KT AUGUST 2016 EVALUATION // reflection time with coach min
"i’m young and there’s a lot i’d like to try, and i hope you’d look upon me favorably.”
- day 481 of ktent
four hundred and eighty eight days into her training at kt, and she still has so much to learn. there’s so much she wants to try and lots of areas of expertise that she wants to explore deeper. but it’s always hard to convey what she wants and how she envisions herself being in the future, especially to such a big company like kt. most of the time, decisions are always made by the staff, dismissing the thoughts and endeavours of trainees and idols alike. oddly though, this month the evaluation has been set to be centered on growth and plans. has she ever thought of what she wanted to do for kt specifically? probably not.
staying on her seat as other trainees scatter out of the room, she waits until the room is completely empty except for her and her trainer. clicking her pen and putting it inside her pencil case, she rises from her seat and beelines for the teacher. “min-seonsaeng, can i talk to you for a second?” giving her a small smile, the young rapper waits for a response. it’s hard not to overthink at times where she’s required to reflect over her growth and achievements. a nagging thought at the back of her mind always tells her that she’s not accomplishing enough. as much as that is a fuel, it also gets her down at times.
“yeah seungmi, what’s up?” the teacher looks at her with a broad smile, his snapback on backwards. lyric writing is something she’s taken for a while alongside her rap classes, hoping to wow everyone with her ability to write impressively. classes are always interesting and challenging, and she cannot express in words how grateful she is to have coach min as her guide.
“can i do the reflection with you? this month’s evaluation is a bit different, as you probably know already... and i feel like you’ll be a great listener to my current train of thoughts.” small smile on the young female’s face, she folds her arms on the table. in her head, there are already a few questions she’d like to ask, and a few ideas she’d like to propose.
“of course. you can start talking and i’ll listen to what you have to say first.” with an encouraging nod, the older woman tells her to begin. a torrent of thoughts quickly fill her mind and she finds it hard to sort everything into coherent pieces of information she can easily break down. humming, she scratches the side of her cheeks.
“so far i feel like kt has been a great decision i took. training here has allowed me to improve in a lot of skill areas, and i will never forget how thankful i feel right now. there are times when i thought i should give up, but i realized that giving up in the middle will only make me a quitter.
the staff asked us to tell our coaches how we envision our future with the company. i say, i can imagine myself as an in-house producer. i know it sounds silly, but i’ve been having tons of fun writing lyrics lately, and i hope to be able to use all the midi recorders and learn about chord progressions in the future. that’s why i hope i can get your insight on this coach min.”
a proud smile blooms on the older female’s face, and the rapper can’t help but smile along. no matter how much she improves in dancing and singing, her passion rests within the magics of writing and creating. you can give her the choice of being a great dancer or a slightly better lyricist than she already is, and she’d pick the creation over the expertise.
“with your progress so far, i can see producing becoming one of your fortes. it’s still a long way though, and i hope you’ll stay long enough with the company to see your dreams come true. for now, i feel like you’ll need to put a hundred percent to your idol training and make sure you’re not well behind others. won’t want a rapper be ashamed in front of the public won’t we?”
her words causes her to smile, and she nods. “i supposed so.” out of all her seniors so far, no one has really dwelled deeper into the arts of creative writing and production. however, if fate tells her that it will one day be her legacy, then so be it. she’ll keep on trying and believing, and in the end her hard work will pay and she’d be able to tell everyone that her hopes are no longer in her head.
kt july evaluation, catallena by orange caramel
( seungmi as raina )
“i’m angry but i want to dance for an hour, two hours.”
does seungmi like dancing now? maybe.
does she still hate it then? probably not.
traning under kt has really changed her for the better, and it’s a fact that the young girl has repeated a thousand times ever since her one year anniversary under the company had arrived and gone. she can’t say her rapping has improved greatly from her original state, but her other two skill sets, mainly singing and dancing, has improved. not so much with singing, truthfully, but the art of dancing is no longer lost on her. she sort of enjoys it now, even, which is a miracle on its greatest degree.
