Hello, could I request some Kun and something dark? Yandere maybe or using dark magic even? please
You my darling are a diamond in the rough, a kun request!!??? kun is literally the love of my life and he is sooooo underappreciated i've always wanted to write a fic for him but never found the time. Thank you thank you a hundred times thank you. Ngl i might write this into a full fic but no promises.
DarkMagicUser!Kun x Reader ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅
Maybe you were cursed. Or perhaps love just wasn't your suit. Was it you, or was it them? The truth remained a mystery, but one thing was clear: all your dates seemed to end horribly. Some ended up transformed into frogs or toads, others encountered increased waves of bad luck, while the rest simply ignored your existence altogether.
Had you somehow become a magic user without a clue about your own powers? Were you inadvertently casting spells, sabotaging your own romantic prospects? Maybe you should have taken those mage classes instead of sticking with tailoring.
Your fifth date this week concluded just as you dreaded it would. It had all begun like a scene from a romance novel. The moonlight lit the cobblestone path as he walked you back to your dorm, trees swaying gently in the night breeze, filling the air with the sweet scent of blooming flowers. You dared to believe that perhaps this time would be different, that you might finally escape the strange fate that had befallen your love life.
But your optimism was short-lived. The next day, as you shuffled into class, your instructor informed the class that Johnny would be out for a couple of weeks due to a bad case of warts. A soft groan escaped your lips, and you felt your heart sink. Why was this happening to you? You had poured your heart and soul into creating the perfect dress for the upcoming banquet, spending countless hours from dusk till dawn stitching and embellishing and all for what?
Meanwhile on the other side of campus, Kun was heading to becoming a powerful mage, a fact his master often boasted about. Kun was the pride of his class, constantly praised for his respectful demeanor and mindfulness. Yet, hidden beneath his polished exterior was a secret that only he knew.
Kun had a crush on you.
It was a crush that had long evolved from cute to creepy. Despite being a promising mage and the star of his class, Kun was plagued by shyness. It was a crippling fear that rendered him mute whenever he found himself near you. Each time he mustered the courage to take a step forward, someone else swooped in, charming you before he could gather the nerve to ask for even a friendly chat.
Well obviously that was no good so he had to intervene.
That's how he found himself spending night after night studying his craft to drive away any possible suitors. He never intended for things to spiral out of control, he was just trying to buy himself some more time until the stars aligned and he could finally ask you out on a date.
What Kun failed to grasp, however, were his master’s warnings. Any magic user knows that the intent behind an incantation wields tremendous power, capable of creating either positive or negative energies. He hadn’t set out to harm but by meddling with forces beyond his comprehension, he risked corruption by his own hand. If he continued down this path of recklessness, his magic would be consumed by darkness and then consume him in return. His longing for you would spiral him into something sinister.
After years of silently watching you, Kun finally summoned the courage to confront you. It was now or never. The banquet was fast approaching, and this would be the perfect opportunity to ask for a dance. He spotted you in the courtyard during mealtime chatting with your friends. You sat beneath a tall, ancient tree, as you unwrapped your lunch, revealing strawberries nestled in cheesecloth.
His heart raced in his chest as he approached your group. He would have been paralyzed with fear, but he had convinced his master to concoct a potion to ease his nerves.
He called out your name, his voice wavering slightly as he caught your attention. You looked up from the strawberries, your smile bright, almost competing with the midday sun. The sight took his breath away, leaving him momentarily speechless.
“I’m not sure if you remember me,” he stammered. “But we had the same swordsmanship class two years ago before you switched out.”
“Is that so? I don’t remember much from swordsmanship class other than the bruised ribs,” you replied, laughter spilling from your lips, causing your friends to erupt in giggles beside you.
Kun laughed nervously along with the group, fidgeting with the raw edges of his tunic between his fingers. “Yeah, you kinda get used to it after a while, huh?”
You chuckled at his response. “I’m glad to finally make your acquaintance, then,” you said. “You know my name, but I apologize, I don’t know yours.”
“I’m Qian Kun, one of Taro’s mages,” he introduced himself, trying to match your bright energy with his own, though he felt his voice hitch slightly in his throat.
