Kitty angst! (Also please ignore the horribly written 是 I blame the purple grape smelling gel pen I have)
Holy Builderman I might do these daily actually since I do have an Idea for tomorrow. Journaling because going hayware about be constantly abandoned and left behind is extremely wrong. I hope someone doesn't mind letting me use a part of their backstory for tomorrow Journaling... Besides doing these little cat drawings on sticky notes for my entries would probably help me avoid art block!
Kitty’s main flaw as a character is that she’s selfish and jealous, like she just gets easily possessive and greedy. Like she screwed it up with Holly cause she got too possessive and expected Holly to spend 24/7 with her and ONLY love HER at all. Which after ranting to her mom about it, Selina had to explain to her that people love other people in different ways too. And it’s sad that Kitty just doesn’t understand friendships very much because she’s never had a close one. The closest people she’s to is Nancy and Carrie and they’ve always been closer to each other than with her, and that really hurts so Kitty tries to find someone that loves her that much and ends up ruining her relationships because she’s being too selfish and doesn’t take into consideration their relationships with other people and gets angry when people she knows hang out with other people, cause she’s afraid they’re gonna get tired of her like all her other friends have and will just ditch her
So one day I was doing my English homework and listening to music and because I’m currently obsessing over Omar Rudberg I was listening to “Hurt Like We Did” and I kinda just forgot about homework to listen very closely to the words of the song and I was like: “This song. Kit. Ty. Angst. Let’s gooooo!” and here we are:
The bell goes off in the halls, and Kit picks up his books and walks out of his class. He’s carried by the sea of students through the halls. When he gets to his locker he turns his lock and puts his books away, taking out his earphones and sweater. He pulls his sweater over his head and puts his earphones on, scrolling through his playlists on his phone. As he closes his locker door he notices someone is standing on the other side, one of his friends. He stops to talk to them for a while, but suddenly his attention is caught by a guy on the other side of the hallway, a guy with black curls tipping out of his tuque and a gold necklace around his throat. Kit’s heart skips, and the guy turns away from who he’s talking to and walks down the hall, and Kit can see his face. It wasn’t who he thought it was.
It wouldn’t have been. He hasn’t seen Ty once in the last three years.
I’ll be there to love you if he leaves soon
There wipe your tears if you need to
Maybe it’s a phase that you’re going through
Still it's hard to wait ’cause I miss you
Kit wakes up and sees that he's slept in. He frantically tries to get ready as he calls down to Tessa from the staircase, asking if it would be okay for her to drop him off at school. He’s about to leave his room when he notices he hasn’t changed out of his slippers: he goes back to his room and rummages in his closet for his shoes, but then remembers he had thrown them under his bed the night before. He crouches down and sticks a hand under his bed. There’s a crinkle, and Kit pulls out a crumpled piece of paper. He quickly scans it and hastily shoves it back under his bed, reaching for his shoes this time. He can’t remember how many papers there are under his bed, but he’ll have to clean it out after school. It amazes him he’s been able to sleep with all of them right underneath him.
Tell me I can't call and I can't come by
How can I send you letters I can’t write
Kit sits with his friends on the top of a roof, watching the July fireworks. His hand’s laced with the girl beside him, who's laughing and smiling and pointing at the pictures in the sky. She gets up and balances across the roof to a friend as purple fireworks explode in the air, and Kit’s transported back to another fireworks display in a different city. He doesn’t regret how he left Los Angeles, he just wished it didn’t hurt so much. He can still remember a boy standing at the ocean’s edge and smiling up to a girl that only he could see. Him and Kit. Kit turns his face slightly away from his friends as more fireworks blow up, not wanting his expression to be seen by the illuminating colors. He’s glad when it turns dark again.
You know me I’m not good at goodbyes
I can’t see when the lights out
Ty smiling at him, Ty frowning at him. Ty touching his arm or his hair. Ty handing him an item. Ty sleeping. Ty frustrated, Ty calm, Ty laughing. And Ty confused at Kit’s words, at his proclamation of love.
Don’t say it ain’t love when there's love still
Don’t say it don’t work when it’s working
Love doesn’t hurt if it’s not real
And nobody can hurt like we did
It’s raining outside, but Kit goes for a run anyway. He’s been building his body up, watching with a passive fascination as he becomes more and more muscular. It wasn’t anything he didn’t expect, it only made sense his body changed with the exercise and the ongoing years. He thinks of how he's not a slight 15 year old anymore, and wonders if he looks different too. For all he knows Ty’s a different person now. He doesn’t know Ty anymore. The realization hits him suddenly, and he stops running to lean against a tree while the rain pelts down on him.
My lungs they just burn and I can’t breathe
There’s nowhere to turn so I stand still
Love doesn’t hurt if it’s not real
And nobody can hurt like we did
Tessa’s been keeping up correspondence with Magnus, and Kit would be lying if he said he hadn’t even glanced at them. It seems Magnus has visited the Scholomance recently and developed a fondness over a certain boy. He mentions some new gadget Ty is making with another boy at the Scholomance, and Kit is torn between conflicting emotions of pride and jealousy. It looks like Ty’s fitting in very well.
Can he lift you up when you’re empty
Always put you first like I did
Can he make you laugh ’til you can’t breathe
Do I just pretend that you miss me
He knows it would be simple, all he’d have to do is ask someone to portal him, he’s itching to call, but maybe they don’t get good reception up in the mountains — to add a postscript to one of Tessa’s letters to Magnus then. How many times has he’s written “Say hi to Ty for me” when texting Dru, and then erased it? Maybe it’s better he doesn’t.
Tell me I can't call and I can't come by
I cannot send you letters I can’t write
You know me I’m not good at goodbyes
I can’t see when the lights out
For all he knows Ty’s moved on. He has a boyfriend. He’s forgotten Kit. Kit hasn’t forgotten him. They weren’t technically anything, even if feelings might have been involved on both sides. And while Kit still feels, Ty might not. He might have never felt to begin with.
Kit betrayed him. Ty wouldn’t like him. But. He remembers their laughter, the smiles they shared, the feelings that were probably open on his face, and more hidden in Ty’s. . .
Don’t say it ain’t love when there’s love still
Don’t say it don’t work when it’s working
Love doesn’t hurt if it’s not real
And nobody can hurt like we did
Sometimes it hits him in the night, dreams with the two Blackthorn twins. The dreams with Livvy are full of pain and grief, but the dreams with Ty feel distorted and incomplete, and always tinged with a drop of sadness that blurs everything together. He’ll wait up sweating after remembering the necromancy, and get out of bed to stand at his window, letting the cool night air wash over him.
