#kaiara

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 46: Travel

Dear Kaiara,

I have begun my moon long adventure away from the crew. I arrived in Kugane thanks to help from a friend in the fishermen’s guild who was relocating here. Z and her two new mates live out here so I went to pay them a visit. It was nice to see Z but there were babies around. Apparently they belonged to one of her mates? I’m not good with children, and the armor I wore wasn’t exactly child safe, so I stayed away from them. I spent the night at their house to help recover from the trip. The voyage plus my already messed up balance did not combine well.

It took a few days to recover and to get steady enough on my feet that I was comfortable leaving. I’m grateful to Z and her mates for letting me stay that long. As soon as I got to the Ruby Sea memories came rushing back. I will admit I took my time during that leg of my trip and not because of complications from my horn. I don’t know why I never returned sooner. Just the quick trip through the area brought me to so many familiar places. Fishing with my father, training with my mother, a meaningful conversation, a good place to camp for the night. This had been my home at one point.

I am now at a small village near the Azim Steppe. Tomorrow, I make my way to a village accepting of outsiders, Reunion. Tomorrow I begin the hunt for lost family.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 44: Lost

Dear Kaiara,

Nothing has felt right in the past while. Well, maybe that’s a lie, there was those few times. But for the most part, everything’s been off. I’m trying to be someone else to fit in with the others, to share in the crazy fun they all have, but it’s not me. The only times I’ve felt truly myself was when we fought that voidsent and when A’kata told me to punch someone who was challenging her. It’s the rush, the thrill of fighting and chance at danger. Everything is just so empty without it. I’m spiraling into this mess where nothing matters unless it hurts and I know it’s not healthy but I can’t stop it, there’s nothing and no one to pull me out and I can’t do this on my own.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 43: Empty Halls

Dear Kaiara,

Twice since I last wrote have I wound up in the medbay. Once for numerous stab and bite wounds from horrible creatures in a Nymian ruin and once for what should have been a simple gunshot wound. The first time everything was fine with Faol casting a powerful heal on me and Katalin ensuring I was ok. The second time...

I may have caused at least a part of the problem. A’kaia was the only medic around and Aifread was hurt bad. So I figured how hard could it be to remove one bullet. Bad plan. I made it worse. Then Faol showed up and healed the wound over it. I thought that was a bad thing but she said it was fine. I was content with that until A’kata came at me with a knife. The bullet was being removed. I don’t remember much after that, A’kaia must have used a sleep spell, but I’m better now. And I got candy!

I must admit, the medbay isn’t the same anymore. It’s more... clinical. It doesn’t have the same comforting feel without...

A’kaia is wonderful and she tries her best to make things still feel normal, like the person healing you actually cares. I haven’t had Remus yet, maybe he’s good too but...

I miss them. Even with all the noise of a still full airship, I can’t help but feel the emptiness they left behind.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 41: Freed

Dear Kaiara,

I will never drink again.

I was drunk when they took me. It makes it hard to fight back. What followed... I never wish to feel that again. The helplessness, the pain, the slow decent into believing every word, every horrible thing. I am a monster. I am nothing. No one cares. No one will come for me. But they did. I was content to freeze in the Vigil but they came, she came. Like the sun, Saphyra burst through the clouds that had enveloped me. Hells, even the Captain came to my aid. I had figured she did not care, that I was simply cannon fodder for her, another brute to point at her enemies. But she was there, barking orders, enforcing caution, she would ensure we all made it home safe.

Then the child. A Xalea boy who was intended to be just like me. His family taken, about to be killed, a repeat of that day 16 years ago. But this time we were there, friends, family. The Captain sent myself and the boy with a few of the party as guard to get to the closest town, to safety, while she took the rest to end this. It was not to be, Chaumont had sent an archer to kill the child in an attempt to further break me down. Saphyra deflected the shot and we went to join the fight.

As expected, the rest of the boys family was there, held at lance point. I will admit, I nearly lost myself. He nearly turned me into the monster he thought me to be. But Saphyra was there, my Sun, my light, and nothing he could do would ever eclipse her. The crew fought and we managed to save the girl. The parents did not make it. Z’ylarix made her own rage felt, full freezing Chaumont in a block of ice, which I then shattered. He was dead, the nightmare was over.

But it isn’t. The bruises remain, I think there’s internal damage but that will heal in time. What will not heal as easily is my mind. The nightmares have returned and not even the calming incense is helping. I am constantly looking over my shoulder, always watching everyone around me. It is as if I am in Corethas again, and every shadow is an enemy trying to kill me. He may yet get what he wanted in the end if I cannot temper this fear. 

Locke is training people in how to wield a gunblade. Apparently it requires some form of metal strength to use one. I think this training may help with the fear, I pray it will. I do not want to become as I once was.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 42: Dragon Knight

Dear Kaiara,

I have completed the first part of the gunblade training. It was... an experience. We went on a, I will call it a vision quest. We saw things from a traumatic experience of our past and we had to overcome them to move on. Only the whole thing was negatively amplified by the soul stones we brought with us. I had my dragoon stone, Ashe had a paladin stone, and, worst of all, Corsa’ir brought his dark knight stone. The stones somehow reacted with the magic of the vision and everything became that much worse. I do not fully know what the others dealt with. I was busy with my own issue, a monstrously tall Ishguardian knight that was a combination of all my worst nightmares. It was as if those responsible for your death all fused into one horrific being come to finish what they started.

