put a coin in your no yelling sock and soon you’ll have a weapon to beat them with.

Jonathan

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Jonathan: Oh! Good! You heard my call for help!

Napoleon: You mean your girly scream?

Jonathan: I MEAN MY CALL FOR HELP!

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Napoleon: We need a plan of attack!

Jonathan: I have a plan. Attack!

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Jonathan: Go big or go home!

Napoleon, tears in his eyes: I am begging you, Jonathan. For once in your life, go home. Please. Just this once. Go home.

Jonathan, whispering: I’m going big.

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Jonathan: You must avenge me!

Napoleon: You’re not even dead!

Jonathan: Mind your own business!