[4:34am] “Jongup, this is silly,” you huff, frustrated at your own inability to follow the steps correctly, but happy to hold him close.
He shushes you gently, stroking your waist and helping you sway in time to the slow music. “It’s not. If you practice with me now, you’ll ace it on the day. I promise.”
“But I can’t get the steps right,” you mutter a little sadly.
Jongup leans in and kisses the crook of your neck ever so tenderly, lingering a little longer than he’d like to admit. “What if,” – another kiss, this time higher – “I kiss you,” – behind your ear – “to the tempo of the music? Would that help?”
You smile and nod as he nestles into your neck, peppering kisses all over your skin. “It would help a lot.”
Genre/warnings: Mafia/gang AU (May contain a swear word or two. Contains violence and death, but nothing too excessive or vivid imo. Contains cuddles as well, so it ain’t that dark, really)
Summary: “I’m Jongup. Your boyfriend of three years,” he told you, sitting on the edge of your hospital bed. As you stared up at his face, you couldn’t help but wonder how you were able to score a guy like him, as he seemed near perfect, on first sight at least. One thing lead to another, and he seemed to be the only hope for you to ever regain your memories of the past, but when it finally happened, you wished you would’ve simply never remembered, or, even better - you wished you would’ve never met him in first place, as he wasn’t exactly a savior. Only a pathological liar and destroyer.
(A/N) This isn’t exactly a follow-up or something among those lines, but it is in some little and almost unnoticeable ways connected to the Himchan mafia/gang AU (1/2/3/4) that I wrote not too long ago. At least the positions and personalities of the guys are shaped the same way, among other little details, and Jongup’s personality should be described just the same way as in chapters three and four of that AU. Just wanted to put this out there.
THIS IS PART 1 // PART 2 IS HERE // PART 3 IS HERE
“Jongup-ah!!”
The second he closed the apartment door, two arms were tightly wrapped around his built frame. He chuckled to himself a little, locking the door and directing all of his attention towards you.
He still had to get used to all of this. To coming home at a time of day no one should be awake at, just to be met at the door with a loving embrace. To be shown some affection and love without expecting anything in return. To receive without giving first. It was all new to him, a world he hadn’t been able to experience in his short lifetime yet, but he had to admit that he’d been underestimating it for the longest time. He’d been sure relationships were nothing but trouble, and that he could manage without any of that, but there he was. Feeling his body melt into yours as unknown and unusual, but pleasant emotions shook his heart and soul in pleasure.
“Missed me much, babygirl?”
You quietly agreed to the statement, shaking your head that was buried in the crook of his neck in approval as he effortlessly threw his own arms around you, making himself comfortable in the embrace. His lips soon found your temple, and he playfully kissed it a few times, whispering sweet nothings as you chuckled into his skin. He knew exactly how to leave all of your senses tingling even with an action as seemingly insignificant and small as this, and it drove you to love him even more than you already did. How he held you tightly and called you all types of sweet names. How he didn’t even have to kiss you on the lips in order for his touch to strike through your whole body and hit every single exposed nerve with a force that felt stronger than electricity.
How he always left you craving his attention and affection. How he always knew how to tie you around his finger, and never misused it.
“Jongup-ah, you come and you go. I never know whether I’ll wake up to your body pressed against mine or to an empty space where you should’ve been instead,” you told him, shifting your head to look up at him. He smiled lightly at you, and you couldn’t help but admire how handsome he was for a little, inside and out. You’ve been feeling so lost in the past time that it hurt you physically, and Jongup was your only lifeline, as well as the only person to keep you above the water level when you felt the space around you filling with water and pulling you down, making you paralyzed and unable to breathe or swim.
“I’ve told you just about a thousand times by now, babygirl. I have a very inconstant working schedule that changes often, and even I sometimes can’t predict when I’ll be leaving the house and when I’ll be coming back. It’s been like this for years already, and you still keep telling me this every time I come back,” he said, slowly feeling you pulling away from his embrace. He had to admit, he only let go of you unwillingly, and when the last bits of skin that were touching finally disconnected, he felt all the warmth and comfort drain from his body and soul for a little at the lack of your touch.
“It may have been like that for a long time, but you have to understand that I’ve forgotten,” you quietly said, looking back at him and smiling a sad smile as you walked forwards all through the hallway and into the direction of the kitchen.
He followed closely, not daring to touch you once again, instead simply trying to keep eye contact whenever you looked back and straight into his eyes. You stopped in the middle of the kitchen, letting him wrap his arms around your waist from behind just to make one hand trail up your whole upper body a second later, putting it under your chin and tilting your head to the right and up, your mouths almost touching.
“I swear, Jongup-ah, I’m trying to remember. I’m doing my best, but it’s still not working out,” you told him, feeling his breath on your face, “And I want you to know I will keep doing my best to recall at least the smallest bits of what used to be-”
“Don’t worry about it,” he interrupted, inching closer, if closer was even possible at this point, “I can wait.”
Sealing the gap in between you two, you couldn’t help but feel your knees slowly getting weak because of his actions. Countless emotions were flowing through your heart, all of them screaming at you and frantically asking how you managed to get into this position. How you managed to score someone like him, and make him stay, even through something as tough for any relationship as the thing you were currently going through had happened. He could be off with someone else, as you didn’t doubt the fact he’d have quite some female attention if he actually desired it. But instead he was here, with a trainwreck like you. Fixing you up and healing your emotional wounds with soft promises and kisses.
What was so special about you that he wanted to keep you, no matter what, and refused to give up on you?
“Jongup-ah, just wait for a bit. I’m seeing doctors, and they’re saying I might progress if I continue on like this-”
“Babygirl, everything’s completely fine the way it is,” he said in between deep, passionate kisses, keeping his hand firmly pressed on your side, “It doesn’t matter. Nothing does, as long as you’re with me. We’ll make anything work, okay?”
To what extents did “anything” really go? You could only guess as you eventually had to untangle from him again, in order to heat up dinner. He must be starving, after all. Working such long hours must've tired out his body completely, although you weren’t sure about it.
You watched silently as he sat down at the table, browsing through his phone and being seemingly invested in whatever he was doing on it. He was silent and focused again, which seemingly was his default mode whenever he wasn’t all over you. His brows furrowed a little from time to time, and he had to brush a strand or two of his hair from his eyes every now and then. You could guess, but you’d never know what exactly was going on in his mind. He was an unsolvable mystery, and for now you couldn’t really do anything besides waiting in order to understand him better, as you wouldn’t be able to find out on your own, with guidelines or without. He’d have to spill it all out himself.
There were still so many questions. You knew a lot about him, but there were aspects he still seemed to be hesitant about. Thinking about it now, you realized you didn’t even really know where he worked. All you knew was that he was “the right hand” of a CEO of a not too small local business, and that his schedule was all over the place because of the many press conferences and meetings he had to attend, among other events, of course. You still found it amusing, as he’d be the last person that you’d think worked in a field like this. He really didn’t seem like this could be his cup of tea, but it somehow was.
You knew less to nothing about his friends, only having seen a few of them once or twice, and you didn’t know anything about his family, as he always avoided that question. You didn’t know where he was originally from. You didn’t know how you two met. You knew less to nothing about his past, or how he got to this point in his life. You didn’t know where he was whenever he left the house. You never knew when he’d leave or when he’d come back, and you never knew how long his periods of absence would last.
To be completely honest, you didn’t know almost anything regarding the past, only being able to judge everything by the present. You didn’t know anything about the Jongup that wandered outside these walls of your shared apartment, as the only time you ever saw him was here, inside. He could be a completely different person out there, and you would never know.
He rolled his sleeves up a bit, exposing his forearms. You were still waiting for dinner to heat up, standing across the room and leaning against the kitchen counters when your eyes fixated on something on his arm that shouldn’t be there.
“Hey, Jongup-ah?” you said hesitantly, waiting for him to raise his head and look at you, “Is that blood on your arm?”
For a second he seemed to freeze, and you were sure no one would’ve noticed unless they’d spent a decent amount of time with him or knew every inch of his body as good as you did at this point. His sudden wary and alarming stare quickly changed into something that resembled confusion as he inspected his arms, looking a little surprised when he noticed the rather large and visible splatter.
“Must’ve accidentally hurt myself somewhere today..” he mumbled as you approached with a wet tissue, ready to wipe the blood away.
“(Y/N), here, let me do it-”
“Give me your arm,” you commanded, and he had nothing left to do other than to obey. Testing your patience was useless, as he wouldn’t win anyways. He’d said already multiple time that you were the only person he wouldn’t possibly win against.
Carefully wiping the stain away, you were surprised to find out there was no bruise underneath. Your puzzled stare wandered from his arm to the reddish tissue you held in your hand as you tried to wrap your head around the situation.
