#kob.txt

[polyporpoising]

i hope you don't mind me asking but what does OEA mean in one of your userboxes?? i haven't heard that term before...

It stands for Organized Extreme Abuse, and is considered the more "modern" term for the marginally more well-known and longer-established acronym, RAMCOA (which stands for Ritual Abuse / Mind Control / Organized Abuse). As the name suggests, it is extreme abuse (usually characterized as torture when described) that happens in organized settings (trafficking, cults, etc). Many people try to claim that survivors are lying/faking--that they would be completely nonfunctional if they had "actually" gone through what they had, or that it just straight up doesn't happen.

We are open to talking in broad strokes about how it affects us in the present day, but we are not open to talking about what was actually done to us regardless of the level of detail. We can also provide resources, but fair warning that they are necessarily heavy and difficult to read even for non-survivors just because of the subject matter.

[polyporpoising]

Time (in the order of months, not weeks or days or hours or minutes) has passed since last I was here. It is very warm, and we are very dissociated--in part because of what just happened about ten minutes ago, but also in part because of the heat. Our brain feels like mashed, overripe banana.

[canis-constellate]

So what I assume just happened, based on the very fuzzy memory that I have access to from a few seconds before I was fully switched in and based on the information I have from what we were apparently doing:

- We were scrolling through the pro endo tag - We saw something triggering, and scrolled past (blocked the creator? I am unsure. I don't want to scroll back up to check, just in case) - Cue flashback & programming running, with the "default" being unable to handle it - Cue me (as the King of Dreadwood, the top of the hierarchy and so most "necessary" according to programming) switching in as part of the programming, more able to handle the emotions of both, but still suffering other consequences (intrusive thoughts, compulsions, hallucinations, etc)

We also apparently have not used this blog in a month, other than yesterday. And things have changed very much since last time Dreadwood was brought into control.

[polyporpoising]

How to get another sidesystem that doesn't have a set "trigger" back into control because it is the body's birthday and you weren't supposed to be the one engaging with it because you don't know what birthdays are supposed to be like.

[polyporpoising]

I am here again.

(- 👑🐺)

[polyporpoising]

I just had to act in a social engagement because we did not want to leave the person hanging and I could not exit front, nor find anyone to enter, even just with their "voice". I tried to put a disclaimer in the front that I am not normally the one here and that hopefully someone friendlier would be able to engage with them in future, similarly social endeavors, but I worry it may not have been enough. Fuck me.

[canis-constellate]

It is deeply interesting learning about the "constellate" as it is. It is so very different from how we were created. I did not know, truly, about Virspace--Softspace--but I did have vague inklings. There were things already drilled into us, silence being one of them. The Mask had been around already.

But this "constellate" was not made. Some formed out of "thought matter", as they call it, but others were called here. From other worlds. Other universes.

I am allowed to see the house. I was not allowed before. Beasts were allowed to see the house. The Mask saw the house. We could not talk to the Mask. The Mask did not know about us. It did not know why it was tired and hurting and scared, why it dreaded schooling in spite of teachers that were so much kinder than its parents, why everything it tried was wrong. There were times when The Mask was taken over by beasts, who were scared or angry. Especially on nights that they did not come for us when they ordinarily would have. This only heightened after they abandoned us. The Mask did not know why, and did not realize that it was being taken over in such a manner--that it was not itself that did those things.

The Mask grew, and it was the seed of the "constellate". It is what "anchored" to Yhine, and what the "constellate" grew around. It was a magnet. There are no (conscious) remnants of The Mask left, at least not that anyone knows of, but its former presence still echoes in how things are built in the "constellate". I wish I could have met it, but I must make do with meeting all of those that came around and after instead.

(- 👑🐺)

[polyporpoising]

I suppose I'm here now that the adrenaline has faded.