#klod

[thecheesbyrecipebook]

guess this blog is now going to be used for art too... cheesby comfort art inspired by @girouxes newest fic 

[habstragic]

I'll never be over the fact that Clot and Brie went on a romantic getaway/exile in my home country! One day I'll visit the historic parking lot and take a picture.

they truly just spent the lockout being an old married couple in berlin........living together......playing together......raising danny’s sons together.......my heart will never recover

[fredriks-foxy]

[jazzy-flowers]

Hey! Here's a character I designed with the intention of making him look fabulous yet mischievous lol. I hope I did well! His name is Klod, and he has many water-controlling abilities! Hope you like! 😁☔

[incorrectlolquotes]

heimerdinger: you shouldn’t insult people who are bigger than you.

kled: then I wouldn’t get to insult anyone

[frederator-studios]

The first round of animation for Juris's GO! Cartoons short, "Both Brothers," is in and being worked over with a fine-tooth comb. The only ones distraught are Tod and Klod.

[thecheesbyrecipebook]

so @girouxes​ made me begin to post all my cheesby aus.. so here we go. i’ll guess i’ll start off with one of my longest ones: keep in mind this is unedited and written very casually, and a lot of it is not thought through. warning for typos and weird sentance structures. tw for unhealthy relationships, unhappy-ish ending, it’s a soulbond au thing. also, like, by nature of this blog: mentions of 18+ stuff may happen, think ao3 mature rating.

bonds are fickle, they're unpredictable and you're never quite sure if you're able to bond with someone. it is important to note that bonds are not soulmates and bonds are not predestined: they're a part of human biology, where two or more being have a connection that extends beyond themselves, they form a bond with someone else. this bond strengthens their capabilities, their emotional understanding of each other and has developed as a survival tool for humanity, and our complex relationships.

in modern pop-culture, bonds have become the 'end goal' when it comes to romance, best friends, or even enemies. bonds have become like most things in our world, commercialized and exaggerated by media, they've changed from a survival instinct, to one additional layer of complexity within our society and something to sell and market.

the thing with bonds is that if you bond with someone: it can go away, and it can come back. bonds can be strong, they can can be weak. however, they cannot be one-sided: luckily, a bond requires consent (that is not to say forced bonds doesn't happen, they do, and it's.. yeah. bad)

anyways, within hockey: bonds are fucked up. like, actually fucked up. you remember how i mentioned forced bonds? yeah. obviously, they don't say they're 'forced' but when two teammates can sense each other,, yeah, that's an advantage. there's been attempts to forbid it, but modern hockey relies upon what is known as 'hockey bonds' which are superficial, often 'forced' bonds between teammates (most often, a line or d-man pairs) to help them play better. within hockey, bonds with other players that aren't for playing or with people on other teams.. well, it's highly frowned upon and a lot of time, not allowed.

like. see bonds as a sort of more.. mental connection of friendship and understanding. they can be strong and they can be weak. and this kind of tool in human biology where you can sense / understand others would obvs be abused in many ways, esp in hockey.

so like, a hockey bond is essentially a very superficial bond done between two or more players who has a ’good’ connection but they’re always temporary bonds, and don’t go ’deeper’. as said, bonds have to be consensual in that they need to be accepted by both parts... but when your contract depends upon it, yeah. also like, closer friendship bonds or godforbid romantic bonds between players is taboo, both because of the nhl being Itself as well as the drama that would happen with deperr bonds that can’t be broken with trades and no-trade clauses with bonds is a whole dramatic thing

this is just a vague idea and worldbuilding but it’s more deep nd like complex? anyways so

sidney crosby doesn’t like bonds. or rather, he doesn’t like hockey bonds. it’s the nature, when you’re a kid and you click with someone: they try to make you bond. it worked, a couple of times, but it’s weird being him, being sidney crosby, and seeing that from someone else’s head, where he’s not himself, but he’s the legend, and the unintentional jealousy and fear and pressure of being bonded to him is there. bonding makes them better players, sure, but also sid feels like he’s lost himself, where his thoughts aren’t his own and he’s less and less of sid and more sidney crosby the chosen one, and he’s been dealing with this since he was 16.