“Jongup-ah, where’s the bruise, in that case?”
Your eyes met with his, and you noticed his gaze was mirroring yours, as he seemed just as confused as you - “seemed” being the keyword in this sentence. He may have originally wanted to display that emotion, but something in your heart told you he knew a thing or two you didn’t. Was it too embarrassing to tell, or.. What could even be the reason? What other possible explanation or reason could there be for a sight such as this?
“Weird, right?” he said, turning his arm around a little, “Maybe that wasn’t blood at all?”
“Well, what else could that be?” you inspected the tissue, being more than sure it was human blood, “Plus, the splatter was quite big. If you would’ve gotten a bruise that size, you for sure would’ve noticed it, as it would’ve hurt tons.”
“If you come up with a possible explanation, let me know,” he told you, smiling a smile that looked just a tad bit smug, “Because I currently can’t wrap my head around a decent, logical explanation in case that really is blood. But don’t worry, I’m fine and I’m certain that was something other than blood. Think about it, babygirl, if it isn’t mine, where and how else could’ve I possible gotten blood on myself?”
You eyed him up and down, meeting his gaze and trying to find something in it. The smallest hint, or a tiny clue to what had happened, because whatever he tried to tell you, you were still certain that was blood. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing that indicated any type or sort of information, and you were left without any proper guidelines yet again.
“You’re right, I guess,” you admitted after a while, understanding you were probably thinking too much once again, “You’re not a killer or a gang member to come back home with someone else’s blood splattered over you, right?”
Chuckling, you went back to the stove, humming a melody as you flipped the content on the frying pan over with a spatula. Lightly swinging in the rhythm of the melody, you never noticed his sharp stare piercing right through you, and his hands clenching into fists, his knuckles slowly turning white. You never noticed how he got tense, and you never noticed him gripping the side of the table surface, trying to contain his rising emotions.
He watched you, thinking once again. You weren’t stupid, but he might be. Thinking this was a good idea was so, so wrong from the very start already, but he couldn’t quite do anything about it. You were, if you knew it or not, literally a possession of his, and now, since he laid his eyes and hands on you, there was nothing other left than to continue playing this wicked and unfair game, at least if he wanted to keep you alive and safe.
There was nothing left - nothing except always keeping an eye on you and not letting you find out the truth. As well as keeping you away from remembering anything, or, in the best case - everything, because that might just destroy you. If not physically, then emotionally.
This would eventually turn out to be a long and sleepless night for Jongup, as once again he felt his world slowly crumbling at his feet for no reason. He watched you for the whole evening - during dinner and while getting into bed. He listened to your never ending babbling and took in all of your smiles and touches. His nose lightly poked against your hair as you fell asleep, and his hand rested firmly on your hip, stroking your skin up and down a little every now and then.
If only you knew.
It’s been close to a year now, if his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him yet again. Another mission, nothing different from the regular. He was at the very front again, his eyes displaying nothing but a hungry stare as he took down everyone and everything in his way.
He found it funny, how he’d learned to love the sound of gunfire the most in his life. It scared oh so many people, but to him it was a soothing sound, as this was the only situation he was almost always prepared for in life. He knew exactly what to do, and could act quickly. There was no telling him to get a hold of the gun twice, as he always did it without hesitation, not always being quite able to inspect the situation himself but able to follow strict orders perfectly before even hearing the whole sentence.
The crime scene had become a home to him, and he was someone who liked staying in. Someone completely and utterly obsessed by the comfort only his home could offer.
Himchan was giving out orders again, being the perfectly shaped leader of the gang that he was and Jongup’s closest friend, or rather comrade, in this whole ice cold world. Youngjae and Daehyun were on backup again, as Junhong and Bang were the recently created but quite successful double combo, taking care of the sides and giving Jongup just enough space in the middle to fully put himself out there. He smirked, knowing yet again he was trusted to be the main man of the mission, even behind all of Himchan’s worries and trust issues from the past. He acted sharply and quickly, not caring for anyone or anything.
Until he saw you, being dragged into this whole mess.
It was quite rare to have unwanted guests accidentally wandering into the field of battle, but you’d been quite unfortunate, having stumbled into these exact streets at this late hour of night together with your whole family, going home from a family celebration and occasion, and, of course, being laid hands on by the rival gang immediately just because you were in the way and they were heartless animals, knowing nothing but pain and despair over any other emotion.
“Take them! Himchan won’t shoot at a hostage!” you cried out after hearing those words as someone yanked you away from everyone by your hair, holding a gun to your head.
“What now, commander?” Jongup smirked as he heard Himchan cursing under his breath. If there was one thing he wouldn’t allow himself or his members to do, it would be taking away the life of someone who’d accidentally gotten involved. At least it was like that in the past time, since he got his own personal reasons for that now, but that didn’t matter. His orders had to be followed anyways.
“I know you like blood that isn’t your own splattered all over the ground, but don’t you dare shoot anyone who doesn’t have to be taken care of. We’ll try to prevent any unneeded damage,” he heard Himchan say, and didn’t have to turn around to see his furrowed brows and cold sweat dripping down his forehead. Testing Himchan’s nerves at that point was about the worst he could do, so all he had left was to shake his head in approval and silently obey.
“As you say, commander.”
“Himchan won’t shoot, that’s right. But will I?” Joungup quietly announced, and as he approached quickly, showing less to no remorse or mercy to anyone who got in his way. You weren’t able to do anything other than flinch in fear for what might come.
“Hey, don’t you dare-” a bullet zapped right next to you, hitting the guy who’d been holding a gun to your temple right in between his eyebrows and sending him flying to the ground.
“Babygirl, don’t just stand there, duck,” you heard Jongup say as he quickly shielded your body with his, pulling both of you behind what seemed to be a trash compactor just in time not to get hit by a shower of bullets. Your brain was unable to process anything - all you knew was that you didn’t like this unknown guy who was hovering over you, firing perfect shots as the smug smile never left his lips. The confidence and cocky replicas. The “babygirl”, and the pleasure that was written all over his face upon killing. It all made you want to scream out and made your stomach twist in fear and disgust.
You couldn’t help but hide your face in his chest though, as fear had completely taken over you and you were unable to move or think straight. His arm wrapped around your shivering frame, making you slightly at ease with everything as he shot, and you found him to actually be quite comfortable. A deserted island in the middle of the stormy ocean.
He had to admit, this was a first time of his. Holding a girl he could only classify as eye catching in his arms and defending her, keeping her safe from this regular everyday world of his. He was more than aware he could care less, but he didn’t want to. Something had actually sparked a desire in him to get you to be safe, and it was more powerful than any of Himchan’s orders or any of his own sane thoughts. After all, he was missing a few screws, so why not try to save a complete stranger just because he felt like it?
You shifted in your sleep, causing him to snap back to reality and caress your sensitive skin with the hand that was still placed on your hip. He laid there, trying to recall the events of that night, but not being able to. There was a hole in the timeline, and the only thing he could recall after the scene behind the trash compactors were ambulance and police sirens as he stood in he middle of the crime scene, being desperately pulled away by Youngjae who kept screaming at him for being an “unpredictable idiot”.
Your body was laying right in front of him, and, unlike all of the other bodies that could be seen all around, was the only one with steady breathing and a heartbeat. It took Youngjae a few more mean comments and a slap to get Jongup to move, and eventually he finally obeyed, getting out of sight just in time. Going into hideout, but still observing the situation from afar, he saw you getting taken away to the hospital.
A hit to the head, wasn’t it? But by what? He could’t quite recall anymore.
You’d occupied his mind completely, and for the whole drive back to the base Jongup couldn’t think of anything else. It was a new, weird feeling for him, and he didn’t quite know how to react to it.
Women were nothing but creatures that, if treated right and nicely, could bring extreme pleasure, or so he thought at least. He never needed anything more or less than a one-night stand, and after he’d gotten exactly what he wanted, he’d disappear forever, not leaving a single trace or evidence of his temporary existence in the girl’s life. But this was a new feeling, a feeling that differed from all of the other ones and made him question himself and his nature as a whole.
He remembered your frightened stare, and how your body was shaking at first when he pulled you along with him, slowly calming down a little and warming into his body as you hid your face in his chest, afraid of everything happening all around you. He tried to brush it off at first, and tried to tell himself it was absurd - almost ever girl would act the same way in this situation, and there was nothing special or extraordinary about you and your actions. But the way you held onto him, making him feel like he was in charge of you and your precious life - it made him go through a rollercoaster of many weird, unusual feelings.
Clinging onto him as if you were a sinking diver and he was an oxygen tank. You couldn’t manage without him, yet you didn’t beg him for help. Not a single word escaped your lips as you quietly let fate decide for your survival, and considering Jongup could be called a murderous maniac for his unpredictable, sinful behavior at most times didn’t really make your chances stand out that much. Yet you had managed to occupy his mind fully, making him realize how it felt being in charge of someone as helpless, innocent and vulnerable as you were.
