Intro to me Part 1: Childhood Memories
Hi!
My name is Jalisa R. Drake maiden name Jalisa R. Bullock; no I’m not related to Drake and I do not do the hotline bling. I also am not related to Sandra Bullock or the football player. I am Washington State native and for most of my life felt I never fit into the cookie cutter, suburbia, outdoor, plain jane life. My mom has always told me I was destined for great things and that she wanted me to achieve more than what she and my father did so I never had to struggle. She always said “Jalisa I would give anything to be as smart, beautiful, talented, and athletic as you are”. She was and is my biggest fan! Woah! I’m getting side tracked. My mom is a whole other blog in itself that I will eventually share with you because well...she a riot! *Ahem* back to my monologue...
So where was I?...Oh yes my childhood.
I grew up in a predominately white area attending predominately white schools. Being 3/4 black and 1/4 Spaniard I didn’t look like all the other kids and we certainly didn’t have the funds to look like them either. The things that make me totally unique and what I embrace today was something I considered a flaw back then; my carmel complexion, my big curly thick hair, and being tall and lanky. All I wanted was to fit in. It didn’t help that my mom dressed me in what is now the trend of the 2000′s it seem; LEGGINGS OF ALL COLORS AND SKINNY JEANS! So I mean technically I started the trend...I’m just sayin. I played sports at a young age following in my brother’s footsteps as a natural athlete. My height was a great advantage most of the time however my lack of confidence always held me back from being a phenomenal athlete or better yet a phenomenal person.
From a young age I questioned “What is my purpose in life? Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to look like? Why am I the way I am and why can’t anyone just accept me for that?” The worst question of all “Why don’t they like me?” (Like I should really care, right?) But we as kids have that longing to feel apart of something bigger than we are; belonging.
There are a few memories in my childhood that have been engraved in my mind that made huge impacts on the way I thought about myself and functioned socially.
Up until 2nd grade I was oblivious to life and didn’t care about what I looked like. I wore my hair in a frizzy curly braid or ponytail and wore my big puffy purple jacket, my Lola Bugs Bunny Space Jam shirt with turquoise blue leggings, and shoes that most times barely fit because I was growing so fast. I was a tomboy and I didn’t care. I danced to Gloria Estefan’s Conga and sang to the oldies my mom would play on the radio. Well on this day I decided “I wanna be pretty and I’m going to wear my hair down.” Mind you it was a frizzy curly triangle fro with a cute little headband. Man I was feeling myself until it was time to line up to go to class and I look over to see my teacher..(This was the earth shattering moment that made me hate my hair)...I waved all happy like gesturing to look at my hair and she. just. LAUGHS! Points and laughs. I burst into tears as I reach for my ponytail holder to quickly pull my hair back. I got to middle school figured out how to straighten my hair and rarely ever wore my hair curly until now of course. 2nd grade was the year I learned true competition, NOT JUST athletically but academically and musically. I learned social statuses and saw cliques and where I quickly landed on the social ladder. With that being said I became a pretty rebellious kid at school towards the end of 5th grade and into middle school. I hadn’t had any amazing teachers in elementary school to boost my self esteem; I always seemed to hear no’s and you can’t do it. Never pushing me to my potential of greatness. They stifled my desire to learn at my greatest potential because I didn’t think I could.
This next story truly made me realize I really am different from everyone else and truly sent me on my way to an identity crisis. Ahhh middle school; the time of hormones, finding yourself, and stupid crushes. I was in spanish class and 2 boys of which I had crushes on randomly came up to my table while I was working with my friend and asks “so like, where do you fit in?” I looked at them with confusion as they proceed to ignorantly ask “ya know like at lunch and stuff. Do you sit at the black table or the white table ‘cause like you're too light to sit with the black kids and too dark to sit the white kids?” and proceeds to laugh and walk away. I cried that day and became more of a secluded introvert kind of person.
After 3 grueling years of middle school I finally get a fresh start in high school. I’m excited. My brother is going there, he had a good rep with the jocks and I had placed in Honors classes. I’m finding that I’m kind of pretty, very athletic, and vocally talented. Unfortunately I also find that I was, for whatever reason, never quite good enough for people. Although I was a great athlete I always came in second or wasn’t good enough to start, although I was an amazing singer I never received solos or made it into Jazz choir, although I was “kinda pretty” I was never good enough to be someone’s girlfriend or accepted by my peers. So I focused on the one thing I could really control my grades and education. I pushed myself academically; getting in as many AP and Honors classes and striving for A’s. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. Junior year was a pivotal year for me. I had my first boyfriend, Timothy Dressler. Now Tim was at the top of the social ladder at my school and how I snagged him was always a mystery to me. He was a God-fearing young man, handsome blonde and blue eyed, extremely athletic and the sweetest guy in the world and HE chose ME!? ME; the middle of the social ladder, most people viewed me as a loser or a bible thumper who was not cute and didn’t “deserve” to have someone like Tim. Time changed how I looked at myself. He made me feel beautiful and worth love. He confirmed everything my mother would say to me. He made me a better person. I started to love myself again and in turn able to love someone else. We were that cute bible thumper couple and even snagged cutest couple senior year. Well the summer of Senior year rolls around and we break up because our academic careers took us to different schools. I moved on to college on a volleyball scholarship and he moved on to college and a new girl and eventually got married on my birthday...thanks Tim! Besides the point. I experienced my first major event in life “first love and heart break” but I also learned that I’m going to college where there are tons of older smarter cute guys hahaha just kidding I gained some of the confidence that got me to where I am today.
Aaaannnnnd This is where I will stop...for now. Stay tuned for Intro to me: Part 2 Life in college. But I shall leave you with this quote for now:
“In youth, it was a way I had, To do my best to please. And change, with every passing lad To suit his theories.But now I know the things I know And do the things I do, And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you.” ― Dorothy Parker, The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker
Much love
Jalisa
not Jolisa or Jalissa #thatsnotmyname
