any advice on engaging with the fat-shaming aspect of this kink? it's so psychologically/emotionally high-risk for obvious reasons but I feel like there's so little discussion or resources about doing it responsibly. I feel like it's really hard to navigate because while you can make other types of kink power dynamics "stylized"/"unrealistic", there's less obvious distance between referring to fatness as embarrassing within a scene and hearing those comments in real life. which is not to say that other kinks aren't done in "realistic" ways or that they can't be similarly complex and potentially triggering, but the reality is that fatphobia is so normalized and so often goes unchallenged that it's a really difficult case! I'm still not sure if it's something I ever want to engage in irl but like. it's definitely something that's hard to get advice about at all regardless
Hi!! By "fat shaming" I'm assuming that you mean specifically humiliation/degradation in the context of a scene. I would go about negotiating this as you would any other type of humiliation/degredation in a typical submissive/dominant relationship. (I'm also assuming you're the one doing the humiliation, so if this answer doesn't apply, just let me know and I'll try to answer) Some people are only into the praise aspect, so when you're doing kink negotiation, ask them how they feel on praise/humiliation, if there's certain triggers to avoid. I've seen people on Tumblr refer to certain terms as "barnyard terms" which I like as a descriptor: pig, cow, etc. Some people might like a little teasing, but not outright dehumanization. Some people might like degradation, but nothing health related. And some people might not know until it happens! In any situation with power dynamics, you might accidentally hurt feelings, and you and your partner need to be okay with that going into it. You need to trust your partner to tell you when you're crossing a boundary as much as they need to trust you to respect a boundary if you accidentally cross one. You also need to know that you respect and value each other as people first, and whatever is said in a scene doesn't reflect how you feel. That doesn't mean things can't still potentially trigger you, but still. Good kink negotiation is the foundation to a good scene. (An underrated kink dynamic is also humiliation for the feeder... Tell them they're disgusting for making you this way. Heheh) On Tumblr, I would play it safe unless you see someone specifically post something that says "teasing/humiliation/degradation welcome".
Anyway this made me realize that there's not much out there specifically for this kind of negotiation. There's the jar of kinks etc, but that's a little less specific, so I made a worksheet!
It's by no means comprehensive, but hopefully it can get a conversation moving in the right direction.
I keep seeing people say that their kink is "undernegotiated" and I think it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of what the word "negotiation" actually means.
If characters are communicating their desires clearly and constantly checking in to see if the other character is still in agreement or whether they've changed their minds, and coming to an agreement, that is a complete and successfull negotiation, regardless of whether it happens verbally or non-verbally.
People are acting as though negotiation doesn't count if it doesn't follow a specific formula laid out in a 300 page bdsm manual, but negotiation was not invented by 300 page bdsm manual in the 1990s. Humans have been negotiating since before language was invented.
And following a manual formula is useless if you don't actually know how to pay attention to your partner and learn how to read them.
I mentioned in another post that all of the text back and forth they have before they meet up is also a form of negotiation. They are quite literally haggling over sex acts like two old biddies at a flea market. Ilya saying, "I don't think is what you want" in the episode 6 blowjob scene is Ilya doing the sex equivalent of asking the guy at the farmer's market if he'll knock an extra $5 off the top if he buys three crates of the strawberries.
That's negotiation! Both parties made their wants and desires clear and 'came' to an agreement.
I think people also have this idea that if people are testing each other's boundaries, that automatically makes the sex dubiously consensual.
But we are talking about two people who literally get off on pushing each other's boundaries, who literally get off on turning sex into a competition and making sex bets that require one party to forefeit something if the bet is lost.
That's their kink! They both fully agreed to participate in their sex-haggling kink together!
Arguing that it's not "real" negotiation or "real" agreement because the sex-haggling kink makes you uncomfortable is just another form of kink shaming.
You don't get to decide for other people that their consensual sex doesn't count as consensual because it's not something you personally would consent to, or because their dynamic isn't something that you personally would feel comfortable with.
They clearly do feel comfortable with their dynamic. They are clearly both having a good time. They clearly understand each other really, really well. They are clearly incredibly sensitive to each other's moment-by-moment wants and needs.
The way BDSM "experts" in this fandom talk about healthy kink sounds less like an encouragement for healthy communication and more like a criticism of any communication that doesn't strictly follow their preferred formula. It's coming across less like they're trying to educate people on safe kink practices and more like they're trying to assume the role of white!Jesus in the "Myth of Consensual Sex" meme.