“A mage? Tell me, could one mistakenly cast a spell with no knowledge of sorcery?” you asked with an inquisitive tilt of your head. Your eyes sparkled with curiosity, you still had a few suspicions about your unfortunate dates that you had to rule out.
“It’s hard to say, really. I’m sorry I can’t provide a more suitable answer,” he replied, his voice faltering a little at the end.
You pouted with a playful huff. “Well, that’s okay! By the way, you came over here for a purpose, I assume? What was it?”
“Oh, that!” Kun croaked, suddenly remembering he hadn’t approached you for mere idle chit-chat. “The banquet tomorrow… You don’t happen to have a partner for it, do you?”
As the words tumbled out, your friends erupted in a chorus of playful "oohs," nudging and shoving you gently at the news. Kun felt his stomach twist into knots as anxiety flooded his veins as he awaited your response.
Your shoulders tensed, and warmth flooded your cheeks as you struggled to meet his gaze any longer. “I’m sorry, Kun, but someone has already asked me just a while ago.”
At that moment, something within Kun snapped. He forced a smile onto his lips, but it felt impossibly fragile and hollow. “Well, that’s a shame,” he replied, bowing slightly before turning to make his leave. The weight of his disappointment pressing heavily on his chest.
“Kun!” you called out, barely above a whisper, but he kept walking.
It was all pointless. No matter how hard he tried, someone always beat him to the punch. The simmering resentment within him began to swell. He found that he no longer felt any remorse for the petty spells he had cast on your dates. It was all justified, him turning them into frogs, cursing them with warts, or even the whispered enchantments that sent them tumbling down the stairs. His heart clenched painfully, and the magic that coursed through his veins turned cold, colder than it had ever been. It was frigid, like the dark depths of winter.
Tomorrow was the banquet, and he didn’t care that you were taken; he would have you.
Later that night, he marched up to his master's room with determination in his steps. It wasn’t the first time he had borrowed something from Shotaro to strengthen his own magic. His master was a deep sleeper, providing easy access during dark hours. The door creaked as he slipped inside, eyes quickly landing on the book resting on a pedestal before a large window. It was said that magic thrived under the moonlight, and many believed one could sharpen their spellcasting by soaking their spell books in it. Kun closed the book’s pages and lifted it carefully from its spot.
Just as he turned to leave, he was startled to find Shotaro sitting up in his bed.
“I tried to ignore it, but I refuse to be a fool any longer,” Shotaro said. “You’re up to no good, and I can sense it. You’re growing darker. I can feel you freezing over day by day. I had hoped I was wrong, but you’re falling too far.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kun shot back, his voice flat. “I came to borrow this book for some late night studies.”
“You earn your own spell book. You do not leer from another’s.” Shotaro condemned.
Kun let out a humorless laugh. His eyes were void of emotion. “You have said enough. Now sleep.”
Before Shotaro could react or cast a protection barrier, Kun’s lips had already spoken the words of a sleep incantation. Shotaro's head hit the pillows with a dull thump, and within moments, he was out cold. Kun had at least twenty-four hours before his master would awaken and that was more than enough time for him to do what he needed to do.
—
Tonight was the banquet, and the schoolyard had been transformed into something out of a fairytale. Twinkling lanterns draped from the ancient trees, casting golden hues across everyone who congregated on the grass. Laughter and music filled the air as students danced and swayed to the melodies of lutes and violas.
Kun’s eyes scanned the crowd, but his heart sank when he couldn’t find you. He bit his lip in annoyance. Where could you be? Why were you alone with that scoundrel and away from the festivities?
He searched the school grounds until he spotted you in the garden. Your date was there too, much to Kuns chagrin, and he was plucking a rose to present to you making Kun roll his eyes. He would give you so much more.
He couldn’t hear the conversation you were sharing, but the sight was enough to make him jealous. With a determined stride, he approached the two of you, spellbook in hand, and surprised you both.
“Goodness, Kun! What are you doing here?” you asked incredulously as you pulled away from your date.
There was something different about him tonight. A shadow loomed in his eyes, something dark that made you instinctively cautious.
“What do you want?” your date interjected, annoyance creeping into his voice.