then just like any other month, an evaluation is due at the end of the month. the only difference this month is that it would be held during the summer camp, which is a bit weird. at first, she thought she’d have to dance to a certain song or showcase her worst skill in front of other people. thankfully, that’s not the case and only other trainees would see what she has to offer. that only makes her a tad more nervous though, as it means that the people that would be watching her would actually know what she’s doing, and know exactly what she’s doing wrong and messing up. all the professionally makes her nervous and weirdly intimidated.
proposed to her was yet another maknae trio stage, which she had been getting to name a major as ‘maknae trio’ sounds like a boast of their youth. she doesn’t mind collaborating with her two best friends in the company, in fact she feels a lot more comfortable that way. they only problem was that high chances they would do another dance-heavy song that does not have a rap break. alas, that was true and the ever popular orange caramel song was bestowed upon her in the most convenient way possible.
cute, was what she had said about the performance over two years ago. despite how easy it seemed though, the vocals are quite hard, and she’d die if she’d have to do a live rendition of the song. with her fingers crossed, the rapper can only hope she won’t take too much lines and instead just smile there brightly as if her life wasn’t hard or a confusing mess at all.
in no time they were practicing together. after all the hard dances kt basically spoon-feeds her on a daily basis, she no longer has trouble following the basic steps of dancing. her flexibility classes have also helped her become a lot more free in her movement. technique aside, she also has to focus on her facial expressions as each song has a different vibe. thankfully, catallena is a cute song so all she has to do is basically be herself, smile, and occasionally wink when deemed appropriate.
as she waves her arm around and lip-synchs to the song when she has to, the girl finds herself somewhat more at home with dancing than she has ever did. if it hadn’t been for their lame jokes and endless laughter, the girl might actually cry because of her pent-up feeling on being able to rock a choreography without tripping over her own feet. thankfully, she’s strong enough to hold it in and keep it together during practice. god knows what would’ve happened if she bawled out of the blue and scare the socks off everyone.
pulling her hair back to tie it into a high ponytail, she pauses before she gets on stage for the real thing. being a trainee has opened so many doors for her and this is one of them. preparing herself for the set, she takes one last breath before turning her worried expression to a cute smile. getting nervous is a normal reaction, but as an idol, she has to react in the most professional way possible.
starting it off easy, she feels something in her shift as her feet tap the ground repeatedly. she actually feels like this is fun, like a science project where she has to recreate a volcano and imitate its eruption. within the first minute, she doesn’t even have to fake a smile any longer as it just naturally occurs there like it’s the most ordinary thing on earth. slipping into the chorus, she lip-synchs to the song and dances lightheartedly. there are tons of worries in her head, and dancing is no longer part of it. with an adorable pose at the end, the trio finishes their set smoothly. she might still have a thousand things to improve, but she’s overcame the hardest challenge of all– enjoying what she does instead of killing herself over it.
{ ` water splashes onto her feet as she runs away from the huge crowd, seeking refugee in one of the sloped terrains in order to ambush people before they even know what’s going on. out of all the girls in the arena, she probably is the only one with a one-piece swimming suit similar to those worn by students when they’re at school. she simply thought that it would be embarrassing to show up in a bikini in front of her friends, especially since she’s always treated like the baby of the group. } wheeee~! { ` shooting down a couple of strangers as she rolls around like a real spy, she giggles and guffaws before making it into a deserted area. near the ends of the platform, no one stayed. sliding across the mat, she hides behind a group of people and scouts for people she knows. nothing is better than a friendly rivalry. }
the idea of summer camp is as terrifying as it is exciting. she’s never been in one held by any of the companies, heck, she hasn’t been in a camp outside of school before. having to meet a lot of people and talk to strangers is a bit scary somehow, but it’s something she has to do. the company isn’t giving her too much of a choice either, as she’d have to come on the second week even if she decides to to skip the first weekend.
and nothing is better than getting out of the practice rooms. being outside gives her some kind of peace of mind. being in enclosed spaces gets dull and boring as time goes by, and she still finds it suffocating to stay there for days.
coming here though, she knows she’d have to do something new. somehow she completely deviated from the concept of rapping and chose to take more dancing and singing classes. even when a freestyle rap class was opened, and a survival class made available, she has to close her eyes and turn her back on those choices. instead of playing it safe and playing to her strengths, she plunged into the horrors of singing and dancing. good thing the other trainees are also there, for if they weren’t she would’ve broken down already.
