THE SELFISHNESS OF OUR HEARTS - A YEAR IN THE LIFE | CHAPTER 9 - ESCAPE.
This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part 7] Genre : Romance, angst and heartbreak.
Word Count : 10 000 words ~
Jonghyun knew there wasn’t much he could do at this point. Despite having spent the remaining hours he had left to study for his exam, the actual test hadn’t gone as well as it should have. And he was the only one to blame for that.
Once again, he hadn’t been able to set his limit. He had let himself drown in everything that was Jinki because that’s honestly all he had wanted to care about in that moment. But now that he was back to the surface, he didn’t know what to do.
He had meant everything he had said about wanting them to be together, but he also couldn’t forget this side of Jinki he had seen again the previous night. He was ready to get past it, but it also made him feel a little scared. He was starting to realize there was much about Jinki he probably didn’t know. Things from his past that had made him the way he was today.
Jonghyun knew these were all things they needed to talk about, but he knew how fragile their peace was right now and he didn’t want to risk any shattering that would leave them even more broken. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wish that their story had been written differently.
He had spent the remainder of his day in a cubicle trying to work on an essay that was due in a week, but from feeling like a failure because of his previous exam and from the whole distraction that his relationship had become, he hadn’t been able to do much.
Realizing staring at his screen any longer wouldn’t get him any further, he picked up his phone and slid his chair away from the table. A frown creased his brow as his eyes caught the notifications at the forefront of his screen. It wasn’t long before he was reading the two text messages he had missed since he had last looked at his phone 40 minutes ago.
[Jinki]
Hey, baby… When are you coming back?
Jonghyun stared at the message for a while, chewing on his bottom lip, before moving on to the next.
[Jaehyeon]
Hey ~ I haven’t seen you around today… Wanna get a drink or something?
Jonghyun stared again, feeling uneasy, before letting out a long sigh.
It was never a pleasant thing for him to ignore people, but he didn’t feel like seeing either of them right now. It wouldn’t make anything better, but for now, it felt like the best thing to do.
He clearly didn’t want to keep hiding away and pretending like he was actually doing something. Plus, his stomach was starting to feel hollow; after all, he only had had coffee and a pastry in the morning. He knew he needed to eat before his body actually gave up on him, but he also didn’t want to be alone.
He looked at his phone again as the answer to his predicament became very clear in his mind. He knew things might not go the way he wanted them to, but now was as good of a time to try. It wasn’t long before the phone was glued to his ear, his growing feeling of apprehension making his heart race and his mouth dry.
‘’ Well, well, well… look who is calling. ‘’
Jonghyun’s shoulders sank as his chest tightened, half-relieved and half-scared now that he actually had him on the line.
‘’ Hey… ‘’
A brief silence followed, one that he didn’t know how to fill.
‘’ Is there something wrong? ‘’ the other asked as he picked up on the unease Jonghyun so easily failed to hide.
‘’ Um… no…. I… ‘’ Jonghyun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘’ What are you doing right now? ‘’
‘’ Was just about to fix myself dinner… why? ‘’
‘’ Would you like to go eat something with me instead? ‘’ he immediately offered as if he’d never get the chance to again.
‘’ Do you finally miss me, Jjong? ‘’
The latter could sense the teasing edge to his friend’s tone which made him feel more at ease.
‘’ I did miss you… a lot… ‘’ he said as guilt coursed through him. ‘’ There’s just been-
‘’ It’s fine, Jjong. I know, ‘’ the other cut in. ‘’ We’re adults and life’s demands get in the way. ‘’
‘’ Yeah… ‘’
‘’ So where do you want to go? ‘’
‘’ Um… How about that cozy restaurant not far from yours? ‘’
‘’ Hamkke? ‘’
‘’ Yeah. ‘’
‘’ Yeah, sure. When can you be there? ‘’
Jonghyun looked at the time on his laptop’s screen. ‘’ In about thirty minutes. ‘’
‘’ Okay, cool. I’ll probably arrive a little before to get us a table. ‘’
Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile. ‘’ Cool. See you soon. ‘’
‘’ Yeah, see ya. ‘’
He waited for the latter to hang up before doing the same. It was a few minutes before he was out of the cubicle and the library and making his way to his locker which was situated a few floors down and at the opposite end of the school.
As he walked through the hallways again, a wince gripped his features as the stiffness that had settled in his limbs during the past few hours called for attention. A few shoulder rolls helped get rid of some of the discomfort, but it wasn’t enough. The thought of a good relaxing massage instinctively crossed his mind as he made it closer to his locker.
Imagining a strong hand kneading the knots in his tense back didn't make him any more ready for the feel of an actual hand on his back. The sensation had him almost jumping out of his shoes and letting out a shriek that he would have never forgiven himself for letting out.
‘’ Calm down. It's just me, ‘’ Jaehyeon said, laughing.
The tall young man soon stepped into his line of vision as if further proof was needed, but all that did was give the smaller one the opportunity to glare at him.
‘’ Don't come up behind me like that, ‘’ Jonghyun reproved as a deep crease furrowed his brow.
The other's lips curled into a pout. ‘’ Where would the fun be then? ‘’
That obvious attempt at winning him over didn't make Jonghyun waver one bit. ‘’ I think we have very different definitions of fun, ‘’ he dryly remarked.
‘’ That's why we work so well together, ‘’ Jaehyeon immediately threw back, lips stretching into a smug smile. ‘’ It's called complementarity. ‘’
Jonghyun rolled his eyes at that.
‘’ Talking about fun… ‘’ Jaehyeon continued. ‘’ Did you get my message? ‘’
Jonghyun’s eyes flicked downwards at that question, his body tensing up again with unease.
‘’ Um, no… ‘’ he started, arms coming up to cross over his chest like a shield. ‘’ I was trying to write that essay for the Media and Politics class all day, so I turned off my phone… ‘’
He looked up again as if to verify that his lie was credible enough, doing his best to ignore the lump that guilt had formed in his throat.
What he got in response was a wide-eyed stare and a hissed curse.
‘’ I completely forgot about that essay, ‘’ Jaehyeon uttered in a panicked voice.
