Just wanted to send you a quick message to say I 100% am behind you putting your health and everything first before your book. I've been reading your stuff since your tr fanfics and ill always support you. I'm so happy for you! I hope everything gets better for you soon ❤
Thank you! Same!
Things are much better for me than they were, which is nice! It’s a process. I’m still very excited about the book (and I think about it most days), so I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I hope they will ^_^
Thanks for your support over the years - you really have been supporting me for a long time! I noticed and appreciate it <3 <3
The Study Group - Chapter 2: The Capital Of The Empire
Until now, Elyza hasn’t talked to Trizzi much. Trizzi has always seemed impossibly out of reach, but also incredibly close all at once. She’s kind, thoughtful, and incredibly helpful to her students. Elyza admires her, she really does. That admiration definitely has a crush attached to it, but she never thought she would ever act on it.
Well, traveling with Trizzi and the rest of them sure complicates that. Elyza is finding more and more adorable traits to like about Trizzi. Before she knows it, she’s awake at night while everyone else is asleep, listing them all. She has to tell herself off, to not go chasing after something she can’t have. She’s happy with acknowledging her little crush, but that’s all it can ever be. Trizzi isn’t like Miya, or any other girls Elyza has been with in the past. She’s off limits, and that’s that.
Luckily, Elyza can’t get too far in her own head about all of this, as her ‘charges’ aren’t exactly a handful or anything, but they sure make the journey interesting.
A few hours into travelling, Cheese stands up abruptly, making his way over to his little backpack and rummaging around in it. Elyza looks to Cariston who gives her a just as curious look back. In fact, she’s about to ask what he’s doing, when he makes a noise and sits back down again with an unopened envelope in his hands.
Everyone seems to be watching him as he hums to himself happily and opens the letter. His eyes scan over the writing with incredible speed, a small smile on his face before he sets it aside and reaches into the envelope once more and pulls out a ring.
“Oh, this is so exciting!” he announces to them all.
Summary: “So she isn’t puttin’ up a fight and I’m like, hold on a minute what’s going on here? I’ve got my gun to her head and she- she tells me to bloody kill her! Like this is scary assassin Widowmaker who doesn’t feel emotions, and she’s just like oh yeah Lena it’s no big deal just pull the trigger an’ that”
Widowmaker is acting strangely and Tracer wants to find out why.
If you had to pick a word to describe the last few days, you’d have to pick torturous. No one looks at you like they used to, no one even smiles at you. You knew things would be bad when Overwatch found out what you’d been doing, but you didn’t think it could be quite this bad. No one trusts you, they all look at you with this uneasy stare and quickly scuttle away when you catch them looking. You didn’t think it would ever be this bad, but obviously you were wrong.
Angela is becoming the only person who seems to act like a normal person around you, and you hate it. You didn’t mean to hurt them, you didn’t mean to hurt anyone, you were just trying to help someone in need, and look where its gotten you. You didn’t think you were someone who really needed the approval of people until now.
“Something on your mind, leibling?”
Her voice snaps you back to the harsh reality of it all, and all you can do is sigh and shrug in response. She furrows her brow slightly, hesitating for a moment before stepping away from her desk.
“Lena, I know things have been…difficult around here recently, but it will pass”
“I just…I don’t know ‘bout that Angie. Should ‘ave seen the look Winston gave me the other day, think he actually hates me now”
She opens her mouth to reply but seems to think better of it. Instead, she gently touches your shoulder, the gesture saying something she never could with words. That she trusts you still, that she would have done what you did if she could. From what you’ve talked about, it seems she’s done some things just as bad as you have, although back then it was all under the guise of actually helping people. So the only thing she had to answer to was her own conscience. You two really aren’t so different, she’s just a lot better at hiding her demons than you’ll ever be.
“have you…have you heard from Emily?” Angela asks softly, removing her hand from your shoulder but not moving away from you just yet.
Your friends hating you is one thing, but the way things stand with Em…that’s definitely something that’s been on your mind a lot. “Yeah, she’s home safe. All she’s said to me…don’t think she really wants to talk to me either”
“She’ll be fine Lena. You’ll be home with her soon, and all this will be behind you both”
“I don’t know if it will be, luv…I just…think I fucked up real bad this time, I can’t fix things with everyone”
Angela sighs, making her way back to her desk. For a moment you think she’s about to tell you to get out and let her do her work. That is until you notice she’s staring at a particular piece of paper in her hand. She stares at it hard, her eyes looking lost like she’s stuck in a memory. She shakes her head, her eyes meeting yours as you slowly approach her.
For the first time you seem to notice the small photo album on her desk. It’s opened to about half way through, and inside a picture of Angela and Amelia, arms wrapped around each other tight as they grin at the camera. The picture underneath it is similar as well, except Angela isn’t looking at the camera, she’s looking at Amelie with a look you know all too well. It’s…strange to see them together like this, both looking so happy. You guessed there was something between them, what exactly that was you don’t know, but you can tell by the pictures that maybe their relationship wasn’t quite as platonic as everyone once thought.
You expected her to try hide the pictures, but Angela just smiles this sad empty smile, letting go of the paper in her hand as she reaches towards the album. She stops herself, drawing her hand back as the smile drops from her face.
“My heart has been broken many times leibling, by many people, some from within Overwatch. When we tell you not to get involved with her, Jack and I…we’re talking from experience. She was special to me once too…which is why my judgement is so clouded on this. When she left, everyone mourned for the loss of Gerard…but no one seemed to understand we’d lost her too. I was the only one who seemed to mourn for my Amé”
Your eyes widen slightly as you hear the nickname. Widow said someone from her past called her Amé, but she couldn’t possibly be talking about Angela…unless they definitely did mean a lot more to each other than anyone else could have ever known.
“Angie…” You say softly, not sure what the hell you’re supposed to say to her. What are you exactly supposed to say when your best friend hits you with something like that? The implications behind her words are endless. That she loved Amelie, that she possibly loved someone else from within the organisation. And you don’t even want to begin to wonder what she means about Jack Morrison.
“I’ve been ordered to keep you under close eye, to try stop you from leaving, until I can completely clear you, and get your word you won’t chase after Widowmaker anymore…but I can’t do that” she bites her lip, looking conflicted on what exactly to do before she looks back to you.
“Save her Lena. Lay low and sort things with Emily. But if Amelie comes to you again, please try and save her”
When you arrive back at your flat, it’s quiet. Unbearably quiet in fact, something which isn’t usual for your flat at all. There’s normally always some noise, if that’s the gradual build-up of the kettle, of the TV on quietly. Normally the first thing you hear is Emily humming or singing happily to herself in the kitchen. But today there is no noise, nothing at all. If you hadn’t noticed Emily’s shoes in the hallway by the door, you would have assumed she wasn’t in.
You slowly make your way to the living room, feeling like a stranger in your own home. Everything feels so alien to you, like you’ve not been here for years, when in reality you’ve been away no longer than a week or so.
The living room is empty, no Emily in sight, which is strange because you sure didn’t hear her in the kitchen. You walk over to the couch, a stab of pain in your heart as you look at the blanket folded up on the arm of it. On top of it lies a single piece of clothing, which you know is the shirt Emily had given to Widow to wear. You reach out to touch it, but stop. You don’t want to ruin it, ruin the perfect image of her still being here, of everything being okay. But you have to, have to shatter that because really, that’s reality now. She tried to kill you, was still under Talon’s control after everything. You should hate her, shouldn’t want anything to do with her, but of course you still do. You can’t stop what your heart really wants, even if it isn’t the right thing.
You leave the blanket alone, biting your lip as you turn away from the couch and start to head towards the bedroom. You take a deep breath, willing the tightness in your throat to go away as you take slow steady steps. You listen carefully, trying to hear if Emily is even home. You’re about to give up and go make yourself a cup of tea while you wait for her, when you hear a noise from the bedroom.
“…Emily?” you call out cautiously, suddenly feeling nervous, and frankly a bit scared that it might not be her. You’re on high alert after all that happened. After all, Talon could have sent more people to finish the job…or to do worse.
You gently push the bedroom door open, peering around it and almost sighing in relief with you see Emily’s red hair sprawled out on the bed. She’s just lying there staring at the ceiling, seeming to be completely lost in a day dream, which really you find a bit strange because it’s your thing to daydream, not hers. Her eyes are red and puffy, it’s obvious you’ve just walked in on her having a cry to herself.
"Lena!"
you expected her to be in a mood with you still, for her to at least sulk a bit, which is why when she practically throws herself into your arms, you're surprised to say the least. You stiffen for a moment, your arms stuck like you're frozen. Then reality comes back to you, and you sigh softly, your arms coming around her gently at first, until you tighten your grip.
"Hey Em, missed you" you murmur in her hair. She looks up at you. Her eyes looking so big an vulnerable from her position. You can see the hurt and relief in her eyes, and then when she smiles, they shift again to something you can’t read. You find yourself smiling at her too, too caught up in the moment of having her in your arms once again. It makes you forget about everything that's been bothering you, her smile wiping all your worries away. But it doesn't last, of course it doesn't. After all, she is the one thing that is causing at least half of your worries. You thought she was upset with you, that she didn't want to talk to you after your argument. But here she is, in your arms smiling at you as if nothing is wrong. its surreal, incredible honestly that everything seems to be okay once again.
She senses your shift in mood and her smile falters, her eyes searching yours for a moment before she backs off slightly. "Lena" she starts softly, moving her hair out of her face as she meets your eyes once again "I'm sorry...I don't know what to say really apart from-"
"-Luv, it's alright. I should be the one apologisin' if anything"
She shakes her head roughly, her eyes now on her hands in her lap. You can’t read her face at all, her hair obscuring your view. After a moment she sighs softly "No I...I know you Lena, know what you're like. Your impulsive, and wild, and sometimes even a bit stupid but- but that's why I love you" She pauses, taking a moment to collect her thoughts before she looks up at you "I know what this means to you, what she means to you...and I know you're not going to just give up on her because we've all told you to"
"Em..."
"No, I need to say it, to admit it to myself. It’s hard for me to even say this but- but I get it Lena, I know you want- no need to save her, and just because I'm scared of the fact she's unpredictable and could hurt you again won't stop you, I know that"
The silence stretches out between you, both of you finally seeming to understand the others side. Emily has always been on your side no matter what, which is why it hurt so much when you argued about this. With your feelings so up in the air, and all these new revelations with Angie, you feel lost, confused. You have no idea what anything means anymore, but you know for sure Emily is, and always will be, the one constant in your life.
You find yourself reaching for Emily's hand unconsciously, a small smile pulling at her lips when her fingers brush against yours. "Em, I know I'm not the easiest to deal with. Hell, If I was you I'd have chucked me long ago, but...we're in this together, aren't we luv?"
You watch her as she seems to think on your statement, seeming to actually take what you're saying into account. You can't guarantee she will be with you forever, or even with you for this mission. but you hope she still wants to be. After all, the great Tracer always needs some help, and if that help is her girlfriend, then she's bound to be unstoppable, or so you'd like to think.