My lungs they just burn and I can’t breath
There’s nowhere to turn so I stand still
It hurts. It feels real. It might be one-sided, but Kit knows Ty still means something to him, and always will. Even if Ty still hates him, Kit will still love him.
Love doesn’t hurt if it’s not real
And nobody can hurt like we did
Being with Ty had been fun. Being beside Ty had been fun. It had been warm. It had been pleasant. It had been a jumble of conflicting emotions, each adding their own unique intensity to the relationship.
Ty lay there in the dark for a long moment, mind churning with awful thoughts of Lola and Noah, interspersed with images of Kit. Kit wouldn’t be letting Noah disrespect his friend like this. Kit would do something.
But what could Ty do? He couldn’t very well barge into Noah’s room in the middle of the night, demanding he stop having sex with his consenting girlfriend.
“Think, think, think,” he commanded himself, smacking his forehead. No one else knew what was going on. He could tip off a teacher that there were students breaking the rules, but he didn’t want to get them into any actual trouble.
Then he realised: of course! There was someone else who cared about Lola just as much as he did, and who hated Noah for her own reasons.
He slid out of bed and pulled on his slippers, giving Irene’s head an absent pet before creeping out of his room and hurrying down the hall. He could only hope Kelechi wouldn’t kill him for waking her up.
..
“What the fuck do you want?” snarled Kelechi, brandishing an impressively large dagger. Then, realising the intruder was Ty, she added. “You better have a damn good reason for waking me up after the awful week we’ve just had.”
“It’s Lola,” he whispered. Immediately, Kelechi’s face changed. In the witchlight, Ty watched fear for her friend wiping out all other emotions, and he added quickly, “She’s not hurt or anything, but she’s going to have sex with Noah.”
“Oh, is that all?” Kelechi slumped back down in her bed. “You woke me up in the middle of the goddamn night to tell that Lola is getting laid. Good on her. Are you jealous or something?”
“No!” Ty hissed in annoyance. “But she’s going to do it with Noah. He doesn’t care about her.”
“It’s not like she hasn’t had sex before. She can make her own choices.”
“She’s drunk. And we both know he’s just using her. You’ve seen the way he only pays her attention when his friends are around.”
“You’re right,” Kelechi frowned. “I don’t know what the fuck is up with that.”
I do, Ty wanted to tell her. Instead, he said, “I just don’t think she’s in any fit state to be doing that. Noah’s going to brag about it to the whole school, I know it and so do you. I don’t want her to get in trouble.”
“Okay, fine,” Kelechi slid out of bed. “You’ve convinced me. But this doesn’t mean I forgive you for waking me up.”
..
They raced side-by-side along the corridor, hastily applied Soundless runes making their footsteps inaudible. Even without context, Kelechi had agreed that it would be far less strange for her to interrupt them, and as Lola’s best friend she might actually have a shot at making her listen.
“Are they in his room or hers?” Kelechi asked in a breathless whisper.
“His, I would assume. He has empty rooms on either side.”
“How do you know that?”
Shit.
“I, uh, heard him bragging. His room’s just that one up there on the left.”
They skidded to a halt in front of the door, and Kelechi gave a sharp knock.
“Lola? Lola-doll, are you in there?” she called softly.
There was a scuffling noise inside, followed by low voices, then the door creaked open the tiniest sliver.
“Kelechi? What are you doing here?”
Ty couldn’t see Lola in the darkness, but her voice sounded hitched, as though she had been crying. Anger rose in Ty’s chest, but he held his tongue, letting Kelechi answer.
“I was looking for you. Ty- uh, I was worried.”
“Ty’s there too, then, is he?” Noah’s voice carried out into the hall, thick and defeated-sounding.
“Yeah, I am.”
“’Course you are. Of course you couldn’t just leave it alone.” He sniffled. Ty realised with a start that Lola wasn’t the only one who had been crying. “You always have to ruin everything for me, don’t you, Blackthorn? I can’t just have one good thing.”
“Ty,” Kelechi said evenly. “What is he talking about?”
“Tell them,” Noah jerked the door open, spilling dim witchlight into the corridor. He was wearing nothing but loosely-fitting boxer shorts, and Ty averted his eyes. “Go on, Tiberius. Tell them everything. You were so confident the other day. Bet you can’t say it now.”
“Noah, you’ve been drinking.”
“I’ve barely had anything. I just don’t care anymore. Go on. Say it. Why do you care whether or not I fuck Lola? It’s not like you’re in love with her.”
“Guys,” Kelechi interrupted nervously. “Can we take this inside?”
“Good idea,” Lola, wrapped in only a blanket, stepped back to allow the others into the room. With the door shut firmly behind them, they faced off, Ty and Noah glaring at each other, the girls watching worriedly.
“Lola,” said Ty, without taking his eyes off Noah, “What happened? Why were you crying?”
“We were going to, you know, do it,” she coughed, glancing nervously at Noah. Her words sounded a little slurred. Clearly, she was far drunker than him. “But Noah just kind of couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not pretty enough, or what. I know I don’t have the best body, I’m flat as a board on both sides, but-”
“Lola, babes, you’re gorgeous,” Kelechi cut her off. “I have a feeling this isn’t about you.”
In his periphery, Ty could see her glancing back and forth between him and Noah, putting the pieces together. He tried desperately to picture Kit, to draw strength from the casual way he accepted who he was, and expected everyone else to accept it too. Kit would never have hidden such a huge part of himself from his friends. If they had taken it negatively, he would have simply found new friends. Ty braced himself.
“Noah, are you sure?” he asked. Noah scrunched his eyes closed, jerking his head in a fraction of a nod. He looked so vulnerable standing in the middle of the room in his underwear.
“It stays in this room,” he whispered hoarsely.
Ty swung to look and first Lola, then Kelechi. They both nodded. He took a steadying breath, fixing his eyes on the wall behind Noah’s head.
“The reason Noah couldn’t bring himself to go through with it tonight, the reason he’s even trying in the first place, and the reason I know, is because Noah and I were sort of dating for most of this year, and we just broke up.”
Noah made a whimpering sound in the back of his throat, like he was in pain. His eyes were still scrunched shut.
“You were… what?” Lola’s voice was flat.
“We were dating. Sort of. More like hooking up, I guess. I’m- I’m gay.” He glanced at Noah, who looked like he was wishing for Raziel to smite him where he stood. “So is Noah.”
Lola blew out a breath, eyes flashing, cheeks flushed a deep red from the mixture of anger and alcohol.
“You let Noah parade me around like a show dog in front of the entire school for a week, and you knew the entire time that he wasn’t into me at all, and you said nothing? What the hell, Ty?”
“Lola,” Kelechi’s tone was a low warning.