Any hcs on kinks Megatron has but Starscream refuses to negotiate with? and vice versa
Starscream is a stupid idiot and would take anything Megatron suggested as a challenge rather than a suggestion and says yes just to prove he can handle anything (which mostly leads to him discovering new things about himself, but sometimes results in him biting off more than he can chew and Megatron having to stop because he knows Starscream well enough to see when he's not into something)
Meanwhile Starscream suggests things with the intention of finding Megatron's limits but unfortunately for him, there aren't many >:(
Kidnapping scenes are not all made the same. Remember to ask if they want an opportunistic kidnapper or an obsessive premeditated stalker or some other third thing
from Mindfucking Mindfully: A Guide To Mental Manipulation For BDSM And Sadomasochism by Sir Ezra Algos (2021)
Informed – Consent to a mindfuck requires that the person consenting is aware of everything to which they have consented. It may be a shock to you that this is a point of contention for many. I hear things like “If I ask permission, it will ruin the surprise.” However, this is not true. There are strategies like spamming and long-term planning which can be employed while still informing your partner completely. Spamming and other strategies are explained in detail in the Section 5 on page 88.
Specific – Consent to be Mindfucked must be specific. For the same reason I receive resistance in the classroom on the point of informed consent, I have received resistance on this point as well. For those that feel like getting specific consent takes away from the potency of a mindfuck, I will recommend you look at Section 5, specifically negotiating a mindfuck on page 88. In the case of a mindfuck, specific consent means not introducing new activities or escalating mid scene if the activity had not already been agreed to. An example of this would be if you had agreed on degradation play, it is not appropriate to start humiliating them also just because they are often considered similar activities.
Making Negotiation Sexy
A challenge I see many people face comes from the misconception that negotiation cannot be fun and sexy, when it absolutely can! I personally like to be affectionate and thrive on the tension often present in a negotiation. A good negotiation can take time and some people can become frustrated with excitement. Personally, I am always put at ease by the discomfort of others. I like to let my negotiating partner squirm with anticipation and impatience. It drives me to be more thorough and detailed in my process.
It may be appropriate to give the person a taste of what is to come during the negotiation. If you have an elaborate setting for a scene like a dungeon, consider negotiating at the dungeon. If you and your partner are expecting to do an interrogation scene, you can employ an interrogation style negotiation to tantalize them. These all have to be negotiated ahead of time but it could be as simple as, “how do you feel about doing our negotiation in the dungeon space?” You may get a no and I strongly suggest you take it and move on because your partner might feel that the setting is distracting or is concerned about not having their wits about them.
Negotiating mindfucks can be tricky if you are counting on some or all of it being a surprise. It is essential that negotiation take place before a mindfucking scene and the F.R.I.E.S. acronym states, among other things, that we must get “Specific and Informed consent.” So how do we get specific and informed consent without ruining the surprises we have in store? It is a question that is invariably asked every time I teach this class in person. There are two solutions which can be used individually or in combination. They are long term planning and spamming. Both of these strategies utilize a feature of memory’s limited ability to our advantage.
Long term planning allows you to negotiate far in advance. Everyone's memory is different but in general if you have a lengthy negotiation a few weeks ahead of time, the bottom will be less able to remember what they consented to. This is even more effective when you use a notebook and take notes. This way what they agreed to can be fresh in your mind and distant in theirs. There should, however, be some negotiation right before the event. Even if the negotiation right before is as simple as “how are you feeling about what we agreed to previously?” or “Are you ready to do the scene we discussed before?” Checking in right before a scene is strongly encouraged because you don’t know what head space your partner is in unless you ask. Maybe what you discussed days before sounded great but today is just a bad day. Perhaps there was a near miss in traffic on the way to the location that left them feeling shaken. We cannot know if their headspace or stance on an activity has changed if we don't ask.
Spamming, on the other hand, can be done right before play. You can get specific & informed consent and cause your partner to be unable to determine what consent they provided was pertinent. They will be likely to forget almost everything you discussed besides the first, last and most bizarre activities. Spamming can look like the following:
● Can I spank you?
● Can I flog you?
● Can I sit on your lap?
● Can I use the violet want on you?
● Can I leave you with bruises?
● Can I use my taser on you?
● Can I pull your hair?
● Can I do knife play?
● Can my friend Michael join us?
● Can I conduct an interrogation?
● Can we do chemical play?
● Are you open to penetration with toys?
● Are you open to penetration with my penis?
● Are you open to fluid exchange?
● Can we do fire play?
● Are you open to humiliation?
● Are you open to degradation?
● Are you open to sacrilege play?
● Can I spit in your mouth?
● Will you wear a rubber mask?
● Can we record this session?
● Can I slap you with a fish?
(please note many of these questions would require follow up questions but those were not included for brevity)
Now let’s imagine you get a positive response for every question. Are you going to do all those things in one scene? Probably not. Does the bottom have a clear idea of what you plan to do? Likely not. When I wrote this list of questions, I was imagining an electro-torture interrogation scene. Is that what you had pictured when you read the list of questions? Be sure not to ask the important questions first or last since the bottom is most likely to remember the first and last item in a list.
