I’ve recently discovered the term KFF (“kin-for-fun”) for describing people who appropriate otherkin terminology to describe things which have never actually fallen under the “otherkin” umbrella. Things like roleplaying, identifying with a character (as opposed to as the character), and voluntary identification, among other things. This group also has a trend of telling existing otherkin, including those who have been in the community for some time, that we’re “taking kinning too seriously” and that we need to chill out and let them do what they want. This isn’t a new phenomenon, but it’s getting way out of hand.
I’ll admit to being a relatively new face in the community, having only properly joined in mid-2017. I’ve been otherkin my whole life, though, even before I had the vocabulary to describe my experiences. Gaining that vocabulary, and being able to connect with people who have similar experiences, has been incredibly good for me. It helps me find my center, to understand myself and how I perceive and interact with the world around me. Being non-human is central to my identity because it influences almost everything about me, and there is no way to separate myself from my alterhumanity that wouldn’t be incredibly harmful to me.
As much as people seem to hate this comparison, imagine you’re a young trans person. You’ve just been introduced to the LGBT community, and you’ve managed to find one or more labels that describe your experiences and help you understand yourself and your place in the world. Now imagine a group of cis people who do drag coming along and telling you that you’re taking being trans too seriously, and that being trans is all about presenting as a gender, rather than being that gender. I’d like to think we can all agree that would be an incredibly shitty thing, both in that it’s shitty to try redefining the trans experience that way, and in that it’s incredibly hurtful to any trans people dealing with it.
A small aside to head off anyone wanting to jump to saying “It’s not hurting anyone to say kinning is [insert new definition here]!” There is a distinction between “harmful” and “hurtful”. It may seem a subtle distinction, but it is there. While trying to redefine “otherkin” may not be inherently harmful, it can still be hurtful, in that it hurts to be told that we don’t belong in our own community, one that was built on a certain type of experience that we all share, and which is excluded from the (attempted) new definition.
The otherkin community has always been stigmatized, in a manner not dissimilar from the stigma surrounding the furry community. Otherkin have been treated as “cringe”, told we’re delusional, and generally treated like we deserve to be shit on for having non-human experiences. Now we’re being told that we should abandon the terminology we built to help us find people with similar experiences, so that we can share those experiences and better understand ourselves. We’re being told that we’re taking our identities too seriously, that we should let people push us out of the spaces we built for ourselves because people want to have fun with our labels. And yet even when we put it in those terms, we’re treated like we’re the assholes, told that we’re “gatekeeping” by telling people not to misuse our lexicon.
Another small aside: There is a distinction between “oppressed” and “stigmatized”. Otherkin are not oppressed, in that we aren’t treated as lesser or pushed aside by society for being otherkin. That doesn’t mean we can’t be stigmatized, though. We still get shit on for our identity, and the fact that “anti-kin” is even a term says something about the volume of hate our community receives. Not to mention the number of blogs dedicated to making jokes at our expense, or in some cases bullying otherkin who are seen as too “weird” or “cringe”. If you want to try denying that otherkin are stigmatized, you’re free to try justifying it to yourself, but the evidence is incredibly clear on this one.
Now, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt on a lot of this, and work under the assumption that the root of this problem is some combination of a lack of information, and the presence of misinformation. “Always assume a mistake before assuming malice”, or my preferred variant “cock-up before conspiracy.” And I’m a firm believer that the solution to ignorance is education, because without information about how things need to change, it’s difficult at best to change in a positive direction. The problem is that many members of the community have tried educating, have tried pointing out that the terminology being misused already has an agreed upon definition (which has been agreed upon for quite some time), have pointed to other, existing terms that actually match what’s being described. And time and again, those attempts at education are dismissed and ignored. We’ve tried being diplomatic and kind, and clearly that’s not getting us anywhere.
Anyways, the point of this rant is to say this: I am sick and tired of being told I have to redefine my identity because some people have decided that they want to take over an established community. I’m done hearing people tell me that I take my identity too seriously, and that I need to be okay with losing a community that has done me a lot of good. And I’m very, very pissed off that people are, intentionally or not, making it harder for people with serious non-human identities to find other people like them, to come together and have the kinds of discussions that help us understand ourselves and our place in the world. Make your own terminology, form your own community, and get our words out of your mouth.
And if that makes you feel attacked, like you’re being called out? I want you to stop and think, and I mean seriously think, about why being told to stop redefining someone else’s experience is so important to you. And if after that thinking you still want to argue? Feel free to start something. I’m always happy to educate.