Kun’s eyes turned toward him, the warmth of his gaze replaced by a harsh, icy disdain. “You’re pathetic. You don’t deserve to lay your filthy hands on her. You will never be good enough for her,” he growled.
You took a brave step forward, eyebrows knitted together in annoyance. “And you think you are?”
Kun’s gaze slid back to you, and he tilted his head with a smirk that sent a shiver down your spine. “I’m all you have,” he declared, the ominous undertone of his voice sending alarm bells ringing in your mind.
Before you could question the meaning behind his words, he began to chant, the syllables rolling off his tongue easily. A swirl of purple energy began to cloud around the book, shimmering menacingly as he controlled the magic with a wave of his hand. He stared at you unwaveringly, putting every ounce of his energy behind his spell.
You didn't know much about magic, you had always found spell casting boring, there was too much reading involved. But one thing was clear, there was nothing pure or innocent about the incantation he was casting.
Instinct kicked in. You sprinted toward him as best as you could in your gown and heeled shoes, adrenaline propelling you forward. You threw yourself onto him, and to your surprise, he made no effort to stop you. You both tumbled backward, the spellbook slipping from his grasp and landing on the grass.
Positioned above him, you beat against his shoulders with your fists. “What do you think you're doing? You’re insane!” you yelled, landing a few more frustrated hits to his chest and shoulders. He lay beneath you, unmoving, his hair a tousled mess in his eyes, yet he didn’t divert his gaze from you. A persistent smile played on his lips.
“Are you done?” he asked. "Or better yet, take your time. You look pretty above me"
“Unbelievable!” you huffed, scrambling to your feet and straightening your dress.
You weren’t sure what his spell had done, but you refused to stick around and find out. “Let’s go, Win!” you called out to your date as you walked over to him.
You grabbed his hand, attempting to pull him away, but he didn’t budge. Confusion washed over you as you looked up at his face, searching for clarity in his eyes. “Win, what’s wrong?” you inquired, only to find a vacant stare staring back at you.
“He can’t see you,” Kun informed you as he sat up, brushing the grass from his hair with a casual nonchalance.
“You stole his vision!” you exclaimed, whipping around to face him in fury.
“No,” he corrected. “He can’t see you. No one can.”
The weight of his words hung in the air, and the vibrant sounds of the banquet felt distant. A shiver danced down your spine as dread settled in.
You don't wait for him to explain, you just bolt away. The leather of your shoes slaps rhythmically against the cobblestones as you dash out of the garden and into the main area for the banquet. Couples twirl gracefully around you, the melodic tunes the musicians play on their instruments filling the air with joy as you run and push through the crowd. True to Kun's words, no one seems to notice your presence. It’s like you had become a ghost among the living.
You make a beeline for your group of friends. “Yeri!” you shout, shaking your friend’s shoulders, but she continues to move as if she doesn’t see you. She fills her chalice with punch from the festive table, laughing with your other friend, Joy, who remains blissfully unaware of your frantic attempts to reach them.
You rush toward your favorite instructor, Ms. Huang, calling out her name, your voice straining with urgency, but she doesn’t respond. Tears begin to stream down your cheeks, ruining the lovely makeup you had painstakingly bartered for at last year’s market. This was the first chance you’d had to wear it but now it's ruined.
You step back from the courtyard in disbelief, heart racing. This couldn’t be happening.
“You don’t have to be afraid. If you’re good, I’ll think about undoing it.”
You look up to see Kun making his way through the crowd toward you. You clench the skirt of your dress in your fists before spinning and sprinting into the nearby forest.
Branches whip at your arms as you zip through the trees, thorns nipping at your skin along the way. It’s as if Kun’s voice was a haunting echo in your mind. “Don’t run little fawn, it's only going to make me want to chase you,” he taunts.
But you don’t listen. You push yourself harder, feet pounding against the ground until your lungs burn, but you keep running. You dare a glance behind you. Your heart lurches at what you see. Kun is walking toward you through the trees, but something is off. Reality seems to warp around him, and no matter how fast you run, he gets unnervingly closer.
Frantic, you turn your gaze back to the path, realizing with horror that you’re running in place. You look down and see the lower half of your body clouded in the same swirling purple smoke from Kun’s previous spell.