“aron, we’re totally gonna rock this camp right? i mean we’re practically taemin’s level of dance now.” smiling playfully, the young rapper rubs her hands against each other as she scans the workshop area. there’s a lot of people and she can’t wait to not fall flat on her face.
call me baby isn’t an easy song to master. it’s complicated dance steps and fast-paced change in formations only add to the hardships of getting the evaluation done and over with. there’s a balanced amount of footwork and other techniques in the choreography, which really tests the rapper’s current capabilities. amongst all the given choices, she doesn’t remember how she came to the conclusion of choosing this song anyways, and feels a bit unconfident about how things will turn out.
reviewing the last leg of the routine, she looks at her reflection in the mirror intensely. if she can’t get 100 technique points, she’d at least try to get into her character and perform with soul. exhaustion is painted all over her face as she lifts her legs once more, trying to get the chorus right.
dropping to the floor almost immediately afterwards, she wipes her sweat with the back of her hand and distastefully wipes it against her pants. unlike her, yeri’s been progressing at full speed, and yul is faring better than her despite her claims of not being able to dance either. sprawled on the floor, the oldest of the three sighs.
“yul, will we ever get better at dancing? it’d be nice if we can be pros before debut.”
kt may evaluation, ice cream cake by red velvet
( seungmi as joy )
“i scream, you scream, gimme that gimme that ice cream.”
kt’s holy trinity is not to be messed with.
despite being the youngest trainees under the company, they all can pack a punch or two when it comes to performances. a collab is long overdue, and the evaluation gives them the perfect excuse to prepare something of their own.
when they first got the lyrics printed, yeri and yul both giggled fervently. due to what, the oldest is not sure, but if she can comment on the lyrics, she’d say they were shallow. a sigh was one of her first responses, not only because of the lyrics, but also because of the fact that it is yet another dance related track. barely any korean pop songs are lacking of dances really, but this particular one they chose even has a dance break halfway through the song.
if anything can kill her, it’ll be this stage.
countless session after session, she grasps most of the english pronunciation, even if her thick accent still coats the words like gravy. but most importantly, she gets more and more familiar with the dance. although in the end she doesn’t really get to impress as much as she would, she’s still glad that she didn’t fall once.
of course, some moves she execute awkwardly, and some others she just completely messes up. but she makes up for it with her expressions and lack of shame. if she suddenly jumped, so what? make it look intentional and everything’s alright.
after the song ends, she bows to the panel and thanks her friends. there’s only one reason she’s doing all this, and the reason is that she enjoys sharing the stage with her the other kids. so she smiles, through the struggles and through the pain, but mostly, through the joy.
kt may evaluation, cheer up! by twice
( seungmi as chaeyoung/tzuyu )
“a girl shouldn’t give her heart so easily.”
being asked to join the all-kt-girls eval performance is an honor. it feels like home, the air suddenly changing around her when she finally realizes that she’s accepted in the company for who she is. even with the bad dancer and bad singer title stuck on her, no one thought of kicking her out of the group and excluding her from the set. in fact, the others even tried to help her become better instead of leaving her to fend for herself in front of the panel.
at first, she felt bad for the others. both yulhee and her were the worst dancers of the batch, and it didn’t help that they were both quite new compared to the other trainees. her growth is rapid, she has to admit, but it wasn’t quite enough just yet. she still struggled, a lot, and sometimes extra effort is needed for her to be able to get the whole choreography right. if it wasn’t her not knowing what to do with her foot, it’s her forgetting where she’s supposed to be within the formation.
it gets repetitive after some time though, and she slowly learned the whole dance. it gets easier, she thinks, and it shows through her movements that are a bit more relaxed. definition, maybe not, but she’ll get to it one day. so with pertinence and dogged determination, the rapper does it.
of course, no girl group is ever without its conflicts, even if they weren’t an official group. hyeri and tiffany’s endless squabbles breaks the silence of the room, and the maknae line is always together in one corner, laughing over something completely random. piper slays, and taeyeon slays as well, both in dancing and singing respectively. and while people like sunyoung struggle with charms, yul is overflowing with it. every single person has their own specialties, and she’s proud to say that she’s okay with not being the best at everything.
