CAUGH FEELINGS FOR FWB IS MY JAM
Oh yes I’m thrilled about this one! Okay, here we go!
(This turned out longer than I expected, I hope you like it!)
It was never supposed to go this far. In fact, it was never supposed to go anywhere at all. His crush on Keith was supposed to stay just that— a crush, hidden in the very depths of his heart, never seeing the light of day. And then, suddenly, accidentally, he’d made a sort of off-hand comment that had struck some sort of chord in Keith and they had gone from rivals, to friends, to friends with benefits.
The entire time they were “together” Lance had felt like his entire being was on fire, lit up with every firm kiss and burned to the ground with every gentle trailing of a hand. If that weren’t enough, he’d rise from the ashes the next day, ready to do it all over again. He felt like the trails of Keith’s kisses and fingertips were permanently burned into his skin— a reminder for him and a sign for everyone else. An indication that he was Keith’s and Keith was his. Oh, how he wished that were true. That wish filled his heart, spreading a hollow sort of ache with every beat. It wasn’t hard to see how he’d gone from Friends with benefits to completely and utterly in love with Keith, but that still didn’t make it okay
“Hey,” Keith approached him with casual abandon, his entire body at ease.
That was something Lance had noticed immediately— the way Keith opened up to him. Physically, obviously, but emotionally, too. He was fine to let Lance linger in bed after a casual romp and discuss the day, the expectations put on top of them, or pipe dreams for the future that nobody could guarantee. Lance had tried to reason with himself a million times that this wasn’t love, it was adrenaline-fueled, we-could-die-any-day, life affirming sex, but he knew better. He was forced to finally concede that it was love when he found himself longing for Keith’s company at the end of a good day. He found himself seeking Keith out in the hallways or the training room, reaching for him absently as they sat side-by-side on the bridge. He found his body longing for Keith, but not in a sexual way. He would sit in his room on the nights they weren’t together, imagining Keith splayed out on his bed, hair messy, a laugh bubbling up in his chest. That’s when he knew he was completely done for, a total goner.
Lance swallowed, glancing out the window to his right. It was nighttime, he thought, but all of space was dark, so it was hard to tell. “Hey.”
“Observation deck tonight?” Keith stepped a little closer to him, sliding a hand around Lance’s waist until it rested on the small of his back. Lance could feel the breath shuddering out of him as Keith gently lifted the edge of Lance’s shirt so he could feel both the fabric of his gloves and the soft tickle of his fingertips. “I’ve got plans for us.”
“Oh?” Lance prompted, trying his absolute hardest to get his thundering heart under control. The observation deck was a unique suggestion and definitely more of a public area than they’d tried yet. “What kind of plans?”
To his surprise, Keith’s cheeks flushed slightly, the pink just barely dusting his pale skin. Lance was immediately seized by the desire to reach up and touch it, to trail his fingers along the skin there and watch Keith’s lips part as he breathed out in wonder. Lance had to clench his fists at his sides to stop himself from doing exactly that. Keith’s gaze burned into him, but it didn’t have the usual bite of unwavering desire. Instead it was replaced with some sort of emotion that Lance couldn’t quite name. His stomach was doing flips and he felt like any moment the world was going to open up and swallow him whole. There was no way he was finding himself like this— in the middle of the hallway, sharing the most intimate moment to date with his friend that he’d fallen hopelessly in love with. There was no way this was taking the turn it seemed to be taking.
“How would you feel about—“ Keith paused, directing his own gaze away. Lance couldn’t deny that his interest was peaked. Keith’s hand was still rubbing gentle circles on the small of his back and Lance realized for the first time just how close they were. Their chests were practically flush with each other. He groaned internally at the realization that he’d gotten used to being this close to Keith. It only meant the heartbreak would hurt more when it came. “— a picnic and star gazing?”
“I would— wait, what did you just say?” Lance’s head was immediately reeling, his heart thundering so fast he was certain it was only moments away from galloping out of his chest and attempting to make a home in Keith’s, nestled up against his heart.
The flush was darker on Keith’s cheeks then, starting to make its way down the back of his neck. His hand stopped on the small of Lance’s back but held firm, pulling him slightly closer. “I understand if you don’t want to, I— I just thought— I was trying to be clear—“
“Keith,” Lance reached up then, unclenching his fist and gently taking Keith’s face in his hand. His heart was in his throat and his stomach was at his feet as he considered what he was about to say. He knew what Keith’s words sounded like, but that didn’t mean anything. He could very easily be about to ruin the best thing he’d ever had— breaking his own heart. “I’m crazy about you. You realize that, right?”
Despite the way he was certain he was going to pass out any moment, Lance laughed at that. “Why do you think I always stay? Or seek you out? Do you know how hard I have to try to keep myself away from you? It’s not just sex to me.”
Suddenly Lance found himself with his back pressed to the cool glass of the window, Keith hovering over him, a smile on his lips. Lance had been privelidged to get to know Keith’s smiles in private over the last few months. Each one was ingrained on his heart, adding to the list of reasons he simply didn’t think he could live without Keith. This smile was different than any of the other’s he’d seen though— smaller, more intimate and radiating total warmth. Lance could feel the heat spreading languidly through him, warming him from the inside out and making everything feel like it was suddenly okay.
“I guess that makes it easier for me then.” Keith said through his smile, leaning in to press a kiss to Lance’s lips. It was gentler than Lance was used to. Tender, almost.
When they pulled apart, Lance quirked an eyebrow. The proximity to Keith was intoxicating, making him feel giddy. “Makes what easier for you?”
“Wooing you, of course. Convincing you to go for it— the whole thing, you and me.” Somehow there was still a shred of doubt in Keith’s eyes, as if he were worried that Lance might say no. As if he couldn’t see the grin that had taken over Lance’s whole face or feel him vibrating with pure elated energy. “It was never just sex to me. I only suggested it in the beginning because I was desperate to get close to you. I’ve been gone on you for so long, Lance. So long.”
This time it was Lance who leaned in, capturing Keith’s lips in a kiss that could only be described as perfect, flawless, magnificent. He felt Keith melt against him, leaning his own weight into the kiss. Lance slipped his hand from Keith’s cheek to the back of his head, threading his fingers into Keith’s hair. He’d done this so many times, but it never felt like this. In the past it felt like a beautiful ache— like his heart slowly ripping apart at the seams. This time, this felt like a door opening, like every possibility was laid out at his feet, just waiting for him to seize them.
“I can’t believe we wasted all this time,” Lance laughed against his lips as they pulled just barely apart, resting their foreheads against each other.
“I don’t know if I’d call sex a waste,” Keith retorted, his own voice filled with joy. “So we’re doing this?”
“The whole thing, you and me,” Lance confirmed, pausing for a moment to see if he were about to wake up from his dream. When all he got was a kiss in response he allowed himself to feel the thrill that came with calling the one and only Keith Kogane his like he’d been after for so long. “And we’ll start tonight with a picnic date on the observation deck.”