You curse under your breath and scream.
“Shh, now dear. It’s of no use. There is only me here,” Kun’s voice comes directly behind you, his breath warm against your neck as he perches his chin on your shoulder.
“Undo this!” you grit out through clenched teeth
Kun pulls away and walks in front of you, his expression shifting. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to make you mine? Do you know how many nights I’ve lost sleep, dreaming about what I would finally say to you? And it was all for naught because you still didn’t pick me.”
“I’m sorry, but this is not the way! Do you truly think I will love you now? After all this!” You ask in disbelief.
He tilts his head thoughtfully, then settles on an answer. “But you have no choice.”
“Says who? What are you going to do? Cast a love spell on me?” you fire back, bitterness lacing your words. “You’re pathetic.”
Kun quirks an eyebrow, a hint of amusement flashing across his face. “I never said that. I want you to love me, it’s true, but I want you to do it of your own accord.”
“Never. Going. To. Happen,” you punctuate each word with venom.
Kun’s smile grows soft with a deceptive charm. “Well, that's too bad, because a kiss between two lovers is the only way to break this curse.” He shrugs playfully. “I mean, I love you, so we’re already halfway there.”
With a wave of his hand, the purple magic around your legs dissipates. You fall to your knees, disbelief crashing over you like a wave.
You were awake but didn’t open your eyes. You’d left the curtains open, you realized. Your eyes slowly fluttered open, bracing yourself for the light. Your eyes snapped open as you were met with the image of a naked Taeyong fast asleep in your bed. If you weren’t awake before, you were certainly wide awake now.
You looked around the room in horror as you recalled the events of the previous night. You replayed the night in your mind, as if it were a film, and how you took your clothes off and how Taeyong ended up between your legs and inside you. And you had the audacity to throb at the thought of him, a wave of guilt washing over you.
The vibration coming from the nightstand startled you, bringing you back to your harsh reality. Your hands felt a little shaky as you reached for your phone. Without even having to look, you knew it was Kun. Your heart pounded in your chest as you answered the call, your voice trembling slightly.
"Hey, babe," Kun's voice greeted you, laced with concern. "I didn't hear back from you last night, so I wanted to check on you. Are you feeling okay?"
You took a deep breath, your mind racing. You were anything but okay. You were confused, in a daze, and filled to the brim with guilt and remorse. The thought of confessing the truth and his disappointment sent a fresh wave of guilt to crash over you.
"I'm just a little hungover," you said, a half truth. "I think I might take a painkiller and go back to sleep for a little while.”
"Oh, okay," Kun replied, his voice laced with understanding. He chuckled. "I told you to make sure you drank some water to avoid a hangover! Anyway, just call me when you wake up, alright? I can bring you something to eat later."
"Okay, I will.”
Your heart was heavy with the weight of your lies as you hung up the phone. Taeyong stirred beside you, rolling onto his side. He was awake now and you weren’t sure how much of the conversation he’d heard.
“Good morning,” he said, so casually, as if this was all normal to him. He leaned on his elbow, propping himself up to smile at you.
“Uh, good morning,” you said, with a weak attempt at a smile. You were becoming hyper aware of the fact that you were naked, pulling the sheets over your bare breasts. “We need to talk about last night…”
“Okay,” he said, sitting up in the bed, eyebrows raised in curiosity. “What about last night?”
You took a deep breath, not quite sure what you were going to say. “Last night shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.”
Taeyong’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I have a boyfriend, Taeyong,” you said, not sure why you had to explain. “We shouldn’t have had sex.”
“You have a boyfriend, sure,” he said, “but you made your choice. We’re both adults.”
His words stung, a sharp reminder of the mess you had created. You hadn't intended to hurt Kun, but your actions had spoken louder than words.
"I know," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I just... I don't know what I was thinking."
Taeyong sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He reached out and gently cupped your face in his hands, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through your body. "I know, Y/N," he said, his voice soft and laced with understanding. He tilted your head toward his, looking you in your eyes. "But we can't go back now."
