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this grief is still consuming me days after. i have never met liam but i see him in everything in my life. mostly, its a memory of me doing something while listening to one direction.
i don't understand how i'm feeling. all i know is my heart feels empty and i'm sad all the time.
it's truly disheartening to even have the feeling of being "less than" but to have it be shown to you time and time again is what pushes people to isolate and separate themselves from the people they "love" most
I'm losing control my heart starts to break. Please please save me from this nightmare I'm living in. I'm slowly dying, slowly breaking I gotta stay busy I gotta fight the good fight. Depressed as a motha fucker faking a smile saying everything is okay holding back the tears lost in the day. I make myself sick I don't eat I don't sleep I have no motivation to even get out of bed I want to just lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. I'm stuck in a haze lost in a daze it's only a dream it's only a dream it'll get better it's only a dream. I have to change my mind set I have to change the way I think. I'm lonely we all die alone we all live alone everyone is alone! I'm hurting inside I love you I need you I want to be more than just friends. I'll talk I promise don't leave everyone leaves. The flashbacks they hurt I don't want to remember I don't want to be afraid. Help me, help me, help me I cry out. I am truly broken I fear so much I'm vulnerable I have bad thoughts my mind plays tricks a constant worry I'm just a big burden. Always beating herself up, putting herself down. It's just another boo-hoo story! No one FUCKING cares. My heart starts racing the anxiety is sinking in the panic attacks hurt to where I'm gasping for air I can't do this anymore I can't do this I'm crying out I'm shaking, I can't give up I need help I'm sorry please don't go I beg I cry I whine and for what to only make matters worse and make people mad. What is wrong with me? Am I sick in the head. No more games no more circles.
In the daylight its easy to ignore the shadows. At night time i close my eyes, because its the people around me that keep the shadows at bay. I fear for the day when I'm alone.
