❝ you wanted happiness, i can’t blame you for that, and maybe a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy but tell me you love this, tell me you’re not miserable. ❞
' tell me you love this . tell me you're not miserable . '
the words rattle around his ribcage , chest constricting with the w e i g h t of them . can he say them , in truth ? ( LYING is a mortal sin , after all . ) can he be happy with this , even if it isn't what his heart desires ? he LOVES his children . he loves his job . he loves his WIFE , too , even if he knows , deep down , that he doesn't love her the way that he SHOULD . it should be enough , but he knows deep down it isn't .
❛❛ there are times in our lives where we have to do what's best for OTHERS , not just ourselves . ❜❜ it's not an answer ; he can only hope it's enough adjacent to one to appease him . he doesn't think he can take it otherwise . doesn't think he can withstand the probing questions , the far too astute observations .
maybe if he knew him a little less , maybe if he didn't care for him so much ——
there's another version of him , he thinks , that might have let this continue . that might have been able to stomach the thought of it , unfair as it would be to him . it wouldn't be the FIRST time he'd felt the twisting , aching guilt of an affair , and it had certainly never stopped him before .
❛❛ i love my family . i have to do what's right for them . ❜❜ / meme !