His words hung in the air, a reminder of the reality before you. You had crossed a line and there was no turning back. You hesitated, your mind torn between regret and desire. Taeyong leaned in closer, his lips not quite touching yours. You could feel his breath warm against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.
"Do you really think kissing me that day was a mistake?" he asked, his voice laced with longing. "I made love to you last night, Y/N…You’re telling me that was a mistake? You regret that?"
You stared into his eyes, your own filled with a rather strong cocktail of confusion, regret, and desire. You felt torn between the guilt of your actions and the connection you shared with Taeyong. Words didn’t come.
He wasn’t wrong. Last night, you made a choice - a choice that you would have to live with and figure out how to navigate. And choices had their consequences.
You leaned into his touch and it wasn’t long before his lips met yours in a passionate kiss. You responded, your lips melting against his, your bodies pressing together, silently accepting the onward battle. The weight of your guilt and regret slowly melted away, replaced by these new feelings for Taeyong. In that moment, you were lost in Taeyong’s intoxicating embrace as you found yourself on top of him again, sinking onto his already-hard length.
*
Taeyong stepped out of your apartment building, the warm afternoon air washing over his face. He could still smell the lingering scent of your perfume on the collar of his shirt, along with the memory of your touch. With each step, he felt his heart ache in his chest. His emotions were all over the place and, after sleeping with you twice, they’d intensified.
You made a choice and he had, too. The two of you made those choices together. He had no regrets. He replayed the events of the last night and this morning in his mind; your sweet moans and your tender touch, your whispers in his ear and his seed dripping from inside you.
A wave of longing washed over him. He craved your presence, your laughter, your touch, not just your body. He wanted more; he wanted to see you whenever he wanted, he wanted to touch you. He wished he could be the one you came home to, the one who you shared your hopes and dreams with and the one who wrapped his arms around you whenever you were upset.
The connection he had with you was so intense, unlike anything he had ever felt before. But Taeyong couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. He knew that your relationship was complicated and he was entangled with you, in a web of lies and hidden desires. The thought of sharing you with another man was a bitter pill to swallow, a jealousy that gnawed at his insides. But he had to keep his composure if he didn’t want to lose you, too.
After all, you weren’t his to have in the first place.
*
As the hot water rippled down your body, you closed your eyes, trying to wash away the guilt that clung to you like a second skin. The memory of your actions with Taeyong haunted you, each droplet of water a constant reminder of the sins you had committed. You scrubbed your skin hard, as if you could erase the memory of Taeyong's touch. You longed for the cleansing power of water to somehow make you pure again, to wash away the stain of infidelity that marked your conscience.
The weight of guilt remained following a shower. Wrapped tightly in your towel, you moved through your apartment with a sense of urgency, cleaning and airing it out, trying to erase any and every trace of Taeyong's presence. You changed your sheets, replacing them with fresh, clean ones, hoping to remove the lingering scent of his cologne. You sprayed air freshener and opened the window, hoping to remove the smell of sex in the air. Every movement, every action, was fueled by a desperate need to erase the evidence of your wild night.
You took the Plan B that Taeyong went to get for you, chugging the pill down with water, as if that could undo things, as if it was a chance at redemption. The very last thing you needed was to end up pregnant and have no idea if the baby was Kun’s or Taeyong’s. You threw the empty box in the trash and took out the garbage, getting rid of the evidence.
Not long after, the doorbell rang. You opened the door, revealing the man you’d betrayed with a container of soup. He kissed you on your lips on his way inside. “Hey babe. I thought about making you that Chinese soup you like but I was feeling a little lazy so I just bought you some chicken soup.”
You nodded with a weak smile. “Thank you…Were you up late working?”
“Yeah,” he said, placing the bag on the counter. He started sifting through the bags so that you could eat. “I went to sleep around two. What time did you get back?”
“Maybe around 12:30,” you answered, “I fell asleep earlier than I thought. I’m sorry I didn’t text you back.”
He shook his head. “No need to apologize. I know you were fine. Do you want to eat now?”
You nodded. Your energy levels were really low and, Kun being here when you were grinding on Taeyong’s dick a couple of hours ago, didn’t help the situation. As you ate, Kun carried the conversation. He talked about the housewarming last night and how nice Taeyong was and that he could see us getting along. He talked about how work went and how his juniors were slacking. You were only half there, hearing him and trying your best to look engaged.
