Pillow Talk with Levi Ackerman BOOK I : Kuchel
Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader
Themes : hurt/comfort, canonverse, romance, established relationship, Levi and reader are married, late night conversations, deep conversations, reader wants to know more about the most important people in Levi's life.
Warning: none
WC: 1155
A/N: Hi ya'll, i guess i'm back ? Slowly but surely i'll try to write again.
PILLOW TALK WITH LEVI ACKERMAN BOOKS :
I Kuchel
II Kenny
III Hange
IV Erwin
V Farlan & Isabel
VI Mikasa
VII Eren
Right when your head hit the pillow, you looked at Levi through your locks sprinkled all over you, and asked a question that was burning your lips for the longest time.
"Levi ?"
"Hm"
"Tell me more about Kuchel"
Even if the only source of light present in the room was only a veil of moonlight, you still caught the small sparkle in Levi's eyes. It only lasted for a second before disappearing as fast as it had appeared.
He didn't look at you and kept inspecting the ceiling, his hands knitted together ontop of his chest.
"I don't remember much about her to be honest"
You listened carefully to the words your husband just uttered while hugging your pillow tightly, a habit you always did to comfort yourself.
Neither one of you ever brought this subject to the table. Levi would sometimes mention his mother when relevant to a conversation, which was once in a blue moon truly. He would never go further than saying her name or a quick fact about her, he would never open up to share much about that time. Tonight, strangely enough, your curiosity begged for a little more.
You thought Levi wanted to keep his mother's memories to himself, wanting to seal them away from everyone, including you. This made you feel like you were being denied access to an important part of his life that helped shape his being. Tonight, you understood that this was untrue.
He didn't want to keep his mother a secret from you, he just didn't have enough to tell you about her.
"Was she...kind ?" You asked, tugging at the delicate silk covering your pillow, a bit hesitant to look him in the eyes, since you felt this was a touchy subject.
"I guess she was, i don't recall her being disgraceful or violent towards me. Even when she was at her lowest, she always looked after me."
"I think i would have appreciated her a lot" You whispered to the pillow.
Levi hummed in response. He was never one to talk much, not in all that time spent at the military and not even after you two confessed your feelings to each other and decided to settle down together. Getting him to talk about his feelings was like extracting diamonds out of a mine. Difficult but very rewarding.
"Why do you ask about her now ?"
The question caught you off guard.
You wanted to know what kind of person he grew up next to, when exactly did he raise this wall so high that even you, his wife, could not break through it sometimes.
It wasn't that Levi wasn't open with you, you're probably the only person he opens up to the most and the only person he allows to peek into his vulnerability.
You asking about his mother was completely genuine, you thought that getting him to talk about his mother would somehow get you closer to him and vice versa. You loved Levi so much you always searched for ways to get more entangled with him, be it through his past, the present or both of your futures. You thought digging out this piece that belonged to his past would make him truly yours, as silly as this might sound.
You tried to paint a face, tried to imagine what his mother would have looked like. What Kuchel would have looked like. You imagined her sharing the same thin eyebrows as her only son, the same delicate features adorning her face. You guessed he inherited his dark hair from her, imagining her brushing her long black locks.
For some reason, you imagined her doing that alone, in the corner of a gloomy bedroom is some abandoned brothel. Your heart scrunched at the thought. Levi being brought to life in such an environment made you sad, resentful, even.
He deserved better.
What did his father look like ? Did he get his short stature from him ? His uncle Kenny was tall, so maybe Kuchel was too. Was his father nothing more than a “client” to his mother ? Is that all he was ? A fleeting person that appeared out of nowhere and left behind him the most valuable human being inside the walls ?
For a second, you felt hatred and disgust for his progenitor. You hugged your pillow even harder, refraining to share that feeling with Levi.
Your mind even wondered to the night (or day) Levi was conceived in before you forced your mind to go back to more proper thoughts.
This man, so strong and respectable, had an inexplicably hard life. Sometimes you were in pure admiration of how he got himself out of the gutter. This man could have gone so wrong but somehow decided not to.
You wondered If Kuchel was still alive, how your life would have been different. Would you and Levi go visit her at her home, somewhere peaceful, maybe in the countryside ? Would she make you tea knowing how much her son loves it ? She'd have a special way of brewing it, just the way Levi likes it, the only way Levi likes it. She'd give you the secret to preparing the beverage because she'd want you to make your husband happy and because she apprciates you too.
For a moment, you could almost smell the scent of Kuchel's tea, feel the kitchen's air being filled with the sound of the tea brewing, you could smell the perfume in her hair as she turned around to fill your cup, of her dress's fabric…
You felt the weight of the mattress shift next to you, almost tearing you out of your reverie. Levi just got closer, his scent suddenly more present, you couldn't help taking it all in. Man, you loved him so much.
All those years spent together as comrades, high ranked commanders and then finally, spouses, had made you unbearably attached to the man, but more on a spiritual level. You two survived every catastrophe that was thrown your way during your service in the military, before and even after everything collapsed, this had to be a miracle.
He held you closer to him, and you took in the scent of his fabric.
"I just want to know more about you" You said softly
"I think it's better to leave the past where it is" He said before pausing.
He seemed to pounder for a moment, as if trying to find the right way to end the conversation and never have you ask about her again.
"My mother was a good woman. I loved her dearly"
You tightened your hold on him, those words moved you in ways you wouldn't be able to describe.
"I love you Levi" you said before starting to doze off slowly, peaceful with Levi's modest confession.
Asleep, you didn't feel Levi's fingers brushing your locks aside to whisper to your temple.
"Kuchel would have loved you too".