Jonghyun reveled in his relief only for a second before reassuring the other. ‘’ It’s due in a week, don’t worry. ‘’
‘’ Still, ‘’ Jaehyeon exclaimed, not at all calmed. ‘’ That’s a big one and Mr. Park is very strict and I’ve already had a so-so mark in the previous essay and this class is one of the most important ones and how could I even forget about this I’m so stupid I-
‘’ Jaehyeon, ‘’ Jonghyun brusquely interjected as the other’s distress started to overwhelm him.
The taller one’s mouth closed instantly and his eyes locked with his, showing he was fully attentive again.
‘’ What’s going on? ‘’ Jonghyun asked with a look of concern.
‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ Jaehyeon returned all too seriously.
‘’ I’ve never seen you panic… ‘’
Their eye contact made him immediately see the flash of discomfort in his friend’s eyes.
‘’ Ah yeah… ‘’ An awkward laugh left the latter’s lips. ‘’ I guess it’s just accumulated stress… ‘’
Jonghyun felt even more worried as their last encounter consequently flashed through his mind.
‘’ Did something happen? ‘’
‘’ No, no… don’t worry, ‘’ Jaehyeon answered with a smile that shone bright.
‘’ Are you heading out? ‘’ he then asked as he gave a look to the bag that was resting on the other’s hip.
‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun answered, eyes darting to said bag. ‘’ I’m having dinner with a friend actually, ‘’ he then revealed to avoid any more discomfort on his part.
The taller one’s lips curled into an exaggerated pout. ‘’ And I thought I was your only friend… ‘’
‘’ Sorry to disappoint, ‘’ Jonghyun replied with a lopsided smile. ‘’ Despite what you might think, I can socialize sometimes, ‘’ he bantered as his smile widened slightly.
‘’ Apparently, ‘’ Jaehyeon huffed, crossing his arms. ‘’ It seems like I really don’t know much about you, huh? ‘’
‘’ There isn’t much to know, really, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured as he gave him a few light pats on the shoulder. ‘’ Plus, you do know a lot already. ‘’
‘’ If you say so, ‘’ Jaehyeon dismissed with a slight eye roll before resuming his first train of thought.
‘’ I wanted to hang out, but since you obviously got better things to do, ‘’ he emphasized, ‘’ I guess I’ll catch you here tomorrow? ‘’
Jonghyun shook his head, chuckling lightly at his friend’s reaction. ‘’ Of course, ‘’ he then answered with a wide smile.
Jaehyeon mirrored it instantly. ‘’ Okay then. See ya, Jjong! ‘’
‘’ Bye, Jae, ‘’ Jonghyun returned before the other moved past him. His gaze followed him down the hallway until his silhouette wasn’t in his line of vision anymore.
A soft smile kept dancing on his lips as he started moving again, grateful that he hadn’t lost a friend. It was a few minutes until he was facing his locker and retrieving his outdoor clothing and boots from it before locking it again. Once he was fully clothed, he finally made his way out of the place that took most hours of his days.
Unlike most people he knew, Jonghyun hadn’t had a linear academic journey. Getting a piece of paper that would allow him to get a stable and a valuable job by society’s standards hadn’t been at the forefront of his mind for a long time. Instead, Jonghyun had found himself trying to survive all these years. He had tried to find what really mattered to him. And it was only now in his late twenties, that he had a better idea of what it was. That lit a fire in him to give it his best.
Along the way, his sense of motivation hadn’t always been weakness-proof, but one thing he knew was that he didn’t want to give up. A few months from now, he would be graduating and then a whole new world of opportunities would open itself up to him. It was a stressful thing to think about, but it also felt incredibly freeing.
Nothing had come easy to him so he wanted to cherish every little blessing that life had bestowed upon him. Right now, as he waited at the bus stop that stood only a few minutes away from the campus, he couldn’t help but thank the universe for the one who had seen him through his biggest challenges in life. He never felt like he had been able to give back as much as he had received and that weighed on him heavily, even more so now.
All he could do to alleviate that feeling a little was to close his eyes and let the cool air surrounding him wash over his tired features, simultaneously inviting some of it inside him with a deep breath. He remained in that meditative state for a few more minutes before the familiar rumble of the bus’s engine was picked up by his ears.
He got in, addressed the driver a courtesy smile, tapped his smart card on the sensor before him and walked fast to the back to settle into one of the only vacant seats left. The bus was pretty full, making him feel tense as his arms brushed against the two people that were on either side of him. Usually at this hour, he was still on campus either studying, working on an assignment, attending a class or preparing for his radio show. Meaning, he was not used to what the outside world looked like anymore at this time of day.
It was definitely too busy for his comfort. He liked to have space, lots of space, and being squeezed together with strangers like sardines in a can wasn’t doing it for him. The predicament he was forced to endure made for quite the stressful ride. The fifteen minutes it took to bring him to his friend’s neighborhood felt that much longer.
A loud sigh of relief left his mouth as he finally stepped out of the bus and into the fresh air again. The retrieved freedom his body and mind found as he started walking forward made him smile. Soon enough, he would be forgetting about all of life’s discomforts as he’d be enjoying a warm meal in great company.
Another ten minutes brought him to destination. He stopped a few steps shy from the front door, suddenly feeling a dull pinching pain in his abdomen as the realness of the present moment dawned on him. He was nervous.
It had been a while since they had last sat down together and during that time a lot had happened. For all his friend knew, everything was fine in his life. And even though a lot of it still was, what wasn’t couldn’t be denied. But that didn’t mean he had to lay it out on his friend. For once, he could show he didn’t need saving.
With that point settled in his mind, he finally closed in the distance between him and the door and went in. A whiff of savory scents wafted towards him, hitting his nostrils instantly and making his stomach protest with a soft grumble. He pushed back those sensations to focus on his surroundings. His eyes darted across the dimly lit public area filled with occupied wooden tables, his ears inadvertently picking up on the buzzing chatter animating the space. Before he could feel overwhelmed, he spotted the familiar face he had been picturing in his mind for the last hour.
Said face became illuminated with a bright smile which settled any lingering worry Jonghyun had. Mirroring it, he promptly made his way towards the back of the restaurant, happiness and excitement actively pumping through him.