"Is there anything else on your mind?" he asked gently, his hand reaching out to touch yours reassuringly.
Caught off guard by his question, you hesitated. Of course there was something else on your mind. You couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong or what the two of you did. Of course, you couldn’t tell him any of it. "No, it's just the hangover," you repeated, as if trying to convince yourself of your own lie. “I think the food will help.”
Kun nodded slowly, seemingly accepting your explanation. “Wanna watch a movie? Sounds like the perfect lazy Sunday before we have to go to work tomorrow..”
Work. That was the last place that you wanted to be. You’d have to confront reality somehow and face Taeyong in real life and real-time. Would things be awkward? Would Taeyong treat you differently? You didn’t take him for a man that would put you or his job at risk, but you weren’t sure how this would go. You’d opened up a door that couldn’t be shut so easily.
It was your fault, truth be told. You weren’t perfect but, still, you couldn’t bring yourself to say that being with Taeyong was a mistake. You didn’t have any regrets when it came to him. You just regretted how it all came to be. You wished that this had happened at a time when you were single. Then, things would be okay, and these decisions didn’t have to weigh so heavily on your mind.
“Yeah,” you replied, taking away the empty containers. “Do you wanna pick this time?”
So, you tried to get back into normalcy by watching a movie with the man you were supposed to be in a relationship with.
*
The next day at work, you found yourself glancing over at Taeyong every so often, a knot of guilt tightening in your stomach with each glance. His presence was a constant reminder of the sins you had committed, a secret that weighed heavily on your conscience.
Taeyong, on the other hand, seemed unfazed by the tension between you. He continued to greet you with his usual warm smile and engaging conversation, even going so far as to brush against your hands in passing moments. You tried to avoid his touch, to maintain a professional distance, but his subtle touches made you question whether or not you were overthinking.
The workday dragged on, each minute dragging on as you sat with your conflicting emotions. You longed for the day to end, to escape your team, along with the weight of your guilt.
Finally, the clock struck five, signaling the end of your workday. As you gathered your belongings and headed out of the office, you picked up your phone to see a text from Taeyong.
Taeyong [5:01PM] : Can you meet me at Hidden Moon Bar?
He sent a link and it was a five minute walk from the office. You texted back, agreeing. Unfortunately, you couldn’t quite ignore Taeyong or pretend that what happened didn’t happen.
You said your goodbyes and left first. As you walked, you wondered how the conversation would go. All you knew was that this couldn’t continue. You had cheated on Kun, yes, but it would be better to stop now before things got out of control. You just needed to stand your ground and not get tempted to go back on what you wanted to say.
You sat down at the bar, deciding that you definitely needed a drink to have this conversation. A moment later, you had a glass of Pinot Noir in your hand. After a few gulps, you felt much better about things.
“Hey Y/N,” said a familiar voice from behind you. So casually, Taeyong took a seat on the barstool next to you. It wasn’t crowded, thankfully, as the happy hour crowds hadn’t made it just yet. “What are you drinking?”
"Hey," you said, your voice laced with a hint of nervousness. “I got Pinot Noir.”
Taeyong called over the bartender to say, “Can I have a glass of Pinot Noir, too?” He took out his wallet, pulling out his credit card. “You can put mine and hers on this card. Thanks!”
You nodded. “Thanks.”
He said, “No problem. Well, anyway, we should talk about what happened, right?”
“Yeah, um, what we're doing, what we did…it's not right. We shouldn't be doing this, Taeyong. We're coworkers, and it's too complicated. I think you should date other people, seriously."
He looked at you, without saying a word. He didn’t say anything for a long time, to the point where you began to feel a little awkward. He sighed and took a sip of the wine the bartender had just placed in front of him. He took a long swig and put the glass down before turning back to you. "Y/N, dating other people isn't going to change how I feel about you. I can't just turn off these emotions. Trust me, I've tried, but it's not that easy."
You sighed, realizing the depth of the situation. "Taeyong, you deserve someone who can really be with you. Someone you don’t have to sneak around with. It's not fair to you."