people don’t really know what makes it easier for some to bond, and harder for others, but as young, sid’s always gotten it easy to bond: mayhaps that’s been open to it, that it’s hockey, and mayhaps it’s that there’s something about sid being ’sid the kid’ that makes the other players want to bond with him, wants part of his hockey, want part of his legacy, which makes it easy.

that’s the thing with hockey bonds: your hockey becomes entwined with someone else, you aren’t just ’you’ and when you’re the next golden kid of hockey, it’s.. well, it feels like they’re leeches, it feels like they want his glory, his abilities, and a young sid doesn’t like his hockey not being his. he never said he was unselfish. luckily, hockey bonds don't last.

especially not for sid. during his years in rimouski, there’s a lot of bonds: but none that stick.

thank god for that. he doesn’t like being bonded: he doesn’t like having to share with someone else, and he doesn’t like being sidney crosby, the hockey legend in his own head. he just wants to be himself. sidney crosby is strong enough to handle it on his own.

the only bond that sticks is his familial bond with taylor. at this young age, other kinds of bonds haven’t really stuck: not when you’re a playmaker, and you’re constantly pressured to bond with your team.

so, sidney crosby doesn’t like bonds: especially hockey bonds.

then he’s drafted. the thing about being a center, the thing about being a captain (or on his path to become one), about being the centerpiece of your team is that you’re expected to well, bond with the core of your teammates. you are supposed to understand them. supposed to guide them, you’re supposed to be the hivemind: that’s the role most captains play.

sid doesn’t. sid realizes after his first years with the penguins: when he’s been encouraged to bond, and it hasn’t worked, and he hasn’t wanted to, and they win the cup: that well, he’s sidney crosby, he’s got the power to do his thing, to be one of the best players without adhering to the nhl’s system of bonding. in this universe, sidney crosby is not the quiet play-along with the rules guys: he’s out there, and he’s causing a minor revolution, but he’s sidney crosby and he won’t be making a big deal out of it, so it’s fine. 

sidney crosby can do whatever the fuck he wants: as long as he plays good hockey. and he does.

there is a plotline here with sid wanting to bond with a couple of his teammates (mainly geno, maybe flower) but not letting himself to do so because bonding has always been a ‘must’, it’s always been something he doesn’t want, it’s always been the part of hockey he doesn’t want to participate, and he knows bonding with any teammate would result in his careful system toppling down upon himself, so he can’t.

there’s another plotline here with bonds being solely for hockey: and other bonds (outside of familial bonds, and romantic bonds with a perfect girl) being frowned down upon, or not really talked about, because when bonds become a part of the sport, your career, when that’s their role, it affects the nature of them.

and yes, this is a big issue within hockey and it is talked about, and awareness is trying to be spread about it, and some players fight back, like, it’s a social issue and a further flaw of the sport and harm of the culture. anyways.

(i know there’s like, like, not right stuff with claude’s history in here, rn i’m too lazy to look it up, but, you should get the gist)

on the other side, we’ve got claude giroux. he never bonded as young: it was never his role, and he never had the prominence for him. there’s always been someone who fit better with someone else, and while claude’s been an important player when he was young, he’s always had his own, independent journey. claude’s not grown up with hockey bonds in the same way a lot of the stars are, where they are grown up to find the perfect partner or the perfect line, and to be the center of the system: claude’s a young playmaker grown up with the rare case of bonds not being shoved down his throat.

this also means claude’s grown up with platonic bonds, friendship bonds: bonds that aren’t related to hockey, bonds that are allowed to be just that, to flourish and grow.

then, he’s drafted by the flyers. the flyers is a messy, violent team: not that claude minds, at all. but it’s also the nhl. and bonds matter. hockey bonds matter a heck lot. there’s been bad blood in the past with bonds within philadelphia, everyone knows this, and everyone knows that there’s always been contention and heat within philly and bonds between the players. this is a sudden culture shift for one claude giroux, but it’s also a claude giroux who forms bonds with someone like danny briere, and who, well, claude’s not a kid who is used with hockey bonds. 

hockey bonds are different than normal bonds, that’s just how it is.

there’s not like, a lot of detail thought out here but know this: know that claude’s new, and that flyers have a complicated past with how they bond, and how claude does things his own ways, and forms bonds, and how the flyers begin to find each other during 2007 - 2012, and how claude’s way of bonding spreads through the team, and how it becomes more familial, and reliable, but how it’s.. well. then briere get traded, and that’s the thing with hockey bonds, they need to be broken. 

