#kink repulsed

[casual-haterism]

never let your perfectly good day not get unceremoniously ruined by the fact that there are people out there who are genuinely and wholeheartedly into puppy play

[aroaceenjolras]

Posting this here instead of my vent blog because no, actually, I want people to see it.

Rambles about kink, survivorship, and repulsion under the readmore because I don't trust tumblr to not censor this post if I tag all the potential triggers in it but I also don't want anyone who would be disturbed by the subject matter to see it. So, CW for discussions of rape, grooming, and bad BDSM experiences both sexual and not.

If any nonsexual kink enjoyers want to have a civil discussion with me about what works for me and what doesn't, I would really appreciate that. Just try to do so without pushing my boundaries or pitying me or insisting that if I try something I don't actually want to do I'll totally like it or, you know, any of the consent-violating condescending paternalism I've come to expect from kinky people even if they're also ace once I bring up being a kink grooming survivor.

My DMs are open. I'd rather these discussions stay private, if they happen at all. Public discussions on this topic tend to be very upsettingly derailed by people who want to argue about what they think I mean without giving me the basic dignity of a close read.

I really do think that, if tumblr is truly insistent on treating BDSM like a panacea (a tendency I've called "kink utopianism" in the past), it would help if BDSM repulsion were conceptualized as something like a medication allergy.

A medication can be lifesaving in 99.999% of instances where it is prescribed, but if in 0.001% of cases it causes the patient to die painfully, cursing the gods and shitting out their own internal organs, it should not be prescribed to that 0.001% of the population. Or even put in the same room as them, depending on the severity of the allergy. That's just basic safety.

The neurochemical effects of BDSM allegedly feel pretty damn good to most people who try it. I believe the people who say that subspace feels good to them. It does not feel good to me. My experiences in the kink scene were mostly the result of grooming, but even when I've tried to engage with it outside of the grooming I experienced, it hasn't exactly felt fun or safe to participate in. It feels like my body and mind are being instrumentalized and turned against me. It feels like I'm forgetting my name and interests and beliefs and values to become something someone else wants. And don't say "well try domming then" because every time I have even attempted to broach that subject with myself I imagine the possibility that I could ever make anyone else feel the way submission made me feel and I just want to hurl myself into a freezing lake.

And definitely don't say "so you're vanilla then". No. I'm sex repulsed. That is a different thing. I actually fucking love weird nonsexual intimacy. But you can't start a discussion about unconventional nonsexual/postsexual intimacy without someone bringing up the concept of nonsexual BDSM, and I never know how to tell someone that all that does for me is make me feel raped even if my clothes stay on the whole time.

I've attempted before, and am still attempting, to create a paradigm for doing nonsexual weird intimacy outside of the framework of BDSM. I'm heavily inspired by rolequeer, a short lived anti-authoritarian movement that originated within the kink community and which did a lot to advance the idea that one can do kink in a way that doesn't reproduce oppressive structures, but they had the issue of not being able to imagine that people could do this without mashing their squishy bits together or really stimulating them in any way. So all of their articles about how to do kink outside of BDSM are fundamentally useless to me as they all center sexual/sensual play that I will not be engaging in, thank you very much.

So I guess what I want is to have one decent conversation with someone who respects both my dislike of BDSM and why it exists, to help me clarify what I want, what I don't, and how I'm supposed to talk about it.

[aroaceenjolras]

The idea that people should not have (or publicly discuss) reasons beyond "I just don't like it" for disliking what they dislike because those reasons might disturb group harmony is an inherently reactionary position. At best, it keeps a person from understanding themself better through analyzing that dislike. At worst, it reinforces oppressive power structures through the silencing of those most directly harmed by those structures.

Sometimes, people have legitimate reasons to not want to engage with something, or to not trust anyone who does. Sometimes that reason is personal. Sometimes it's political. Often it's both.

💜 This post is about sex and kink repulsion 💜

[aroaceenjolras]

If there was a way to stop seeing those fucking pink text parody kink posts on my dash that would be great. Like nine out of ten of them are fine and silly and idc about them but every now and then one of them is a little too close to the rhetoric I internalized from the scene and I just. Die inside.

"You know you're not really a person, right?" Yeah, I do know that. I KNOW I'm meant to be hurt and objectified. It's the one thing no therapist has ever been able to help me with. You don't need to remind me, joke post about being baked into a loaf of sourdough

[punchdrunkklovesickk]

any sex repulsed/kink repulsed therians here. Or am i the only one

[aroaceenjolras]

How I wish kink repulsion actually was just an excuse to be mad at people on the internet for posting things I dislike, instead of, like, realizing a necklace is shorter than I'm comfortable with and having a flinch reaction that makes me drop it like it just bit me

Thank the gods I was the only person in the room. That was humiliating

[aroaceenjolras]

Do not go into the "popular reblogs" tab on tumblr mobile if you're sex/kink repulsed unless you have BULLETPROOF filters. I have tag blocking and sexual content filtering and am STILL seeing graphic kink posts in there

[roses-are-repulsed]

Kink repulsed people deserve support and respect.

They deserve to have their boundaries respected.