"I know how important this is, I mean I understand exactly why we- why you need to save her. But we can't do this alone. I'm with you, if you can work with Overwatch to help her. I don't want to find you half dead again because Talon still has its grip on her"
You stop for a moment, your thoughts all over the place as you try to process what she's said. A few weeks ago you would have never agreed to that, had to have given her the talk on why Overwatch can't know your secret mission...but now things are different, and maybe they actually could work. With Angela now on your side, even if working just with her, you could possibly make this work. Even if it means betraying Winston's trust, and disobeying orders from the higher ups. Surely they would be able to see past it if you did manage to take Talon's most valuable weapon away from them.
You're so distracted trying to fabricate a plan in your head, that you forget to even reply. It’s not until Emily gives your hand a little squeeze and brings you back to reality, that you realize you've kept her waiting. You smile brightly at her, finally feeling like your old happy self once again. She seems a bit conflicted but slowly mirrors your big bright smile.
"Yeah luv, I think we can make this work"
__________________________________________________________________________________
For the next week, you spend as much time as you can trying to come up with a plan that even comes close to being functional. You don't have much success since you're being checked up on constantly by Winston and higher command, and you don't want to potentially get Angela in trouble while you have all this attention on you. You may be a bit ditzy, but you're not so stupid to start openly discussing things you promised you wouldn't with Angela when they're monitoring all your communications with every team member.
To distract yourself from your frustrating lack of progress, you focus on Emily instead. Mostly because you need to keep your head distracted from the worry that there’s been radio silence from Talon for several weeks now. And because honestly, Emily deserves some attention to make it up to her for how weird you've been recently. So, you take her out on dates, to the park, to the pictures, anywhere she fancies. You even let her drag you along to some boring journalism exhibition, just because you know it means a lot to her.
By your tenth day home, you're used to your routine of spending the day out with Emily. Or picking her up after work and spending the evening together. Your check ins with Winston or Angela happen every second day, which is why when you and Emily are just getting in after having a wonder around the shops, you aren't surprised at all to feel your phone buzzing in your pocket.
Emily notices you pulling the phone out your pocket and immediately understands, giving you the bags in her hands and saying she'll join you with a cuppa in five minutes. You smile, turning to give her a quick kiss before making your way to the living room and plopping yourself down on the couch as you answer the call.
"Alright luv?"
The line is quiet for a moment, and you wonder if the signal is playing up again, or maybe that you've somehow muted it. You take the phone away from your ear and look at the screen, pressing the speaker icon just in case it’s your phone acting up. There's still silence, and for some reason that really unnerves you.
"Uh, big guy, Angie...hello?"
"Hola, Tracer"
You freeze, your heart feeling as if it’s almost stopped when you hear an all too familiar voice now coming through the device. "...Sombra?"
"Long time no see, Speedy"
"Would ask how ya got this number but- I know how you work, you can hack anything"
"Got that right. Your texts to Emily are adorable to read still"
You groan loudly "Will you stop doing that!"
"Okay okay, geez you're no fun"
You're about to reply when you see Emily coming into the room carrying two mugs. She looks at you cautiously, obviously having heard Sombra's voice and wanting to make sure you're both safe. When she see's you sitting on the couch with your phone on speaker on the table, she relaxes slightly and makes her way over.
"Sombra" she greets softly, handing you a mug while she places her own on the table and glances at the phone.
"Ah, the other girlfriend, was wondering where you'd gone"
"We're not-" you start, seeing how Emily tenses at even mentioning Widow.
"-Yeah, right, I know speedy. You don't even want to know what's been going on around here with that"
You look over to Emily, expecting her to be rolling her eyes, or doing something in response to Sombra's comment, but she's just staring at the phone, looking lost in thought.
"You're calling about her, aren't you?" she says suddenly, apparently catching both you and Sombra off guard.
"You are the smart one. Yeah, wish this could be a nice catch up call but...Our little spider's in danger"
There's a small tense silence, your eyes widening slightly when you realize what she means. Emily beats you too it, suddenly seeming a lot more interested.
"...Sombra, what's going on?"
"After she- well you know, they flipped her switch, she was picked up by that edgy bastard Reaper. All he did was go on about how he was right, and he knew there was something she was hiding. Blueberry she...she didn't say much, just stayed quiet. I didn't even get a chance to talk to her until they finished interrogating her"
"Wait, so they know ‘bout her-"
"-Not quite, they know her kill switch still works, but they don't know who she was with when they flipped it. I covered it up, made some bullshit news article about her harming a couple of civilians"
"...You covered for us?" you ask uncertainly, not sure what to think of her words. You didn't think you'd ever trust her, always thought her agenda was way too ambiguous. But now...now you don't really know what to make of all this.
"Of course I did speedy, She's the closest thing I've had to a friend in a long time. And Talon...they deserve all this shit after what they've done. I mean, they're even trying to catch me at it!"
"But we're- I mean I'm in overwatch and I'm, you know, supposed to be like your enemy 'nd that?"
"You think I want Talon to complete their goals? To go around kidnapping people and using them? No way. They give me strong connections, and the means to do what I want. The only reason I ever shoot at you on the battlefield is to get them off my back"
"Thanks, Sombra, we appreciate it" Emily says softly, a strange look on her face. She sounds so kind and gentle, but her expression is something confusing, something you don't think you've seen before.
"Look...I know things must be fucking awful after what she did, but she needs your help. I can only cover for her while she's here...but…”
"Wait, what do you mean?" you ask, the sudden panic gripping your chest once again.
"She hasn't checked in with control for 24 hours, not like her when she's on a mission, never mind when she's in this mindset. At last contact she was on a mission in your neck of the woods. She could just be taking a page out of Reaper's book and being edgy and mysterious, but that isn't quite her style"
"You think something's happened to her?" Emily asks, leaning towards the phone slightly as her brow furrows.
"It could have. I just know if she doesn't check in soon, Talon are going to storm the area, and that could end badly for you"
"Got it, I'll find her" You say, already standing up and going to grab your gear.
"Speedy, wait" she hesitates, you can only imagine how this must be for her. She's stuck there, trying her best to help her friend but never actual able to go out and help like she wants. "Let me know if you find her...I can try write in another mission for her to give you some time"
"Aw, I didn't know you cared so much Sombra"
"Or I could reveal your search history to the public and bring Overwatch down for a second time"
Although you know she can’t see it, you stick your finger up at the phone playfully before ending the call. Emily remains quiet beside you, seemingly oblivious to your banter with Sombra. She's staring at her hands again, nervously fidgeting with the bracelet you bought her on your shopping trip today. You obviously know something is wrong, but you don't really want to bring attention to it. You know it's about Widow, and as bad as it sounds, you don't have the time or energy to argue with her about it.
It's never been easy admitting to yourself that you could have feelings for anyone other than Emily, and even harder admitting that to her. When you first got together you nearly had a third member in your relationship, but it quickly fizzled out, and it was just you two again. Back then there wasn't enough time to get attached, but with Widow now, you know you're both more than just attached.
"Em...I have to-"
"-Lena, I know. Go find her and let me- I mean, let Sombra know she's safe" she says with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. You know she doesn't want you going out, doesn't want you putting yourself in danger, but you both know you care about widow too much, and want to help Sombra out. Even if not for Sombra, she is right that Talon sniffing around means trouble for everyone, especially with your recent circumstances.
There's this tiny voice at the back of your head telling you finding her is a mistake, that finding her only connects you to Talon further, and maybe Talon agents hanging around won't be so bad. And most importantly, Emily won't be looking at you with such a sad look if you don't go. But you have to, you can't just walk away from this. After all, you do still owe Sombra for saving you from Reaper.
You want to say something more to Emily, but she's already picked up her phone and is looking at something. You know you can’t say anything to help, anything that will make things better. So you go, giving her one last look before you head out the door.
You half-heartedly scout around the area, not really paying much attention to your surroundings as you have other things on your mind. You don't know when it happened, but before you realize, you're sitting on a rooftop just looking out over the neighbourhood. You need a moment of stillness, something to ground you back to reality and distract you from all your thoughts. To say your head is a mess is a huge understatement.
So you sit there, you sit for who knows how long just watching the lights of the city and the odd couple who wonder along. You sit and you think over everything that's happened. Everything with Widow, with Emily, even with Angela. You just can’t get your head around it all, get your head around how Widow so easily turned on you, how Angela who was so against you even talking to Widow now wants you to save her. And most importantly, how Emily gave up on Widow and now doesn't know how to act about all of this. You can close your eyes and pretend everything is fine. Sit on this rooftop forever and not go back to this complicated situation you've found yourself in. But you know deep down you have to, that although it's tough, you want all of this. That makes you feel even worse, knowing you want something you potentially can never have.
You sigh softly, your eyes flickering down to the alley below as you think about how you really should be getting home. That is, until you notice something glinting in the light. You stay still, watching it carefully trying to determine what it is. If you didn't know better, you'd say it looks like... "No way" you half whisper to yourself, getting up from your spot and looking for the safest way down off of the roof.
A few tumbles and choice swear words later, you're on the ground. You find yourself faltering as you get closer, not wanting to get your hopes up for what could just be a cats collar reflecting in the moonlight. You take a quick breath and round the corner, making your way into the dimly let alleyway. The hairs on the back of your neck stand on end as you hear a sound not far away from you. It's quiet, the whole world seeming to freeze around you as you hear a small groan.
"H-Hello?" you ask loudly, your voice echoing harshly off the walls around you. At first you don't hear or see anything. You're about to lecture yourself for getting scared over nothing when you hear it.
"Cherie..."
You're stuck in place, eyes quickly darting around the dark to try find the source of the noise. You know her voice, would know it from anywhere. You're about to speak again when you see a movement on the ground to your left. You quickly rush over, not caring if it's a trap. You can't just ignore her, even if she did try to kill you mere weeks ago. When you reach her, you get your phone out for some light, trying hard to hold back a gasp when you see her blood covered limbs. She's panting lightly, her arm wrapped around her middle where you can see even more blood seeping from beneath her fingers. You want to scream, to wipe the image from your brain forever, but you can't. You can't stop staring at her, staring at her pain contorted face as she tries to meet your eyes.
"Bloody hell" you say lamely, wanting to slap yourself for sounding so stupid. She tries to smile, grimacing again at the pain. She looks like she wants to say something, but doesn't. You take that as your cue to crouch down next to her and try figure out the extent of her injuries. She has cuts on her arms, and a large possible stab wound on her side that she's currently trying to clutch at. It takes some convincing from you to get her to even move her hand to show you the wound. You look at her, searching her face for some answer of what the hell happened.
"I was ambushed" she says softly, not able to meet your eyes "This is not like me, I know. They cornered me, cut me down...I've been waiting for death as it’s the most merciless way out of this"
"You can't say that luv!" you find yourself almost shouting at her. She seems taken aback, surprised at your strong reaction. You think she might try to tease you about it, but she doesn't, just looks away.
"I am better off dead Lena, you have to know that. Talon cannot use me if my heart does not beat"
"Hey shut up! you are not goin' to die, not on my watch!"
"Cherie-"
"-No, I'm going to save you, I have to I-" you cut yourself off with a sob, surprising both you and Widow. Her expression softens then, she has this look in her eye you've seen before. You roughly rub your tears away, hating to look so childish in front of her by crying out of frustration. You don't expect to feel her hand over yours, your eyes widening as they meet hers. She has a soft smile on her face, and you're not sure if its genuine affection or if she's out of it from the blood loss.