this hurts. this hurts so fucking much. claude doesn’t want to break his bond with danny (and some strange familial bond with his sons, either) but, he has to. that’s the rules. you can’t have bonded players on different teams, that’d destroy the game, make it unfair. and so. for the first time, claude’s gotta break a bond that he’s forged so closely, that hasn’t just become a hockey bond, it has become a bond of strong friendship, of trust, and it’s broken just like that.

there’s probably been other smaller bonds broken and not broken (and the whole thing with sidney crosby but we’re getting into that later) but it’s different. hockey bonds are different. claude quickly learned, for him, they’re something casual: they’re a quick connection you get with someone on the ice, it’s a connection you have with your teammates, but it’s not a connection that goes beyond that. at this moment, claude’s not experienced the true harm of hockey bonds until now: when he realizes that it means the connection, that the part of himself, must be broken.

he hates this. he hates this so fucking much. he hates it even more when people gets traded, when things change, when things start to go downhill, and claude’s starting to realize the way he bonds and the way he is doesn’t work in hockey, it’s not a part of the game: the game doesn’t want this. 

it hurts.

anyways, by now i’m sure you’re curious about what’s been going on between sidney and g, and well, it’s complicated. i mentioned it before, but bonds aren’t just friendly. they can be happen between rivals: they can happen with someone you don’t like, and yet, have a connection with. of course, with hockey: rivalry bonds are somewhat common. it would be strange, otherwise, since hockey is.. well, hockey. 

rivalry bonds don’t fall under the same category as normal hockey bonds: hockey bonds are meant to help, guide, and assist. it’s believed that rivalry bonds were developed as a need to understand your enemy, to help defeat them: and the thing with rivalry bonds is that they are balanced. this means within hockey, a team-bond of two people on opposite teams is meant to aid and assist in helping each other: a rivalry bond is the opposite of that.

so, of course, rivalry bonds have become an entertainment factor of the nhl, of hockey: rivalry bonds can be temporary, which has happened at times during the olympics between former teammates (this is often so funny, and is definitely one of the best parts of international tournaments), or they can last long. oh, there’s definitely been beef when two people with enemy bonds have gotten traded onto the same team. it can be very funny, but it can also be quite dramatic, but of course, the nhl tries to hide this. 

bonds makes trades complicated: that is why permanent bonds aren’t allowed between teammates, or other hockey players. it has happened, and has most definitely caused a lot of internal drama within the nhl. 

anyways, so. it’s like, 2008 or 2009 and sidney crosby and claude giroux are facing each other upon the ice. obviously not for the first time. but there’s been something brewing, something of obvious rivalry, and claude can feel the possibility of a rivalry bond between him and sid: and he can sense how explosive their hockey would be against each other, he can taste it upon his tongue, and he can feel it happening but- sid doesn’t want to. sid rejects it. enemy bonds are usually less voluanteery than other bonds, but, sid shuts claude out so quickly. they fight. sort of. basically, there’s a heated moment on the ice and after the ice, where claude questions this, because he enjoys the rivalry, he enjoys the thrill, he knows the potential of a rivalry bond. sid doesn’t want that. they talk outside the game, or well, talk, argue and bicker: and claude learns one thing he’ll never forget: sid doesn’t do bonds.

anyways, most of their early ‘relationship’ is this.. weird tension between them because they both know there’s a rivalry bond there. it could be formed so easily. it has the potential, it could grow, become something that would fuel both of theirs hockey, become a part of them. claude can sense it. sid can sense it. but. sid doesn’t want it, he really doesn’t want it, and bonds can never be one-sided. 

the media speculates about this, of course: and sid hates it so fuckin’ much. he wants to play, and he enjoys playing against the flyers, and he enjoys being a brat against claude, but he doesn’t want a bond. he doesn’t do them. he doesn’t need it. his hockey can do good without it. claude gets so fuckin frustrated with sid, not with the fact that he won’t let their bond form, because, he understands that, but with what a brat and fuckin’ idiot sid is. 

their relationship is heated, it is strange, it is weird. it is almost like a bond, except they’re not bonded, and instead, there’s some kind of potential that is there between all of their encounters and it affects their interactions, and they don’t quite know where they have each other.