‘’ For a moment there, I was scared that you wouldn’t remember my face, ‘’ Minho teased once he reached their table.
‘’ How could I forget your ugly face? ‘’ Jonghyun fired back, sporting a self-satisfied smile as the other’s mouth dropped open.
‘’ Is that a way to greet your best friend? ‘’ the other huffed, eyes wide with indignation.
‘’ Yes, it is, ‘’ Jonghyun maintained to further annoy his friend. He then went about taking off his coat and scarf before draping them over the back of his chair.
When his gaze caught his friend’s again, he couldn’t help but chuckle. He sat down, levelling his line of sight with the other’s, taking in the frown that hovered over his wider brown eyes.
‘’ Take it back, ‘’ Minho ordered.
‘’ Take what back? ‘’ Jonghyun feigned, amusement still dancing across his face.
‘’ I’m not ugly. ‘’
‘’ Either way, it doesn’t change anything, ‘’ the brunette kept on, moving his gaze towards the menu.
‘’ Should we order drinks first? ‘’ he asked matter-of-factly despite being glared at.
‘’ I’m not ordering anything with you until you take it back, ‘’ the younger one persisted, crossing his arms over his chest for added resolve.
Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. ‘’ Seriously? ‘’
‘’ Yeah. ‘’
‘’ You know I’m joking. ‘’
‘’ So it should be easy for you to take it back then. ‘’
It was Jonghyun’s turn to frown. He apparently had forgotten about his friend’s annoying bouts of stubbornness.
‘’ Fine. I take it back, ‘’ he capitulated with a sigh. ‘’ You seem to have forgotten the many times I’ve praised your looks over the span of our friendship. ‘’
Upon hearing those words, the shift in the other’s demeanour was immediate. Unfolding his arms as a smile crept up his face, he said, ‘’ No, I haven’t forgotten. ‘’
Jonghyun shot him a death stare. ‘’ You’re a pain in the ass, you know that? ‘’
‘’ If I’m not mistaken, you do enjoy a good pain in the ass, don’t you? ‘’
The jibe left the brunette speechless, leaving him no other option but to flip him off. The action prompted a loud cackle out of the taller one which only contributed to his growing frustration.
‘’ Can we order some drinks before I decide to bite your head off? ‘’
‘’ Fine, fine, ‘’ Minho agreed, his voice shaking with lingering laughter.
Their first orders were soon picked up by the waitress that stopped by their table before they went on to look at the meal options that were listed on the menu.
Jonghyun hadn’t felt this hungry in a long time which made his ability to eliminate options very hard. He kept going over the pages until he saw his friend casting his menu aside.
‘’ You’ve chosen? ‘’ he inquired.
‘’ Yes. I don’t know why I was looking to be honest, I always go for their Japchae. ‘’
‘’ I think I’ll just have the same, ‘’ Jonghyun settled as he closed his own. ‘’ I’ll die if I don’t eat soon. ‘’
‘’ Don’t tell me you’ve been forgetting to eat again, ‘’ Minho voiced with concern and a tinge of discontentment.
The brunette shook his head. ‘’ It doesn’t really happen anymore. ‘’
Before his friend could lecture him again on the importance of fuelling his body properly, the waitress came back with their drinks, a glass of rum for him and a bottle of soju for the other. The latter communicated their second order which gave him the opportunity to dip his lips into the golden-brown liquid that softly swayed inside the glass that he had just picked up from the table. The strong, velvety taste laced with sweetness made him sigh of contentment.
Once the waitress left again, Minho looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher.
‘’ Is everything alright, Jjong? ‘’
The question caught him off guard and for a few seconds, he could only stare back at him blankly.
‘’ Yeah, sure… ‘’ He slowly started. ‘’ Why? ‘’
‘’ I don’t know… You look tired… ‘’
‘’ Oh… well, I’ve been pretty busy with school and all, ‘’ Jonghyun answered as nonchalantly as he could.
‘’ Oh right, ‘’ Minho acknowledged. ‘’ But you’re graduating soon, right? ‘’
‘’ Yeah, in a few months. ‘’ Jonghyun looked into his glass again. ‘’ I guess I’m finally going to do something with my life, ‘’ he half-joked, half-pondered.
‘’ Jjong, please. Everything you’ve done before is what brought you to this point. None of it was a waste of time or worthless, ‘’ Minho intently replied.
Jonghyun lifted his head to look into his eyes again. ‘’ You always know what to say, don’t you? ‘’ he pointed out with a soft smile.
‘’ That’s right. I’m beauty and brains, ‘’ the younger one boasted before picking up his bottle and pouring some of the soju into his glass.
‘’ I’m going to act like you didn’t just say that, ‘’ Jonghyun informed before taking another sip of his drink.
Minho did the same before retaliating. ‘’ The truth is always hard to accept, I can’t blame you. ‘’
The brunette rolled his eyes. ‘’ Instead of acting like an idiot why don’t you tell me how work is going. ‘’
The younger one’s face lit up at that. ‘’ Oh, it’s great. The kids are really amazing this year. Some of them have great skills and even those who struggle work really hard to get better, ‘’ he enthusiastically shared, which made Jonghyun smile.
‘’ There is this one kid in particular, ‘’ Minho went on. ‘’ My colleagues keep saying he looks just like me and I don’t know if that’s true, but I do have a soft spot for him. He is kind of clumsy, but he always wants to make me proud. ‘’
‘’ I thought teachers couldn’t play favorites? ‘’ Jonghyun teased.
‘’ It’s not like I’m giving him special treatment or anything, ‘’ Minho argued. ‘’ It’s just that… I don’t know… ‘’
The rest of his thought stayed within him as he drank some more.
Jonghyun watched him, figuring it out for himself.
‘’ I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I always thought you’d make a great dad. ‘’
He didn’t miss the look of surprise that flashed across his friend’s face before his eyes turned soft.
‘’ Thank you, Jjong, ‘’ Minho finally said. ‘’ It means a lot. ‘’
Jonghyun smiled. ‘’ It’s only the truth. ‘’
‘’ What about you? ‘’ Minho threw back as his index absentmindedly played with the tag on his bottle.