"Such a foolish girl, crying over your enemy's death"
You want to tell her to shut up, to stop making fun of you, but you can't. You know she's teasing you, and for some reason it fills you with such a warm loved feeling. That warmth is quickly replaced by the sinking of your heart as you notice her losing consciousness. It's like your mind suddenly snaps back to reality and you're suddenly aware that you're watching her slowly die in a dark alleyway. Without much thought, you try to get her up, leaning most her weight on you and make a dash for home, blinking there as fast as your accelerator lets you.
You're not thinking straight, just trying to get her to safety as soon as possible. Emily's yelp of surprise when you shoulder charge the door and nearly rip it off its hinges makes you stop and look around. You're standing in your hallway, Emily looking almost terrified as she just stares at you.
"Em! Thank god you're still awake. She needs-"
"-What is she doing here?"
Her voice is low, her eyes not meeting yours as she just continues to stare at the pretty much dead weight leaning against your side. You don't know what is going on with her, and honestly you don't care. You need her help, you need her to call Angie, or do something to help. You don't expect to feel hot anger beginning to bubble in your stomach as you look at her, but it does. Your mind is only occupied with how to save Widow's life, and With Emily acting as she is, it makes you irrationally angry.
"I found her like this. We need someone to do something!"
She's just quiet, just staring at you. You can't read her at all, and that just infuriates you more.
"Emily! will you bloody do something!"
"No, I- I can't Lena"
You don't think, you can't. Your thoughts are running way to fast to even think about what's coming out your mouth. You have to help her, you just have to. "What do you mean you can't? she's dying Em, we need to help her!"
"I can't. She- she hurt you, what if she hurts you again. I...I can't just-"
"-For fucks sake Em!" you shout, watching her flinch slightly at the loudness. You look away from her, eyes desperately scanning the room as you try to figure out what you should do. Emily's looking down when your eyes land on her again, she looks conflicted, definitely having some sort of inner turmoil.
You push past her, practically dragging Widow behind you now as she seems to be close to complete unconsciousness now. You make it to the bathroom before trying to place her down as gently as you can. She's way too tall and heavy for you to do it gracefully, and you cringe a bit when she hits the ground just a little bit harder than necessary. You get to work trying to find anything to stop the bleeding and help. You know very little first aid but you know enough from having Angela lecturing you while dressing your many wounds you've gotten over the years.
You see Emily shuffling to watch you from the doorway out of the corner of your eye as you throw something across the room while searching for your first aid kit.
"...It's in the cupboard, under the sink" Emily says softly, crossing her arms across her chest as she still can't meet your gaze.
"If you would help, maybe I would find it quicker" you snap at her, not really caring if you hurt her now. You're too preoccupied, too set on saving someone elses life. This probably makes you an asshole, and you know you'll need to apologise for this later. But just now, you just do not care.
After some more digging you eventually find the kit, quickly going over what the hell you need to do. Emily see's the panic in your eyes, and after some hesitation, she places her hand over yours. Your eye snap to hers, and she gives you a sad smile taking it out of your hands "You're too clumsy to patch her up Len, Just help me clean her up a bit"
You watch her move quickly, checking Widow's wounds and doing everything she can to help the poor assassin. When she's done, she stands back with a sigh, looking incredibly conflicted before she averts her gaze to the floor. She really isn't acting like herself. Your happy and optimistic Emily has turned into this strange shell of herself. You don't know what to think of it, what it even means.
Eventually, she speaks again, not meeting your eyes "She can't stay Lena, it isn't safe"
"Huh?"
"She- look I know you want to help her- and we have. But she can't stay, we can't fully trust her yet"
The irrational anger you're becoming so accustomed to rears its ugly head as you look at her. "Em, look at her! We can't just leave her out in the street to die!"
"If we tell Sombra we've found her maybe Talon will come pick her up, or-"
"-Or what? what if they don't and she dies ‘cause you were too scared to trust her?"
You see something in her eyes, you don't know what it is, but its a look you don't understand. "How am I supposed to trust her when she tried to kill you Lena? I just can't, I'm not ready yet"
"Oh really, is it that hard for you" You practically sneer at her "All you have to do is back me up here"
"It isn't just about backing you up its-"
"-It's what Em? Just because you're scared of what she's done, for her mistakes in the past"
"Lena, please, don't do this now. You nearly died and I- I, you just can't understand-"
"-No, you can't understand!" You shout, not caring how startled she looks at your outburst "You can't even begin to understand how this feels to see her like this-"
"-Of course I understand, I love her too!"
Your reply dies on your tongue as your eyes widen. She's glaring at you hard, her breath slightly ragged from how worked up about this she is. You’ve imagined this moment many times, finally talking about how you both feel, but you never imagined it would happen like this.
"Em..."
She sighs softly, her gaze flickering to Widow before it lands back on you "I didn't think I'd ever be in the situation where this could happen. where I could love both of you. And then for that love and trust to be ripped away. I don't know if I can do it Lena, it hurts too much to even think about. My heart says that I need to help her, to keep her safe, but my head says something completely different"
"Em, Luv...I'm so sorry" you almost whisper, suddenly not being able to meet her eyes. Of course she's acting this way for the exact same reason as to why you're so defensive about this. You love Widow, and she does too. You want to save her, and so does Emily, but she's more scared than you about it all. She's not as brave as she's been pretending to be all this time, of course she isn't.
Emily sighs once again, seeming to gather all her courage before coming closer to Widow again and looking over her injuries "She should be okay, the wound on her side here" she says, her fingers hovering just above her skin, almost seeming too scared to touch "It isn't as bad as it looked at first"
"She wanted to die, luv" you say softly, sitting cross legged on the floor next to where Emily is crouched. "Said she'd be better off dead" You want to reach out and touch Widow, check her skin is still warm under your touch, but you know there's no need. You shouldn't need excuses to touch her, yet you still feel you do.
Emily doesn't say anything for a moment, her eyes still just looking over Widow's features. "She probably blames herself, thinks it’s her fault for what happened to you"
"Do ya think it’s her fault?" you ask softly, knowing exactly what rests on her answer.
She simply shakes her head, her gaze finally landing back on you. The look she's giving you is almost empty, this sadness just shining in her eyes.
"It would be unfair to blame her fully. They've messed with her head, she can't stop them..." she pauses, seeming to think on it for a moment "I'm just scared Lena. I don't want them to hurt her...but she also hurt you and now- god, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or think"
You watch almost speechless as a tear makes its way silently down her cheek. You want to reach out, to hold her and tell her everything will be okay. But really you don't know if it will ever be okay again. Like yeah, you saved Widow's life tonight, but can you really keep her safe. Even with your combined efforts with Sombra, you don't know if she'll ever be safe while Talon still stands, and you have no idea how the hell you're going to take them down.
"Hey, Em, luv...We can do it, keep her safe 'nd that" you say gently, trying to reassure yourself with your own words, never mind her. She just looks at you, not looking convinced at all.
"And what if that's not enough? We can’t make this work if she's still under their control. We can't just-"
You wrap your arms around her in a tight hug, cutting her off as her eyes widen slightly, obviously not expecting the contact. It takes a moment before you feel her relax, her arms coming to rest around you gently. You don't know what to say to make this all better, to reassure her this can all work out, especially when you feel so unsure about it all yourself.
Summary: Skeletons and ghosts are better left in the closet where they belong. Shut away forever so maybe Claire can actually move on with her life, and not be terrified of any person getting close to her because of what happens when they do.
Her mind is going into overdrive trying to think of a reasonable explanation to why she’s feeling the way she is. She knows it’s wrong, oh so wrong, and that’s why she needs to rule out the one thing her mind is automatically telling her it is.
She’s in love. But the thing is, she isn’t.
She simply can’t be, won’t allow herself to be if she really is. She’s had her fair share of heartbreak throughout her life, and knows by now to cut off all sorts of feelings before she gets hurt. But it seems her heart has missed the memo this time to do just that. If it had, then she wouldn’t be lying awake at 3am staring at the ceiling realising that just maybe what she feels for her friend is a little more than friendly.
A deep sigh escapes Claire’s lips as she rolls onto her side, using her left arm as a make shift pillow and reaching for her phone with her right. She reaches blindly to the bedside table, knocking several things over and cringing slightly as they fall to the floor with a soft thud. Claire eventually grasps an object that feels like her phone, and with one press to the side the room is illuminated by the bright screen. She scrunches up her eyes, trying desperately to dim the screen before she actually blinds herself, then brings the device closer to her face in an attempt to focus on the screen.
Amazingly, she actually does have a message waiting for her. She wonders for a moment how she didn’t hear it, then remembers her phone has been on silent since she was in that meeting today. It was a meeting with the big shots behind the whole organization who were finally going over the threat of the virus Claire had encountered on that island. How it’s taken so long for them to inquire and start asking questions exactly why Terrasave and its operatives were targeted, she doesn’t really know or understand. She makes a face before pushing the volume button and un-muting the device so she’ll actually know if anyone wants to talk to her.
It’s then that she remembers about the message, the little (1) next to the envelope on her task bar does a subtle enough job of reminding her. She’s been a little spaced out recently, absent minded if you would. But then who wouldn’t be considering everything she’d been through. Apparently thinking your friend is dead for six months while doctors are prodding you with needles every day isn’t the best for your mental health. And sure, Moira is indeed alive and knowing that both her and Natalia are safe is a huge relief, yet something still bugged her. It was like that tiny voice at the back of her mind would not shut up about how she should still feel bad for what she had done. But what could she have done really? Moira was as good as dead when she left her. And after all, the younger girl had wanted Claire to get out alive. Even though she knew all of this, it didn’t stop her feeling bad about everything that had happened.
She snaps out of her daydream, focusing once again on the screen in front of her and realising the message is in fact from Moira. She checks the time stamp, noticing the message had only arrived about 10 minutes ago. At least she wouldn’t be replying several hours later like she has a nasty habit of doing.
‘Don’t suppose you’re awake at this hour?’
Claire reads the text a few more times just checking she’d read it correctly before hitting the reply button and writing a simple message back.
‘Only us insomniacs are up at this time; I guess you’re in that club now too?’
She closes her eyes after pressing the send button, then holds the phone to her chest as she lets out a deep breath of irritation. Indeed, she should be sleeping, and although recently her and Moira have joked about being in the ‘insomnia club’ together, she knows it isn’t healthy that either of them aren’t sleeping as much as they should be. Claire herself has learned how to cope with all the emotions you go through after biohazard outbreaks, but of course Moira is new to this. and Claire is honestly worried sick about the girl. Moira is young and should be been out with her friends, not awake all night because the nightmares are too real that she’s scared of going to sleep. Sure, Moira has told everyone she’s fine, but Claire can see she definitely is not fine. After all, Claire had been a similar age when she’d experienced the horrors of Racoon City, and although she’d appeared strong, she remembers all the nightmares and terrifying thoughts she just couldn’t shake for months.
A soft noise brings her attention back to the object in her hand. Unlocking the screen, she notices Moira has messaged her back. As her eyes read over the text she feels a little uneasy. If that’s because of its content, or because this is just Moira, she doesn’t know.