then we get to the playoff series against the pens, in 2012. a rivalry bond forms between them. and claude is so fucking shocked, that sid let this happen, that he can feel the venom, that he can feel the hate, the frustration, and sid can feel it back, but it’s weird, it’s full, it’s got so much fuckin inside it.

their series becomes explosive. their hockey becomes explosive. claude’s got a taste what he’s been feeling for the past years, brewing, and it’s- it’s fucking glorious. 

sid feels this too. he hasn’t bonded in so fucking long, and of course, it’s the rivlarly bond with claude, a bond that fuels him, that makes him play like fire- but he’s also scared. he doesn’t want his hockey to depend upon someone else. not now.

after the series is done, it fades away. claude and sid meet, after the flyers get kicked out of the playoffs, they talk, they fight. it’s heated, it’s rough. words bleed out, insults bleed out, their weird fickle relationship and with their strange, fickle, unstable bond between them. “what is this, sid” claude tells him, because, it’s not quite like a bond either of them has felt before. it’s a rivalry bond, but they both can feel so much brewing under the surface. 

sid kisses him, heated, violently, and they both can feel the bond spark between them, come alive, rush through them, entwine itself around them, something about how love and hate is close, how it fuels them, but then claude pushes sid away and the bond breaks. it’s quiet.

“not like this.”

sid walks away.

so, we’ve got the next years. anyways. so, claude becomes captain after the lock-out, and claude’s way with bonds and how he thinks and feels about them and all this and his unique view on hockey bonds forms the flyers core going forwards, everyone tightly bonded (beyond what is allowed, but no one needs to know) and every time he meets sidney crosby, their bond flickers. this time it’s claude who doesn’t want it.

you see, sidney realizes a few things during the next years: this is what happens when you grow up. some of these things are realized thanks to claude himself, feeling his bond, feeling how bonds can be, but also, letting himself bond (platonically, not-hockey, in secret with his teammates) and letting himself learn and know what a bond can be and meeting new people and understanding how harmful the nature of hockey bonds is, with a fascination to learn how actual bonds outside of the harmful world of hockey work. thanks to claude giroux, and the world around him.

anyways, claude and sid are quite weird during this time: they both don’t really know what’s going on between them, what their bond is, what bonds are. and during this time, it is sid who wants it, it is him who wants to let claude in but claude- yeah- he doesn’t want to deal with that. 

then the world’s happen. short summary of the world’s: they form a bond, but it’s merely a superficial hockey bond and it feels cold and empty and sid hates it, and claude does too, but they can’t let themselves closer, claude can’t let it open up, and they have this weird sort of understanding of each other, pretending it’s way less than it is and of course media catches onto this, and they both become teased over it, and it is- like- yeah, not really fun.

it breaks shortly after the worlds.

what happens next is that the pens win the cup. claude doesn’t know how to feel about this. sid seems happy. he seems joyous. 

the next years are weird. they bond sometimes, and then it breaks, because one of them doesn’t want it. it’s like, this weird friends with benefits relationship where their bond bounces back and forth between lust / love / rivalries / friends and,, sometimes they open it, sometimes they close it, but in the end: one of them always don’t want this.

like, i don’t have the rest of plot of this worked out, but it’s essentially exploring the idea of bonds and hockey bonds in the world and how claude and sid are always entwined, and bonded, but how it changes and develops, and how their relationship is always this ‘well, you missed out’ thing and it never quite aligns, and how the harmful world of hockey shapes this, and how they have different understandings of bonds, and how this shapes their relationship, and how it never quite pans out, and how the hockey world developes around this, and how they both bond in different ways, and learn to understand it, and maybe they find each other sometime, maybe they don’t, but it’s exploring the fucked idea of having something as important as bonds tied to hockey and how it fucks with people and how in the end, it ruins claude and sid and their potential together because bonds are so personal and so sensitive and how they work in hockey is so toxic.

[thecheesbyrecipebook]

this is a 2.6k drabble / half-summary of a winter-themed cheesby fic, written as always for @girouxes

it’s very fluffy and sweet.. that’s about it!

