#keep waking up

[succubusjuice]

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[antirealisation]

Funny therapy thing: When I was explaining why "gaslighting" doesn't really feel like it fits when him calling me crazy really wasn't an insult.

She comments that phrasing an insult like a compliment is in fact an example of gaslighting.

(My first reaction is that it's precisely that I think he actually didn't mean it as an insult. But that's sliding into "trying to understand his motivations" which I guess we try to avoid.)

I mean, it doesn't exactly matter whether it "is" or "isn't" ""gaslighting."" That whole thing just came up because lol, fun convenient trigger to make dealing with me extra annoying: I have reason to freak out at people reality checking me even with no moral judgment attached. :'D

[nsmama]

Good Outcome Covid-19

Below the continue because I know a lot of y’all are feeling stressed. Me too. But this is about a good outcome.

Hi, y’all. A lot of people are feeling super scared and stressed by the scary, stressful situation the whole world is in right now. I live in the U.S.A. In my dumb-as-rocks state, each county [piece of a state, can contain more than one city] has been deciding on its own whether to issue stay-at-home orders. There’s one here. Most places have one now.

So we’re staying home and staying away from people, and THAT, my friends, is the bad outcome you fear - loss of people. 

Turn it around, okay? You’re here, reading this. I’ve got you and you’ve got me. And we make a web of human contact. Touch your hand or your shoulder. That’s a hand of friendship from me. Do it as often as you like because I’m here for you. And all the people reading this are here for you and here with you.

And this virus deal we’re trying to slow down by staying physically distant, it is survivable. It’s scary because yeah, some people get really ill. But it’s not spread through your skin, and 80% of people don’t need medical care, just home care life you’d do for a nasty flu.

I’m here and I’m okay. I’m older than dirt everyone I’m aware of who reads this and I’m on day 15 now. That means I’m past all the crisis points on the timeline, y’all. So me, I’m not going anywhere. Literally true, but also figuratively: I’m with you and I’m not going anywhere.

Hang in there and remember we’re here for one another. We’re always together even when we’re staying at home.

[justyoureverydaygeeksquad]

I just had sleep paralysis for the first time in a while and I think my mom was my demon??? What the actual fuck is wrong with my brain.

[iggymogo]

z

[deletingmyself]

I'm tired of being tired

[nsmama]

You are enough just as you are.

Hello again. It’s... been a while. Why?

In as unlike my normal fashion as possible, I shall briefly briefly summarize.

Lost job, lost daily access to beloved child clients. (Still friendly; just saw them again this week.) Applied for everything. Got no jobs. Lost health insurance. Applied for more than everything. Eventually got two part-time jobs. Also found a potential girlfriend. Got no sleep due to work schedule & family needs. Fell in love. Got new therapist who understands queerness. Love interest does not feel same back but wants to maintain friendship. Still not enough sleep. Friends is better than nothing but depression looms. Ate delicious things that make my mental health worse. Sadness and fatigue. Pining for hot adorable friend who likes me but only as a friend. Shove pining in mental box. Shove falling in love into same box.

Resolved: To feel better because feeling like crap is no fun. Stop eating foods that make me feel great while they are in my face and terrible late at night alone in the dark.

Goals: Find balance among day job, night job, family, sleep, and the things that make me feel like myself: writing, drawing, skeinwork, cooking.

What’s the turnaround? There’s always a turnaround.

All that sadness, all that loss of jobs and people and love, that’s not me. That’s just stuff that happens. I can feel sad and I can feel loss, but that stuff doesn’t define me. I define me. And I am a person who can love, who can care, who can help (both my jobs are tutoring children), who can nurture, who can make a home that feels peaceful and safe, who can let other people into that physical home and into the virtual spaces I hold so that they too can breathe and define themselves in the ways they wish for.

That means you.

You get to be who you are. Sometimes it’s not safe to show it on the outside, but you are still the essential, perfect you on the inside even then. Sometimes, it feels like everything is tumbling down around you and you will never be able to get to a good or safe place, but that is simply not true, because you are strong even when you are tired, and you can reach out to me, and I’m here too. Every day. Every morning, I wake up and it’s for me and it’s for you, too. Please keep waking up, because I need you to hold my hand and help me build the safe, peaceful place for you and me and all the people we want to love.

I read DMs. Not quickly, I admit, but I’ll read ‘em. If you need a space to define or redefine yourself, my inbox is yours.

Love you, y’all. Very much.

[nsmama]

Narumitsu Saves Lives

Warning: Mention of intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety. No specifics. Also: Y’all, I am old enough to be most of y’all’s parent. This reminder is issued periodically to make sure new followers are aware (it’s also in the blog description).

I owe Ace Attorney a life debt. I started playing AA and reading the fanfics in January or February of 2019, and I woke up from somnambulating through my own life. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Something in this game makes people feel loved, safe, secure, and accepted.

The protagonists struggle with their own mental health and identities, and then they emerge from their struggles even stronger and more sure of themselves. That’s life-affirming. It says to me, “You too can do this.”

And there is so much love. It’s healing.

I struggle with anxiety and (secondary to the anxiety) depression and chronic suicidal ideation. I’ve seen Phoenix have suicidal ideation (during the Engarde case). I’ve seen both Miles and Phoenix experience depression influencing their thoughts.

They keep waking up. They turn toward one another in love and support. Y’all, we can do this too. I love you (yes, YOU. My mom powers let me see you reading and I love YOU). So when things are tough, turn to the people who will always have your back: hardcore Wrightworth shippers. :D