‘Yeah, the insomnia club is the coolest club to be in. I was asleep, stupid nightmares woke me up again…’
‘Want to talk about it? I could call you’
Claire answers, typing as fast as she can so she can’t change her mind. It’s not that Claire doesn’t like Moira, far from it actually. Moira has always been a good friend, Claire’s best friend now she really thinks about it. That’s quite sad for a woman of her age to have a best friend who is twelve years younger than her, but honestly, she doesn’t really mind. People can be as judgmental as they want, but the way she sees it is: you pick your friends, and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to care.
No, the problem is that although Moira is her friend, she means a hell of a lot more than any friend Claire has ever had. Even Leon or Sherry, who are supposedly her best friends due to everything they went through together, she doesn’t even feel half as much for them as she does for Moira. Of course, this is concerning to Claire. Okay, it’s way more than concerning, it’s damn terrifying. This is a good friend’s daughter she’s thinking about here, how can she even begin to suspect her feelings are anything more than friendly. Along with the fact she’s never liked girls, Claire’s always been straight as far as she’s concerned.
‘No you don’t have to do that I’m fine, honestly 😊’
Moira replies in record time, which of course makes Claire think the girl is in fact not okay. That as well as the smiley face. Sure Moira is really into her emojis or whatever they’re called when she’s posting on social media, but she never uses smiley faces when texting Claire, that’s of course until now.
‘I know when you’re lying Moira, always have and always will’ Claire types out, stopping for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing ‘I’ll call if you want me to, I’m not going to get any sleep any time soon’
She presses send yet again, reading her message over hoping it doesn’t sound as desperate as she thinks it does. God, she feels like a love-sick teenager when she talks to Moira. It’s stupid, and of course incredibly weird for someone her age, but she can’t help it. There’s no denying she has a real fondness for the younger girl, and she almost want to beg that that’s what all these feelings mean, but she knows deep down she’s wrong about that.
Of course having experienced what they did on that island together brought them closer. They were close before and Claire all but wants to admit she cares greatly for Moira, but going through what they did made them develop a sort of bond she can’t describe as mere friendship anymore. And in the whole six months they were separated, with Claire under the impression Moira was dead, the pain she felt was unreal. She had felt that same uselessness long ago after she couldn’t save Steve. Like she’d failed and all she could do was cry for someone that had died for her sake. Except unlike Steve, Moira is alive and not just a distant memory.
She supposes that’s why she feels like this. Moira and Steve have a lot in common, their childishness and the need to rebel being the main points. As Claire watched Moira grow up she was reminded of Steve constantly, and it scared her. At one point, she wondered if maybe she was unconsciously using the younger girl as a substitute for the boy who loved her so long ago. But that was just a silly thought, Steve was a ghost of the past who had haunted her for a long time. Skeletons and ghosts are better left in the closet where they belong. Shut away forever so maybe Claire can actually move on with her life, and not be terrified of any person getting close to her because of what happens when they do.
She was mainly over feeling like this until her and Moira were kidnapped. Then it all came back, all these old feelings of guilt and regret because yet again, she had let someone get too close and they were put in danger and nearly killed because of her. It was the life she lived, she knew that but yet the information never became easier to digest. She had chosen the easier path according to Leon, she wasn’t a fighter and he was right. But that didn’t mean her involvement in trying to stop bioterrorism didn’t come with consequences. She knew that now.
She jumps a little as her phone vibrates in her hand, her ringtone humming softly as it usually does. She’s confused for a moment, wondering why on earth someone would be calling her at 3am. That is until she sees who is in fact calling her. She immediately accepts the call, placing the phone to her ear.
“Hey” she attempts to say, having to clear her throat as her voice comes out in a raspy whisper from not being used in a good few hours. “You okay?”
She hears a shuffling sound on the other end of the line, as if someone is nodding, before just the person she was thinking of speaks up. “Yeah…” Moira answers softly, sounding distracted. Claire knows that feeling all too well.
“I thought I was supposed to be calling you?” Claire replies, trying to sound a little smug and teasing, knowing that Moira likes it when Claire isn’t so proper and formal with her.
“I just…fuck, okay. I’m gonna sound totally shit and like I’m some stupid kid, but I just wanted to hear your voice”
Claire is speechless for a moment, wondering just how long Moira has been awake since she’s very clearly been thinking about Claire just as much as Claire has been thinking about her.
“That’s okay” Claire replies back smoothly, deciding now is not the best time to try think of a smart come back. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…yeah I’m fine. I just-” Moira makes an irritated noise “I’m so fucking sick of this shit. Like how the hell do you put up with all these stupid nightmares and the stupid anxiety shit?”
Yet again, Claire doesn’t know what to say. Is she supposed to tell the younger girl that you just get used to it? or the truth that no matter how long it’s been, the nightmares always come back to haunt you. Of course Claire’s most recent nightmares have been about Moira and when she’d left her to die, but she doesn’t really want to share that information with Moira. Not because she thinks it would upset the girl, she knows Moira is perfectly fine with what happened back there. But because she doesn’t want to make herself sound like the victim here. She’s older, and someone Moira looks up too, and as cliché as it sounds she doesn’t want to display that sort of weakness in front of her.
“Hey, Claire?”
Claire’s brought back to reality by Moira’s voice once again. She makes a small noise of agreement as if to tell Moira she’s still there. She would try to say something, but her mind is completely blank on how to approach this situation. Which was incredibly stupid she knows because Moira needs her right now.
“Y’know, I didn’t think you’d be up at this time” Moira says, obviously sensing how awkward Claire’s feeling about this by the fact she hasn’t said anything. That’s one of the things Claire loves about Moira, the fact that she can just talk her way out of any situation.
“I’d rather be sleeping” Claire replies, sighing softly as she turns back onto her back.
“So would I, but that breaks the rules of the insomnia club” Moira says, the grin evident in her voice. Claire snorts, a smile spreading across her face to match Moira’s. It isn’t even particularly funny or that much of a reason to smile, but these days Claire takes the bursts of happiness whenever they appear.
“So um, metaphorically speaking…what would you do if I was outside your house right now?” Moira suddenly says, sounding nervous.
It’s then that Claire finally places that background noise that she keeps hearing when there’s a silence between the two. It’s the wind, of course it is.
“Please tell me you’re just standing by an open window or something”
“Uh, well…”
Claire groans slightly, kicking the covers away and swinging her legs over the side of her bed as she sits up.
“I knew showing you where I was staying was a mistake”
Moira just laughs, making Claire crack a small smile once again. She probably should be annoyed, especially since Barry will probably want to murder his daughter for walking all the way across town at 3am, especially since it’s to see Claire. The two may seem to be on okay terms, but Claire can tell Barry still holds something against her for even encouraging Moira to just join Terrasave in the first place.
“Hold on, I’ll let you in”
Claire says into the phone as she places her feet on the ground, stretching briefly before she gets up and begins to make her way towards the front door. She isn’t staying in her apartment at the moment, and she’s honestly she’s glad of that, or Moira would have had a much longer walk. She’s staying in an old friend’s house who told her she could stay there if she ever needed to hide out. Her having to actually hide out anywhere doesn’t happen very often because honestly, in her line of work most of their enemies were grumpy old politicians that were all bark and no bite. But since she and her co-workers were actually kidnapped, and the fact everyone knows who she is, she decided it was better to hide out here. Not because she’s worried the hired suits will come looking for her, more just because she’s tired of action and just wants to be able to at least try to relax a little.
This is both a good and bad thing for Claire. Good because she’s away from the busy city she’s used to living in, and that definitely helps her stress levels. Bad because in the six months it took to track down where her and Moira had been, Barry was right across town from her. She avoided the man as well as she could, being in quarantine for the first few of those six months helped that. But obviously when he turned up at the house and asked her all sorts of questions about what had happened, she couldn’t simply ignore him and go back to living her life. She helped him out as much as she could, but she could see just from looking at the older man that he wasn’t thrilled to be talking to her. She understood perfectly why as well, imagine one of your closest friends had been the reason your daughter had been kidnapped and probably killed.
Claire shakes the thoughts from her head, coming back to reality to realise she’d been standing in the hallway facing the front door with her phone still pressed to her ear.
“…Claire?” She hears Moira say, Claire hearing the girl’s muffled voice through the door as well as through the speaker on her phone.
“Uh, yeah. I’m here, sorry” she mumbles, quickly walking the distance to the front door.
“Could you hurry up? I’m freezing my fucking ass off out here”
Claire undoes the two locks on the upper door before she turns the keys, successfully unlocking the door with a quick tug down on the door handle. Maybe she is a little paranoid after everything she’s been through, but at least the many locks on the door make her feel a little safer.
The door opens to reveal a rather cold looking Moira, actually shivering from her typical lack of sensible clothing. She flashes Claire a smile, which instantly falls when she notices the tight frown on the older woman’s face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Did you really have to pick the shortest pair of shorts you owned in the middle of winter?”
Moira rolls her eyes, stepping forward and making sure to elbow Claire on her way past her into the house. Claire smiles, closing the door after her visitor and of course fastening all the locks once again.
Claire wanders into the living room to find Moira with the thin woollen blanket that’s always draped over the back of the sofa around her shoulders. She hasn’t bothered to turn on the main light to the room as the light streaming in from the hall is enough to see around her. Claire just stands there for a moment, almost as if in a trance as she looks at the younger girl. The light just seems to frame Moira’s features perfectly, and honestly Claire can’t make herself look away even if she wants to.
Moira sighs, closing her eyes as she leans back against the sofa, looking a lot happier now she isn’t standing outside Claire’s window. She probably was literally ‘freezing her ass off’ out there dressed in what she’s wearing. Now, Claire does have to admit Moira does have a very nice body. so of course she wants to wear clothes that show it off. She just wishes she wouldn’t do it in the middle of winter. There have been many times when they’ve been out together, and she’s seen guys ogling at her friend. She always put it down to the fact that Moira is younger, and she wants to protect her that the guy’s stares always bother her so much. But with everything in her head just now, she’s starting to realise maybe it isn’t just because of that.
“Claire”
“Uh huh?”
“You’re staring at me again”
Claire flinches as she realises she’s been so deep in thought she’s managed to not only miss Moira opening her eyes and looking at her, but also the younger girl actually talking to her. She quickly looks away, moving a few stray strands of hair out of her face as a sort of distraction to herself as she mentally kicks herself. Moira is going to think she’s losing it just staring at her like that. Not that the staring is a particularly new thing to them both, Claire is pretty sure Moira has caught her staring openly at her a few times now.
“So, how long have you been awake?” Claire asks, desperately trying to make conversation to resolve the awkward silence that’s fallen upon them.
“Don’t know” Moira answers with a shrug “Since about one, I think”
“I had a late night at the office so I didn’t get in until 11” Claire replies, her eyes wandering over the shadows in the room scanning for any sort of danger, just out of habit more than anything.
“You’re gonna to work yourself to death one day” Moira says with a smile, obviously trying to make a joke and brighten up the conversation. It doesn’t work though, they both look away as another silence overtakes them.
“Wait” Claire says, suddenly realising something “How long were you waiting outside for?”
Moira bows her head and mumbles her reply “Since about two maybe…”
Claire groans, leaning back against the door frame and closing her eyes for a moment “Why didn’t you call me sooner?”