“No, I want to hear this from Ty!” She advanced on Ty furiously, pulling the blanket more tightly around herself. She was more than a foot shorter than Ty, but her fury made her seem enormous. He took an unconscious step back, hands fluttering nervously at his sides.
“Lola, I’m so sorry. I’ve just been so scared. You’ve heard people talk about Magnus and Alec. You’ve heard what people in our classes have said about my own sister. I’m so sorry Lola. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want to out Noah either.”
“That’s no excuse to let him use me like this. I thought we were friends.” She shouldered past him, wrenching the door open. “And as for you, Noah. You can die, for all I care.”
Still wrapped only in a blanket, feet bare, hair spilling in wild tangles over her face, she turned and marched down the hall.
..
Noah sank down onto the bed, covering his face with his hands.
“She’s going to tell everyone.”
“No, she won’t.” Kelechi told him softly. “She’s hurt, but she’s not vindictive. She won’t try and get back at you.” Her eyes flickered to Ty, and she exhaled softly. “Ty, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. All those stupid jokes I made about Consul Lightwood and his husband. Oh, Raziel, Ty. If I had known- no, that’s no excuse. I should never have said those things, whether or not my friend is, well, uh-”
“Gay,” said Ty. He felt strangely calm. “You can say it, it’s not a dirty word. I’m gay.”
“Gay, then,” Kelechi gave a small smile. “I’m proud of you for saying it, and I’m so sorry that I made it harder for you to admit. And Noah,” her eyes narrowed. “I absolutely do NOT forgive you for how you’ve hurt my best friend, but I will not tell anyone your business. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m going to find all of Lola’s clothes, and then find Lola.”
She threw her arms around Ty, and he let her give him a quick squeeze.
“I’ll talk to you at breakfast,” she told him. “I love you.”
“You too,” Ty mumbled. That was one hurdle out of the way. Now he just had to figure out what to say to a very shirtless Noah Beauvale.
..
The door clicked shut behind Kelechi. Ty stood in the centre of the room, rubbing his fingers together at his sides, calming himself with the friction. Noah was still sitting on the bed, still dressed in only his boxer shorts. Ty was trying very intensely not to stare at his perfectly sculpted torso, or the very visible outline of what was below it. Now was not the right time, and Noah was really not the right person. An image of Kit skittered across his mind, and he felt a stab of guilt.
“So, uh,” Noah cleared his throat. “They know.”
“Yeah,” Ty’s voice came out low and husky, “They know. And they weren’t disgusted.”
“No, they were furious.”
“They were angry we hurt Lola, not that we’re gay.”
“I hurt Lola,” Noah wrapped his arms around himself. Ty wondered how in Raziel’s name he wasn’t freezing. “All you did was try and protect me.”
“I know how your friends are,” Ty told him. “But I should have found a way to be a better friend to Lola.” He turned. “I should go.”
“Ty, please,” Noah sprang to his feet, catching at Ty’s wrist. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone right now.” His voice cracked, eyes filling with moisture. He looked almost pathetic, and Ty found himself nodding. Honestly, he didn’t want to be alone right now either.
“I’ll stay for a while,” he told him, “But only as a friend. I really do have a boyfriend; I wasn’t lying about that.”
“Okay,” Noah nodded, wiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry for being so awful. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking, this last week.”
“I’m not going to say it’s okay, because it’s not. You really hurt my friend and you’ll have to find a way to make it up to her. But I do forgive you. I know you were just scared too.”
“Thank you, Ty. Can you sleep here tonight?”
Ty closed his eyes, balling his hands into fists. He wanted to. Oh, Raziel, he wanted to. Even if they did nothing else, just the thought of lying in Noah Beauvale’s arms was making his stomach tingle. But he knew it wouldn’t stop at sleeping. He was feeling vulnerable, craving reassurance. He knew if Noah reached for his pants tonight, he wouldn’t say no.
Against his will, Ty remembered Kit’s face when he had told Ty about his ex-girlfriend. She had cheated on Kit. He had tried to play it off as though it wasn’t a big deal, but Ty could see how it had affected him. Immediately, guilt tore into Ty. He couldn’t believe what he had just been thinking of doing.
“No,” he told Noah gently. “I can’t stay here tonight. I will lend you my spare blanket, since Lola took yours, but I need to sleep on my own. I don’t want to do anything that could compromise my relationship.”
“You’re a better man than me, Blackthorn,” Noah sighed. “You’re a better man than me.”
..
Kit sat slumped in the diner booth, his face buried in his arms, forehead pressed against the cool table. He felt like the worst hangover and the worst comedown he had ever had, rolled into one. He was worn out, acutely aware of every inch of his body. It all ached.
“Hey, handsome,” chirped Clive, setting a menu down. “You look like shit! Big night?”
“Mmmm,” groaned Kit. He lifted his head to gaze forlornly at Clive, who smiled sympathetically. He had seen himself in the mirror earlier, and knew how he looked. He was even paler than usual, with deep purple rings under his sunken eyes, his lips uncharacteristically chapped. But no matter how bedraggled he appeared, he felt worse. Even pulling on his new “fag” t-shirt hadn’t been enough to lift his mood.
“It was your birthday last night, wasn’t it?” Clive asked cheerfully. “From your face I’d say the party was wild?”
“I didn’t have a party,” Kit mumbled. His throat was painfully dry, and talking hurt.
“Then what- oh! Right. The, uh,” Clive dropped his voice, “Werewolf stuff.” He cleared his throat. “How did that all go? Are you… you know…?”
Glancing around him quickly, Clive slid into the booth, learning earnestly towards Kit across the table. Kit nodded glumly.
“I Changed. It was the most painful experience of my life. My insides felt like they were being deep-fried.” He winced at the memory.
“So, you’re a werewolf now?” Clive’s eyes were enormous.
“No. I’m lucky.”
“How? There is no cure for lycanthropy.”
“My- uh, some warlocks I know found a cure. It can only be done during the first Change, and it was even more painful than the Change itself, but it worked. They had no idea if it would, and honestly it felt like it was going to kill me, but it worked.” The relief Kit had been too numb to feel washed over him suddenly, causing tears to spring to his eyes. Clive rubbed his arm reassuringly with a moss-tinted hand. When Kit spoke again, his cracking voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m not a werewolf.”
………………….….
(Chapter 29)
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thanks @amchara and @sandersgrey for all ur help and feedback with this fic so far! also tagging @arangiajoan and @sofiatheskeleton (i noticed you read all the other chapters recently, so i just wanted to let you know there’s a new one! let me know if you don’t want to be tagged again!)
chapter title song: Fuck You and All Your Friends by Falling In Reverse
"Hey, Ty, a bunch of us are going up to the roof to have some drinks now that everyone's back, are you coming?" Lola called from the doorway. She had gotten changed out of her gear, and wore skinny jeans and a black singlet top that showed off her muscles. Ty wondered how she wasn’t cold. Even in the summer, the stone walls of the Scholomance kept the temperature low. Or, perhaps it was a normal temperature, and he was just from L.A.