He leaned back in the chair, studying your face. "You think I want just anyone? I want you, Y/N. And I understand it's complicated…”
You shook your head, feeling the weight of responsibility. "It's not just about us; it's about my boyfriend, our jobs, everything. I can't just throw it all away."
"I get it, Y/N. I do. But I can't deny what I feel. I can't just pretend that we didn’t kiss, that we didn’t have sex, that we’re just nothing.”
You said, "Taeyong, I care about you, but we can't keep going down this path. It's only going to get more complicated."
He leaned a little closer. "What if I don't want to date other people? What if I just want to be with you, even if it's complicated?"
You closed your eyes, feeling the weight of the situation. "Taeyong, we can’t…"
He sighed, a mixture of frustration and sadness in his expression. "I can't promise that my feelings will just disappear. But if you think it's the right thing to do and that this is what you want, I'll respect your decision."
*
The office clock ticked down to 5:00 PM, signaling the end of yet another busy week. As people began gathering their belongings and preparing to leave, Kevin turned to the group with a grin. "Hey, is anyone up for dinner tonight?" he asked, shutting his laptop. “I have no plans. Someone please say yes.”
A few heads nodded in agreement, while others declined, letting him know that they already had plans. Attention was on Taeyong now, as he hadn’t responded.
"I can’t. I have a date tonight," Taeyong announced, in a light, casual tone.
While your coworkers laughed and teased, a pang of jealousy coursed through your body. A date? Already?
Hina, turning off her monitor, stood up from her chair. "Is this the first date?"
Taeyong nodded, his smile widening. "Yeah," he answered. "Seolyun gave me a suggestion for a steakhouse so I’m going to take her there. Supposed to be pretty good."
You recalled your recent conversation with Taeyong last week, where you had encouraged him to see other people. That meant that dates were a thing. You felt jealousy and regret, realizing you weren't as prepared for Taeyong to move on as you thought. The suggestion to date others had been a bit easier in theory than in practice. You did your best to hide your emotions, forcing a smile as you joined the others in wishing him a good time.
Kevin, always eager to add to the conversation, chimed in, "So, how did you meet her?"
"Online dating app," Taeyong replied casually. "We were texting for a while and I asked if she had any plans, so I figured why not take her out tonight?"
Seolyun, your curious coworker, couldn't resist the urge to pry. "Can we see a picture?" she asked, her eyebrows raised in anticipation.
Taeyong chuckled, "I'll show you if we end up dating," he teased. “I don’t wanna jinx it.”
The thought of Taeyong moving on and potentially having a new girlfriend stirred a mix of emotions within you. While you genuinely wished him the best, you couldn't deny the lingering feelings you still had for him.
As you gathered your things and prepared to leave the office, a wave of uncertainty washed over you. What was going to happen now?
*
Taeyong found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, conflicted emotions playing on his face. Tonight was the night of the date he agreed to. He’d be a liar if he said that he wasn’t nervous about it. He adjusted his collar, wondering if he was making the right decision. By going on a date, he was respecting your boundaries, right?
The girl he was about to meet was pretty and she seemed genuinely nice. He didn’t know much about her yet, but he thought that maybe this could work out in his favor. But as he buttoned up his shirt, a nagging thought tugged at the edges of his mind – she wasn't you. And she never would be.
The conversation he had with you had been playing in his mind all week, like a broken record. Taeyong sighed, trying to come to terms with what you’d said. If you wanted him to see other people, he reasoned, it meant you didn't want him. He had to at least try to move on, to forget about the feelings he had for you. Yet, the mere thought of being with someone else made his heart ache.
Glancing at the clock, he realized it was time to leave. He locked eyes with his reflection, trying to give himself a pep talk. It’ll be fun, he thought, trying to reason with himself, an internal battle plaguing his heart. Just one date, he told himself. She seems to be a nice girl. Maybe we’ll hit it off.
There are more girls out there other than Y/N, Taeyong.
All of these thoughts crossed his mind but he wasn’t sure of himself. Maybe this date would be a step towards closure, a way to untangle himself from the feelings he had for you.