“I didn’t know if you were asleep. I was just gonna go for a walk if you didn’t reply. You know, clear my head and shit, needed the fresh air anyway”
Claire stands up straight once again, and turns to face Moira properly as she tries to look at her through the darkness. “You’re okay though, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I went to bed at 12, thinking if I went to bed early-ish I might actually sleep but then-”
Claire waits for Moira to finish her sentence, but she doesn’t. She’s looking at her hands, fidgeting nervously. It’s become a habit of hers lately Claire has noticed. It’s a bit weird since she’s used to seeing Moira as such an outgoing loud person. There’s always a slight nervousness about her now. Although Claire doesn’t really expect any less than that.
Moira had been on that island for six long months fighting for her life. It was no wonder she was showing some signs of anxiety, and probably various other disorders that a psychologist would diagnose, that was if she ever went to one of course. Moira has always been stubborn, and when she had her mind set on something it is not easy to try make her change it. She claims she’s fine, Claire of course knows she isn’t, but feels it isn’t exactly her place to say.
“Moira?” Claire asks softly, slowly making her way over to the sofa and sitting down next to the girl carefully. Moira jumps when she hears Claire’s voice, her head snapping towards the noise. Their eyes meet then, and Claire almost feels her heart shatter as she sees the haunted look in her friend’s eyes. Her eyes are glassed over, tears threatening to spill as the fear shines brightly in the little light the room has to offer.
“They’re really bad sometimes” Moira eventually says, her eyes not leaving Claire’s. “I remember every little fucking detail and I hate it”
“Moira…”
“It’s so fucking stupid. I want to be able to do normal shit like go out without having a fucking panic attack every time”
Claire bites her lip, not knowing what to say to even try to calm Moira down. Although Claire definitely wouldn’t describe herself as someone who likes physical contact, she knows sometimes a simple touch is the best thing for someone who’s hurting. She likes to think she just isn’t a touchy type of person by nature, but she knows that she’s this way because of the fact she’s spent so long trying to avoid getting close to people. It’s what you do when everyone who’s ever gotten close to you ends up dead.
Claire slowly reaches out and covers Moira’s slightly shaking hands with her own. She flashes her friend a small smile of reassurance, hoping even a small gesture like this will give some sort of comfort.
“Thanks for this, by the way” Moira suddenly says, sounding a little nervous as her eyes meet Claire’s.
“For what?”
“This” She says softly, her eyes flickering from Claire’s to where their hands are connected. “being here for me and shit”
“Moira.” Claire says with a soft frown, giving Moira’s hands a quick squeeze before withdrawing her own. “You know everyone is there to talk if you need to”
“You’re the only one I want to talk to though. You actually understand everything”
Claire just looks at Moira, not entirely sure what to say, especially since the first response that comes into her head is one Moira definitely doesn’t want to hear. “…Barry understands, and he is your dad, Moira”
“I…” Her head snaps up and her eyes are on Claire’s with a strange look in them, something Claire can’t read at all. “I don’t wanna worry him anymore…life at home is really weird just now”
“How?”
“It just- it just fucking is, alright? Mom keeps looking at me like she’s scared I’ll disappear again if she looks away, and Polly is being super weird, like really fucking weird, hugging me all the time and shit. And Barry- fucking Barry won’t leave me alone! I get it, he’s my dad, but he needs to chill the fuck out and let me lead my own damn life again”
“Moira…” Is all Claire can think to say. A silence stretches out between them, and Claire can’t bear to see that broken look on Moira’s face. “They’re all just worried about you, they want to protect you”
“And what if I don’t want them to protect me, huh? What if I just want to lead my own fucking life without any of this shit” She sighs deeply, her shoulders slumping before she looks up at Claire with this incredibly vulnerable look that Claire has never seen before. “You get me Claire, they don’t. They’re tip toeing around me, scared I’ll shatter like some shitty glass ornament if they get too close. But you Claire.” She reaches out and touches Claire’s arm gently. “you’re not like that, never have been”
Claire doesn’t know what to do. Her mind is reeling with what to do, what to say, how much she wants to kiss Moira and tell her it will be okay. She’s trapped in her own perpetual spiralling thoughts, so much so that she doesn’t notice Moira slowly edging closer to her. In fact, she only notices Moira has moved at all when she feels the younger girls hand slowly trailing up her arm. Their eyes meet, and Claire’s stomach has never flipped so hard in her entire life.
“Moira…”
Moira just tilts her head slightly, and searches Claire’s face for something. Claire feels like a deer in headlights, her eyes feeling almost comically wide as she stands there with her heart in her throat. Moira blinks once, twice, then finally looks away, not moving away but still making Claire feel slightly more at ease.
“Claire? Can I…can I stay here tonight? Barry will flip if he catches me sneaking back in”
It takes a moment for the words to actually make sense in Claire’s sleep deprived brain, but when they do, she rushes into action, trying incredibly hard to push back any thoughts about having Moira in her bed. “Uh, yeah, sure. Bedrooms upstairs” she says dumbly, pointing to the stairs like a child.
Moira flashes her an amused smile, going to move past Claire, but then she stops. She looks back at her, and it’s only then that Claire realises she’s holding her arm.
“…Claire?” Moira asks softly, her eyes now full of curiosity and confusion as they meet Claire’s. Claire has no idea what she’s doing, why she’s doing it. She should just let Moira go upstairs to bed and sleep on the sofa, it’s what she planned to do. So why is she doing this?
Moira’s eyes soften as she seems to suddenly understand why Claire is holding her arm like this. She moves her arm slightly which manages to snap Claire out of her thoughts and make her let go. She’s expecting Moira to just say something like that she shouldn’t worry about her, or maybe that she isn’t a kid and doesn’t need Claire worrying about her too. What Claire isn’t expecting is for Moira to wrap her arms around her and bury her face in Claire’s neck. She freezes, staying completely still and just listening to Moira’s breathing, her mind desperately racing to why Moira would suddenly hug her. She doesn’t seem to be upset, she seems really calm from her breathing…so why?
“Moira?” Claire asks, her voice low and quiet, her fingers twitching as the urge to hug the younger girl back is growing stronger by the second. Moira leans back slightly, just enough so that their eyes meet, and Claire has to use all her power not to look at Moira’s lips. They both just watch each other for a moment, neither wanting to break the silence. Eventually Moira does.
“This is nice, y’know?”
“…What?” Claire asks, confused not only by Moira’s tone, but by the strange look in her eyes.
“This, the hugging and shit…do you remember when you met me outside of quarantine when I was cleared? You looked, like so fucking sad, and like the whole world ending. And then you hugged me so tight, like so tight I didn’t think you’d ever let go…I didn’t want you to let go, Claire”
Claire’s arms unconsciously seem to snake around Moira’s waist as she’s talking, squeezing slightly when Moira’s voice wavers on her name. Claire’s thoughts are still a mess, but she knows she needs to be here for Moira now and hold her. Hold her like she did on that day they were reunited, like the day after quarantine when she held her in her arms for a good few minutes and just told her how sorry she was. Like the first night Moira had stayed over and had a nightmare, and like the time in the mall when Moira was shaking like a leaf from the panic. Claire may not like contact, but for Moira, she feels she can overcome it easily.
“I won’t” she finds herself whispering, seeming to surprise them both because Moira’s eyes widen slightly when she hears it. She just stares at Claire for a moment before hugging her tighter, tucking her head into Claire’s neck and inhaling her safe, familiar scent. Claire can’t help but smile, actually, properly smile when she feels Moira try move closer to her.
She still can’t think straight, still has no idea what she’s supposed to do about these feelings. She doesn’t know why she’s even doing this, but deep down she really does. She’s in love, she doesn’t want to be, but she is. Moira Burton came into her life like a hurricane, changed everything that felt once safe, and now won’t leave. Claire is stuck with her, and maybe, just maybe that isn’t an as bad thing as she first thought.
True to her word, at about 5pm Claire does in fact text Moira. Moira is having dinner at the table with her family when her phone makes the little noise it always does. Barry looks up from his plate, giving her nothing short of a glare as if to tell her no phones at the table. She knows very well the household’s rules about no phones at the table, but really her and Polly always have their phones on them. She ignores it, taking her phone out of her pocket and placing it on the table. Barry seems content at that, knowing she isn’t going to use it. Well, that is until another message comes through, and then another after that.
“Moira” he warns, placing his cutlery down to make his glare more intimidating.
“Yeah yeah, I know. Can’t help when my fucking phone goes off”
“Don’t you use that tone with me young lady”
“Oh my god dad chill-” another beep.
“You know the rules Moira, you shouldn’t have it at the table” Barry says, his voice steady but stern as he looks at her the way he always does when she’s in trouble. Moira just rolls her eyes, and turns her phone on vibrate before shoving it back in her pocket.
For the rest of their meal the atmosphere is tense due to the complete silence that has fallen across the family. Kathy tries to make conversation with Polly by asking about how things are going at college, but even that soon dies down and they are yet again left in an awkward silence. All the while, Moira’s phone is going crazy in her pocket. She knows better than to even try check it with Barry still watching her like a hawk. It’s probably just the group chat blowing up because they’re posting funny cat videos to each other once again.
She’s interrupted from her thoughts about said cat videos, as she feels her phone give a rather long buzz, way too long to just be a notification for a message. She takes a quick peak at her phone, seeing she is indeed being called by someone. Not just anyone, Claire.
“Moira what did I just tell you” Barry growls from across the table. Moira ignores him, deciding Claire is way more important than her grumpy as fuck dad, accepting the call and placing it to her ear.
“Hey what’s up-”
“-Moira! Finally, are you okay, what’s going on?”
“Yeah, I’m fine…” Moira trails off, a little confused to why Claire sounds so worried. The look her dad is giving her is a full-on glare now, and she doesn’t even want to think about what sort of trouble she’s going to be in later.
“I was so worried you weren’t answering my messages and I-”
Of course, she almost forgot about Claire’s intense paranoia.
“Well I’m fine. See, no damage done, I’m good” Moira replies casually, standing up and turning her back to her family as she goes to walk out the room.
“Moira! Get back here. Right. Now” Barry says, it turning more into a growl to the end. Moira doesn’t need to be facing him to know he’s giving her that look he always does. She simply sticks up her middle finger at him, before quickly making her escape from the room.
There’s a silence from Claire as Moira makes her way upstairs and into her room. She’s about to say something now she’s away from her nightmare family and sitting comfortably on her bed, but Claire beats her to it.
“I just got you in trouble, didn’t I?”
Moira’s a little taken aback at Claire’s words, well more by the tone of them, because Claire just sounds so…sad, or maybe disappointed? Whatever it is, Moira doesn’t like it. “What? No, course not”
“Moira”
She groans, not wanting to get into this with Claire. Claire has been around long enough to know Moira and Barry’s relationship isn’t the most perfect one, it’s sort of an unwritten rule they don’t talk about it, no one does “It’s just Barry, you know what he’s like, always got a stick up his ass”
“I shouldn’t have freaked out on you, sorry” Her voice is quiet, almost sounding ashamed. Moira won’t let her feel that way, no way in hell.
“No, Claire it’s okay, seriously. You can’t help when your shitty anxiety freaks you out, and Barry needs to chill, learn to let me actually get on with my life and shit”
“I guess but…let me make it up to you. What do you say we get ice cream tomorrow?”
“What like, just the two of us?”
“Who else would I ask along? Chris?”