Because the mind is not able to remember everything, it tends to focus on the last thing mentioned in a list. The mind also may focus on the thing that seems to be different from the rest of the items in the list. This way you can get informed consent without leading your partner to knowing exactly what to expect.
It is important to remind you that we must act ethically and with the best interest of our partner in mind at all times. The two previously mentioned strategies, as with most of the content in the book, have the potential to be used in unethical ways. The point of the spamming and long-term planning strategies is not to take advantage of your partner but to provide something that your partner desires, including surprise and mystery.
prompts via @ghost-creative-prompts - thank you for organizing this year!
Kink: Kink Negotiation, Predator/Prey
Pairing: Mountain, Storm
AO3
Summary: It's a storm chase. (kink negotiation, predator/prey but who is hunting who, sensory heavy, elemental magic)
a/n: hi.
The forest is quiet, but the Ministry is nowhere near sleep.
From the edge of the glade, a sibling steps forward and lifts a tall iron torch, driving it deep into the earth before walking the path back as quickly as they can.
The flame catches instantly, burning blue-white at the tip. The signal is clear:
The hunt has begun. All others stay inside.
Storm stands barefoot in the marked circle, one wrist wrapped in stormcord. The braid—black, white, and blue—flutters at his side. His silver-blue hair curls around his ears like the wind is whispering to him.
The air shifts when Mountain arrives. The ground listens.
“You came,” Storm hums, pleased. “I was beginning to think I’d have to hunt you.”
Mountain says nothing, but the forest seems to lean with his presence.
Storm turns at last, slow and gleaming. His hair ripples, haloed in motion, though no wind stirs the trees.
“You can chase me,” he says, tapping two fingers lightly to his sternum. “You can catch me. You can even pin me, if the ground allows it.”
He smiles—sharp and bright and full of teeth.
“But if I tap here, twice, the spell breaks. No questions. No bargains. I vanish.”
A gust of wind curls through the circle, snatching up leaves in a spiral around his feet.
“But if I take your hand,” Storm adds, voice lowering, almost fond, “it means you can keep what you've caught. At least until dawn.”
Mountain mirrors the gesture—two fingers to his chest.
Earth answers sky.
The firelight crackles as Storm nods and lifts his hand to the breeze and vanishes into it.
Leaves scatter in three directions. Footprints blur. His scent, all patchouli and ozone and absolute glee, is lifted and flung east. But his body, maybe, ran west.
The forest watches as Mountain begins to follow.
Leaves scatter like thrown cards. Branches sway with no rhythm, no pattern. There's only the restless ripple of wind pulled in too many directions.
Mountain slows.
His eyes scan the clearing ahead, wide and open. Three paths split the trail: each one marked with crushed leaves, scuffed moss, bent stems. All three are plausible.
All three are wrong.
He kneels and presses one hand to the earth.
Nothing.
No scent. No warmth. Not even the low pulse of residual energy he’s used to tracking. The trail has been scrubbed clean, the forest air giddy with misdirection.
Somewhere behind him, a twig snaps. A branch sways.
Mountain doesn’t move. Just closes his eyes and listens.
He catches it, for a moment. A soft, bell-like sound. Faint, but unmistakable.
A giggle.
—
Storm is perched impossibly high on a branch that shouldn’t hold anyone's weight.
One knee drawn up, one arm looped lazily around the trunk. His breathing’s quiet through his nose, lips pressed tight to hold in the laughter. His stormcord flutters softly against his wrist—nearly giving him away.
He tucks it under his thigh, scolding it like a misbehaving pet.
“Shh,” he whispers to the wind. “You’ll ruin the fun.”
The breeze calms, obedient and loyal.
But the branch beneath him creaks slightly. The bark itches. The moss down below shifts, restless and waiting.
Below, Mountain is silent. Watching.
Storm grins, all teeth and sin.
The only place Mountain isn't looking is up.
—
Mountain stands empty-handed in the electric hush of the forest holding its breath.
He doesn’t rush.
He moves forward, slow and steady, like the path he chooses is the only one that ever mattered. Feet quiet over stone and root. Shoulders relaxed. Jaw tight.
Storm is close. He can feel it.
But not ahead. Not anymore.
Behind him, a gentle breeze stirs. Playful. Not quite a warning. Not quite a dare.
And twenty paces back—careful as anything—Storm drops from his branch.
He lands in silence, one palm pressed gently to the earth. His smile is wild. Gleaming. Already thinking about how close he can get without being caught.
Mountain doesn’t turn. Doesn’t flinch.
But his head tilts slightly, like he heard something. Like the forest told him the game was afoot.
Storm freezes. Eyes wide. Then slowly, deliberately, creeps forward.
One pace.
Two.
Like he’s the one hunting now.
Storm moves like shadow.
Keeps just far enough back that his steps blur into the quiet of the forest. His breath is steady, shallow and delighted.