The other’s brow cocked. ‘’ What about me? ‘’ he echoed, confused.
‘’ Don’t you want kids? ‘’ the tall brunette inquired with curiosity.
Jonghyun was grateful that he hadn’t decided to take a sip at that moment, because he surely would’ve spat it all out.
‘’ Are you crazy? ‘’ he exclaimed as his eyes doubled in size.
‘’ No. I’m being very serious right now, ‘’ Minho maintained, unbothered.
‘’ You’re definitely crazy then, ‘’ Jonghyun decided. ‘’ You should know that I can’t have kids, ‘’ he went on.
‘’ If you’re saying that because you’re gay-
‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun cut in. ‘’ I know there are options, but I just don’t think I’m built to take care of another human being. ‘’
‘’ Who is? ‘’ Minho instantly shot back. ‘’ You just take a leap and learn along the way. ‘’
‘’ If I take that leap, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up breaking my neck, ‘’ Jonghyun deadpanned.
‘’ Alright, ‘’ the younger one forfeited as he threw his hands up in defeat. ‘’ Let’s just wait and see what happens in a few years. ‘’ He followed up his words with a confident smile and then drank some more.
Jonghyun glared at him before following suit. There were a few seconds of silence during which his mind toyed with the prospect, creating for him a whole new world of possibilities he hadn’t really considered before.
‘’ I got you thinking, huh? ‘’ Minho teased as he crossed his arms over the table.
‘’ Not really, ‘’ Jonghyun lied. ‘’ All I’m really thinking about now is when I’ll have the honor of becoming a godfather, ‘’ he continued with a renewed energy for the subject that was his best friend’s personal life.
‘’ Godfather? ‘’ Minho repeated, confused. ‘’ To what child? ‘’
Jonghyun gave him a sharp flick on the arm, relishing briefly his exclamation of pain. ‘’ To your monster child. ‘’
‘’ No child of mine will be a monster. They’ll be the most perfect little thing on the entire planet, ‘’ the other settled with confidence.
The brunette rolled his eyes. ‘’ Whatever you say. ‘’
‘’ Yes, whatever I say, ‘’ Minho echoed with conviction.
‘’ Unless you want me to find other potential candidates for the godfather position… ‘’ he added with an edge of provocation to his tone.
Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ I’m not worried about that. ‘’
Before the other could retaliate, the waitress came back with two hot bowls, which she rapidly placed in front of each of them before going back to her business.
Words took a backseat as they looked at the delicious-looking meal before them. Jonghyun was the first to make good use of his chopsticks and stuff his mouth with the mix of glass noodles, beef and veggies bathed in sweet savory sauce. He couldn’t help his moan of appreciation as he chewed through it, all the flavors crashing over his taste buds before making their trip downwards. As soon as his mouth was empty again, he stuffed it right up, not minding any of the good manners he knew he should have at table.
‘’ Jeez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that hungry, ‘’ Minho remarked as he watched him with interest and disbelief.
‘’ Well I am, ‘’ Jonghyun managed to utter through a mouthful, his cheeks protruding like a squirrel with a full mouth of chestnuts.
The sight had the other shaking his head laughing before he proceeded to get to the contents of his own bowl.
It was a few minutes before Jonghyun allowed himself a breather, sinking back in his chair a bit to distance himself from the food. His glass was soon in his hand to fill himself up more with some liquid.
Once that need was met too, thoughts resurfaced in his mind, leading him to a question he had yet to have answered.
‘’ We’ve been talking about kids and all, but we haven’t talked about what comes before that, ‘’ he suddenly pointed out.
That was enough to get his friend’s attention off his own food and back on him.
‘’ You want to talk about sex, Jjong? ‘’ Minho asked with an amused smile as he slapped his chopsticks together.
The older one gave him an exasperated look. ‘’ No, ‘’ he immediately refuted.
‘’ So what then? ‘’
‘’ You know what I’m talking about, ‘’ Jonghyun answered. ‘’ It’s been forever since you’ve talked about a girl. ‘’
‘’ I’m not going to talk about every girl I hook up with, ‘’ Minho replied on the spot.
‘’ And that’s not what I’m talking about either, ‘’ Jonghyun countered. ‘’ I’m talking about someone you really like. ‘’
To his surprise, Minho didn’t have a ready-to-deliver answer to give him. Instead, he looked down at his bowl again and moved the rest of his food around with his chopsticks.
‘’ Minho? ‘’ Jonghyun voiced after a few more seconds of silence.
The silence dragged on a bit more, enough for panic to start rising inside him. It had his stomach in a tight knot by the time he finally got an answer.
‘’ Not everyone can be like you, Jjong. ‘’
That had him frowning in confusion. ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’
‘’ I mean, ‘’ Minho echoed before looking up, ‘’ That love doesn’t come easy to me. ‘’
That left him without words.
‘’ I don’t mean that in a bad way, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho clarified. ‘’ On the contrary, I admire how passionate you can be about someone. ‘’
That awakened him.
‘’ I don’t know if that’s always a good thing, ‘’ he pondered. ‘’ I’m not a good example of how to make a relationship last. ‘’
‘’ Well, you’re far better at it than me, that’s for sure, ‘’ Minho observed as he picked up his glass again.
Jonghyun watched him down the rest of it before continuing. ‘’ I have a feeling that when you find the right person, then you’ll be set for life. ‘’
‘’ I hope so… ‘’ the younger one sighed.
‘’ You will, ‘’ he reiterated as he placed a comforting hand over his.
‘’ What’s this about you being my cheerleader tonight? ‘’ Minho asked with a laugh.
‘’ Isn’t that what a friend is for? ‘’ Jonghyun followed up naturally.
‘’ Hmm, I wouldn’t know. ‘’
The death glare that granted him sent him reeling with laughter, annoying the other one even more.
Jonghyun eased his irritation with more food and more rum before the conversation was brought to more shallow subjects. He allowed his friend to expand on some soccer games he had recently watched before he had that backfire on him when the other decided to remind him of that one time he had tripped over the ball in front of the whole class back in ninth grade. Fortunately for him, he had an equally embarrassing memory of his best friend. He only had to mention their history teacher, Mrs. Hwang, to see all color disappear from the latter’s face.