(begins in vaguely 2013 - 2015)

sidney crosby doesn’t have time for holiday traditions. it’s always hockey, hockey and hockey. sometimes he’s had time to go home, and sometimes he’s had time to have his family over in pittsburgh but it’s never been proper christmas: not like when he was a kid. it’s become secondary, everything has, next to hockey.

this year is different: they’ve got a game in montreal somewhere between christmas and the new years, and they’ve got a couple of days without a game or practice. he’s got time to go home, but without him at home, new winter traditions have surfaced within the crosby family: mainly to visit a small, frozen lake hidden in the woods around an hour outside of montreal. he’s heard about it, of course he has, both his mom and taylor enjoys telling him what’s happening in their lives.

they’ve told him about the frozen lake hidden away, where you’ve got to wander through a wintery path lit with lanterns, fairy lights and open flame to be led to a small clearing where a small, frozen lake can be seen in the light of flame and moonlight with families, couples and friends skating around it, with a few small cabins to be found around the lake. taylor has described how magical it is, and they’ve gone there every year since they’ve found it.

sid is happy to come along, but of course, even inside the car with taylor gushing excitedly and even walking along the admittingly beautiful path through the snowy forest, lit up by golden flame, his mind is focused on hockey, hockey & hockey.

however, that changes once they arrive at the lake: it is beautiful, lit by flame, joyous laughter to be found along with the nostalgic sound of skates against the frozen lake. it is easy to put on his skates and wander out on the ice. it is easy to feel at home and to feel at peace. it is easy to understand why his family has returned here every year.

he’s skating playfully, loosely and without worry. it’s a refreshing change. taylor comes up to him with a wide grin and rosy cheeks, and gestures towards one of the cottages,

“c’mon, they’ve got the best grilled cheese over there” she says, and sidney for once doesn’t protest, merely chuckles and lets her drag him along to one of the small cottages around the lake. it’s cute, with a small chimney and a door that’s painted orange, with a wooden sign that merely has a lop-sided orange… thing painted on it with two, creepy eyes upon it. outside, there’s a few couples and a couple of families sitting outside with cups of hot chocolate and eating what looks to be, well, grilled cheese.

taylor opens the door, and sid can instantly smell the glorious smell of what must be the grilled cheese, and the warmth emitting from the fireplace within the small cabin. it’s homely, dark wood with a few splashes of orange here and there and a few creepy figurines here and there that sid isn’t sure what they should be.

behind what must be the counter, full of mugs designated for hot chocolate and a few other odd trinkets, there’s a ginger man with a mischievous grin missing a couple of teeth currently speaking with one of the customers, chuckling lightly, as he hands them a grilled cheese and turns to face sid, and blinks rapidly once he spots him.

“fuck, you’re sidney crosby.” he says, and sid doesn’t know how he feels about it, but this man doesn’t seem to be making a big deal out of it as his grin softens, and gestures at them to come forward: taylor coming up first.

“claude!” taylor greets him, and it seems she knows him, which doesn’t surprise sid. taylor, and claude, apparently speak for a few moments and sid feels that claude doesn’t seem to care all that much that he’s sidney crosby.

“what do you want?” claude asks sid, and he blinks, not prepared to get asked a question: especially not with this man grinning straight at him, with a playful twinkle within his eyes.

“..uh, a grilled cheese?”

claude chuckles slightly which is a sound sid doesn’t think he’ll forget, and gestures at the menu above him.. and there seems to be a few options of grilled cheese but..

“the one with jam” sid says, feeling his cheeks flush when claude raises a brow at him, and his grin turns slightly more impish.

“got a sweet tooth, eh?” sid can’t help but chuckle at claude’s comment, even if he’s blushing quite furiously.

“he does,” taylor confirms, and sid jabs her in the side softly. she merely grins back, widely, and it’s never fun when taylor finds someone to gang up on him with. especially not when it’s this claude, with unruly hair, slightly askew apron and a most awful smirk.

it takes a few minutes of waiting, during which taylor and claude continues to engage in casual conversation. it’s surprisingly nice to listen to. then their grilled cheese is done, and claude hands over the grilled cheese to sid with a softer smile,

“i did a couple of tweaks just for you,”

“did you poison it?” sid comments playfully, pointing at a flyers poster up on one of the walls and claude laughs, and shakes his head slightly, “and prevent from being able to see you being demolished by the flyers? nah”

normally sid might be grumpy at the comment, but now, it’s mostly somewhat funny. today’s been nice. and then he tries the grilled cheese.