Moira Scoffs, loving the small laugh Claire can’t help but let out at her reaction. “Okay, okay yeah I get your point. It’s just like- it’s a weird thing because we like never get to hang out alone”
“Well tomorrow is a rare day off work, so I thought I aught to make it up to you by at least getting you ice cream and hanging out”
“Only ice cream? No chance of like, going on a shopping spree with me?”
Moira can practically hear the grin in Claire’s voice as she answers “In your dreams Moira”
Their getting ice cream/totally not a shopping spree adventure is going great until they actually have to sit down and talk to each other. It’s not that Moira can’t talk to Claire or anything, in fact she could chat her ear of for years with all the family drama stories. But now, as their both sitting near the little ice cream place in the mall, and Moira is actually making bloody eye contact with Claire, she knows she has to say something. Something which isn’t just gossip or a funny story for once.
“Hey, Claire?” she says, successfully getting the other woman’s attention. Their eyes meet, and Moira feels her stomach flutter for some reason. She’s nervous obviously, but should she be this nervous for telling Claire about a simple bet?
“Yeah?” Claire finally answers, taking a rather long, and possibly seductive, lick of her ice cream.
“So…” Moira starts, suddenly finding it hard to meet Claire’s eyes “this is gonna sound childish as hell so like don’t hate me or anything…but I have a bet with my friends”
“Hmm, a bet?”
“Yeahhhhh” Moira answers, drawing out the word and finally actually looking at Claire “It’s totally stupid but they were teasing me yesterday and said- fuck I don’t wanna say it”
“Come on Moira it’s just me” Claire says with a soft smile, holding Moira’s gaze “you know I’m not gonna tell on you or anything”
“I know I know, it’s just like. it’s about you and- and me and-“
“-Just tell me Moira”
“I’llgettwentybucksifigoonadatewithyou”
“You’ll…what?”
“That’s the bet, I get 20 dollars from Sarah if I get a date with you”
Claire just stares at Moira for a moment before a grin spreads across her face “okay”
“…Okay?”
“Okay I’ll go on a ‘date’ with you”
Moira’s face flushes and she tries very hard to look away and try not let anyone see, especially Claire. Claire just laughs in response. “Oh come on Moira, don’t be embarrassed. It’s not real. I did those sorts of bets all the time in college, fake dates are just a bit of fun and easy money”
Moira lets out an audible sigh of relief. Claire probably thinks that it’s in relief that it’s a fake date. It’s probably a good thing she doesn’t know it’s actually in relief that Claire can’t see how flustered she is, and how her heart is still beating way too fast. The idea of going on an actual real date with Claire is…something which Moira would like to say she’s never thought about, but her mind has absolutely wandered to it. Maybe she did have the tiniest crush on Claire when she was younger, but now…now she’s totally over it…isn’t she?
Summary: “So she isn’t puttin’ up a fight and I’m like, hold on a minute what’s going on here? I’ve got my gun to her head and she- she tells me to bloody kill her! Like this is scary assassin Widowmaker who doesn’t feel emotions, and she’s just like oh yeah Lena it’s no big deal just pull the trigger an’ that”
Widowmaker is acting strangely and Tracer wants to find out why.
There’s a loud bang, a scream, and then a siren. You don’t know which one of them wake you, but you’re sitting up and looking around the room hurriedly before you’ve even properly woken up. It takes you about two seconds to realise the bang was an explosion, the scream belongs to someone on the base, and of course the siren means someone is attacking.
You turn to Emily to tell her to hurry and get dressed but- Emily isn’t there. The raw panic hits you then, the loud alarm sounding muffled as you stumble from bed and dress as quickly as you can. The door to your room can’t slide open any slower you swear, and when you stumble out into the hallway you feel sick. There are several people running towards to exit clutching valuables in their hands, some with injuries that you know need medical attention but they can’t afford to stop to get it.
You’re momentarily distracted from your racing throughs of where the hell Emily could be by the inner battle you have with yourself of how to help these people, but reality comes crashing down on you once again. You close your eyes, taking a shaky breath to try ground yourself. When you open them again you feel a stab of determination in your gut along with fear, and you quickly take off down the hallway to the only place you can think Emily could possibly be.
“Emily!” your voice is quiet among the chaos, but she’s nowhere to be seen when you enter the living area. The room is empty, all signs of anyone even being there in the last few hours gone. The sirens seem to be getting louder and louder until you can’t even hear your own thoughts over them. You need to find Emily now, keep her safe. If this is Talon attacking and they get a hold of her she’ll- No, no you can’t even think about it. You won’t let them have her, even if it takes you dying to stop them, you won’t let them turn her against you. Thoughts of Widow and all they’ve done to her flash through your head, driving an even deeper determination to find Emily, and to make sure she never has to go through anything like that at the hands of these sick people.
You don’t even pay attention to where you’re going, just running around the base trying to figure out what you should do, how to help everyone. That is until you see a flash of auburn hair and your heart nearly stops. You don’t realise you’re shouting her name until her head pops back around the corner she just went around. As soon as your eyes meet she smiles at you and you instantly feel so much better. In an instant you’re next you her, throwing your arms around her in a tight hug,
“Oh Em, bloody hell you sacred me half to death!” She just laughs, patting your back before pulling away from you and gesturing down the hallway where you can see a very worried Winston looking at you both.
“Winston! Thank God you’re alright too big guy, was worried ‘bout ya”
He simply nods, looking from you to Emily “We were just evacuating, some of the others are fighting off some Talon field troops. There’s been no sightings of Reaper or anyone of significance which is…well strange to say the least” There’s a look in his eyes which you can’t really read but you get this gut feeling that it isn’t good “Be careful Lena, something isn’t right here”
You nod, Squeezing Emily’s hand before taking a step back and looking at Winston once again “I’ll ‘elp the others with the fighting, you just get her to safety” You hold his gaze for a moment, trying to figure out why he looks uneasy, but he just nods curtly at you before walking away with Emily following close behind him. You’re left standing there staring after them trying to figure out what he could be thinking, not that it particularly matters right now, as you have much more important things to deal with.
You run down the corridor, it feeling endless as the siren bores into your head and the white of the walls hurt your eyes. It’s so loud and hectic, you can barely hear yourself think. Where should you go? What are you even supposed to be doing? Your thoughts are cut off by a piercing scream that seems to echo all around you. You don’t even stop to think who it could be before you blink in the direction of the sound.
What you find isn’t a pretty sight. One of Overwatch’s newest recruits, a foot soldier no older than twenty is lying there half beaten to death with Someone towering above her. You find yourself carelessly charging at the Talon agent, bullets flying towards them as some sort of unknown rage takes over you. Within seconds the agent is on the floor with several bullets torn into their flesh. The barely conscious foot soldier looks up at you, trying to thank you but she doesn’t have enough strength. You feel your heart sink, watching the girl in front of you who you know is slowly dying.
“Hey luv, do you think ya can move?” you ask softly, crouching down next to the girl who manages to open her eyes and move her head slightly. You take that as a sign that hopefully she’ll try help you get her to someone who can help. With a bit of trouble, you manage to get your arms around her and lift her up. All she does in groan in pain, trying her hardest to walk with you but nearly falling every step.
“Hey, what’s your name” you ask, trying to sound your usual bubbly self. It’s the easiest way to distract both of you for acknowledging that she’s dying and you’re just delaying it slightly. She doesn’t answer at first, just slumps against you. For a moment you think she’s passed out and you’re about to groan in annoyance that you have to drag this dead weight. But then her head suddenly jerks up, and her eyes meet yours properly for the first time.
“S-sadie” she stutters, her voice edged with pain. She should absolutely be unconscious from her injuries by now, but she has this look of…something in her eye. “You’re Tracer, t-the Tracer”
“That’s me luv, the one and only” you say to her, about to give her your signature salute before you remember both your arms are holding her up. You hurry your pace, trying to get to where you know there will be some agents waiting to help the injured. You’d gone over the evacuation plan several times in the last few days, everyone knowing where they’re supposed to be. Angela and her newly recruited team of medics will be waiting by the south wing and another team will be waiting by the side entrance. You’re closest to the south wing, and although that means having to double back to your own rendezvous point you don’t really care. All you care about just now is getting the dying girl in your arms to safety.
“T-Tracer?” Sadie asks softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah luv?”
“Am I going to die?”
You find it hard to gulp down in the lump in your throat then, the feeling of unease from before intensifying as you try to think of what to say. “What? Of course not, you’re fine” you say as cheerfully as you can, desperately counting down in your head how long it will be until you get to the medics waiting at the south wing.
“If I do-“
“You won’t!”
The loudness of your own voice makes you both jump. She looks up at you with tear filled eyes and you can’t help but falter in your steps. You didn’t mean to shout, hell you don’t want to shout at anyone and make them uncomfortable. But this isn’t the time, you don’t have time for this emotional stuff now you need to get her to someone who can help. You’ve always tried to be good, save everyone you can, and when you can’t it kills you. It hurts more than you could ever try to explain to anyone. She may only be one girl, but she’s one girl you could have saved.
When you turn a corner, and see a very anxious looking Angela standing there, you’ve never felt so relieved to see her. You shout her name, her head snapping up to you and in an instant she’s running to you with a few members of her team following behind.
“What happened?” she asks as she takes Sadie from your arms and carefully passes her to the people behind her that immediately start patching her up.
“Don’t know, found ‘er like this. Killed the guy that did it to her”
Angela nods, looking from the girl then back to you. “We need to move out, thank you Lena”
“Will she be okay?” you ask, making Angela stop in her hurried tracks.
“I don’t know, but we need to go. We’re leaving with the Injured as soon as possible…you need to get to your rendezvous point quickly”
You nod, the world seeming to blur around you as everyone disappears. You’re left standing there feeling dazed and shaky as you look down to see the blood on your hands. You sigh deeply, telling yourself to get a grip before you turn on your heel and blink towards your destination, not being able to shake off the feeling that something is very wrong.
“It’s nice to see the good doctor hasn’t changed”
His voice makes you freeze, your blood feeling as though it’s just turned to ice when you quickly turn and see him standing there.
“She’s always been like that, not that you’d know” You find yourself saying, trying to sound snarky but your voice completely fails you. You sound like a wet puppy, whimpering and terrified.
Reaper makes a noise that sounds like something between amusement and disappointment. “She’s always been a hard one to crack, no one could ever figure out how to get to her…a bit like you”
You don’t know what to do. Talon’s like number one bad guy is standing right in front of you, and you can’t even move. You need to think, to try figure out what the hell you should be doing. You need to run, to get to your rendezvous point and get back to Emily. There’s never been higher stakes than there are now, so why are you stuck like this just staring at the blank shadowy monster in front of you.
“You don’t scare me” you say, your confidence finally coming back as you start to formulate a plan in your head.
“I wasn’t sent here to scare you” He answers, his voice dipping impossibly low “I’m here to get what I want”
“’nd what’s that, luv? Those files you failed to get last time?”
He practically growls in response, taking a step towards you threateningly “You should watch what you’re saying Tracer” he says your call sign in a familiar way, it’s teasing…and you feel like you’ve heard it before from someone in your past. It almost sounds like- like…but it can’t be.
He laughs darkly, bringing you back to reality. You try to look at him, figure out what he’s up to but you can’t. You can’t even see his face because of that stupid mask he’s wearing…although you’re not sure you want to. From his appearance alone, it seems Widow isn’t the only one Talon tried the gene altering thing on. Although, it seems he must have gone through it voluntarily, with not being brainwashed and all that.