Mountain walks ahead, unhurried. Boots pressing into the earth. He may not speak.
But the earth speaks to him.
Every step Storm takes now touches ground. The wind can lie, but the forest cannot.
Soft weight on damp soil. The faintest shift of leaves. A rhythm only Mountain hears.
He lets it continue.
Storm lets the silence stretch.
He’s so close now. Close enough to count the grooves in Mountain’s belt. Close enough to see where the moss curls up to kiss his boots. The wind is quiet, coiling around his ankles.
He bites back the kind of laugh that would give him away. Purrs with it instead.
He ghosts one step closer—no sound, no pressure. A perfect little prowler, high on his own cleverness.
And that’s when the moss beneath his foot… shifts.
Just slightly.
Not enough to startle. Not enough to stop him. But enough to remind him: He’s not the only one playing this game.
Mountain leads him deeper—where the canopy breaks just enough to let the light through. Pale gold from the moon, filtered by mist. A natural hollow, lined in moss and soft stone. Wide enough to fall in.
Quiet enough to hold something.
Mountain steps across the threshold and waits.
Behind him: one more step.
Storm leans forward.
About to speak, about to reach—
And Mountain moves.
One long arm reaches back, hooks Storm’s wrist, spins him, presses him down into the moss. Hand flat to his chest, palm over his heart.
Storm gasps, eyes wide, back arching instinctively—
“You—” He pants, grinning. “You tricked me.”
Mountain finally looks at him, voice like gravel warmed in sun:
“No. You followed.”
Storm writhes under Mountain’s palm, but it’s all for show. The chase is over.
The air is thick with it—the surrender, the weight, the want.
Mountain looms over him, legs bracketing his hips, one broad hand still planted over Storm’s sternum, right where he tapped before.
Storm’s breath hitches. His hair’s tangled with leaves. His cheeks are flushed.
He swallows, chest rising quick.
Lifts his hand and finds Mountain’s. Lays his palm over the one pressed to his chest.
“Yes,” he whispers.
Mountain leans down. Lets his forehead rest against Storm’s, just long enough to feel the tremble.
Then their mouths meet, slow and grinding, breath against breath, teeth dragging lips open. Storm’s back arches up, caught between moss and heat and the inevitability of being wanted this deeply.
He moans into it, quiet and shocked and soaked in the aftermath of his own undoing.
Mountain deepens the kiss. One massive hand slides to Storm’s jaw, holding him there like something precious. The other remains firm to his chest, a seal. A tether.
When they part, it’s not for long. Just enough for Mountain to breathe:
#3, #45, #21. Thank You for allowing me to ask these questions, Gothess.🧎🏼♂️
(Answering hypnokinky questions list, pick 1-3 here and inbox me.)
Hello kneeling🧎🏼♂️~,
you’re quite welcome.
#3. Are there any TV shows/movies/books you liked when you were younger that you think got you into hypnosis?
Oh, there are so many. A lot of the cartoons and movies I watched had some element of hypnosis or mind control, I always found it so interesting. These stick out in my mind most.
Dexter’s Laboratory
Danny Phantom
Danny Phantom
Backflip by Raven Symoné (Specifically, when she programmed her extremely dumpable bf while he slept) Timestamp 1:49 -2:40 awakened the drone maker in me.
Angry Beavers music video
Spongebob (fine dining)
Mom's Got A Date With A Vampire
45. Have you ever been to a hypnosis convention? Did you enjoy it, or not? Why?
Fuck yes, I've gone to quite a few virtual and in-person. I absolutely love them! I've taught few hypno classes ( titnosis, audio file design, hypno safety), attended dozens of classes, a few events and some sfw hypno seminars as well.
They're amazing because I'm a hypno-nerd that loves learning about hypnosis and how other people play. I mean, a full weekend of hypnokinky education with a group of people you know love hypnokink , what more can you ask for? Also, every time I attend one I meet the most wonderful, inclusive and open minded people.
I'm definitely going to do a post on hypno-cons some times. I love this question~
21. Do you have any tips for how to negotiate hypnosis play?
I'm going to be brief but feel free to send asks or request a more in-depth post.
1. Negotiate as equals regardless of dynamic roles or experience levels. (I'm talking to you, D/s, M/s, Top/bottom, Educator/student, Experienced/non-experienced kinksters. )
2. Don't negotiate in trance.
3. Negotiation, like consent, is on-going. It's okay to pause/stop to check in or discuss revoking, revising or adding ideas.
4. Use resources and ask lots of questions. Even the ones that seem "silly".
Negotiation worksheets: Hypno ( below), kink negotiation, sex brainstorming and relationship worksheet
Professor X's Negotiation Guides:
Hypnokink Negotiation Guide
10 safeties every hypnotist should use
BSDM Negotiation Guide