“holy fuck, this is-” and he can’t help but let out a slight sound of bliss, and he’s not sure why claude’s staring at him like that, but he can see taylor smirking out of the corner of his eyes.

the grilled cheese is,, sweet,, a bit savory,, cheesy, and is that.. is that peanut butter? it melts inside his mouth, and it’s so fucking good.

“did you add peanut butter?” he can’t help but taking another bite out of the grilled cheese, and watching claude who seems to be blushing slightly.

“yeah, strawberry jam, peanut butter and brie cheese”

“just for you, crosby”

“call me sid.”

they talk throughout the evening, and it’s wonderful. he gets another grilled cheese, and a cup of hot chocolate, and during the late evening, when claude closes, sid manages to get claude out on the ice, and they skate together.

he doesn’t ask for claude’s number.

-

the next year, sid returns and claude’s there once again. it’s just as nice as he remembers. claude is just as nice as he remembers. it’s been a stressful year of hockey, and this is a nice reminder of what exists within the world, of what he could have. sid stays long after closing, long after taylor’s gone home, and he skates with claude once again in the middle of night: all alone. the christmas music is still playing, and it is easy to grab at claude’s hand, and let himself be spun around, and have fun.

at 3 am, he gets a ride back with claude’s scooter to his car: it’s nice, holding onto claude tightly as they drive through the darkness, but claude’s clearly familiar with it.

sid still doesn’t ask for claude’s number, and he doesn’t ask claude for his.

-

the next year, sid returns once again and claude is there: and it is better than ever. this time it’s without taylor, and they talk and talk, and claude learns sid how to make sid’s special grilled cheese, and they drink hot chocolate spiked with kahlua, and it’s nice, being here with claude. it’s almost a pause from reality. a pause from hockey.

they skate, once again, bringing the hot chocolate with them out on the ice along with a blanket, and sid tells claude, looking up at the starry sky, things he’s never told anyone before. he suspects the same of what claude tells him.

they both realize at 4 am, it’s too late, and so, they bundle together within the cabin with the fire: holding each other close, and kissing beneath the blankets.

when it’s morning, sidney leaves. he doesn’t leave claude his number.

-

the next year, sid returns once again and claude isn’t there. there’s someone else in the cottage, a shorter guy with greasy hair and wearing a camo beanie, and his grilled cheese is.. okay, but it’s not claude’s. he asks for him, but the guy (tk) just says he couldn’t make it this year, that they had too much going on during the holidays. sid doesn’t quite know what he means, but claude isn’t here so.

he goes home. he- he knows what he should have done before, but it’s scary, it’s scary finding this thing you think is anything better than you could ever have, and he- he abandoned it, let it go- he- he shouldn’t have. he regrets it, but what can he do now. maybe it’s a sign he didn’t deserve it.

-

it’s late april, and they are playing in montreal. they won the game, quite easily, actually, and so some of the guys decided to get out and get dinner at some rustic, half-fancy place someone got recommended by someone in montreal, and sid doesn’t really want to come along (he still has emotional attachment towards montreal, go away) but, geno manages to convince him.

it’s a nice place, in downtown montreal, and there’s something familiar about the orange.. thing on the sign but sid can’t quite place it. it’s got dark wooden tones, is quite full, and sid hears one of his teammates say something about how this is one of the best restaurants in montreal and run by someone giroux. sid doesn’t care too much, but the food looks nice. they’re about to wait to be seated, when a guy (clearly the waiter) comes up to them, and promptly drops the pen and paper he’s got in his hands when he spots them.

ah, a hockey fan, sidney would guess. however, the guy almost.. glares at sid, and well, they did win against montreal tonight, so it makes sense. the guy is quite tall, shoulder-length brown hair and he greets them in a mumble-like tone, and.. sid doesn’t quite enjoy this behavior but, they’re here now, and so, their little party goes to the table they’re gestured to and sid starts to read the menu he’s handed. it’s not the steak he expected, but there seems to be many things here that look good, and oddly, on his diet plan.

he looks up, and sees their waiter (nolan, according to his badge) talking with another guy, a bit taller who is also staring at him strangely, whispering furiously. sigh. geno pokes his shoulder, asking him if he’s okay, noticing the odd behavior, and yeah, sid is. he’s used by it now. he glances down at the menu, decided what to order, when he gets to a desert section where he spots.. a grilled cheese.