And he had to weirdly admit he liked it.
At this point in time he’d already forgotten how he managed to lose track of you for a second, and how you ended up injured on the ground. The only thing he knew was that this was one of the very few things in life he both regretted, and at the same time was more than simply thankful for. Because a hit to your head was all he needed in order to get to this point in his life.
Jongup’s mindset wasn’t really the best, and it was the thing that brought him into trouble most of the times. He was thinking too little, and feeling too much. Acting upon emotion rather than thinking his moves through. So when he walked over to Youngjae the following evening, his request didn’t sound surprising to Youngjae at all.
“I need help,” he casually admitted, sitting down in an nearby armchair while Youngjae was working on sorting some files and information on the computer in his cozy little corner of the base.
“Say that again but let me record it first,” Youngjae chuckled, his eyes widening in amusement and disbelief, “You asking for help. On top of that, someone like me. God, that’s pathetically hilarious.”
“Shut it,” Jongup hissed throwing one leg over another, “It’s not kill-related, and requires actual thinking and the ability to communicate. If you haven’t noticed yet, growing up I learned to shoot instead to hold a conversation, so I’d appreciate if you showed me some respect and mercy, as well as gave me a helping hand.”
“Mastermind Jae at your command,” Youngjae turned around in his chair, eyeing the lad up and down, wondering what was possibly going through his mind and at the same time being aware he’d never know. It wasn’t written all over his face, and wasn’t bloody obvious, so unless he wanted to spill it would never come to light.
“(Y/N),” he paused a little, seeing Youngjae’s puzzled facial expression, “is the name of the girl from yesterday. You remember her?”
“I like where this is heading,” Youngjae smirked, casually leaning on one of the chair’s armrests, “God, I’m curious now. Yeah, she’s hard to forget, isn’t she?”
“She’s currently in hospital, without any signs of waking up anytime soon, but only for now. I need you to sort a few things for me.”
“But why though? Looks like you’d been able to investigate on your own already, and if you know this much already, my help here is clearly unneeded-”
“I need to see her,” Jongup blurted out, looking at his hands as he felt Youngjae’s gaze teasingly piercing through him. He should’ve probably asked literally anyone else, but it would’ve been a hundred times more complicated. Youngjae would just remind him about this conversation up until he was on his deathbed, and if this was the consequence he’d have to live with, Jongup was ready to accept it.
“How do you imagine this? She wakes up to see you - the person she’s only seen brutally murdering at least ten other people while she witnessed - and you really think she’ll jump at you, call you her hero and drown you in kisses and hugs-”
“I don’t know what will happen, honestly,” he said, looking Youngjae right in the eyes, “But in case this will turn out troublesome, I’ve handled worse situations. Just make sure to, like, write me in as a relative or a close friend or something. So that once she waked up I’ll be able to go and visit her without additional question from the doctors and staff or additional people in the room.”
“Okay, this is interesting enough for me to work on it, we don’t have a lot going on here currently anyways, so wish granted,” Youngjae said, turning around in his chair to face the computer again.
“You know she won’t be at your feet the moment she sees you though, right?” Youngjae’s words came out right as Jongup was about to close the door behind him and step out into the hallway.
“Well, I didn’t expect that anyways-”
“Just know that, whatever intentions you have - and I can’t really imagine you having any sorts of serious feelings towards anyone, and in the least a girl you don’t even know like her - it might turn out ugly once she gets into contact with you. Knowing you, she’ll probably get toyed around with for a while and you will use her till the last bit, just to throw her out of your life afterwards. And that might lead to a bad outcome, because she’d have “I’ve had ties with Moon Jongup” written all over her being, which would be quite life-threatening if the wrong people found out. Do it at your own risk.”
At his own risk. Yes, he was aware, and he was ready to take that risk, because he knows how this could unfold. He didn’t have any sort of strong feelings towards you at that point yet - it was rather plain interest.
Youngjae was a mastermind for a reason, as when you opened your eyes for the first time in days, the first person you you saw besides the doctors and the nurses was him.
Jongup, standing in the doorway and looking all sorts of things, but most of all - awkwardly cute and lost.
You eyed him up and down. Did he seem familiar? The real question was - was he supposed to seem familiar at all, because he didn’t.
You felt your cheeks slightly turning red as you looked at him. He wasn’t that tall, but he was quite build, and the black t-shirt and casually thrown on unbuttoned plaid shirt looked surprisingly stunning on him. The floor slightly squeaked when he stepped into the room, and the closer he got to you, the further you wanted to scoot away from him to the other side of the bed.
He looked so perfect, you had to admit, and it made you slightly uneasy at heart. Out of all of the things in this world, the first thing you felt after this incident you had just woken up from was pure embarrassment and attraction to a stranger you were sure you saw for the first time today. He quietly sat down on the edge of the bed next to you, and gave you a sympathetic look. His eyes were so crystal clear, and his cheekbones so defined. His face was shaped to be a model’s, if it wasn’t for the birthmark on his nose. But you found it charming to some extent, feeling it only added some originality to his looks and made him a little bit unique.
“Can you recall this young man, (Y/N)?” you heard a voice say, and suddenly felt the whole burdens of the world on your shoulders.
You had to know him, after all, but you simply couldn’t wrap your mind around it. You studied his face, feeling like you were slowly drowning in his stare and unable to swim out of the deep end. Hurt seemed to be displayed in the looks he gave you, and you hated to know you were about to make it worse.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Silence followed for a little moment, and you desperately wanted to look away and to run. But as realization slowly hit you, you couldn’t tear your gaze away from his, as it seemed like the only thing you currently had in this world.
Memories.. They all seemed to be.. gone. You realized you couldn’t recall a single thing about your life, and it scared you to the point of fainting, until you heard the doctor’s voice again.
“And how about anyone else? Is there someone you can remember that you want us to contact so you can see them?”
“No, I don’t remember anyone,” you said after a moment, gulping and finally looking away to the floor, “In fact, I can’t currently remember anything…”
“..I’m Jongup…”
You hesitantly let your eyes meet with his again, and his stare was less hurt and demanding than previously. You swore you saw a spark in his eyes, as well as relief and a newfound desire, but you simply shook it off. What could he be possibly happy about in a situation like this? Your eyes must be playing tricks on you yet again.
There wasn’t much to witness anymore, as everything was more than crystal clear already. The doctors and nurses left you two alone in the room for a bit, just for you two to have what you thought was a reunion.
“..Jongup.. You are.. ”
“Your boyfriend of three years.”
Silence followed as thoughts kept running not only through your mind, but through his as well. The sentence escaped his mouth rather spontaneously, and he was surprised at himself for not quite thinking this out, not even in the least. Looking into your eyes though, he understood you had a complete blackout memory loss, not being able to recall absolutely anything, so he could easily roll with this.
As long as nothing brought your memory back, he could use the situation to make it a thousand times easier for himself, even if it wasn’t a fair game. But nothing’s fair in love and war, or so people keep saying at least, so why should he care?
Since this wasn’t war, could this eventually become love?
You seemed to believe, suddenly getting all shy and non-talkative. He had to try his best to recall how to use a sweet tone, as he’d never done it, and try to remember what was appropriate in communication with pretty girls like you. He suddenly felt so lost, and found it hilarious how he could take down five tuff guys with ease, but found it hard to talk to a girl with memory loss who would believe literally anything he said.
Days kept passing, and he kept visiting, until you were free to go home from the hospital. Not knowing where this home of your was, you were met by Jongup who was waiting for you in the hallway, half-smiling at you and leading you out of the building and to his car.
Those were some fun days, or so you liked to refer to them at least nowadays that they were gladly over. He’d tried his best to revamp his apartment to look like a female had been present in it this whole time, buying all sorts of things and putting them in places he thought would be appropriate. You stepped into the apartment, not being aware this was in fact the first time you set your foot here, instead being convinced you’d lived here before. Asking where everything was located and questioning him about different things, you made your way around the house, examining it. He watched you, feeling like a monster for taking a hold of you like that and lying to you, since he didn’t even know his intentions at that point yet, but then again - should he care at this point?
You were simply cute, and he’d decided he wanted you. For how long and in what way, he didn’t know. But since he was heartless and such a snake at heart, he figured this was just his regular nature and how he was. He was true to himself through lying to you.
Interacting was hard at first. You found Jongup to be awkwardly sweet, but most of all - patient, even though he had a hard time keeping that attitude up at first. He’d lived alone or with the other members since he could remember, and none of this sweet talk type of thing had ever happened before. He wasn’t used to little conversations in the evening, and he wasn’t used to curious questions, “thank yous” and heartfelt compliments. He wasn’t used to getting greeted in a kind fashion upon arriving home from what was either a boring day with paperwork and making plans or a murder mission, and he wasn’t used to the smell of homemade dinner coming from the kitchen upon arriving.
