Praying to God was no longer a thing, I was now begging for my life. What could have been the best experience of my life turn out to be the worst. You took that happiness from me the day you walked away. I was now left with my own thoughts, thoughts that I’ve once said I’ll never do. I do not blame you for leaving, after all I wasn’t the one that actually needed you. I took the pain and the heartbreak so that my daughter didn’t have too , and I’m not going to lie it actually almost killed me inside. You leaving me wasn’t as big of a deal, after all there’s a lot of single parents that turn out just fine. I guess I’ll just never understand how someone could just abandon a beautiful and pure baby without giving her a chance. I had asked you once if you ever wanted to meet your biological parents and you said “yes, I atleast want to know how they look like”. How can a little boy who once felt loneliness and scared because he couldn’t call out for his mom could abandon one of his own? This was not about you loving the person that carried your child. This was about the child that was ready to be born and needed a father. Your excuse of “I’m not ready” was so pathetic and so stupid of you to ever say. I guess I’ll just never understand how some can just walk away easier than others and pretend that nothing ever happened. Now I had to hear those around me telling me how one day you’ll regret the actions that you did as soon as you have more kids. But please tell me why did I have to wait for you to feel regret! I allowed you to be happy and find love and just live the life you always wanted with no responsibilities at all. Yes, I did allow you because I never once told anyone what you had done or asked for any child support. At this point you had become just a sperm donor. You lived your life like no other and had another daughter. You saw her first sonagram and heard her first heartbeat. You open your heart to this pure soul giving her a chance. Now you where ready to be a “farther”? , I guess only to one daughter. You hold her hand as she was being born to this earth and you continue holding her hand as she laid down in that NICU bed. As I continue to see how happy you where my heart broke in pieces all over again. Don’t get me wrong when I say I was hurt, this was not about you building a new family, this was about you doing exactly what you had to do as father only this time it wasn’t mine it was your other. I could remember the pain I went through as a mother when I saw my daughter lay by herself in her NICU bed. Not knowing if she’ll come back home to her mother. My daughter experience the similar birth as yours did, from the being born early to the endless nights in NICU. How ironic is it!? Was this God giving you a chance to re do what you had to go through when your first child was born, perhaps giving you a second chance like those may say. Forgive me if I hate you a little for finally picking up your “Balls” and owning up as a “father” atleast one of your children had to have a dad. Today I am happy to say I did not wrote this with tears in my eyes. Instead I write this with a bit of joy because if it wasn’t for you living my daughter would have never had an awesome dad like the one she has right now! That’s right dude I did not needed you and perhaps never will. Even though I almost broke from the endless pain that looked like it’ll never end I didn’t. I have to thank God for listening to me begging everyday of my life and I thank him again for my boyfriend who has helped me raise our beautiful daughter. I truly think that without them you would have won, but you didn’t. Now, you’ll continue to make errors and mess up this world while I sit back and laugh receiving blessing from God. I think I will continue to hope that one day you’ll remember what you did and regret the decision that you took 3 years ago , but also I want you to keep in mind that it’s now late to take it back. Goodbye forever, till we never meet again.