There was no training scheduled for that afternoon, as the students were still arriving back from their month-long holidays, and the staff were adjusting to being back in a ‘stone prison of lively teenagers’, as Ragnor often put it. Students were not allowed on the roof, nor were they allowed alcohol, but ‘welcome back’ drinks had nonetheless become a ritual. It had begun as a way to get rid of all the contraband before post-holiday room inspections in the morning, but over the years it had become something that the future Centurions eagerly awaited each year. Their tutors either hadn’t caught on, or chose to turn a blind eye.
"I dunno, Lola,” Ty told her. “I'm pretty tired." And I don’t want to see you plastered all over Noah.
"Well, have a nap then come up."
"We'll see."
With a smile Lola left him to it, and he slipped on his pyjamas and climbed into bed.
"Livvy, can you wake me up in a couple of hours?"
There was no reply.
"Livvy? Irene, where’s Livvy?"
But Irene, curled on the foot of his bed, just yawned. Ty shrugged. Livvy was probably wandering around outside.
Instead of relying on his sister, Ty set an alarm on his watch. He briefly considered calling Kit, and then remembered that the Scholomance had barely any cell reception. Dammit. Maybe he would have to go up to the roof later after all.
..
“So you’re telling me that our mate Zack Scott, whom I have known for three years, is a werewolf?” Rupert’s eyes were wide.
“Yep.”
“And demons exist?”
“Yep.”
“And vampires?”
“Yep.”
“And you’re part of an elite race of warriors born to fight them?”
Kit sighed. “Yep. Look, dude, you already believe in ghosts. Is this any harder to believe than the fact that you literally spoke to Ty’s dead sister?”
“That was a cup moving around and a mug flying at the wall. This is my entire fucking world being completely fucking different.”
“It’s all true,” said Aidan unexpectedly. Kit stared at him.
“You believe me?” he asked, at the same time as Rupert said, “You believe him?”
“I do,” confirmed Aidan. “Actually, I already knew about it.”
Rupert turned to him with enormous eyes.
“You already knew? You already knew there are fucking werewolves and vampires?”
“They’re called Downworlders.” Aidan said calmly, surprising Kit again. “There are warlocks and faeries too.”
“You… know about Downworld?” Kit’s voice was faint. Distantly, he wondered if he were suffering hallucinations brought on by a concussion. His head was still throbbing.
“Yeah, I know about Downworlders. Shadowhunters too. I just never realised that you’re one.”
Kit pointed to his faerie wristband. “Protection charm. Hides my rune. Honestly, I originally got it so I wouldn’t get told off for having tattoos at school.”
Aidan barked a laugh. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
“So, like, how exactly do you know about the Shadow World? Even people with the Sight don’t normally realise they have it. Their minds just kinda explain it all away. Do you have the Sight?”
“Yeah, I have the Sight. Most of my family does, and we have as far back as we can remember. My great-great grandfather actually worked at the London Institute all his life, and he fought alongside the Shadowhunters in their war. His name was Cyril Tanner.” He smiled distantly, as though reciting words he’d heard many times over. “You may think there are no mundanes left who know about your world, but my family passed down their knowledge, and we remember.” He inclined his head. “It’s an honour to be your friend.”
“Woah, man.” Kit held up his hands. “I’m not really one of them. I’ve barely done anything to deserve respect like that. Please don’t let this change how you see me.”
“Okay,” Aidan shrugged. “But since we’re on the topic, my great-great grandfather knew a warlock woman by the name of Tessa Gray. I’ve always wondered…”
“That’s her,” Kit confirmed. “And Jem is James Carstairs.”
“So he’s alive, then?”
“Yeah, he’s alive. It’s a long story.”
“Guys,” Rupert was looking back and forth between them, perplexed. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
..
When Ty awoke, it wasn’t to the beeping of his watch-alarm. Irene was on his pillow, pawing at his face.
“Mmm,” he groaned sleepily. “What do you want?”
“I asked her to wake you up,” said Livvy. “Your friends are all up on the roof. You’re missing out.”
“Where have you even been?”
Livvy waved a transparent hand. “Around. Are you going up to the roof?”
“I don’t feel like it.”
“I think you should.”
“Why?”
“Seeing your friends will be good for you.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Ty, go.”
“No.” Ty knew he sound like a child, but arguing with Livvy did that to him. It had been the same pattern all his life, and it was equal parts irritating and comfortingly familiar. He hauled himself out of bed and started getting ready. Livvy was right, but he wouldn’t tell her that out loud.
"What’s that?" Livvy asked, pointing to the bed.
"A pillow."
"No, sticking out from under the pillow." She raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, uh, nothing."
"Ty, is that Kit’s t-shirt?"
"...maybe."
Kit had left his shirt at the hotel room when he had stayed over on Saturday night. Was that really less than a week ago? It felt like forever. Ty had picked it up, intending to return it, but without meaning to he had lifted it to his nose. It smelled like Kit. Warm and sweet, a hint of peach lingering over the more masculine scent of his body. Feeling only slightly guilty, Ty had shoved it into his bag instead.
“Ty, you’re pathetic.” Her tone was fond. “Call him.”
……………………..
(Chapter 23)
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thanks @sandersgrey and @amchara as usual! tagging @arangiajoan :)
thanks to the people that are still reading this fic! it's a lot longer than i had originally planned but i'm having a good time writing it. please please leave replies letting me know what you think of the plot line and the direction its taking, whether you like my ocs etc (yes, you, pls!). i really want to be writing stuff people are enjoying reading! please interact with my fic i live off attention please my children are starving
chapter title song: Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic by Mayday Parade
“Lola! wait!” Ty caught his friend’s arm as she turned the corner.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“What was that at lunch?” Seeing her blank look, he added, “With Noah Beauvale?”
“Oh,” Lola’s cheeks coloured. She had always been the type to blush easily. “Uh, I helped him find some books earlier, and we got to chatting. I think he likes me. Aw, come on don’t look at me like that. I know he’s kind of an ass when he’s with his friends, but he was really sweet today. Did you see the way he put his arm around me? Do you think he’s going to ask me to be his girlfriend?”
“Um, I don’t know.” In his pocket, Ty fiddled with his cube. Lola’s expression turned dreamy.
“I hope he does. He’s so cute. His eyes look like sapphires!”
“Do they?”
“They do,” Lola confirmed. “Have you noticed how he always looks a little bit sad? Maybe I can help him.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Wait a minute,” She studied Ty’s face, peering up at him from her diminutive height. “You’re not jealous, are you?”
