tryna figure out how I wanna draw this man
(permanently missing some nails, partial reconstruction of septum, grey hair from follicular damage from inappropriately administered first aid and stress? not quite dad bod but heavier set...think thonk...)
Megat was used to silence. It followed him like a shadow, trailing behind him through the long hallways of his house, settling in the corners of his room like an uninvited guest. He used to think of it as something natural, something that came with being the only child in a house far too big for three people.
He remembered, once, standing at the top of the stairs when he was nine, his small hands gripping the railing as he watched his parents leave for another work trip. His mother had kissed his forehead, pressing her lips against his skin, while his father ruffled his hair gently.
“Shah anak kuat, kan? Mama dan papa tinggalkan Shah sekejap for work. Tapi kamu tahu kan we love you so much?” his mother said, smiling as if it could erase the weight of her absence.
He nodded, not because he is strong, but because he knew that was what they wanted to hear.
The huge house was always quiet after that. The helpers spoke in hushed tones, moving carefully around him like he was fragile, as if raising their voices might break him. His cousins, older and untouchable, played rough and wild during family gatherings, but Megat was always left behind.
“Shah kecik lagi,” they would say, tousling his hair affectionately before running off to whatever adventure awaited them. “Nanti dah besar Shah boleh join.”
But Megat was never big enough.
By the time he was eleven, Megat learned to carry silence the way other kids carried their school bags. It weighed on him, familiar and constant. His father once told him that loneliness built character. Megat wasn’t sure what kind of character it was supposed to build.
When he told his parents he wanted to enroll in KUDRAT, they had looked surprised.
“Boarding school?” His father had lowered his newspaper just enough to peer at him over the rim of his glasses. His mother had set down her coffee cup carefully, as if expecting him to take it back.
“Shah nak belajar berdikari,” Megat said. “Lagipun dekat sana mesti Shah tak sunyi macam dekat rumah.”
It felt embarrassing to say aloud, but it was the truth.
His mother’s gaze softened, and when she hugged him that night, she held on longer than usual.
“We love you, sayang,” she whispered. “Nanti kalau Shah dapat, jaga diri elok-elok dekat sana. Mama tahu Shah kuat.”
Megat wasn’t sure if strength had anything to do with it. He just didn’t want to feel lonely anymore.
The first few weeks at KUDRAT were suffocating.
The other students spoke loudly, moved in groups, and laughed in a way that felt like nails against his skin. Megat sat quietly in the dining hall, alone, eating the bland dining hall food because that was what he was supposed to do.
Until one day, a boy plopped down next to him without warning.
“Macam mana kau boleh jawab soalan math tadi before Cikgu Yasmin explained?” the boy asked, his Kelantan accent thick and sharp in a way that made Megat blink.
Megat looked up from his plate. He hadn’t even noticed him sit down.
“Aku tanya ni. Jawabla.” The boy grinned, knocking his shoulder against Megat’s playfully.
“Aku cuba jawab je. Tak tahu pulak betul,” Megat mumbled.
The boy rolled his eyes. “Ceh poyo, taknak share tip.”
Megat didn’t know it yet, but that was how Abdul Reza bin Abu Yamin entered his life—loud, bright, and completely uninvited.
Reza was competitive. He glared whenever Megat raised his hand first in class and shot him dirty looks when Megat submitted his homework earlier. But somewhere along the way, competition blurred into companionship, and by the time their teacher started pairing them together for group projects, Reza had somehow become Megat’s first real friend.
It was easy with Reza. He wasn’t intimidated by Megat’s family title, didn’t treat him like he was fragile, and certainly didn’t hold back when they bickered.
Megat liked that.
By the time they were sixteen, everyone at KUDRAT knew their names.
Reza and Megat. A set. They were inseparable—Megat with his cunning and grace personality. Reza with his unwavering confidence and beilliant repotation. If you saw one of them, the other was never far behind.
“Mu dua ni dah macam laki bini,” Kahar teased once, earning a shove from Reza and an eye roll from Megat.