I panicked and let my rage take hold. I could not deal with the horror without the aid of the monster. This was a bad call. The creature caught me and tried to rend me in half with it’s teeth. At some point it began to morph into a dragon. With Adera, Ashe and Corsa’ir’s help I managed to escape. And then Locke told us we could not fight these normally, we must know in our hearts why we fight. In a flash of pure emotion, I saw you. You are why I fight, so that what happened that night will never happen again. I struck at the beast with conviction, with all my heart and soul, and it hit true. I lost my lance, it shattered, leaving a dragon bone blade in it’s place. It doesn’t matter, I still have my Allagan lance that Harold gave me. From the beast’s mouth dropped the cylinder, one that had father’s scale pattern on it.

After everything that has happened. All the anger and sorrow and regret. After Chaumont. This feels right. I became a dragoon to get revenge for what they did to you. There is no one left to get revenge from. Maybe the way of the gunbreaker is my way forward. Maybe I am the Dragon Knight.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 39: A Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Kaiara,

I forgot to mention a little bit ago that I am now the chronicler for the crew. This means I am to report on any major missions the crew undertakes. This has taken a lot of my time that I’d normally spend writing you and so these entries are becoming few and far between.

Emeline has been teaching young adventures at a place called The Alliance Academy. A few of the crew went to sit in on one of her classes to see what it was all about. This turned into a demonstration of fighting formations with us as the example and the students inserting themselves in proper places. The demonstration ended when Emeline declared her assistant, Remus, an ‘enemy’ and those from the Garden immediately attacked. I gouged the floor. I don’t think Emeline was too pleased with us, but her boss seemed impressed.

Corsa’ir has been running missions for the Maelstrom to stop a Garlean lord or some such from using an artifact of great power to do some evil Garlean scheme. I went with him on the last of these missions along with Z’ylarix, Ashe, A’kata, and Aifread. We were ambushed at the start and captured but quickly broke free. I ended up with manacles still on my wrists with chains and a large rock on the end of one. It made for a good flail and I nearly grounded an airship with it. We destroyed the artifact and killed the Garlean lord, but Corsa’ir was kidnapped and we still haven’t found him yet.

I have taken to training with a less hobbled together version of the rock flail. It was a fun weapon to wield and it would be appropriate to crush the people who took Cor once we find them. I must pay Harold a visit, perhaps he could make me a proper version of this weapon.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 36: Drunk

Dear Kaiara,

Everything hurt, not right now but it did. I think I’m drunk.

A lot happened tonight. We fought Garleans. They were coming to attack with their horrible airships. A group of us boarded one of their vessels. We fought. It was hard. I got shot in the shoulder. Someone blew up a console. The blast was bad. We continued to the engines. We fought some more. I got on a turret. Someone tried to pull me off. They slashed my ankle. A blast ripped through the room we were in. It was bad. Arik and Jun went down, so did all the Garleans. Mafrea took Rosette, Yukiteru took Jun. I carried Arik. We got back to the medbay.

Our ship was bad. Crew I’ve never seen before where strewn everywhere, dead or dying. The med bay was full. Arik and Jun were seen to. I took Rosette from Mafrea. She didn’t want to let go. I promised her I’d put her next to him. He left. Katalin stopped me from going after him. Then Aster stopped breathing, Jun got worse, Maeze was blind but tried to help Jun. I was free to go after Mafrea. He had helped stabilize the engines. He came willingly. I kept my promise. Katalin healed me.

Aster died.

I went to the common room. I needed a drink, I’ve never needed a drink. Corsa’ir was at the bar and I’ve never been more thankful for that. A miqo’te was yelling about not wanting to be alliance cannon fodder. She said Garlean rule couldn’t be worse. I saw red. Corsa’ir told me no fighting. I don’t think I could even though I wanted to. Stupid girl. I will take tonight a thousand times over before living under Garlean rule again.

Never again.

Never again.

Kayne

[kaynetsuki]

Entry 34: Time Away

Dear Kaiara,

We had an incident on the ship involving a bomb which resulted in C’reiyah, Emeline and myself in the brig interrogating the prisoners. I cannot trust myself with my recent rage issues and so I let C’reiyah lead the questioning. We also moved the boy to a seperate cell from the others. He looked broken. I would assume I looked much the same at his age...

It was too much. I had to get away. Not to Coerthas, I would have hunted Chaumont and with the internal conflict I was fighting, he would have killed me. I went to Mor Dhona, to visit Harold, my blacksmith friend. He was none too happy t see the state of my armor but I needed his matter of fact personality and gladly took the chewing out.

It’s been almost a week and I think I’m ready to go back. I can’t take much more of Harold’s complaning anyway. He somehow forced my hair down and I can’t spike it again! I don’t know how he did this, but it will take ages to fix this.

Kayne