Ty’s heart raced. Was he jealous? And if he was, had she seen through him that easily? Lola noticed his hesitation. She dropped her voice.
“Ty, do you like, like me?”
Oh. Of course. Lola didn’t know he was gay. In fact, Ty realised that today had been the first time he had said the words out loud: “I’m gay.”
It was a truth he had always known about himself, even before he had a word to put to it. Girls had just never caught his attention the way boys seemed to catch Livvy’s, and he had realised at a young age that when Livvy would dreamily muse out loud about an attractive boy’s features, Ty would secretly agree. Livvy knew it, of course. They never really spoke about it, but his twin sister would always take great care to let Ty know that she loved and accepted him just the way he was. When Helen had brought home her first girlfriend, Livvy was her loudest supporter, and when Mark returned from the Hunt with Kieran in tow, she had gushed out loud about what a great couple they made. It was just one more way she had shielded him from the world.
He had practiced in his head, telling Julian, telling Mark, telling the rest of them. They wouldn’t have an issue with it, he knew, but he had seen the way other Shadowhunters turned their noses up at Helen and Aline, and knew he wasn’t ready to accept it just yet.
With Kit, it had never been a question of who he liked in general. Kit had never needed him to say it. As long as Ty liked him, that was enough for Kit. He hadn’t imagined that his first time speaking those words would be to the boy who had hurt him by refusing to acknowledge his own truth.
“No, Lola,” he told her. “You’re my sister-in-law’s cousin, so we’re pretty much family.”
“Oh, okay,” Was it his imagination or did she look a little disappointed?
“I’m just looking out for you. I don’t want you to get hurt by Noah Beauvale.”
..
“Okay, now what the hell happened to you two?”
They were sitting in a booth at the diner, Rupert and Kit both squinting and holding their heads. Kit’s bruised cheekbone was throbbing so hard it was obscuring his vision.
Aidan had appeared at the skatepark within minutes, sweaty and out of breath. Once he ascertained that neither of them required a hospital, he had insisted on bundling them into the diner, stuffing his and Rupert’s school ties and blazers into his backpack.
“We got in a fight with Zack.” Kit said forlornly.
“I got in a fight with Zack.” Rupert corrected. “He flattened me, and then Kit beat the absolute shit out of him.”
“You beat the shit out of Zack?” Aidan’s eyes widened incredulously.
“Yeah.”
“Zack as in Zack Scott?”
“Yeah.”
“Zack Scott as in Looks-like-he-could-kill-a-man-with-his-bare-hands Zack Scott?”
“Yeah.”
“Woah. Remind me to never make you mad. Why the hell were you trying to fight him in the first place, Ru?” Aidan’s tone was equal parts accusation and concern.
“He was mouthing off saying I’m in love with Kit,” said Rupert flatly, his expression dead. Aidan’s mouth dropped open into a little ‘o’ of dismay. He lay his hand on Rupert’s arm.
“Oh, honey.”
Rupert hung his head. Kit looked between them in confusion.
“I thought that was just Zack being an ass.”
“No,” Rupert looked like he wanted to throw up. “It’s true.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
There was silence for a moment. Kit studied his bloodied knuckles.
“Well, if it isn’t my three favourite customers,” gushed a male voice. Clive fluttered his wings happily, then paused. “Oh, but you two look beat up to high Hell! I do like tough-looking men, but this is taking it a step far, don’t you think?” He laughed.
“Clive,” Aidan told him warningly, “Not the time.”
“My bad,” replied the faerie amicably, waving a shamrock-tinted hand. “Can I get you boys anything?”
Kit and Rupert were too distracted to think about food, so Aidan ordered them all pancakes. Clive bustled off and returned a few minutes later, with glasses of water and a first-aid kit.
“Let me see your leg,” he told Kit, who looked down in surprise. With the pain in his face and head, he had almost forgotten that his scratched leg was dripping blood onto the floorboards. The leg of his jeans was entirely soaked in scarlet, as was his shoe. Now he definitely needed new ones.
Clive was surprisingly gentle, rolling up Kit’s pant leg with nimble fingers and wiping away the blood with a soft tissue.
“I can’t promise this is gonna be as good as what a nurse could do, I’m only a humble waiter, after all, but I’ll try my best.”
“Thanks.” Kit closed his eyes and leaned back against the booth. Clive’s hands were surprisingly warm and soft; he had almost expected them to be cool and glossy, like the texture of leaves. He winced as Clive sprayed something onto the wound.
“What did you even do here?” Clive asked with a frown.
“I got in a fight. Guy had a knife.”
“Ah,” Clive didn’t seem happy with the explanation, but he didn’t push. He wound a bandage around Kit’s calf, and then gave it a gentle pat. “There you go. And just because I like you, I won’t charge for my services.” He winked. “I also have some ice-packs somewhere. Both of you are gonna have black eyes if you don’t get something cold onto it. In fact, Kit, I suspect you’re going to have a black eye whether you put ice on it or not.”
He hurried away, wiping Kit’s blood onto his apron. Kit hoped he would change it before serving any more food.
By the time the pancakes and ice-packs arrived, Rupert still had not spoken. He pressed the cold bundle to his face and gave a shuddering sigh. “Kit, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. Or ever, really.”
“Ru, it’s okay.” Kit was still processing. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, now that you know, I have some stuff I wanna say.” Rupert looked to Aidan for support. Aidan’s hand was still on his arm, rubbing gently in soothing circles, fingers dark against Rupert’s pale skin. He gave Rupert an encouraging smile.
“Kit, I just want you to know that you and Ty fighting doesn’t make me happy at all. Yes, I’m jealous of him, but it is so incredible to see you happy that it’s making me happy too. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Have I ever made you uncomfortable or hindered your relationships with other people in any way?”
Kit thought about this. Rupert deserved an honest answer. He thought back to the week before, to Rupert excitedly helping him choose the perfect outfit for his date. That had been genuine. Then he remembered the odd look on Rupert’s face when Ty’s hand had found Kit’s and held it in the hotel room. He hadn’t let it fester, but wiped it away with a joke and a smile so quickly that Kit could almost believe he never saw it. He remembered years of friendship and support so sincere that this new revelation couldn’t taint it.
“No, man, you never have.”
Rupert sat back. His dark eyes were ringed with even darker circles.
“Then that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Why me, though?” As soon as the question left his mouth, Kit wanted to take it back. It seemed so self-absorbed it was almost cruel. But he was genuinely curious, so he left it hanging in the air between them. Rupert answered after only a moment.
“You know your mum’s friend Magnus Bane? How you always say you don’t know if you want to be him or do him?”