He went back to eating again, chuckling to himself as he glanced at Minho’s disgruntled expression. It wasn’t long before he finally emptied his bowl and his glass, then basking in the great appreciation of his feeling of satiety.
Minho was also done soon after, sighing in contentment.
‘’ Do you want to get another drink or do you have to head back? ‘’
Jonghyun took a second to think. ‘’ How about we have another drink at yours? ‘’
Minho’s face split into a grin. ‘’ Yeah, sure! ‘’
Jonghyun mirrored it as the prospect ignited excitement within him.
‘’ Okay well, let’s pay and get out of here! ‘’
________________________________________________________________________________________________
When Jonghyun came to the next morning, he realized he had no clue when he had actually fallen asleep. The rays of sunlight peeking through the window blinds and striping the sheets covering him made him feel utterly confused and a little groggy. He closed his eyes again to offset the effects of his sudden awakening and used his arm as a shield to completely block out the light. It was only a few seconds before he found himself dipping back into the depths of his sleeping pool, leaving behind any parcel of reality.
He was left to float in it for another thirty minutes before a sudden noise made him jump out. His eyes soon found the eyes of his best friend which had him frowning in confusion again.
The other chuckled softly. ‘’ I didn’t want to wake you up so suddenly, but I have to leave so I just wanted to let you know that I left you some coffee and breakfast on the counter. ‘’
‘’ Oh… ‘’ Jonghyun let out, voice rough from sleep.
‘’ You don’t have to get up right now if you don’t want to, ‘’ Minho reassured with a smile. ‘’ Anyways, I have to go. See you soon, Jjong. ‘’
Jonghyun wasn’t given any time to reciprocate as the tall brunette immediately pulled the door close, leaving him alone again.
It wasn’t long before bits and pieces of the previous night came flashing through his mind. It had been a very fun night, one like he hadn’t had in a long while, but the thought that stuck out in the end was that he hadn’t spent the night home.
That single thought had his whole body tense up. He hadn’t had at any point during the evening or the beginning of the night the presence of mind to notify Jinki of his whereabouts, which was unlike him. He knew that would surely not make for a pleasant conversation when they would talk. And one thing Jonghyun didn’t want was to put more strain on their relationship.
Even if he had wanted to get in more sleep, the wave of anxiety that had just surged through him surely wouldn’t let him do so. The only option left was to get out of bed. That simple task wasn’t an easy one, but after a few minutes of struggling with himself to get a move on, he finally managed to stand on his two feet. His arms stretched high above his head to get the kinks out of his back and shoulders as he looked outside the window to make sure the world outside was still the same.
It sure did look like it was, but that wasn’t at all indicative of whatever new struggle the new day had brought with it. His own was proof of that. He carried the heavy feeling in his chest with him and into his friend’s bathroom, cleaning himself up a bit before heading to the kitchen to fuel himself up for the day.
He didn’t feel hungry at that exact moment, but looking at what Minho had left him made him smile. His best friend had actually gone through the trouble of cooking up a veggie-filled omelette with some rice and had left some fresh kimchi in a side dish bowl. There was even hot coffee sitting in the pot of the coffee machine a few inches ahead which had him smiling even wider.
Thank you, Minho.
Hungry or not, he was going to honor this caring gesture. At least, he was certain this relationship wasn’t in jeopardy.
He first opened one of the cupboards and picked out a cup to pour the coffee in. A second later, his cup was full to the brim, the dark liquid dancing against the white interior of the mug as he moved with it to sit in the dining room adjacent to where he was. The strong whiff he inhaled comforted him just enough to elicit a sight of content.
Then, he drank, the first sip dancing on his tongue like a wave of salvation, appeasing his tired body and mind which urged him to keep drinking. The emptier the mug got, the fuller his power source felt. Soon, he was back on his feet and rushing back to the food that had been left for him. The sight awakened his hunger and without wasting anymore time, he dived into the food, wolfing it down as if he hadn’t eaten in days. His eagerness worked faster than his stomach and before he could really feel full, everything was gone. A frown grew on his face as he stared at the empty plates in frustration.
He had the thought of going through his friend’s fridge to find himself more food, but a sliver of reason pulled him back from doing it. He knew Minho wouldn’t mind him eating his food, but he realized that the dissatisfaction wasn’t one of the body, but more so one of the mind. So instead, he settled for drinking one more cup of coffee before having to face his schedule for the day.
Half-way through it, his mind finally made space for him to think about school. It was a moment before he could figure out what classes he had for the day. And when he did, his eyes went straight to the clock that stood at the top of the kitchen’s cupboards.
8:15
Shit.
Between his frustration and panic, he lost a few more minutes kicking himself mentally for lacking foresight the night before. That sense of doom and despair that was never too far came back in full blast, hitting him hard in the chest. He held on to the edge of the counter for support as he felt his head swim with a million thoughts, his knuckles turning white from the pressure.
It’s just the Persuasive Communication class. I’m doing good in it. It’ll be fine.
Those self-reassuring thoughts helped him work through his distress just enough to get himself back into motion. He walked back to the room he had woken in and immediately searched through his pants to pull out his phone. The screen was black which reminded him that he had purposely turned it off not long after they had arrived here. He looked at it intently, battling with the thoughts of turning it on now or waiting later.
The first thought won. A few seconds later, he was faced with all the notifications that had stayed dormant throughout the night. As expected, all of them were from Jinki. He didn’t have to count them to know there had been numerous attempts on the other’s part to reach him. He looked at the text messages first and felt his stomach clench at the worry and despair he could feel through his written words. It was enough for him to not want to hear the voicemails.
With a rising feeling of dread, he pressed on the call icon and brought the phone to his ear. His chest rose higher and higher with every passing ring until the loop was suddenly cut short.
‘’ Jjong. ‘’
To Jonghyun’s surprise, the voice at the other end didn’t sound angry.
Despite that, he failed to find confidence in his own, only letting out an uneasy and shy Hi.
‘’ Where were you? ‘’ the other immediately inquired, worry edging his tone.
‘’ I stayed at Minho’s… ‘’ Jonghyun replied, still guarded.