Slowly but steadily, he found himself enjoying your presence. In between this whole hate and pain that had fueled his life up until this moment in time, it was a nice escape from the ordinary. You went a long way, from the first night when he insisted he’d sleep on the couch since you probably felt uncomfortable sleeping in one bed with him but you insisted it was fine, because you wanted him to get good rest, up until the moment you wrapped your arms around him lovingly for the first time. You were developing your relationship from what you thought was scratch, and it seemed so humble and loving from him to give you your time and be patient, seemingly making sure you fell in love with him all over again before he would act like your lover again.
Little did you know it all was a lie, and in reality he wasn’t the sweet boyfriend you thought he was. He was a horrible monster who’d taken you into his custody, lying to your face every morning he woke up next to you and called you sweet names.
You chuckled and smiled when he pinned you to the kitchen counter, telling you this was the spot you shared your first kiss at, and you even thought you tasted something familiar when his lips met yours back then. That’s how much he had fucked you up already, to the point your memory played tricks on you and you would start believing that all of these feelings in your gut that you experienced every time you saw him were something you could recall from the past, before everything you had ever known was erased from your mind for seemingly forever. He made everything seem so vivid, and the lies he told you were so perfect and well thought-out they even surprised him. With every passing day, with every little connection, no matter emotional or physical, you felt like you were slowly heading home again, while he felt like the complete opposite - he was caught in feelings and emotions he didn’t know he possessed, and he was simply scared that at some point you’d find out. After all, even the members who at this point knew about his devilish and twisted ways warned him. Youngjae was right when he said that you could remember even though the therapy classes he took you to were nothing but fake and a setup, and Himchan was right when he told him keeping you in the dark and alone, free to go whenever and wherever you wanted was a bad idea and would end in either scandal or death if the wrong people found out about you two.
This couldn’t end well in any possible case, could it? So his first initial idea was to keep you around only for a while, just to see how it felt having a lover instead of a one-night stand. Having support given to him instead of plain pleasure that would vanish soon enough anyways. But with every passing day, he understood more and more that he couldn’t resist anymore. Your stares warmed him, and the way you sat on the bed, your legs crossed as he quietly approached and sat across from you had his heart beating faster. The way your arms wrapped around him and your tongue played with his as you kissed all of his pain away, and the way you quietly chuckled, laying down on your back on the soft blankets and pulling him along, running your hands up and down his back as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing deeply and closing his eyes, wondering why something as insignificant as this felt so good and so wrong at the same time.
Why he thought it was utter madness to feel addicted to your presence, and why you believed all of his lies about him working as a business man and having an inconstant schedule because of that. Him being a sweetheart in the deepest corners of his soul. Him being a perfect lover and letting you take your time, not forcing himself on you. Him telling you to stay home only because he was certain he could make enough money for both of you to survive and you needed to emotionally get back on your feet after everything you’d been though.
Him being your angel, so pure and innocent. Him being beyond non-see through. Him being your boyfriend of three years, as well as being so peaceful he wasn’t capable of hurting anyone ever. It was all lies.
He’d lost too many screws already. He was not only a mad man and a murder machine, but a liar. A liar in love.
It wasn’t until the next evening when hell broke loose. Quite ironic, as he’d spent the previous night mostly unable to fall asleep as his mind raced of possibilities how to stretch this time he had left with you on for as long as possible, and how to hide the truth in order to keep you here by his side, forever.
“Jongup-ah,” you told him, making him smile as his face hovered only inches above yours, his hands holding you firmly by your hips, “You’re home early today. How was your day?”
“Bearable,” he said, not lying in the least, because this really was the only appropriate term to describe it, “But I feel like it might get a lot better now that I’m home..”
Too bad it didn’t.
“Move!!” it was Youngjae who banged through the apartment door first, closely followed by Daehyun and a few more figures Jongup didn’t recognize. Since you were already wrapped up in his arms at that moment, it wasn’t hard for him to instantly cover your frame with his, pulling you away behind a corner that could at least halfways be considered a safe zone.
“Are you stupid? Why the hell would you lead them here?!” you heard Jongup yell, and as you looked up at him, shock clearly written all over your face, you couldn’t believe what you saw.
You knew this view, you were certain. You didn’t know when or where, but you’d already seen this before.
A devilish smile plastered across his face as he shot. A desire to hit targets perfectly. A face that displayed utter anger at first, but quickly changed into lustful desire when he saw the first body hit the ground with a thud. A fire arising inside of him that quickly made him turn into a murder machine, chuckling maniacally as he shot again and again, recharging in seconds just to shoot some more.
“Jongup-ah.. What’s happening here-”
“Let me take care of this first, babygirl,” he told you, sending shivers down your spine with the sly and disgustingly smug tone he used, “Then we’ll talk.”
Tears strained your vision as you didn’t quite know where to direct your stare. It was a whole gang against these three guys, one of those three being your lovely Jongup. The sweet sunshine you called your boyfriend. The guy who’d been through thick and thin with you before and after your memory loss. The guy who couldn’t sway a fly..
..But could take enemies down with ease, having perfect aim and an unbearably disgusting desire to set destruction into everything he touched.
B.A.P hadn’t lost an argument ever. Even without half the team present, it didn’t take the remaining guys long to deal with the enemy, showcasing their never ending skill yet again and ending everything soon enough with just a few swift moves.
“What were you two thinking?!” Jongup stepped out from behind his hideout, his arm that was previously tightly wrapped around you loosening it’s grip and disconnecting from your frame entirely as he went to give Youngjae and Daehyun a piece of his mind, “Does my apartment look like something you have the right to destroy during a gunfight?!”
“There was no time, and I couldn’t possibly reach you. We wouldn’t have made it on our own,” Youngjae said, panting heavily as he tried to regain his breath from the running around and trying to stay alive.
You’d been frozen in your tracks from when this whole thing started, and only now you started feeling all of your senses slowly coming back to you. Slowly but steadily, rising up things that seemed like memories to you.
A family gathering. A walk through dimly lit streets and alleyways with your family in order to get home sooner. An unfortunate encounter. Gunshots and screams. Blood straining the pavement. Your cries when you saw you’d made it, but the rest of your family didn’t. And the main reason you made it - him, holing you the same way he did today and calling you the same name. Smiling that same wicked smile and shooting like there was no tomorrow.
And then, out of nowhere, what seemed to be a hit to the head followed.
You flinched at the thought, causing Daehyun to react and point his gun at you in less than a second. His eyes met yours, and he lowered the weapon immediately as he understood who you were.
That’s when Jongup snapped back to reality, seemingly remembering about your presence. Worry and fear crossed his face as he turned around slowly, facing your shivering and crying frame. His gaze met yours, and it was undeniable your world was breaking apart right there and right then. He gulped, trying to think of an excuse. And explanation. Anything, since he could wrap you around his finger and alter your emotions and memories the way he wanted them to be. But his brain refused to cooperate.
“(Y/N).. Listen, I-”
“You lied,” you quietly said, trying to keep your eyes locked with his. Your knees were on the edge of giving out after all of this sudden stress, and your head felt dizzy. He took a few wary steps towards, cautiously stretching his arms out to get a hold of you, but the second he touched you, you flinched, moving away to a distance you thought was a safe one.
“(Y/N), calm down, let me tell you-”
“You’ve told enough, I think. All I want to know is who the hell are you, because you definitely aren’t who you’d been trying to come off as since I first saw you.”
It finally got to him. The scenery you just witnessed was too similar to simply pass without triggering any type of emotions, but more than that - memories. His face displayed nothing but plain horror as he saw you moving further away from him, crying and wanting to get away, although the safest place on planet earth for you to be in were his arms.
“I-I’m Jongup, your boyfriend-”
“Of three years, or is it four at this point already?!” you cried out in frustration, “Don’t try to sell me that information, it won’t work anymore. You’re not my fucking boyfriend, and you’ve apparently never been, as I don’t even properly know you-”
“(Y/N), wait,” he said as he saw you backing off to the door and extending your hand back to try and figure out where the exit was without breaking eye contact with him. Jongup wanted to scream at Youngjae and Daehyun to move, to make you unable to run away and to help him lock you away somewhere, with no chance of escape up until you calmed down enough to talk first. But they stood dead in their tracks, and Jongup feared that if he turned to them or even just called them out, you would make a run for it.
Although, the run was inevitable at this point already, and it took him only a few more seconds to see you backing away enough to sprint out the door and into the staircase.