more specifically, a grilled cheese containing brie, strawberry jam and peanut butter. it’s just a coincidence, maybe it’s some trendy shit, but- his heart hurts seeing it.

the waiter returns, and takes their orders, while staring oddly at sid once again, and sid doesn’t really care, shaken up by the grilled cheese, and he mumbles his order. he doesn’t order the grilled cheese.

he gets his food, it’s some sort of salad-thing with salmon, and it is really.. good. it is spicy, fresh, got texture, and something about how it tastes feels.. familiar. he’s halfway through his dish, when he looks up, and he can see the door to the kitchen open and he doesn’t think much of it except- except that’s- that’s claude, coming out of the kitchen dressed in full chef garb, laughing with the two waiters and- claude turns, facing him and he blanks.

sid drops his fork onto the plate, and blinks. it looks like claude is about to go towards him, and sid- sid wants it of course, he’s not going to mess up again, but then claude turns on his heel and returns into the kitchen, and sidney is up from the chair, ignoring the confused questions from his teammates as he rushes towards the kitchens, because he cannot lose claude, but the two waiters stop him, and sid know understands why they behaved so strangely about him.

“please, let me see him.” sid says, or almost begs, and they look.. cautious.

“you hurt him.” and sid- sid didn’t think about that, but he knows, he knows how he abandoned claude in the cottage a year and a half ago, and he knows how claude and he whispered false promises under the blankets, and he knows how tenderly claude held his hand, and he-

“i know.” he says, because he did, and he doesn’t know if he can fix it, claude might be seeing someone else, and but-

“i have to see him.”

“explain. tell him i’m sorry.”

the taller waiter with the oddly long face turns to the other one, talking in hushed whispers, until they nod, and start to walk towards an employee-only area, gesturing at sid to follow them.

“fine. don’t wanna cause drama in the kitchen, but we’ve got a small office, you can wait there.”

and he is led through, and he waits for a few minutes, clenching and unclenching his fingers, trying to figure out what to say, and- he doesn’t quite know.

then, claude enters, looking a bit tired but- extremely handsome, as always, with unruly hair and his sleeves rolled up.

“sid,” he says, and sid stands up.

“you’ve got a few minutes, we’re in the middle of the evening rush.”

“uh- yeah”

“didn’t know you- worked at a restaurant.”

“owned a restaurant,” claude says.

“oh. what about the cotta-”

“it’s a special event, we’re there for a week or two every year,”

sid nods, and silence ensues.

“look, sid, why did you want to talk with me?” sid looks back up at claude, who looks.. well, tired, exhausted but also.. sad in a way.

“i’m sorry.” because that- that’s it. “i shouldn’t- i shouldn’t have left you.”

“sid, it’s fine-”

“based by the way those two guys reacted towards me, it doesn’t seem fine.”

“sid..” claude sighs,

“please, unrequited-”

“it wasn’t unrequited.” sid says shortly, walking up to claude.

“i was-”

“scared?” claude huffs lightly.

“yeah”

“me too, but i didn’t run away- you could at least have-”

“i know i could have.”

“you should have.”

“i know. and i’ll regret it, but, meeting with you every year, our nights together, your grilled cheese, that’s- that was like a dream. like something i couldn’t have. i was so.. i hated not seeing you there, this winter, i- i understand why you didn’t come, but i just wanted to see you. say sorry.”

“sid.”

“i’ll go, please just know that i-” sid remains quiet, and begins to turn around.

“-that you what?”

“that i.. care about you. like you. really like you. i- i want you, but- i know-” sid doesn’t say love, because he doesn’t, but he knows the intention can be heard in his tone.

“sid.”

sid stops.

“sid, look at me.”

sid turns around to face claude, and claude looks-

“why do you think your grilled cheese is on the menu?” and oh.

sid kisses claude, and claude kisses back. it’s soft and tender, and it speaks the words they haven’t said. sid understands that he may not be forgotten, that this may not be easy, that they’ll take time to grow together, that they’ll learn to know each other, but- but right now, it’s claude kissing him tenderly and fiercely, and it’s knowing he’s finally found home.