after all, one can only get so far depending on their strength alone.
it’s not difficult for her to find the younger female and the first thing tiffany determines is that it’s be easier still if seungmi had opted for a bright color following the gayo performances after all. in jest, hands reach out to rest on the young rapper’s shoulders, teasingly attempting to frighten her, a feat tiffany insists isn’t easy achieved because of her gentle appearance but mostly a cheerful, particularly loud demeanor when it suits her. “seungmi? oh, so it is you. i keep thinking of your beautiful silver and blue hair,” a cheeky grin chases her words and she settles next to the female at the cafeteria table, hoping it’s not too forward to join her for breakfast— at least for the time being. “hey, i just wanted to talk to you about something. i hope you don’t mind! about last week, you brought some chicken for my team, right?” chestnut brown tendrils cascade over her shoulder with the curious tilt of her head and she smiles, eyes widening slightly as she follows up with an explanation. “not that i’m bringing it up because i’m upset or anything but you know that’s like contraband here, right? i’m really glad you did it because it meant a lot to them, i could tell, but next time … don’t.”
realization dawns on her a second time and she laughs bashfully, “ah, okay, wait! i don’t mean it like … hm … okay, what i’m trying to say is i don’t want you to get in trouble for feeding my team so if you want to do something like that again, just let me know and i’ll help you out. for taeyeon’s team too. i’d rather you not get in trouble. what if you’d been caught? i don’t want you to get punished for trying to raise their spirits. i’m really happy you did! if you could, you should stop by and talk to them more. jiyoon is a rapper too. i bet you could rap wildfire compared to what bonfire i could do— damn, that sounded less lame in my head, i swear it did. but really, come by sometime. talk to them about what it’s like. give them another opinion. i’d love to hear it too, actually and— thanks, i mean it.”
her spoon was laid down by the metal tray, hands already getting all over her meager portion of grapes. after pulling all those chicken stunts, she has decided to follow her diet without cutting herself any slack, even if it means she can no longer go to the minimart to eat a cup of ramyun. pushing a strand of hair back, she chews the acidic fruit slowly, unable to sort out her thoughts and make sense of how she’s feeling at the moment. it’s been a while since she’s felt this confused and lost. what’s worse, this time she doesn’t even know why she feels so helpless.
it’s probably because i have to do things i’m not comfortable with, she thinks. something to do with her obligation towards the company, and her need to fulfil both her coaches’ expectations and her future audience. following a strict diet was never a thing for her, not when she had still gone to soccer practices and swimming sessions. even now, with how heavy the dance training is, she opt to fill her stomach whenever she feels like it. but things don’t work that way on the way to stardom and she has to keep on being picky about what she consumes from day to day.
it takes her a while to register the voice that’s calling out to her. the older female sits beside her before she can respond, and she merely blinks. “good morning sunbae.” the comment on her hair sends her smiling for the first time that day. maybe she should consider getting it dyed again. “ah, that chicken was from me. i hope no one got in trouble because of me.” offering an awkward smile, she rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. even without her having to sign the note, anyone would figure out that your j is no different from baby j. the older female’s next words only added to her worries, mind quickly assuming the worst. did the instructors find out? was tiffany sunbae the one to shoulder the punishments? why had she been foolish enough to even feed the contestants fried chicken when they were under kt’s wings?
“i’ll be more careful next time.” a wary smile resurfaces on her face, hoping that she’d come up with gifts that are less harmful in the future. “you don’t have to go that far sunbae. i mean, i don’t mind you helping me out, but i guess i’ll stick to more traditional gifts next time. food is a big no inside this building, so uh, we can all go out for oden next time instead?” a playful laugh drums past her lips, her negative thinking quickly pierced through by her positive resolve. there’s no use in worrying and being regretful anyways.
taking note of the invitation to come over, she nods enthusiastically. she should start taking more careful observations of team kt’s stages, maybe she’d be able to help somehow. making jiyoon become more comfortable might as well be her first contribution to the team. sweet smile on her face, she looks at her senior warmly. “just call me anytime and i’ll come there right away. i’m rooting for team kt after all.”