He was answered with a sigh of relief which made him a little more relieved himself.
‘’ I’m glad you’re okay. I just couldn’t stop thinking that maybe something had happened… ‘’ Jinki shared, his voice thinning out on the last words.
That was enough to get rid of his relief.
‘’ I’m sorry I didn’t call or text… My phone was turned off and we drank and…
‘’ It’s alright, Jjong, ‘’ Jinki cut in. ‘’ I’m just glad you’re okay. ‘’
‘’ Yeah, I’m fine, ‘’ Jonghyun reiterated not without being confused by the fact that the anger he had been expecting from this conversation wasn’t anywhere to be found.
‘’ When are you coming back home? ‘’ Jinki asked which pulled him out of his bemusement.
‘’ I have to head back to school so… I don’t know… later… ‘’
There was a pause after which made his uneasiness stand out loud and clear between them.
‘’ Okay… Well, I’ll be waiting. ‘’
‘’ Okay… ‘’
Another pause.
‘’ I have to go now, ‘’ Jonghyun said as his level of disquiet became intolerable.
‘’ Okay, see you later, ‘’ Jinki answered. ‘’ I love you. ‘’
‘’ I love you too, ‘’ he echoed rapidly before hanging up.
A long exhale left him right after as if he had been holding his breath, his upper body collapsing over his legs like a balloon that had just been deflated.
Eyes closed, he tried to get some life back into him with a few deep breaths, slowly straightening up as he did.
Before he could level up to a standing position, his phone buzzed, immediately eliciting a twinge of anxiety in his core.
Relief quickly washed over it when he glanced at the ID.
[Where are you?] The message read.
Then another one came in.
[I swear Mr. Lim is trying to kill us. Fml.]
That made him snort with laughter as he visualized his friend slouching back in his chair in despair.
His fingers immediately started dancing across his keyboard.
[I overslept. I'll be there before the second half starts.]
He only had to wait a few seconds to be served with another piece of his friend's mind.
[Damn, Jjong. If I didn't know any better I'd think you didn't care about school anymore. :p]
[Think again.]
He threw his phone on the bed to avoid being pulled in further into a pointless argument that would make him even more late.
A quick shower later, he was ready to head out, fully clothed in his outfit of the previous day except for fresh briefs he had dared steal in his best friend's drawer. As he grabbed his bag to head towards the entrance, a subtle whiff of alcohol tickled his nose making his face twist into a grimace. His mind went to his locker where he hoped he still had a spare clean shirt to change into. Then, finally, his body went to the entrance where he suited up for the cold weather.
Turning the front door's knob, he made a mental note to himself to call Minho later to thank him for the mental break and the breakfast. He then walked out into the chilly morning before shutting the door close with the key he had been gifted with a few months back.
The route back was much more peaceful than what he had experienced the afternoon before which made it feel like he was back to school in no time. Once inside, he was surprised by the calm and peace he rarely experienced in the hallways. He was almost tempted to enjoy more of it instead of heading to class, but he knew his future self would curse himself for it.
He headed straight to his locker, shed his outdoor layers and stored them inside before looking in the top shelf for, hopefully, a clean shirt. His hands fumbled through the mess he had left in there for close to a minute before he had to accept that there was no piece of fabric there.
With a resigned but frustrated mind, he finally made it to the classroom he should've been in an hour and a half ago. To his relief, the door was open when he arrived indicating it was indeed break time. Few students remained and he passed them to reach his usual spot at the back. He was happy it had been left empty. He dropped his supplies on the table before glancing at the spot beside him, smiling as he recognized the lousy handwriting of his friend in the notebook he had left open.
He then plopped down on his chair and organized his stuff, bracing himself for his return to reality. Soon enough, the class started getting full again and a familiar silhouette crossed his line of sight. He watched his friend approach with a huge grin which made him cock an eyebrow.
'' Who's the greatest guy in the world? '' Jaehyeon boasted as he set a cup of coffee in front of him.
Rolling his eyes, he answered, '' You won't get the answer you're looking for but, thank you, '' he ended sincerely, keeping himself from saying he already had had his fill of coffee for the morning.
He then glanced at his friend's empty hands. '' What about you? ''
'' I've been caffeinating since I'm up, '' Jaehyeon informed as he sat down. '' My blood is probably black now. ''
'' Probably like cream if you ask me, '' Jonghyun replied with a snort which had the other frowning.
'' You're lucky I resisted putting anything in yours, '' the latter indicated. '' I really don't know how you do it, '' he added with a disgusted pout.
'' Adding anything in it just alters the flavor. If I'm drinking coffee I want to taste the coffee. ''
Feeling his friend's eyes burning a hole into the side of his face, he turned slightly to meet his eyes.
The seriousness on his friend's face had him on the verge of laughter.
'' Let's just agree to disagree, '' Jaehyeon settled as he crossed his arms.
'' Like always, '' Jonghyun pointed out with a small laugh.
Their attention was suddenly brought to the front of the class as they heard their names.
'' Would you mind if I interrupted your seemingly important conversation to go on with my trivial teachings? '' Their teacher voiced in a tone dripping with contempt as the whole class turned towards them.
'' Sorry, Mr. Lim, '' Jaehyeon immediately uttered in a quiet voice as Jonghyun retreated behind his surge of embarrassment.
The older man gave them another disapproving look before going on with the class.
Jonghyun opened his notebook, grabbed his pen and fixed his eyes on their teacher to give all his attention to the remainder of the class, but he was soon interrupted by a touch on his arm.
He looked down at the page the other had slid close to him.
His dick is probably so dried up that it’s about to fall off.
Jonghyun bit on his lip to prevent any sound from coming out of him, instead shaking his head at the other's silliness and catching the subsequent proud smile on his face from the corner of his eye.
The rest of the class went by with more focus on both their parts despite the dryness of the content that was being thrown at them. By the end of it, they felt exhausted.
'' I don't think I can take any more of that crap today, '' Jaehyeon finally let out as they stepped out into the hallway buzzing with students.
'' Don't you have like two more classes? '' Jonghyun half-asked, half-teased.
'' Not if I skip them. ''
It was Jonghyun's turn to give a disapproving look.