“I know about your weaknesses” he says, and although you can’t see his face, you can hear the smirk in his voice. A sharp stab of panic hits you at his words.
“What are-”
“-It seems you have more than one now” He takes another step closer, the shotguns in his hands now uncomfortably close to you. He could very easily kill you from where he’s standing. You really aught to run away, or at least create some distance between you both but…but you want to know what he means. If he means what you think he does…you’re in a lot of trouble.
“What do you mean?” you ask in a voice which is supposed to be confident, but sounds incredibly weak. You can hear the own fear in your voice and want to kick yourself for how stupid you sound. You can practically feel how much he loves that from the way his demeaner changes.
“I know your secret Oxton, and I’m going to use it against you when you least expect it”
“What do-” you begin to say, but a spray of bullets interrupts you. Reaper is holding his shoulder, looking around to see who fired the shots, but no one can be seen. He growls angrily before looking back at you. You think he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t. Before you can even start to say anything, he’s disappeared in a puff of smoke.
On shaking legs, you make your way to the rendezvous point, your head a complete mess as you try to figure out what the hell he was talking about. He knows your secret, what secret? The first thing that comes to mind is about Widow and how she’s been helping you. But no, no he can’t know about that. She said her and her hacker friend had covered that up pretty well.
The realisation that he could be talking about Emily suddenly dawns on you and you feel sick. How could you not have thought about that before? Emily is your bloody girlfriend for god sake and you’re too busy worrying about someone who is basically the enemy. You really need to get your priorities straight, Emily should be your one and only priority…but, it seems she isn’t.
You want to keep lying to yourself forever that Widow means nothing to you and all this whole tag team you have with Emily to save her is because you want to take a valuable asset away from Talon. And you’re doing it to save her of course. But really, it’s not, is it? Sure it’s somewhat about that, that you and Emily both really want to recue her after all she’s been through but…but there’s something more, something deeper you don’t want to think about, never mind talk about.
“Lena!” You snap out of your thoughts to see you’re already at your destination and Emily is waiting there with a still very concerned looking Winston beside her. She runs towards you, you blinking forward to meet her quicker. As soon as she’s at arms reach you have your arms wrapped around her tightly, and you feel for the first time in awhile you can finally breathe. She hugs you back just as tightly, quickly pulling away from you to give you a once over and to clarify the blood on your hands isn’t your own.
“I’m good Em” you say, trying to give her your best smile “had to ‘elp someone on the way here, but I’m good”
“Good” is all she says at first, but then something flashes across your face, something you’ve seen a lot recently “Reaper was spotted…did you?...”
You look over to Winston, noticing he’s watching you both with a strange expression. You Look back to Emily, meeting her eyes and trying to give her a look you hope she understands means you’ll tell her later.
“Ah, no luv. Lucky really, wouldn’t want to bump into him here, would we?”
She nods, seeming to understand what you mean, well you hope she does anyway. She lets go of you, and you both make your way over to Winston who seems to be concentrating intently on something on his phone. He looks startled when you approach, but then smiles awkwardly as he always does before he clears his throat.
“It seems all Talon agents have retreated. Our causalities aren’t too high” He pauses, looking at you both over his glasses “I think we need to count ourselves lucky and celebrate that we won, don’t you?”
You grin, trying to push everything to the back of your mind while you give Winston the biggest hug you can. He laughs loudly when Emily joins your hug too, which in turn both makes you laugh. It feels nice laughing with your best friend, it takes your mind off things, but sadly not enough for you to ignore the very dangerous situation both you and Emily could be in now.
The celebration is casual, everyone chatting excitedly and sharing battle stories while they sit around in the living area. Reinhardt is telling an over enthusiastic story about he killed 5 men with one hammer swing. Fareeha of course is desperately trying to butt into Reinhardt’s story and tell her own story of how she killed people as well with her rockets. Ana is just sitting there quietly sipping her tea and trying not to giggle at the both of them. Other people come and go from the room, giving reports on the injured, which by the end of the night isn’t as bad as anyone thought.
You find yourself trying to hide away, being polite when people talk to you but not wanting to actually engage in conversation. You’re too busy going over what Reaper said, and what he could have meant, to actually keep talking to anyone. Emily did try get you to spill what happened when you had both gone back to your room to get changed, but you just couldn’t tell her. You didn’t want her to freak out. You don’t think she’ll necessarily freak out about Reaper possibly knowing about her, but you know what kind of a reaction she has with anything to do with Widow, so even then you didn’t want to tell her about any of it. Luckily you didn’t have to as Mccree came knocking at your door saying he’d been sent to round up any stragglers for the ‘woo we didn’t die’ party.
Emily had given up on talking to you hours ago, now happily going between different groups with a drink in hand, a soft smile on her face the whole time. she knows better than to talk to you when you’re in your own head. There’s times she leaves you alone to think it out, and just now is definitely one of those times.
“Lena” you look up, your eyes feeling incredibly heavy when you do so, but you perk up a bit seeing Mei standing there.
“Hey luv” you say, offering her a tired smile. She offers you a shy smile back, clasping her hands together nervously as she usually does when she talks to anyone, well almost anyone. She’s shy and very reserved around everyone who isn’t Aleksandra, she seems a little less shy and more chatty around her. You have a sneaky suspicion something more is going on between those two behind closed doors, but it isn’t your place to say.
“Dr Zeigler wants to see you in her office” Mei says softly, making eye contact then looking away nervously.
“Dr Zei- oh, Angie. Got it” you say, already standing up “Thanks Mei” She nods, looking relieved she doesn’t have to talk anymore.
On your way to Angela’s office you mind wonders as it usually does. To Mei and how you find it incredible, and kind of weird that she’s so shy and nervous for someone who’s basically a genius in her scientific field. To Emily, and how you’re really glad you have such an understanding relationship, and she knows just how to treat you when you get like this. Then strangely, your mind is on Widow. On how you wish you had some sort of way to contact her, just in case Reaper really is on to her. In fact, you find yourself wishing she were here, hiding away safely in your room. You know Emily wouldn’t mind, she’ll be just as worried when you tell her about this whole situation. Admitting to yourself that you almost miss Widow is…it’s a strange feeling. One that makes your stomach fill with butterflies. You don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.
You come to a stop outside Angela’s office, taking a moment to collect your thoughts and take a quick breath. She’ll just be wanting to check you over, that’s all. You don’t really know why you suddenly feel so worried. It’s probably everything in your head, overthinking always makes you feel on edge, even when you’re safe at home with nothing to fear.
With another quick breath you push the door open, giving Angela your best smile. She smiles back at you, looking more exhausted than you’ve seen her in a long time. But as usual she gets down to business quickly, checking you over for any Injuries, not checking too thoroughly as she knows you have the sense to come to her if you were injured. Or more, you know she will about kill you if you didn’t go to her. You’d once been cut and just banged it up yourself. When she saw you trying to hide the wound from her she shouted so loudly Fareeha came running into the room, from the other side of the base, asking who Angela was about to murder. It was you on that occasion, but in the few times the stubborn agents have been injured and not told Angela, she’s done the same thing to them. She can be really scary when she wants to be, so you know to always stay on her good side. Although by the look she’s giving you now…you feel you’re treading on a very thin line between her good and bad side.
“Lena” she says, her eyes on yours in that stern way they were the other night when she confronted you about the Widowmaker file. “What’s wrong?”
“What? Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine luv” You say, probably too quickly to be believable. She seems to catch on, narrowing her eyes at you and searching your face for something. She doesn’t seem to find whatever she was looking for as she sighs softly and relaxes.
“Lena you’re…I’m worried about you liebling…again”
“Why?” you ask, trying to keep a smile on your face, even though you know how fake it must look. you can’t fool Angela, you’ve never been able to.
“Lena, you not only tipped us off about the attack, but you also saved that girls life today. She was on deaths door and you saved her. You’ve done so many great things these last few days…so why have you sat for the entire evening on your own looking lost?”
“Angie, I” you start, trying to figure but what to say, but really you don’t know. You don’t want to keep lying to her, but you also can’t exactly tell her the truth. Then again…telling her a slightly altered version of the truth can’t be that bad, right? You suppose you really do need to tell someone that you saw Reaper today, eventually you’ll have to write it in your report anyway. You’d be in serious trouble if you didn’t write it up and they checked surveillance and caught you lying.
“You can trust me, you know that don’t you liebling?” Angela asks softly, laying her hand on your arm, and you know then you need to tell her something.
“Yeah. Yeah, of course. It’s just…I saw Reaper today”
She seems confused for a moment, looking at you strangely before replying “Yes, he was spotted today on the south balcony-”
“No, luv. I saw him today. He was watching us, he talked to me”
She pales considerably, opening her mouth as if she’s going to say something but then closes it again. You wait a moment, waiting to see if she will say anything, but she doesn’t. She just looks at you, a strange expression on her face you can’t quite read.
“What did…what did he say?” she asks eventually, her voice quiet and nowhere near as stern as before. She almost sounds…scared? You get that Reaper is Talon’s most threatening agent, but why would even mentioning the fact he was watching you today shake Angela like this? You have a feeling it also has something to do with her past which she guards so well.
“He said some weird stuff, some stuff ‘bout you”
You watch as she bites her lip and turns away. You’re about to ask if she’s okay, or even what the hells going on before she speaks again. “Did he say anything about Overwatch, about any more plans for attacks?”
You have to stop for a minute and think before you answer. He didn’t really, just said he came here to get what he wanted then said he knew your secret. You don’t know if you should tell her about that part, mostly because you don’t know how she’ll react. You expect you’ll get assigned some extra protection, or moved to a safe house for a while but…you don’t know if you really want that. Of course, you want Emily to be safe, but you don’t want to out her through this hiding to protect her thing. But then again, maybe it is better to at least let Angela know so if you do need help Overwatch will be ready.
“He was really weird luv. Said he knew my secrets”
“Your…your what?” she replies, looking more confused than anything.
“Yeah, he just like rocked up to me all like ‘oh hey Tracer I know your secrets now and gonna use them against ya, don’t mind me’”
“Do you have any what he could mean?”
“I don’t know, what does he even want? Like was ‘e talking about Emily or-” You cut yourself off sharply, your eyes widening as you realise what you nearly just said. Oh god, that could have been bad, really bad.
“or what?” she asks, seemingly unaware of the freak out you’re currently having.
“Nothin’, luv” you say quickly, taking a quick shaky breath “I’m just a bit shaken up, thought he was gonna kill me an’ that”
She hums softly in reply as if she’s thinking on something. “That’s understandable. I’ll talk to the commander, but the best option is probably to have a team in a nearby safe house ready to help if needed. If he does mean what we think he means, then…”
“Don’t worry too much Angie” You say, trying to keep your tone upbeat and a smile on your face as she looks at you “I’m sure me ‘nd Em will both be fine”
She doesn’t reply, but you can already tell what she’s thinking about. She has that same expression on her face as she did when you talked to her about what happened to Amelie. You have a feeling she’s definitely preparing for that to happen again, and honestly that breaks your heart. You hate to see her in so much pain over something she really couldn’t have controlled.