“(Y/N), wait, goddamn it!” he screamed in arising panic as he followed closely, running as fast as possible and somehow finally bringing Youngjae and Daehyun back to reality, making them follow as well.
You hadn’t run this fast in your lifetime, as you sprinted four or five steps down the stairs at once, clinging onto the railings in order to not smash against the wall at every turn you took. Even Jongup had a hard time keeping up with you, and when he exited the staircase and got out on the street, you were a little ahead of him, sprinting off to literally anywhere where he wasn’t present.
“(Y/N), I’ll catch up anyways-” his words were cut short as a bullet zapped past his nose, leaving a little scar on it as it barely touched his flesh while passing by. His senses were brought back to reality, as he understood that the guys he, Youngjae and Daehyun had just dealt with were only a part of the whole gang, the other part having just made it to this place.
“(Y/N), watch out!” he screamed out, just to be knocked down to the ground and behind a car by Youngjae.
“Keep it together now, man,” he hissed, throwing him a gun, “And watch them, or rather where they shoot. You won’t catch up with her now, so the best you can do is try to prevent those bastards from having and realizing the brilliant idea of shooting her before you.”
Your eyes were still filled with tears and your vision foggy as you ran, afraid for what might come. Freaked out by how you blindly believed him all this time and by how he toyed around with you, taking control of you while you trusted him with your whole heart. Making you believe. Using you. Making you his puppet and possession. Making you fall in love with him.
What you didn’t realize is his cheeks were about to be tear-strained too. He could count the times he cried on one hand, and this was another rare addition. A new fury and force rose up in him as he screamed out, shooting anywhere and everywhere. Youngjae and Daehyun had to be the ones to hold him back from running out in the street, and had to be the sane ones, as he had lost his mind completely. His eyes never left your frame, and, as he saw you disappearing into the distance, the only thing he was glad about was the fact you were away from this scene. Away from all the danger and the possibilities of getting majorly hurt.
But for how long would that last? How long could you be out there alone, without literally anything? Without a phone, without money and a place to stay. And on top of that, with an invisible stamp on you that marked you as his lover, if you wanted it or not.
He wasn’t sure if anyone who could misuse that information at all, but there was still a possibility it could be used against him. Against you. Or rather, against both of you, as from the moment he took you in your fates were more or less sealed together.
“(Y/N)!” he screamed and freed himself from Youngjae and Daehyun’s tight grips, running off to where you had gone. They called him back, told him it was useless, but he wouldn’t listen.
He never listened anyways.
“(Y/N!!)” his voice kept ringing through the streets, but you were nowhere to be seen. He seemed to have ran around forever, but you’d left him without a trace. Wiping away desperate tears and hiding away his weapon, he slowed down, stumbling around a little before falling on his knees.
His stare was fixated at the ground as Youngjae and Daehyun finally reached him, cautiously staying behind a little and not saying a word in case his sudden sorrow and devastation turned into an angry tantrum in seconds. After all, his mood swings were no joke, and the guys knew it better than anyone else.
His breathing was heavy and sweat was straining his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut for a bit and clenched his hands into fists until his knuckles went white.
You were gone, and he didn’t know where you’d end up now. He didn’t know where to look or how to find you. And it was his fault all along, since the very moment he noticed you and decided he wanted you.
[9:30am] “how’s that?” He asks, a little smirk pulling the corners of his mouth as he watches you sip your strawberry tea.
The early morning sun rises behind you, framing your head like an angel’s halo. Jongup knows you’re not a morning person, but insists on grabbing breakfast at the local cafe every Saturday as part of his weekly ritual.
He knows the frown that has your face all screwed up will ease once your favourite pastries have been devoured.
“It’s fine,” you mutter, rubbing your eyes. “I just wish we were still in bed.”
A waiter steps out of the cafe and places a platter full of breakfast items – your favourite pastries included – on your table.
“Yeah?” Jongup smiles as he watches your face light up in delight. The sight is priceless and gets him every time. “How about now?”
Genre/warnings: Mafia/gang AU (Definitely contains swear words this time around. Violence, death - the regular mafia stuff. But nothing too vivid and excessive. Nothing that won’t let you sleep at night, basically)
Summary: You were gone, and it was all his fault - he’d lied, and now he had to face the consequences. But thing was, it wasn’t himself who he was worried about. He could be captured, tortured and killed off in a slow and painful process, and he still wouldn’t care. But it was you who was in danger, and he had a hard time collecting all of his senses back in order to use his mind instead of his heart. To only act after he’d thought everything out, because this was the only way to save you - to save the person he loved the most.
(A/N) Soo, this is going to be a three-part AU, and not a two-part one like I originally intended it to be. Since I had 10.8 k+ words written, I figured I’d split them up into two different parts instead of making it one painfully long one. Once again, this part is especially connected to parts 3 and 4 of the Himchan mafia/gang AU, where the main focus is Himchan and Jongup’s relationship, as well as Jongup’s betrayal that, looking at the timeline of the scenarios, happened before the events of this scenario. Some backstory revolves around the betrayal, but not too much. This can be read as a stand-alone as well, without having to read the Himchan story first, so no worries.
THIS IS PART 2 // PART 1 IS HERE // PART 3 IS HERE
“Jongup-ah,” he heard his name being called out, and quietly smiled to himself.
There was only one person in this whole world who called him this sweet way, with the little “-ah” attached to his name in order to make it sound so nicely warm and welcoming. The name “Jongup” itself was, at most times, said harshly and unpleasantly, in a mean, demanding or offensive fashion. Often it would be replaced with “idiot” or “dumbass”, and he’d heard an occasional “asshole”, “scumbag” or “murderous maniac” as well. But fact is, he didn’t quite care to respond to any of those names. Except of Jongup-ah.
“Babygirl?” He turned around, seeing you standing a few feet in front of him. You weren’t just a regular girl - you couldn’t possibly be, as this whole scenery, but most of all you in the middle of this gorgeous mess, looked like it was from a movie set. He was the only thing that didn’t belong - an outsider that had broken into this beautiful view to ruin it. The innocence and purity your presence radiated was slightly drowned out by his sinful and recklessly brutal nature, and the fact you had tied your lives together made it seem like quite an ironic incident. The good meeting with the evil. The good being toyed around and lied to by the evil. The evil wanting to drown itself out in the good, because it wanted to free itself from suffering.
“Jongup-ah, what if I won’t remember?” You asked, your eyes displaying genuine worry while his stare stayed calm and focused. The way you toyed around with your fingers gave away how nervous you were about this, and he smiled a faint smile, taking a few steps to the front and slightly extending a hand towards you, offering you his palm.
“Hold my hand, babygirl.”
You did as told, placing your slightly smaller palm into his. Your soft touch made it hard for him to resist yanking you forwards and holding you against himself tightly, making his lips work wonders against your before doing all types of other beautiful things to you and your body. Instead, he resisted. Tonight he was the lovingly caring type who provided emotional support over physical pleasure.
“How does it feel?”
You blushed a little, turning your head to the side and staring at the ground. Were all of those immense feeling you had towards him really appropriate to say out loud to his face, or was it still too early? Did you know enough about him to talk this way?
“It feels.. Pleasant,” you mumbled, feeling his stare digging through you.
“Tell me more about it,” he quietly announced, drawing circles with his thumb on the upper side of your hand.
“It calms me down a little,” you said, feeling like you wanted to spill some of your feelings, but not all at once, “And it’s a nice reminder that I’m not alone. Makes me feel loved.”
“Do you think you felt the same way before losing your memory?” you turned your stare back at him, slowly understanding where he was leading the conversation.
“I mean.. I guess so. How else could’ve I possibly felt?” You questioned, seeing him smile a little.
“Let this be an example. You may have forgotten, but we will simply do it all once again and you will feel the same way as before, doing the same things,” he made you feel a thousand different loving feelings with simple, blunt lies, “Even if you won’t remember, I’ll bring you back to the way you were. I’ll make you feel it all once again.”
“Entrust yourself to me, babygirl,” his tone was near intoxicating, and this was when you swore you would do anything for him. He’d given up so much and had gone to such extents in order to try and bring you back onto your feet, and you simply feared you wouldn’t be able to do that. As days passed but the memories didn’t even intend to return, you thought your time with him was expiring, your numbered days coming to an end.
But there you were, on a rooftop, your bodies closely pinned together as he cooed at you, telling you all was fine, and that he would stick around no matter what. His mouth finding yours soon enough and filling you with the taste of desperation and utterly honest attraction. Taking you on a ride to how it probably used to be, but how you couldn’t recall it being. Showing you it was fine the way it was, because he would love you nonetheless. And you already loved him back to your full capacity.
Now wasn’t the time for remembering, as tears kept running down your cheeks while you stumbled along unknown streets. This was a district and a part of town you knew only vaguely, and now it finally payed off. With no clue of where you were heading, you simply went somewhere. Ran away from this tragically beautiful lie you had been living for almost a year already.
