#kellanlux

[kellanoliver]

Bodymind

When I am outside, I like to sit and listen. I feel the air resting on my skin & look at the distant stars, letting The All accept my fears & anxieties. I listen for its response,  which is so often “You are part of me” or “You are the universe exploring itself.” I feel both small & reassured to know that I am just a piece of the puzzle, that everything I am feeling has been felt before, that all of the truths & hurts & fears are just parts of an overarching theme. It feels like being held by a mother or communing with god & all this just from looking at the stars.

[kellanoliver]

Natural

Being close to you- the most natural feeling I have ever felt.

[kellanoliver]

Tulips

(Tulips are symbols of declarations of love)

I’ve kept my kisses hidden in my lips like secrets, but my heart was not convinced. It’s planted seeds of hope with every lingering gaze & almost touch.

Tonight you kissed me & the flowers in my heart started blooming.

[kellanoliver]

The Form

There is a girl who I used to be, but I don’t want to be her.

I want to escape the form, the charade I’ve played all my life

& run to what?

To the great nothingness that exists outside of ever having been seen by anyone at all?

[kellanoliver]

Icarus

Father, let me leap face first into some glorious height.

Flying or falling, it’s all the same- the rapture of the movement of wings, the delicious feeling of the sun on my bronze skin.

So what if I lick my lips & taste disaster & melted wax? If this is the end of my story, so be it.

Just let me be known for flying so high I touched the sun.

[kellanoliver]

Patroclus

My golden headed darling, you have the unassuming posture of the gods. It all comes so natural to you, every moment you make is graceful & decisive. I can’t help but watch you, but then again the whole world is watching you. It has been said that you alone could win this war & I can almost hear their thoughts- Who is this man so special that a god would choose to love him? My lion, I am nothing but I will follow you to the grave and beyond.

[kellanoliver]

Pleasure

I want your velvet lips to kiss me like you want to devour me. I want to feel your strong hands exploring my body until we become lost in desire, lost in the feeling of your flesh against my flesh & the overwhelming pleasure of touch.

[kellanoliver]

Seroquel

The week-long high has ended all at once & the red lipsticked woman (once so brave) is now mortally afraid of a Nothing Thought.

How strange, how impossible, & yet she is silent, shaking & refusing to leave the safety of the blanket wrapped tight around her until the terror ends.

(& she won’t speak of that bloodied man or any of the other horrors she has seen, not that anyone would want to hear them.)