'' You do want to graduate, don't you? ''
Jaehyeon sighed. '' I guess... ''
'' But what will I do when you're not here anymore to keep me in check? '' he added with a pout.
'' You'll be just fine, '' Jonghyun instantly replied. '' Plus, you still have to endure me for another few months. ''
'' Thank god, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed with relief.
Jonghyun smiled at that before they fell back into a shared silent.
That didn't last long.
'' So you partied hard last night, huh? '' The taller one inquired in a tone that was teasing but curious.
'' I wouldn't say we partied, but I probably had too much to drink, yeah, '' Jonghyun admitted with a shrug.
'' Apparently, '' Jaehyeon noted. '' I can almost smell the alcohol on you, '' he added with a chuckle.
Jonghyun gave him a terrified look as he stopped dead in his tracks. '' Really? ''
'' Well I mean it's probably my mind playing tri-
'' Do you have a spare shirt I could borrow? '' Jonghyun interjected in panic.
'' What? ''
'' I couldn't change shirts before coming here, '' Jonghyun quickly explained.
'' Oh, '' Jaehyeon gathered. '' I might have one in my locker. ''
'' Okay, let's go. ''
Jonghyun immediately lead the way, hurrying his step as panic coursed through his veins. He wasn't about to let his peers or even worse, his teachers, think that he was an alcoholic.
It wasn't long before his fear turned into relief as Jaehyeon pulled out a seemingly clean black long-sleeved shirt out of his locker.
'' Thankfuckinggod, '' Jonghyun let out in a breath before pulling his friend in front of him so that he could act as a shield. He then pulled his alcohol-fragranced shirt over his head, threw it on the floor and grabbed the one his friend was holding.
'' Dude, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed as he gave a quick glance at a shirtless Jonghyun and then at their surroundings. '' Right here? ''
Jonghyun didn't reply on the spot, instead slipping on the black shirt.
'' With your height, no one saw a thing, '' he finally said. '' So, '' he immediately added after, '' How do I look? ''
The shock that had settled on the other's face quickly turned into amusement.
'' It's clearly not your fit, '' he tittered. '' You look like a kid, '' he went on, his voice shaking with more laughter.
Jonghyun frowned at him. '' You'll excuse me for not being built like a fucking mountain. ''
Jaehyeon kept laughing. '' In your defense, one wouldn't know how small you actually are in your everyday clothes. But this... ''
He burst out laughing giving Jonghyun the impulse to push him away from him.
Jonghyun then looked down at the shirt that almost reached his knees and sighed. The only thing he could do to make himself a bit more presentable was to fold up the sleeves of the shirt up to his elbows.
Even the collar of the shirt sat too large on his frame, letting his collarbones show. Jonghyun knew he was on the smaller side even when he put on muscle, but the whole ordeal had him thinking that maybe he had lost weight again.
'' Sorry, Jjong, '' the taller one uttered more seriously, interrupting his train of thoughts. '' I didn't mean to laugh at you. ''
Jonghyun looked up and met his dark eyes. '' It's fine, '' he said. '' Thanks for the shirt. ''
'' My pleasure, '' Jaehyeon replied before picking up the one on the floor. '' Here. ''
'' Thanks. '' Jonghyun took the shirt his friend was handing to him and crumpled it in his hand.
'' We should go eat before our next classes, '' he suggested as Jaehyeon locked his locker.
'' Yeah, I'm starving, '' the latter grumbled.
'' Like always, '' Jonghyun teased.
Jaehyeon shrugged. '' Who knows? I might still be in a growth spurt. ''
'' If you grow any taller, I'm not speaking to you anymore, '' Jonghyun warned with some edge to his tone. Not waiting for a reply, he started walking towards the other end of the corridor.
'' Oh come on, that's not fair, '' Jaehyeon whined as he followed.
They went on with their banter until they reached Jonghyun's locker.
There, he got rid of what he didn't need anymore before pulling out his phone to look at the time. His left brow cocked as he caught the notification that popped up. He tapped a finger on the screen and put in his password to look at the message.
[Hey~ I brought you some food. I'm waiting in the main hall.]
His eyes grew wide as the words registered.
'' What? '' Jaehyeon immediately inquired.
'' Um... '' Jonghyun uttered as his mind blanked. '' I... ''
It was a few more seconds until he found a proper way to react.
'' Can you find us a spot at the cafeteria? I'll be there in a few minutes. ''
'' Okay... '' Jaehyeon acknowledged not without letting through his suspicion.
'' Thanks, '' Jonghyun quickly replied before going the other way.
The whole walk towards the main hall had his level of unease and anxiety rising with every step. He couldn't help but fear that there was more to this visit than a simple food delivery.
The fear brought him to a standstill as he finally caught his boyfriend's face. The latter flashed him a wide smile as their eyes met which Jonghyun did his best to reciprocate despite still being panicked.
It wasn't long before the other closed the gap between them, bringing them face to face.
'' Hey, '' Jinki softly uttered as his eyes crinkled at the corners from another dashing smile.
'' Hey, '' Jonghyun echoed awkwardly.
Jinki just looked at him for a few seconds before cocking an eyebrow. '' That's not your shirt, is it? ''
Jonghyun felt his face heat up. '' Um, no... I had to borrow a clean one from Minho before heading back here. ''
The other's expression stayed unchanged. '' Minho must have wider shoulders than what I remember. ''
'' He bulks up during winter, '' Jonghyun justified on the spot, since it wasn't a total lie. It didn't prevent the bitter aftertaste that came from guilt to settle in his mouth right after.
'' Oooh, okay, '' Jinki bought, face lighting up.
'' Here, '' he then said as he handed him the bag of food he had brought. '' I thought you'd like to have some homemade food today. ''
'' Thanks, '' Jonghyun replied as he grabbed the bag. '' You didn't have to go through all this trouble though. ''
'' It wasn't much trouble, '' Jinki indicated. '' It's food I cooked last night. ''
'' Oh, '' Jonghyun acknowledged, stomach tightening from the added guilt.
'' And also, '' Jinki started slowly as he rubbed the back of his neck. '' I wanted to see you even if just for a few minutes, '' he went on in a gentle tone.