Kit dropped his face into his hands. “Yes.”
“Well that’s how I feel about you. You’re just so…” He trailed off, lost for words. Kit looked down at his oversize “I like my girls how I like my guys” t-shirt.
“Flamboyantly bisexual?” he suggested, trying to ease the tension. Rupert didn’t smile.
“You’re just so you. You just dress how you want and act how you want and you don’t give a shit. And you are so lucky with Jem and Tessa. You bring home a boyfriend and they don’t even blink.”
“You’re right, I am lucky with Jem and Tessa.”
Kit had never had to ‘come out’ to them, and he didn’t think it was because they already knew. They just simply never assumed that straight was the default. It was amazing how much difference simple language changes could make. They wouldn’t ask “do you have a girlfriend?”, but “are you dating anyone?”. They used neutral language for Kit’s friends and crushes until Kit confirmed their pronouns. And, they showed no trace of surprise when Kit talked about how hot Brendan Urie was. In short, they had been an incredible part of Kit learning to be comfortable with himself.
“But,” he continued, “I don’t know how it would have been if I didn’t live with them. My dad liked to throw around slurs like they were meaningless, but I don’t know how he actually felt.” Casual homophobia, Wren had called it. Kit pictured her colourful hair and open, laughing face, a pleasant fixture of his nights at the Market, and felt a stab of pain.
“Well, I know exactly how my parents would react.” Rupert told him. “My step-dad would beat the shit out of me and kick me out of the house, if my mum didn’t legitimately kill me first.”
“Oh.”
“Yep. But it’s whatever.” He shrugged, trying to look like he didn’t care. “I’m more interested in whatever the hell happened with you and Zack. He most certainly did not have a knife. He scratched you with his hand, I saw it. And I still want to know what a Shadowhunter is.”
“First,” Kit tried to order his jumbled thoughts. He reached across the table and took Rupert’s hand, trying to channel supportive Magnus Bane vibes. “I just want to tell you that what you told me changes nothing. I love you. You are one third of this dream-team, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You’ll figure out who you are, and Aidan and I will be here for you the entire time.”
Aidan made a soft noise of agreement, squeezing Rupert’s arm. “Love you, man.”
“Whether you’re gay, bi, pan, or whatever else, you’re the same Rupert that I have been best friends with for the last two years. We’ve got this. All of us. Okay?”
Rupert’s eyes were shining. He squeezed Kit’s hand back.
“Okay. Thank you. Really. Now for the love of God please tell me what the hell Zack meant by ‘Shadowhunter’.”
……………………
(Chapter 22)
(Bonus content: Aidan, Rupert, & Clive)
..........................
thanks @sandersgrey and @amchara as usual! i would not keep writing this is if i didn’t have u guys hyping it up all the time. also @arangiajoan ur tags when u reblog the chapters give me life (thank u). i’m glad ur enjoying the angst. there will certainly be more
chapter title song: Bones Exposed by Of Mice & Men
Ty hated liars. He had been raised by one, and he was one himself when he needed to be, but in the end all it ever caused was more pain.
He offered them to Ty, who made a face.
“Nah, I don’t smoke.”
“Me either,” said Kit angelically, tucking them back into his pocket without taking one. “Jem and Tessa would kill me.”
Kit hadn't even blinked when he lied. If he could tell untruths so smoothly during their first meeting in more than two years, what else could he be lying about? Could Ty trust a single word he said?
And then there was the way he adamantly rejected his blood-calling as a Shadowhunter. To Ty, it felt like by rejecting this life, Kit was also rejecting him. Perhaps it wasn’t so black-and-white, but if it was a misunderstanding, why hadn’t he called?
“Anyone sitting here?” Lola asked, motioning to the empty seat beside him at the lunch table. Ty shook his head, and she set her tray down. He was working on breaking what appeared to be chicken strips apart with his fingers, when a third person joined their table.
“Lola, baby, there you are.” Sliding arm around Lola, Noah Beauvale slid into an empty seat.
“Hey, Noah.” There was an odd rosy glow in her cheeks as she smiled at him, as though she couldn’t quite believe her luck.
“Thanks for helping me with that thing in the library earlier,” Noah told her, snaking his arm further around her waist. “It was really good getting to know you a little bit better. I can’t believe I never noticed I had someone as pretty as you in my classes.”
Lola giggled. Over her head, Noah shot a poisonous glance at Ty, who expected it to sting and was surprised when it did not. Mostly, he was worried for Lola. She was a smart girl, but smarter people had done dumber things in the name of wanting attention from someone who looked like Noah Beauvale. He would know.
..
Rupert was waiting at the skate park when Kit arrived, leaning against a ramp, his knees drawn up to his chest. He was still in his school uniform, his tie hanging loose around his neck. He looked pale and drawn, and he was tapping his fingers on his knee in an anxious rhythm. He smiled when he saw Kit approaching, but it didn’t reach his eyes. When he saw Kit's face, his smile dropped.
"K-man, are you okay?"
"No." Kit flopped down next to him. He hadn't meant to be so blunt, but the word had come out of its own volition. "Ty and I had a fight, and he left without saying goodbye."
"Oh."
"Yeah. He wanted me to move back to L.A."
"Back to L.A.!?" Rupert looked stricken.
"Yeah. I told him I'm happy here, and then we had a massive argument."
"So you aren't going?"
"No," Kit picked at his shoe. The rubber on the side of his Vans had started to peel off, probably from his skateboard. He would have to invest in some new ones soon.
"Oh." Rupert exhaled. "Okay. Good."
Kit was saved replying by the arrival of Zack, striding towards them with an opaque plastic bag in his hand. Though Zack’s brother was in some of Kit’s classes, Zack himself had finished school a few years back, and he never seemed to have anywhere better to be when one of the boys called him, needing booze or cigarettes, or something harder.
"You look like shit," he announced, sitting down in front of them with his legs crossed.
"Which one?" asked Kit.
"Both of you."
"Rough couple of days," said Rupert flatly. Kit wondered what had happened to him.
"Sounded like it on the phone," Zack pulled out a pouch of tobacco and began rolling himself a smoke, "So I brought some vodka as well, if you have the cash. This shit ain’t cheap."
"Yeah, I've got money. Give me the smokes first though." Rupert reached into the bag and pulled out a pack, opening it and offering one to Kit. They lit up and smoked in silence for a few moments.
"So, tell Uncle Zack what's wrong." The scars on Zack's face distorted when he smiled. Kit wondered how many fights he had been in. Werewolves could be nasty when they got territorial. He sighed.
"Ty and I had a pretty bad fight."
"That your boyfriend?" Zack flicked his cigarette.
"Kinda. I don't know. We never really put a label on it."
"Well it's not worth worrying about then. Dudes come and go."