“Jongup-ah.. How could you.. I-I..” you muttered, exhausted from the running and all of the overflowing emotions. Your feet had guided you themselves for all this time, but now even they refused to cooperate. Faint voices could be heard in the distance, and you made sure to walk into a different direction, not wanting to see a single person in your way.
Collapsing against a wall, you took sharp breaths, burying your face in your hands and refusing to let out muffled screams. His face was haunting you, as your mind was unable to forget it for even a second. How sweet he had been at home today, and how brutally reckless he was when shooting later on.
How much of a pathological liar he was.
Desperation hit on levels you didn’t know it could even reach as your mind traveled back through this whole year. How when you saw him for the first time he told you that you were his. How he made it seem as if you both were working on restoring what you had once possessed, although in reality none of that had ever existed. How his hands reached for you every time you were a little too close, but how he always restrained himself, knowing that being patient was the best he could do, and giving you enough time and space, letting you wrap your arms around him first when you finally felt comfortable enough doing so. How he listened to your emotional monologues late at night, at times you felt like completely breaking down, and how he rubbed your back lightly at those moments, letting your frame tangle with his and stay like that until he had to leave home for a while again the next morning. How his hungry stare never left your body, and how when he’d finally gotten what he wanted and you laid there in front of him, fully exposed and even more vulnerable to everything and anything in this world, lightly panting and softly calling his name, he always took care of you the way only good guys did.
How the Jongup-ah you’d known all along was nothing other than a lie.
You tilted your head up, looking to the right and to the left. What could you possibly do now? Going back was out of question, but you were left completely vulnerable and alone. You hadn’t taken absolutely anything along with you, and were freezing because you didn’t even grab a coat. No phone, no wallet. Not a lot of knowledge about this neighborhood. But, most importantly, literally no one to go to and no place to stay at.
You’d asked him about your parents and relatives, and he’d always said you didn’t have a lot of relatives - in fact, most of them you either didn’t communicate with or they were far away. When it came to your parents, he told you he didn’t know them, because even after such a long time spent together you didn’t think it was necessary to introduce him to them, saying you didn’t have a good relationship with them and that you rarely ever communicated. He’d told you that you didn’t even know where they lived at this point, and now, as you were sitting devastated and broken on the cold ground, you wondered if those had been lies all along as well.
They probably were, just like everything else had been. With nowhere to go, you hid your face back in your hands, hoping an idea could strike you like lightning sometime soon. But it didn’t, and you were left waiting, making Jongup lose his mind in another part of the city meanwhile.
“Hey, Himchan hyung,” Junhong threw a wary glance at Jongup who was going insane in the nearby room that was parted with the one where the rest of B.A.P were currently located with nothing more or less than a glass door.
Himchan turned his head to Junhong, and his stare indicated he was listening carefully to what Junhong had to say, even though he already knew what was to come.
“How do we make him stop?”
“You tell me,” Himchan turned away again, reaching for the almost cold coffee that was seated on the nearby table with his right hand, “To be completely honest, I myself wouldn’t really want to go in there right now.”
“Treasuring life much, aren’t ya?” Youngjae threw out confidently, just to understand his mistake seconds later when four other men were glaring at him.
“.. hyung,” he added, knowing this didn’t change his disrespectful remark, but at least made it seem like he had understood his mistake.
“Too bad I treasure your life more than mine,” Himchan sighed, standing up from his comfortable chair and slowly making his way to the door, just to have his movements be stopped by a hand that was rather gently placed on his shoulder.
“I’ll take care of it,” Yongguk quietly said pushing Himchan back a little as he himself moved forward, opening the door and walking in, “You’re getting too soft nowadays anyways, I don’t want this to stretch on for hours.”
“As you wish,” Himchan smirked, knowing this was about to be settled down quickly and without any additional issues. He indeed was leaning more forwards to the “let a person figure their own emotions out before continuing further on or confronting them” method, while Yongguk was sticking to the old ways, using his deep voice and intimidating glare to throw anyone who came his way into fear immediately.
There was a reason for him being the former leader, and as he walked into the room, showing some type of investment into the gang’s issues for the first time in months, Himchan couldn’t help but smile. Yongguk was still the same old Yongguk, if he wanted to show it or not, and nothing could ever change him. Even immense amounts of stress and mental issues such as depression and anxieties.
“Stop screaming,” he quietly said, closing the door behind himself and taking another good look at Jongup who was slightly panting at this point already, leaning on his arms over the table and not being able to collect himself.
“Does it bother you, you hippie!?” Jongup’s eyes darted wide open as he yanked his head to the side, looking straight at Yongguk. His cheeks were tear-strained, and there was a dangerous build up of pain, fear and anger inside of him.
“This is a first time, I have to admit,” Yongguk said as calm and as ever, showing no signs of fear or anger whatsoever, “Over these years you, with your pathetic control of emotions, had called me various names, all when I was trying to fix up your mistakes, but to be called a hippie just because of being peaceful at heart-”
“Oh, shut it!” Jongup’s frame yanked up, and within seconds he was face-to-face with Yongguk.
“Or else..?” Yongguk wasn’t about to let this kid test his patience, as he slowly felt the true mean and bad guy rising from the ashed and taking over his heart and soul for up until he was done with this, “What do you intend to do, other than shut your face and learn who you can scream at and who you have to fucking bow before?”
“Should we go and help..?” Daehyun thought out loud while inspecting the situation through the glass door. Himchan’s little laugh made the heads of the other three turn, and he looked at them with solitude and slight amusement.
“If there’s one person who can handle everything on their own, it is him.”
“You sure, hyung?” Junhong questioned, earning an approving half-smile from Himchan.
“I’m more than certain. He’d saved me so much trouble in the old days, I can’t ever thank him enough for simply being the way he is.”
“Say, what are you flipping out about so much?” Yongguk had meanwhile tilted his head to the side, frustrating Jongup even more, “There wasn’t a single person to tell you this would end well. You knew this from the start, yet here you are now, pitying yourself for doing something so obviously dumb-”
“It’s not about myself..”
His voice was quiet, to the point it sounded almost faded. Yongguk’s stare didn’t display it, but even he had to admit he was surprised, as this happened only very rarely and occasionally.
“She’s out there, somewhere,” he said, letting a shaky breath escape him, “And I have absolutely no clue where she is. She doesn’t properly know anyone but me in this world, and she’s got nothing with her.”
“Jongup, I’m aware, but-”
“Don’t say anything, I got it,” he interrupted, this being the first time he was allowed to do it ever, “I’m a fool and an idiot. I act upon emotion and don’t think of consequences. I’m not even asking for help here. Not yet, at least. I just need t-to… to calm-m down enough to go and..”
“Yongguk hyung, I need to find her,” his eyes were pleading for something among the lines of allowance, and he simply stayed silent and waited.
“How does it feel, being so caught up in emotions?” Yongguk’s hand lightly landed on his shoulder, squeezing it a little, “To be honest, I think it scares you, and makes you only more frustrated, knowing you are this way even though you aren’t supposed to be. Get it together now though. We’ll help, there’s not much to do around here anymore anyways, and with our schedule I’ve kinda forgotten how it is to sleep at night instead of aimlessly running around the streets.. Just calm down and try to rationally think of how to solve this.”
Himchan’s smirk widened even more when he saw the two of them turning around and leaving the room in order to join him and the other three.
“What now?”
The question was left hanging in the air. For a gang that has already faced many seemingly inevitable and quite destructive situations on most days, something as seemingly simple as this was new, and hard to handle.
“It’s been an hour only, maybe a little more, so don’t break your heart over it just yet. Let’s start from the very beginning,” Himchan instructed, making everyone look up at him and what he had to say, “What came first and when exactly?”
Youngjae spoke first.
“Me and Daehyun had gone out a while ago. Remember I told you about the new weapons and how I wanted to get my hands on them as soon as possible? Well, I finally was able to find a dealer, and we went to give those a quick test before buying them, but on out way there we got caught up with those guys.”
“Those guys.. How about a little more specific? Who do you mean by that?”
“You know them, better than me or any of us, really. The leader’s the obnoxiously tall dude with the bad dye job and unforgettable desire to wear shades at any time of day, wherever he goes. God, I don’t remember his name, but he himself is quite unforgettable already, isn’t he?” Youngjae said casually, pausing a little when he saw Himchan’s face.
“Himchan-ah, this is not a time to laugh,” Yongguk quietly remarked, but that only made his laugh slightly increase in volume, making Junhong and Daehyun let out a chuckle as well.
“I’m sorry, everyone,” he raised a hand in apology, collecting himself within seconds, “I’ll just never get used to that fashion.”