Jonghyun felt his body warm up from his sweet words, forgetting for a few seconds his unease before flashes of their last encounters zipped through his mind.
'' Thanks again, Jinki, '' he reiterated to segue to parting words. '' I have to head back now... ''
'' Oh, okay... ''
The sheer disappointment in the other's voice and the hurt on his face made him disgusted with himself and for a second, he wanted to take it all back.
'' I'll see you in a few hours, '' he instead reminded, trying to be reassuring despite everything.
'' Yeah, okay, '' Jinki acknowledged before changing his expression the best he could with a faint smile.
The three words Jonghyun knew he should say next stayed stuck in his throat, making him resort to a pathetic handwave instead.
He quickly turned on his heel to avoid further damage, making his way straight to the cafeteria.
There, the hordes of students gathered all around made him instantly dizzy. He tried to make his way through the rows of tables to search for his friend, but it proved to be too much of a sensory effort.
He pulled out his phone and typed.
[I can't eat here. I'll be waiting just outside.]
He retraced his steps until he was back in the hallway which was much less crowded.
A few minutes went by before Jaehyeon finally appeared in sight.
'' Are you okay? '' Was the first thing that left the taller one's mouth as he stopped before him.
His look of worry didn't go unnoticed but Jonghyun still chose to put on an act.
'' Yeah, '' he voiced matter-of-factly. '' I just need to be somewhere less crowded right now. ''
'' Where do you want to go? '' Jaehyeon immediately asked.
'' I don't know... '' Jonghyun admitted, a little defeated. He felt like leaving the school right then and there, but felt trapped by all the stress he'd be facing if he did.
'' You know, '' Jaehyeon started with intent. '' My dorm's not far from here...''
Even if Jonghyun had wanted to, he couldn't help but give his friend a stunned look.
'' Aren't we at this stage in our friendship?'' The other went on with a nervous laugh. '' I see your apartment and you see my dorm. ''
That didn't do much to shake Jonghyun out of his frozen state.
'' Or... we could go to the studio, '' Jaehyeon tried instead, feeling beyond embarrassed by his first attempt.
'' Yeah, '' Jonghyun instantly agreed. '' Let's do that. ''
'' I still need to buy food though, '' Jaehyeon reminded.
'' No worries. I have food, '' Jonghyun informed as he lifted the plastic bag he was holding.
Jaehyeon frowned. He wanted to ask where it came from to confirm some of the suspicions already floating around in his mind, but he was too scared of crossing the line again.
'' Not sure that's enough food, '' he instead pointed out.
'' I'm not hungry, you can have it. ''
Jaehyeon could see by the other's weary expression that it wasn't in his best interest to argue.
'' Alright, '' he said.
They made their way to their recording room and from there, conversation turned to lighter things.
Jonghyun even found himself eating some of the food after much insistence on his friend's part. As expected, it was delicious, making him almost wish he had an appetite for it.
'' Yo, I don't think I'll be able to stay awake in class after all that good food, '' Jaehyeon shared as they made their way back to the lockers.
'' One of your white sugary coffees should help with that, '' Jonghyun threw back wittily.
'' Hahaha, '' Jaehyeon deadpanned.
'' You finish at 4, right? '' he then inquired.
'' Yeah. ''
'' Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, '' the taller one figured as his own day ended two hours later.
'' You know I never leave right after classes, '' Jonghyun reminded. '' We can meet up after your last class. ''
A wide smile lightened the other's face. '' Great. I'll text you when I'm done. ''
'' Good. See you later, '' Jonghyun said before walking further down the hallway to reach his locker.
He picked up his items for his next class and made his way there, once again thinking about his boyfriend's surprise visit and everything that had happened between them in the last few days. He remembered all that he had said, his words of reassurance and love and felt even more weirded out by his own actual behavior. Facing him shouldn't have been that hard, but it had been and from the current tension he was feeling in his body, he knew it wasn't about to get easier.
Fortunately, class proved to be enough distraction for the rest of the afternoon even though it felt like a pain to get through.
His relief of being done with his classes for the day was brief as the thought of his essay waiting to be written came back to the forefront of his mind.
Usually, Jonghyun didn't have that much trouble getting to work and actually getting some shit done, but today was different. Despite having found himself a free cubicle and having set all that he needed in front of himself to write, he came up blank. By the time it was almost six o'clock, he had added three more lines to his already short paragraph, the realization making him groan in frustration.
Knowing Jaehyeon was going to text him any minute now, he closed up shop and made his way back to his locker. As anticipated, his phone buzzed just as he was putting some of his things inside. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out.
[ Doooooone. Where are u?] He read.
[At my locker.] He typed back.
It was a few minutes before the other appeared before him.
'' I thought you'd be at the library, '' Jaehyeon immediately noted, confused.
'' I can't concentrate, '' Jonghyun admitted, still mad at himself.
'' Oh, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed, biting his tongue again to not ask more questions on the matter.
'' So do you want to head out? '' he asked instead.
The answer was immediate.
'' Yes. ''
'' Okay... '' Jaehyeon acknowledged, a little taken aback by the desperation he felt in that single word.
'' Do you want to go to a café or something? ''
Jonghyun pondered the thought for a moment.
'' Actually, '' he started, mulling over the thought that had just popped up in his mind. '' Could we go to your dorm? '' he ultimately dared to ask.
Jaehyeon's eyes widened. '' But I thought you didn't-
'' I changed my mind, '' Jonghyun interjected. '' Let's go, '' he then said before he actually changed his mind again.
'' Okay, '' Jaehyeon said with a smile. '' I'll just grab my stuff. ''
He immediately dashed off the other way, leaving Jonghyun to ponder again. Deep down, he knew this wasn't the way to go, but stronger than that knowledge was his need to escape. Did he feel guilty? Yes. Did he fear the consequences? Yes.
But he also felt like he couldn't go back home right now. Not yet.
He pulled out his phone and as soon as the message window was open, he started typing.
[Minho wanted to hang out again. I don't know when I'll be getting back so don't wait up.]
He wasn't sure if the lie would hold up, but he didn't want to care about that in the moment. So he turned off his phone, put on his outdoor clothing and headed forward to join his friend.
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