"That's harsh, Zack." Rupert's voice sounded tight. "Ty's not like that. He and Kit have something real."
"Are you sure you're the one who should be defending him? I thought you'd be stoked it's over."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Rupert in a low voice. There was a dangerous edge to it that Kit didn't understand. Zack shrugged.
"You know, since you're in love with Kit and all."
In a flash, Rupert had him by the collar, hauling him to his feet, their half-smoked cigarettes landing on the concrete in a shower of sparks.
"Shut up," he hissed. Zack only laughed.
"Come on, man, we all know it. You ain't subtle, the way you follow him around all moony-eyed."
"I swear to God, if you don't shut your fucking mouth-"
"You'll what? Hit me? Go on, I'd like to see you try."
"Rupert," warned Kit, jumping to his feet. It looked almost comical, the tall, lanky schoolboy towering over the stocky, rough-looking werewolf. But it was anything but funny. "Rupert, don't."
Rupert raised his arm, swinging his fist in a wide arc towards Zack's head. Fast as a whip, Zack ducked, sweeping Rupert's legs out from underneath him and returning the punch, sending him flying backwards into the metal ramp. He hit it with a dull thud and slid to the ground.
"Bastard," he spat, struggling to stand.
Zack advanced on him, fingers of his right hand growing into claws.
"Wanna run that one by me again?"
"I said you're a bastard!"
Zack curled his clawed hand into a fist and drove it towards Rupert. Barely aware he was moving, Kit sprang between them, blocking Zack's punch with his forearm the way Jem had shown him. It hurt, and he staggered back, swearing.
"Stay out of it, Kit," Zack told him, eyes glinting dangerously.
"No!" Kit swung, his fist connecting with Zack's sternum and knocking the wind out of him. Coughing, Zack swiped at him, and Kit jumped back, barely clearing his razor-tipped claws. Furious, Kit ran forward, grabbing a fistful of Zack's shaggy hair and yanking downwards, dropping him onto the concrete. It wasn't the cleanest of moves, but Zack was a werewolf trying to fight a mundane, so Kit felt it was justified.
Zack slashed at Kit again, tearing open the leg of his jeans and slicing into the skin. Kit screamed and fell, and Zack used the opportunity to jump on top of him, landing a succession of blows on Kit's face that would definitely bruise.
In the background, Rupert was yelling. The last thing Kit wanted was for him to re-join the fight. He stood no chance. Kit tried desperately to remember his training. He had lied to Ty; he trained with Jem three times a week, every week. Just because he didn't want to be a Shadowhunter didn’t mean he wouldn’t train like one. He needed to keep himself safe, and protect his family
Jem had taught him what to do if an opponent was pinning him down. Kit twisted, arching his back suddenly with all the force he could muster. Zack lost his balance and tumbled over Kit's head, losing his grip on Kit. Instantly, they were both back on their feet. Kit's heart was pounding, adrenaline pumping through him. He felt alive in a way he hadn’t in a long time. He ducked another swipe of the claws and dodged a punch, spinning and striking out with his elbow. He wasn’t sure where it connected, but he heard Zack's surprised grunt.
"How the hell are you-"
Kit cut him off with a punch, this time to the nose. He felt it break beneath his fingers, and Zack screamed.
He was crouched on the ground, holding his nose, blood dripping through his fingers. He glared at Kit through wolf eyes, his features elongating. With his mind, Kit reached inside himself for the little flutter of faerie magic he usually ignored. He focused on the charm bracelet, focused on stripping away the glamour it provided, letting Zack see the truth. He brandished his Voyance rune in front of him.
"Shadowhunter." Zack snarled.
"That's right, I am." Kit advanced on him. He had no doubts that a different werewolf could have torn him to shreds. He was wearing no runes but his Voyance one, and he had no weapons. But this was Zack, who drank too much and smoked too much, and definitely did not take enough care of himself to be truly dangerous.
"Herondale." Zack spit blood. "I should have known that name wasn’t a coincidence".
"You’re right, I am Christopher Herondale. I am related to Jace Herondale, and I was trained by James Carstairs, former Silent Brother. You have broken the Accords by attacking a mundane, and I am well within my rights to kill you here."
"You wouldn’t."
Kit’s leg was gushing blood, and he was filled with a mutinous sort of fury. He hadn’t come here to fight, but it was proving to be an excellent distraction. Rupert was still cowering on the ground, watching the fight with enormous eyes. With his foot, Kit struck out, throwing all his weight into the kick. It caught Zack in the centre of his chest and sent him skidding across the concrete.
"Try me."
Zack tried to stand, hair sprouting on his face as the beginnings of the Change shuddered through him.
“Don’t even try it,” Kit warned. “I have a knife.”
He was bluffing, but he held Zack’s furious gaze, unblinking. Zack didn’t move, so Kit slowly put his hand to the pocket of his jeans, praying silently that Zack would run before he came up empty-handed. With a last snarl, Zack scrambled to his feet and took off, leaving a trail of blood from his broken nose dripping onto the concrete.
“What in the entire fuck just happened?” Rupert was limping towards him, holding his head. Zack had only landed one decent blow, but it had done some damage. “Kit, what the hell is a Shadowhunter?”
Kit closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. The adrenaline was starting to fade, and he realised he was going to be in a lot of pain very soon.
“Call Aidan, and tell him to get his ass down here. I don’t care which class he has right now. I think I have a lot I need to tell you guys.”
………………………..
(Chapter 21)
...............................
thank u to @sandersgrey and @amchara for bouncing ideas around with me! tagging @arangiajoan (if anyone wants to be tagged in future chapters let me know!)
chapter title song: Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying by Fall Out Boy
Kit spent the next three days in a detached sort of bliss. Ty showed up at Cirenworth each morning to walk him to school, met him between classes for brief moments in the corridors, and sat with his friends at lunch. How he got away with being in the school grounds no one was certain, but Kit and his friends were not going to be the ones to complain. He had been shy at first, fiddling with his wristband or his cube, eyes looking anywhere but the other people at the table. In the end it was a combination of Aidan’s easy humour and Kit’s steady presence that brought him out of his shell, and Kit’s entire friend group agreed behind Ty’s back that Kit had struck a winner with this one.
After school they wandered around town on tours of Kit’s favourite places, hung out in the hotel lazily passing time, and spent evenings at Cirenworth with Kit’s family. Jem and Tessa liked Ty, and Mina absolutely adored him. She was delighted by everything he did. Church only eyed him warily, then returned to hissing at Livvy’s ghost.