“You won’t have to, I’m pretty sure he’s dead,” Daehyun said out of nowhere, making Himchan simply nod.
“Too bad, I had nothing against him. But apparently he’d decided to take it against us. What a shame. Anyways, tell me what happened next. I’m quite curious how you were able to deal with a gang three times bigger than ours with such ease.”
“What do you mean by three times bigger, Himchan hyung?”
Silence hung in the air for a little while, as things started falling into the right places. Finally - a guideline. Himchan wasn’t about to let it slip.
“How many did you put out?”
All stares were directed at Jongup now. He hadn’t spoken yet, simply standing next to Yongguk and observing everything, trying his best to concentrate on the many things said all around him and trying to remember all of them.
“Youngjae and Daehyun crashed my place, because they weren’t sure they could deal with those guys on their own, which is where (Y/N) ran off from as well, after seeing the shooting and seemingly recalling a scene from the past. I counted seven back there.”
“God, Dae, was it six or seven more outside the house later on?”
“Six, I believe. Including the bad-dye-job one,” Daehyun responded, correcting Youngjae’s statement and making him nod in agreement.
All stares were back on Himchan, who looked a little alarmed at this point. Jongup found the silence close to agonizing, and felt his sanity slowly slipping away as his heart was breaking into pieces, knowing nothing good could follow after a silence such as this.
“There should’ve been five more,” Himchan said cautiously, “Do you know what that means?”
Jongup had a mild idea in mind, but it escaped Himchan faster than anyone else, on top of that, being worded in such an overwhelmingly harsh way it seemed three times realer than it should’ve.
“It means we have to move our asses at an alarmingly fast rate. She’s in danger if they know about her, and there’s like a ten percent possibility this could end well.”
Ten percent. That was exactly the same percentage that Himchan had to face not too long ago, after taking two bullets to the chest instead of letting Daehyun on Junhong each take one. A ten percent percentage of survival, but he somehow still managed. So what was it that made Jongup think this wasn’t going to be the same type of happy end, even though that number was quite made up and not an actually proven fact, unlike the chances of survival upon taking a bullet to the chest?
Could there be two happy endings in such a short time span, on top of that, if one of those happy endings involved Jongup and nothing ever went right for him? Could something involving Jongup for once go right? Or was he destened by faith to hurt everyone he came in contact with?
Without a real plan in mind, the guys simply decided to split into teams of two to go around the area.
“Let the main focus be finding her, for now at least,” Himchan instructed, securing his weapon, “But don’t let your guards down. I literally can’t provide any type of information now, and maybe what we’re about to do is going to eventually turn out to be a fool’s theater, but I think you’d all agree that wary and careful is better than superficial and not thought out at all. So better put in extra efforts and end up getting nothing than let a few things slide and lose everything.”
Yongguk ended up taking Junhong along and going to take a look at the area near Jongup’s apartment complex. There were quite a few police cars and ambulances nearby already, as well as a pretty big crowd of curious people all around the crime scene. Upon seeing the sight, Yongguk sighed a little, knowing there was no way Jongup would be able to return here to live his life the same way he did just yesterday. What a shame, because that apartment was the only place he actually liked to stay at, or so he’d stated a few times, at least.
Daehyun and Youngjae, who, luckily, had been assigned a different nearby area due to the fact they were present at the shooting, and shouldn’t really show up near the crime scene just yet, were walking in silence. The usually loud and energetically bubbly duo had nothing to say to each other for a while, and, as they kicked a few rocks and branches while walking along the pavement, they felt quite guilty for initially kicking off all of this earlier today, even though Jongup seemed not to blame them.
“I mean, she would’ve found out eventually anyways, right?”
“I don’t quite know the details of how a memory loss works, so I can’t really answer that. So maybe. All I know it that there’s no way Jongup will be able to return to that apartment ever again.”
“Reminds me of why we keep all of the important personal belongings like documents and sums of money at the base rather than at home. Hey, will we eventually have to fake his death or something?”
“Ask Himchan, I don’t know. But reminds me of that time I had to play dead in order not to get “Wanted - Yoo Youngjae. 1,000,000 $ reward” plastered all over the city-”
“Aren’t you overpricing yourself a little?”
But the double combo that seemed to be the most invested into the whole situation simply had to be Jongup and Himchan.
“You’re coming with me,” Himchan had said earlier, “And I’ll keep an eye on you so you don’t do stupid stuff.” Jongup sighed, knowing he really needed someone to watch over him now. Nothing was going right, and he felt like he was on the edge of flipping this whole time.
“How are you?” Himchan’s question snapped him out of his trance as they walked around the streets, careful to pay attention to every sound and move around them, as well as wait for mastermind Youngjae to work his magic and search the area for any possible threats. Did he have some type of cameras set up all around? A unit of secret spies? Maybe extrasensory abilities? No one knew, but somehow he always managed to find out all the needed information.
“Are you now a psychiatrist as well or what?” Jongup scoffed a little, but in the depths of his heart appreciated the fact someone worried about him.
“Ah, to be honest I think I should’ve taken you to a psychiatrist back then when I picked you up. Maybe things would’ve gone different. But I was too caught up in making this work for all of us. Yongguk just started showing issues at that point, and Youngjae was still quite new at this whole thing, and had to be taught and guided. And you weren’t all that trustworthy at first, were you?”
“Not at all,” Jongup smirked a little, remembering, “And I wonder how the hell you thought keeping me around was a good idea. After all, I repaid you with nothing more or less than an attempted betrayal after these countless years you’d spent looking out for me.”
Yeah, this is exactly what he meany by the phrase “nothing goes right, at least if it’s Jongup related”. After all, he did get into this business after a gang had forcefully made their way into his home years ago, taking a hold of him and his brother and sparing no one else in his family as they only needed a few new people, and both boys were quite excellent shots, doing it as a hobby. After all, he did go against the people who broke his life to get picked up by Himchan in order to be a part of what later was known to become B.A.P, and he did try to go against them at some point not too long ago as well.
No, he never went against them. That was a whole other story, as he was more than sure he would be able to manage on his own. To save his brother, not letting the closest people in his life get in danger meanwhile.
He failed at both. And now the last thing he had left had slipped away from him as well. You.
“Say, Himchan. How have you managed to stay sane for this long?” Jongup seemingly carelessly questioned, looking away into the distance, “You’d been at this for much longer than I have, and I’ll be long underground while you’ll still be running around, giving out commands and taking shots for your people. You’ve got more scars than I thought could fit on a human body, and yet you still wake up every morning thinking it was worth getting all of those.”
“I had nothing to lose from the very start,” as Jongup’s stare landed on Himchan, he saw a sad smile on his model-like face, “And now, even though I’ve gained a few things close to my heart, I’ve just learned to cope I guess.”
They wandered in silence for a while, waiting for a sign of the world or for mastermind-Youngjae-yours-truly to hit them up, telling them to hurry in a certain direction and, as always, be there just in time to fix things up. But there was nothing.
“How much do you love her?”
He thought about it. What started off as an experiment - as something temporary that wouldn’t stick around in his life for long - turned out to become the main base and foundation for it. He’d been blindly walking on, waking up every day without a real purpose. The wish to stay alive for himself had died down long ago, and after the death of his brother, you were the only thing left for him in this whole world.
You were more than a girlfriend. More than a simple lover, as he was convinced you treated him like a king instead of simply treating him like your man. He had suddenly possessed the whole world when you kissed him for the first time, and every single moment he spent wrapped up in your arms he recalled what he had woken up for that morning.
He woke up because you were counting on him. Because you loved him the way no one else did, and he cared about you the same way he did about B.A.P, not caring about the rest of the world at all.
“With all of my fucked up heart.”
“At least what we’re doing now is worth it then-”
Himchan got cut off by a phone ringing. Youngjae.
“One’s two blocks away from you, to the left,” he quickly announced, speaking quietly, “I’ve tracked down another two. Me and Dae have taken over following those, and you could catch onto this lad with ease. I’m still trying to find something for Yongguk and Junhong to do, but-”
“Have you forgotten?” Himchan calmly and quietly asked, “We had talked this out. (Y/N) first, then the gang-”
“Nono, wait, it gets better,” he said, creating a dramatic pause. If there was one thing that was horribly off about Youngjae, it was his way of telling information. He often had to be reminded to spare the drama and simply tell everything in three sentences, instead of making it his little performance of what already sounded like a Greek tragedy at that point.
“They all seem to be heading in the same direction. Consider this - this might be (Y/N) related, and, even if it isn’t, we could simply either keep an eye on them from there on, or could make it quick and get rid of them while they’re all together, eliminating the danger and continuing to search for (Y/N) while being calm at heart.”