“Mu dengan saing kecik mu tu pon macam laki bini jugak,” Reza shot back, smirking.
"Bechik dengan Hakeem cinta monyet keeee?". Megat smirked, nudging Reza’s arm with his elbow as if to say yeah, right and laughs when Kahar whined.
Their friendship was easy. Comfortable. It comes very naturally.
But then came the kudeta.
And Megat learned that silence could be deafening.
The night after the kudeta, Megat sat alone in his dorm room. The air felt too thick, pressing down on his chest until he thought it might crush him.
There was something cruel about the way the world kept moving, as if nothing had changed. Megat still attended classes, still ate at the dining hall, still played his role as Kapla. But everything felt hollow.
He was surrounded by people—the High Council, juniors who feared him, even friends who stayed close—but none of them were Reza.
And God, wasn’t that the most pathetic thing?
That out of everyone, Reza was the one he wanted to talk to.
He hears Reza’s laugh sometimes—echoing from across the schoolyard, too far away to reach.
And no matter how many people surround him, Megat feels like he’s standing in an empty room.
It’s the kind of loneliness that feels like heartbreak.
Like something was torn out of him, and the wound won’t close.
A/N: Theyre all KUDRAT boys so i like to assume they all graduate and got into good unis and secure a job (well except for Kahar bc he is his own man; but burger stall masyuk okayy)
REZA 💙
- he pays for everything. I trust that hes actually pretty fucking smart and takes over his dad’s visionary personality so in the end hes still filthy rich despite us knowing he quit A levels
- he’s also a man with a more traditional mentality and likes to be the provider . So he pays for everything regarding the household.
- When it comes to your personal wants like clothes, shoes, you’ll definitely need to convince him why you need them but its not actually hard. “So i can be more presentable by your side” “because it makes me happy, happy me happier you”
- He gives in, he doesnt really care, hes rich.
MEGAT 💚
- tbh idk if they ever mentioned his family status but i am unaware. id like to think that hes well off too. As in his family was already well off and when he graduated he got a high payin job as well.
- like Beja, he definitely believes that the man should lead including paying for the family’s expenses.
- But that when you want something, he’ll definitely ask you to buy it yourself although in the end he’ll probably reimburse it bc deep down he still wants to be the hero.
- He just needed you to show him you can handle yourself first.
KAHAR 💜
- hes not as well off as his brothers since well… he ran away from home.
- working at the burger stall wasnt all that bad, he does earn well for himself but old habits die hard so he does spoil you (and himself from time to time) since he grew up spoiled
- you keep telling him that he doesnt need to, that he should put that money into emergency funds bc you have your own income too but he just cant help himself.
- Also it makes him feel good knowing he can take care of you even with his humble income.
FAKHRI 🧡
- tbh i feel like Fakhri would be hard to say. Since his mother left because the dad couldnt provide, he’d always try to make sure he provides enough for you.
- But at the same time, hed have an internal conflict that you might just up and leave him anytime just bc he has no money so he’s worries that youre not actually in it for him, just his money.
- its a tango he has to dance to. He wants you to stay, so he pays. But he doesnt want you to stay of its only for the money, so he doesnt spoils you too much.
-you get it tho, so you dont push him and you make sure you show your appreciation if he does spoil you.
NAIM 💖
- 100% pays for everything. No questions asked bc i genuinely believe he was on his mother’s side when she left.
- So its wired in him that he needs to pay and “be a man” in the house to make sure you respect him and love him.
- You try to tell him that he doesnt have to handle the all the financial burden alone but he doesnt let up. The only way you could help is by spoiling him right back.
THANKS FOR READING ✨
Also, i know these sort of of self inserts fic doesnt do as well as the BL but these are purely self indulgent. 💛🌻
xion comes out when she and namine get together and isa frantically googles "how to be an ally to ur boyfriend's lesbian daughter" and then he's like wait. I'M gay too what am i doing