Perhaps the best part of those days, however, was the kisses. There were the good morning kisses, and the you-look-so-hot-in-your-uniform kisses. There were secret kisses in empty classrooms, and bold kisses at the lunch table. There were the I-missed-you-in-class kisses, and of course, the good-night-I-wish-you-could-stay kisses. But these were school nights, and he respected Tessa and Jem, so he obeyed the rules.
They were blissful days, and they felt as though they would stretch on for eternity.
But days like those do not last forever, and Kit realised with growing anxiety that the topic of the future was being avoided entirely. They lived in the present, relishing each other's company. They commiserated about the past, and all the time they had lost. But they steered clear of even a passing mention of the future. Kit wondered if that was purposeful on Ty's behalf, or whether Ty, like himself, was terrified of shattering this precious illusion.
But time is merciless, and the days marched forward unapologetically, carrying them towards Thursday, the day of Ty's impending departure, without a hint of remorse.
On Wednesday night, the bombshell dropped.
They were leaving the diner, which had quickly become their "spot", and wandering hand in hand along the road that lead back to Cirenworth.
"I just can't believe you have never seen that movie!" Kit was saying, playfully shoving Ty away and then drawing him back with their clasped hands. But Ty, who ordinarily would have shoved him right back, seemed distant. "You okay?"
"I'm leaving tomorrow." Ty's voice was flat. "This week has been incredible, but my holiday’s over and I'm due back at the Scholomance in the morning."
"No need to sound so thrilled about it." Kit played with the strap of his backpack, trying to keep his tone light. A chasm was opening in the pit of his stomach. "You can always visit again. Or maybe I could come and see you?"
"Outsiders aren't allowed in the Scholomance." Ty shook his head. "Listen, Kit..."
He sounded so serious that Kit stopped walking. Ty stumbled to a halt beside him, and carefully withdrew his hand. He took a deep breath. "I think you should come back to L.A."
Of all the things he had imagined Ty saying, this was not one.
"What?"
"You're a Shadowhunter," said Ty, turning to face him. He was blinking hard, eyes skittering across Kit's face. "You need to train."
"To train?" Kit knew he sounded slow, but he couldn't help it. The idea was so bizarre.
"Yes. Ordinarily you would have been living at an institute or the Academy and training all this time, but it's better late than never. You can train with Diana -she's running the institute now, you know- and there's a permanent portal from the Scholomance to New York because the Consul lives there, and there's a portal from New York to LA, so I can easily visit whenever. I think they'd grant me leave for a few hours every couple of days to come see you. And once I'm done at the Scholomance, they said they'll post me to LA because my family lives there. It's a foolproof plan."
Kit was silent. Ty's expression turned anxious.
"You like the plan, right?"
"Ty..." Kit sighed, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the concrete. "I'm not a Shadowhunter. Sure, Jem's trained me a little, but it's not who I am. Don't get me wrong, the skills come in handy for keeping myself safe, and like, skateboarding and stuff, but I don't want to be a warrior like the rest of you. I want to finish high school and have as normal a life as I can."
"Aren't you finishing school in a few weeks?" Ty's grey eyes widened imploringly. "We can wait until then before you leave."
"Since I missed so much, I'm a year behind everyone else my age." Kit rubbed at the voyance rune on the back of his hand. He remembered Ty's face when he had drawn it, the serious cast of his features as he concentrated. "I still have another full year. And even if I was graduating this summer, I don't want to go. I like my life here. Why don't you stay with me here for a while?" He knew even as he said it that it would never happen. Ty loved the Scholomance, and was dedicated to his pursuit of Shadowhunter knowledge. Ty shook his head.
"Please, Kit. You can't deny your blood forever. You could even go to mundane school in L.A., finish out your education there. You could train at the institute after school and on weekends. I don't understand why you don't want to be a Shadowhunter."
"I just don't!" Kit raised his voice. It had been a long time since he had been upset enough to shout, and he never thought he would be shouting at Ty. "My whole life was running and hiding and skulking around Downworld, and here I finally have a home and a family, and friends that don't ask me to put my life in danger every five minutes! Jem understands that, and so do Jace and Clary, so why can't you!?"
"I see." Ty's tone was clipped. His usually open expression snapped closed, freezing Kit out in a way it hadn't since they were fifteen. "Well, Kit, I'm sorry to have dredged up such painful memories. I can see we're not going to agree on this anytime soon. I'm going to leave now."
"No- Ty, I didn't mean-"
"Yes you did."
"God, I need a cigarette." Without thinking, Kit slumped onto the curb and pulled the pack from his pocket, drawing one out and shoving it between his lips. Still standing above him, Ty's face turned an odd shade of red.
"I thought you said you didn't smoke." His voice had a dangerous edge.
"I lied." replied Kit mutinously. "I'm good at that."
Wordlessly, Ty reached down and snatched the cigarette from his lips, dropping it to the ground and grinding it into the cement with his heel. He spun and marched stiffly away without a backwards glance.
Beside Kit, someone exhaled. Kit started, swinging around to find Livvy, knees drawn up to her chest as if she were sitting, though she floated a few inches off the ground. Her long hair stirred in the breeze.
"I didn't know you were here," he said, although he should have guessed. These last few days she had mostly left them alone, popping in at random intervals to check she wasn’t missing anything. He could never be sure when he would turn to find her in a space that had been empty seconds before.
"Why did you lie to him?" She didn't sound accusatory, just tired.
"You forget," Kit's voice was low, "whose son I am."
He drew out another cigarette and lit it with the tip of a black-nailed finger - a cheap parlour trick he had learned from his father. He knew he was retreating into his old self, wrapping Past-Kit around him like a safety jacket. His therapist said it was a defence mechanism. How could anyone hurt him if he pushed them away first?
Beside him, Livvy hugged her knees as though she were freezing. Kit wondered idly if dead girls could feel cold, but now didn't seem the time to ask. Livvy's eyes were blazing.
"What?" he asked bluntly.
"Jem and Tessa are your parents just as much as Johnny Rook ever was, and maybe more so because they actually care about you," she snapped. "I've seen you guys together, and you're a real proper family. Tell me they wouldn't be heartbroken to hear you talk like that."
"They wouldn't care," muttered Kit, knowing it wasn't true.
"You know what?" Livvy sat up straight. "I am never going to grow up. My brain will never develop beyond the logic and reasoning of a fifteen year old. But yours will, so fucking act like it." With an angry pop, she vanished. Kit took a slow drag of his cigarette and stared into the air where she had been for a long time.
…………………....
(Chapter 19)
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thank u @sandersgrey and @amchara for all ur help with this fic! it’s good to know that if im wasting my week writing it, at least someone is enjoying reading it! also tagging @arangiajoan who has just started reading! sorry u joined just as the angst train left the station! i hope u still enjoy it!
chapter title song: The Comedown by Bring Me the Horizon