“Well, I better get back to my room” you say, making her look at you “Me and Em are leaving as soon as tomorrow, she has to get back to work. Apparently, someone trying ta possibly kill ya doesn’t count as a good enough reason to be off”
Angela nods, smiling but it doesn’t reach her eyes. You can tell she appreciates you trying to lighten the mood, but you have a suspicion nothing can cheer her up once she’s going over her past mistakes. She’s always been like that, very conscious of her actions even when the effects they caused happened years ago.
“Keep in contact with me liebling, message me if anything suspicious happens”
“Course luv, anything for you”
As you give her a little wave and leave the room, you suddenly feel incredibly guilty. You know the truth would have hurt her, especially if you’d actually explained everything you know about Widow remembering what she’s done. She wouldn’t be able to handle it, Angela is a lot of things but incredibly emotionally stable is not one of them. You try to justify it to yourself that way anyway, when really, it’s yourself who you’re scared for. You don’t want to betray your best friends trust, and in a way, you don’t want to let anyone else in on your little secret.
The next day on the flight home to tell Emily about Reaper’s warning. She of course does exactly as you predicted and instantly worries about Widow and if she’s safe. It isn’t until you point out to her that she could be the one at risk that she actually stops and seems to worry about herself. Even when she’s worried for her own life, she’s still going on about how you need to find Widow and warn her. You guess she probably is right to be worried though. After all, she has you and Overwatch agents ready to protect her if need be. Widow has no one. The thought that the only people she can even begin to trust are you and Emily makes you feel concerned, but also kind of happy. You do want to protect her, of course you do. You just don’t know if you can, and that’s what scares you.
When you land, thanks to the private airship, you don’t need to go through any actual airport security, which is great since your accelerator always causes problems. They always think it’s a bomb and you have to always give them the ‘I need this to live please just let me through’ speech. Without too much fuss, you find yourselves both in a taxi on the way home, happy to be back in London once again. You feel kind of bad that all of Emily’s time off was spent stuck in Gibraltar with you, but she doesn’t seem to mind too much. As you get closer to your flat, you can practically feel Emily relax against you. You guess she’s missed home just as much as you have, maybe more.
You let her go ahead inside with your bags while you pay the taxi driver. It’s an omnic of course, most if not all taxi drivers are omnics now. Although his face can’t change he seems happy enough that you’ve paid him and wishes you a good day. You stand there and watch as he drives off, just taking a minute to soak in the city and how much you’ve missed it. London is your home, always will be no matter where you are.
When you walk into your flat, the first thing you notice is your bags lying at the front door. You want to laugh at the fact Emily just dumped them there and probably went to make herself a cuppa. It is incredibly stereotypically English, but Emily doesn’t care, she loves her tea more than anything, maybe more than you.
“Em” you say, already walking towards the kitchen “Hope you’re making me a cuppa too because I’m-”
“-Hello, Cherie”
You almost trip over your own feet you’re so surprised to hear her voice. Your eyes met hers and…and you’ve never seen her look so sad. There’s a dullness to her eyes, and her hands are clasped firmly together. She looks scared, not like her normal self at all. Emily touching her arm and holding out a mug of tea to her makes the tiniest switch of a smile appear, but it’s gone within a second. You don’t quite know how to deal with this. The Widowmaker who you knew a few months ago would be teasing you and trying to shoot you right now, but this Widow, the only word that comes to mind is broken. She looks so broken.
“You…alright luv?” you find yourself asking in a quiet voice. You’re almost afraid to talk as loudly as you usually do in case it scares her. She looks so timid, so scared. It brings one question to your mind. What the hell happened to her?
“I…non. There’s something wrong with me, I’m- I’m feeling things”
At first you almost want to laugh. Laugh because she comes here looking like her life’s in danger to tell you she feels things. You do want to laugh, that is until you realise she probably hasn’t felt things on any level for a long time. Due to her missing treatments she’s become more human, you noticed that awhile ago, but this, this must be her properly feeling emotions for the first time. You do wonder exactly what emotions she’s talking about, but you quickly push that thought way.
“We all feel things luv” you start, going back to your usual loudness out of habit “If you ever get away from Talon you’ll get used to that-“
“-Lena” Emily gives you a sharp look as she cuts you off, her hand back on Widow’s arm again as, as you predicted, Widow does in fact looked a bit shocked by the noise. Or maybe it’s the news that she’ll be able to feel things again. Either way, you realise you probably just should have kept your mouth shut.
She tries to take a sip from the mug in her hands, but they’re shaking too much. With a deep sigh she places it on the counter and begins to fidget with her hands, not looking at ether you or Emily. You’re just about to apologize, or say something at least, when she speaks.
“We’re not safe”
It takes you a minute to figure out what she’s talking about, you just look at her, trying to search her face for something that tells you exactly what she means, but she still won’t meet your eyes. Emily seems to get it quicker than you do.
“Did something happen?”
“Non, not- not yet” she says, her voice actually trembling. You’ve never seen her this vulnerable before, it actually kind of scares you. “I was there, at the watchpoint yesterday. My orders were to locate people, not to kill”
“So you know about-”
“-Yes. Sombra was keeping an eye on you for me. She heard the whole conversation with Reaper. She told me as soon as we were alone. I felt…non, I still feel...something about it”
“Something?” Emily asks gently, using the voice she normally only ever uses for when you’re upset. You feel a pang of jealousy briefly, but then wonder why. If what you’ve been thinking is right, you have no need to feel jealous.
“I feel…frightened, maybe. Sombra wrote a mission for me into the system to give me a few days here…to get away from Talon, and to…”
“To see us” you finish for her, receiving an almost shy nod from her. It’s still so very strange to see her like this, but really, you almost feel flattered. Well would do if all your lives weren’t possibly in danger. To think she’d want to spend time with you and Em, it’s a bit crazy really. She’s gone from being your enemy to…well, you’re not sure what you think of her now.
“Lena” Emily says, her voice drawing you out of your own very complicated thoughts “could you look around outside while I…” she says, giving you a look that you understand straight away.
“Right, check the perimeter and shoot anyone bad looking, got it” you reply with a little salute, making Emily giggle and even rousing the smallest smile out of Widow.
As you’re checking your guns are loaded and getting ready to head out, you can’t help but stand in the doorway and watch them. Emily has Widow’s hand in hers, trying to make some sort of joke out of how cold her hands are. She leads her to the couch and sits her down, Widow still look incredibly uneasy, but not as nervous as before,
“Do you want anything? I can stick on some food if you’re hungry”
“No thank you…I’m fine” Widow replies, giving Emily this soft smile you’ve never really seen before. You’ve only seen her smile once before and you’re still standing by your statement from then that a smile really does look good on her.
“Do you want to stay here? You said you have a few days here. Wouldn’t want you out on the streets or anything”
Widow shakes her head “I’ll be fine, Emily”
“But I want to- I mean Lena too- we both want to make sure you’re safe”
That seems to catch Widow off guard. A strange expression pulls on her face before she looks over to you, then back to Emily again “I don’t want to put you in danger…If something goes wrong…”
“It won’t. Just stay here with us, please?” Emily says, taking Widow’s hand once again and squeezing it. “We’d both feel better if you did” Widow seems unsure still, like there’s something on her mind. Emily seems to notice.
“You can tell us what you’re thinking, you know”
“I know, I…I feel…worried. Sombra can’t protect us forever. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me, either of you”
“Hey luv, you’ll be fine. Think Sombra saved my butt yesterday, shot at Reaper to distract him. If she’s that brave, she can keep covering your ass until we figure out how ta keep ya safe”
“I…I guess so” you can tell by her tone she doesn’t really, but you can trust Emily to cheer her up and reassure her. Just now you get to go outside and zip around, which really is a great idea. You’re feeling pretty restless already, the long flight and taxi ride home not helping at all. You’re looking forward to being able to run around outside. You doubt you’ll find anyone snooping around, but you get to burn off some energy at least, and maybe clear your head a bit too.
With one last look back at them, you make your way out of the flat and downstairs into the chill evening air. You search the perimeter pretty quickly thanks to your accelerator, in fact you check it twice just to be sure but there’s no one there. You don’t expect Talon to make a move so soon, but you definitely wanna keep an eye out just in case.
You find yourself sitting on a rooftop, your legs swinging over the edge as you try to organise your thoughts a bit more. The night sky and pretty lights are distracting, but in the right kind of way. It’s quiet out here, away from the very people who are making your head the mess it is.
The last week you’ve spent in Gibraltar with Emily has felt like a dream. Something strange which isn’t part of reality. After all, the amount of times you’ve talked about Widow together, and looked at her file, it just doesn’t seem real. It almost feels like any the time you weren’t going over plans for the attack, you were with her always talking about Widow. It’s really…well, you can’t describe what it’s done to you. You’d say you’re confused, but you’re not really. You realised what this meant a long time ago, but you were always too scared to admit it. The thought of even having a crush on someone else feels totally alien to you, but here you are. You freaked out when you first realised it, pushed it so far back in your head that you’d hoped it would just go away. Because really, it was just a bit of a crush to begin with. But now, you know it definitely runs a lot deeper than that.
You’ve been so scared of this because of Emily, because of the fact she’s your girlfriend and the only one you’re supposed to love. The thought of loving anyone else seemed impossible to you. You love her and you’re happy with that…but you aren’t, not really. If Emily’s behaviour over the last few months, and tonight especially has taught you anything, it’s that she must feel the same way.
As you get to your feet and make your way home, you realise you’ve felt so selfish until now. Obsessing over saving Widow and helping her. But then Emily got involved, and everything changed. She wanted to help, started to get as emotionally invested in this as you are. You don’t know how you didn’t notice it before. You should have from her emotional out bursts, and how she loved reading the file. All the signs were there, yet you were so scared of your own feelings, that you ignored Emily’s.
When you get in you lock the door and bolt it, not wanting anyone to disturb you tonight. There’s no telling what any of you will do if some burglar tries break in now, especially with everyone so on edge. It’s quiet, apart from the sound of the TV playing quietly. You expect both Emily and Widow to be sitting there watching a movie or something. What you find however, isn’t that at all.
Emily has one arm around Widow’s shoulders, her other draped lazily across her lap. They’re both asleep, Widow snuggled right up against Emily as if they’re a couple who have fallen asleep cuddling. The thought makes this little spark inside you ignite. You don’t know what the feeling is, but it isn’t bad. Emily and Widow a couple, it sounds strange to think about…specially when you add yourself into the mix. The three of you together…that could be what you all want.
With a tired sigh you grab the blanket sitting on the arm chair and drape it over them both. You watch them for a moment, willing yourself to just leave them and go to bed, but you can’t. You don’t want to. You want more than ever to cuddle up with both of them and just give into what you’ve been feeling for a long time.
Cautiously you lift up the blanket, trying to tell yourself this is a bad idea, but fuck it it’s happening now. This might be your only chance, Widow might be gone in the morning and you don’t know if you’ll ever get a chance like this again. With the blanket over the three of you, you test the waters by placing your hand on Widow’s arm. It’s cold, a nice contract to how warm you feel with how flustered you are about this whole situation. You nervously lay your head on the back of the couch, leaning your body towards her and praying to every god under the sun that he doesn’t wake up right now. She’s cold, but not freezing, and her breaths come out shallow, but they’re there. They’re both here, and both safe with you.
You don’t know what will happen in the morning, but in this moment, you’ve never felt more content.