“Good point,” Himchan considered, agreeing just a second later and promising to stay in reach in case something happened, being already taught by his past experiences that putting his phone on silent before sneaking up to someone was a necessity.
“You know, I like learning new things from time to time, even though I haven’t been that good at anything I’ve picked up recently,” Himchan smirked as they spotted the right guy, staying behind a street corner in order to throw around some last sentences, “So say, would you mind teaching me how to sneak around, since you’re basically able to transform into a shadow when needed?”
“Just do the same as I, it’s easy,” Jongup spared the cockier responses for later, quietly emerging from the corner and making sure to be hidden in the shadows, being closely followed by Himchan.
It took them circa 10 minutes to get to the right location, and, upon seeing you, Jongup had to be held by Himchan in order to not run out in the middle of this gathering and shoot everyone, inevitably getting shot himself and dying on spot.
“Keep it together,” the leader hissed right into his ear, blocking him from punching him right in the gut for doing so, “Mind over emotions.”
Himchan simply didn’t understand, did he?
Your frame looked so broken and lifeless, yanked up to be held in a standing position by a guy who was holding you by your hair. Jongup hissed at the sight, remembering how he always buried half his face in your hair, or stroked it on late nights when you couldn’t fall asleep, holding you close and trying to cope with your intoxicating presence. Seeing it all tangled up and harshly held by that guy’s hand seemed so wrong, and he had a burning desire to shoot him first for doing this to you.
“Do I have permission to cut off his hand while he’s still taking his last breaths?” Jongup hissed through gritted teeth, just to hear “Only if you want to scare (Y/N) off even more by your murderous and monstrous nature, you freak,” in return.
“Okay, maybe not,” he said quietly, narrowing his eyes to make out everything in front of him.
“Is this her?” Himchan recognized the face of the speaker. Not taking down the second in line of command was always a risky thing to do, as the second ones always knew just as good as the real leaders. He himself used to be second too, so he should know best out of everyone.
The guy who got asked stepped up, and Jongup immediately recognized him.
“Who shot at him?” Himchan asked quietly, immediately understanding that this guy had participated in the gunfight earlier today and not taking his eyes off the bandaged bruise on his shoulder and the other one on his leg.
“Daehyun, I think.”
“Remind me to teach him how to aim properly when we’ll come back. Looks like he’s still lacking tons.”
“Yeah, that’s the bitch,” he said carelessly, his voice cracking mid-sentence, “The little dude kept calling her to come back, but she just ran away. I mean, I’d be scared of him as well - looks like he’s got nothing on his mind but murder. But she must be quite important to him in that case, as I don’t think he would just run after anybody, really.”
“Say, sweetheart, what are you exactly to him? Jongup, if I’m not mistaken,” the guy who held you by your hair lifted his hand up a little, making you groan in pain as your feet almost disconnected from the ground.
“Speak, pretty face. If you won’t, we have no reason of keeping you in a breathing state,” he said, making some tears build up in your eyes.
“I-I’m.. No one, really,” you said through tears, “It really doesn’t matter. Whatever I was, I am not anymore.”
Jongup felt his heart breaking into a thousand different pieces after that sentence, but he understood clearly. You had all the right to say that, after all he’d done to you. You had all the rights to hate him.
“Doesn’t look like he thinks this way though,” the guy made you face him, looking straight into you bloodshot, tear-strained eyes as you took a shaky breath, “I know guys like him. He’s far from being the first one, and even further from being the last. They don’t care up until a certain moment, when something catches their attention. And in case you are this “one and only thing” he treasures in this life, you could be of great use. A nice bait.”
“A fucking bait, do you hear,” Jongup’s rising anger would’ve concerned Himchan at any other given situation, but now it seemed to be quite useful, so he didn’t complain, “If she’s a bait, he’s going to be fish food when I’ll be done with him.”
“I’ve seen enough,” Himchan announced, making sure to talk quietly but close to Jongup’s ear, so he’d hear every detail, “Go out and be the knight in shining armor, it’s your time to shine. Just remember that you’re not alone in this. We’re all in position, and can be used to the full extent at any time. Jae and Dae are on the far right, could take care of those two. Bang and Junhong should be on the other side, closer to the three gathered on the left. We’re center. You’re on the front, I’m backup.”
Jongup took a look around, surprised to see his comrades gleaming out of the shadows at the exact spots Himchan said they were at. They were more than simply hard to spot, but when he noticed them and let their current positions sink into his mind, he took a deep breath. They were all in formation, waiting for him and not Himchan or anyone else this time. He had to start.
It’s about to be game over. And not for him.
“Hey, look, the bait’s been successful already,” the wounded guy called out as Jongup stepped into the scene, as quiet as ever.
Your eyes met, and he saw the rollercoaster of emotions you were going through. Not knowing if you should feel relieved or burdened by his presence. Not knowing if he’d walk out there and lie when he announced he’d save you, or if he’d say the truth.
Not knowing if you wanted to be saved by him, or saved at all, as you were so, so tired of this.
“I wouldn’t call it successful though. Looks like we only caught, like, a pathetic goldfish or something, and nothing more,” the guy who was holding you yanked your hair once again, causing you to silently gasp and almost cry out.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let him hear you. Let him know what he’d caused-”
“Call me a goldfish again and I’ll tear you apart like the fucking great white shark that I am if we’re already acting dumb and comparing ourselves to sea creatures,” his tone scared you, sending chills down your spine. He stopped a few meters in front of them, eyeing his surroundings up and down once more.
“And get your hands off of my girl if you want them to stay attached to your body.”
He indeed knew how to look flawlessly intimidating. Without being the tallest and most tough looking, he still knew how to set unease into everyone who took a look at his slightly curled lips. The way his hips gracefully swung from side to side as he walked slowly and lazily, letting a tattooed hand go through his jet blue locks of hair, making them fall back perfectly in place. The way his bloodlust could be seen from afar, and the way this couldn’t possibly unfold well. Not with him on the scene.
A gun was suddenly pointed at the nearby bushes on the right, and a second passed until Jongup finally heard it, wanting to smash the person causing the sound in the face with a rock or anything else he had by hand, really.
It was Youngjae, laughing hysterically.
“Oh God, a great white,” he basically had tears of joy rolling down his cheeks while all guns were pointed at him, all of the people who were holding them trying to understand if he was in his right mind or not, “A great white. Do you hear yourself!? It sounds so lame, I can’t.”
It took Jongup a moment to process all that was happening around him. Youngjae was nowhere near dumb, and had a good reasoning behind his hysteric laughing. There were few gangs who went straight to the dirty work of trying to get rid of one another. The first bit of the encounter was the most pleasant and satisfying one, as well as the entertaining one - the smart talk and the showing off with words. The bit where you had to irritate each other with harsh, sarcastic sentences so you had an actual reason to shoot. Jongup’s stare hadn’t left yours all this time he was there, and now, when he finally broke eye contact in order to look around a little, he noticed all of the attention being on Youngjae instead of him.
He wasn’t stupid after all. Taking all of the attention to himself in order to give Jongup a free ticket to get a hold of you.
“Hey, y-”
Shoot.
You’d just seen this a few hours ago, and weren’t prepared to see it again. You remembered this all too well - in fact, the only memories you certainly knew weren’t lies were of Jongup causing mad havoc, killing everyone and everything in his way. The wounded guy fell right on the ground, landing perfectly in front of your feet with a large, visible shot wound that, once again, just like the first time Jongup had saved you from a gang member, went all the way through his head in between his eyebrows.
You felt yourself losing it when the grip of the guy who was previously holding you in place softened, and he, soon enough, fell to the ground as well, holding onto his chest tightly. Your knees gave out the second you were left without any support, and you were ready to crash with the ground. To fall, and hopefully fall unconscious and never wake up again, because you were so, so tired.
The cold had been eating away at you for this whole time, and you couldn’t quite feel half your body anymore. Plus, all of these emotions you were suddenly going through, and the shock of realizing you’ve been living in lies for this whole time. It all had taken it’s toll on you, and you were left suffering as much as ever, not caring about anything, but most of all - yourself.
“Babygirl, hold on.”
His arms wrapped around you before your frame could hit the ground, and he pinned you tightly to his chest, dragging you off into hideout as fast as he could. In your dazed state, you could only look over his shoulder and try to understand what was happening out there.
You wondered how you’d never noticed before. It wasn’t just him and Youngjae - the whole of B.A.P was here. Al of them fighting so you could come out of this alive.
“Jongup-ah.. I-I’m not you b-babygirl..” you managed to get over your lips as he got you in a safe zone, holding your shivering frame to his surprisingly warm one and being careful to shoot at everything and everyone that came his way. Your words struck through him like lightning, but he understood completely. And the thing he understood even more than this was the fact there was no time now to think about his feeling and how you hurt them. The main focus had to be saving you.