As he stepped out into the night, Taeyong couldn't shake the lingering doubt. Deep down, he couldn't escape the haunting question – was he truly ready to move on, or was this just a futile attempt to fill the void left by someone he couldn’t have?
*
The week had been long, filled with deadlines and endless meetings, so when Kevin suggested grabbing dinner and drinks to unwind, you decided to get on board. Spending time with friends seemed like a much better option than sulking at home and being trapped in wonderings about Taeyong and this mystery woman.
As you all settled into a cozy corner booth, the clinking of glasses and the hum of conversation surrounded you. The menu was passed around, each person expressing their preferences and sharing recommendations.
Seolyun scanned the cocktail menu with enthusiasm. "I heard their mojitos are really good. Anyone up for one?”
Hina, sitting beside you, offered a thoughtful smile. "I'm game. Mojitos it is."
“Speaking of mojitos, me and my cousins are planning a trip to Cuba!”
Despite the lively conversation about mojitos and travel, your thoughts drifted to Taeyong yet again. Who was this girl? What did she look like? What was her personality like? Most importantly, would Taeyong like her? Would he like her so much that he ends up in a relationship with her?
Every few minutes, you found yourself reaching for your phone to look at Taeyong’s Instagram profile. You'd refresh the page, hoping to catch a glimpse into his date, hoping to see a photo, a story, anything that would tell you where he was or what he was doing.
“Any travel plans coming up for the summer, Y/N?” asked Kevin, as he put a few pieces of pork belly onto your plate. Now, you were being forced into the conversation. And rightfully so.
“Nah, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere but I’m not going to lie, a beach trip would be amazing. Me and Hina were talking about maybe doing a weekend trip.”
“I haven’t been in years,” said Hina.
“It’ll be nice to get some seafood,” you added.
“Speaking of seafood,” chimed in Seolyun, “should we order squid to grill?”
As the night went on, you were almost filled to the brim with anxiety. No matter how good the food was or how strong your drink was, you could only think of Taeyong. The thought of him enjoying an evening out with a nameless, faceless woman filled your heart with frustration and envy.
Every notification, every vibration, every sound made your heart drop. Everytime you got a notification, you hoped that it was him and you hoped that he was thinking about you as much as you were about him. But it never was, and that hurt more than you thought it would.
As you were on the subway heading home, you realized that you basically only knew Taeyong as a friend. You hardly knew him as a lover, but you wanted to. Was he patient? Was he the type of man to give you random gifts, just because? Would he plan dates without you having to ask? Was he willing to work things out if you had a fight? You wondered what kind of man he’d be like, if you were dating.
A shower wasn’t much help either. Those thoughts didn’t disappear but they shifted to the memories of him being here with you. You thought of how hard he kissed you, how he grabbed your hands and held them down as he thrusted into you in missionary, and how deep inside you he was. It was almost as if Taeyong figured out your body and how to please you in just a night. You throbbed at the thought.
You knew you had no right to feel this upset about it. You had Kun, your loving boyfriend who was on his way right now with a bottle of the Pinot Noir that you loved. And here you were thinking about a man that you couldn’t have.
You’d invited him over before you got in the shower because you felt alone. You wanted what you couldn’t have, so you went with the next best option. It wasn’t that you didn’t love or care about Kun; you did. But Taeyong had shown you excitement that you hadn’t felt in a long time. Kun felt…safe. Taeyong felt dangerous. There was something about the thrill of it all that turned you on a little bit.
As you got out of the shower and wrapped your towel around you, you found yourself picking up your phone again. You clicked on the Instagram app for what was probably the hundredth time tonight and found that Taeyong had finally posted something — a story. You pressed your finger on Taeyong’s icon and found the photo that you’d been waiting for all night long. You held your finger down because ten seconds to view it wouldn’t be enough for you. Taeyong had taken a picture of a perfectly cooked steak, medium rare and glistening just how he liked it. The steak looked amazing, but what really caught your eye was the small bouquet of flowers across the table and the perfectly manicured hand you could see holding a steak knife in the top right corner. And to top it off, he put 5 star emojis with the location of the restaurant tagged.
You felt your eyes become hot with what you could only assume to be tears. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony, a cruel joke. Were you really upset with him when you were the one who told him to see other people? You couldn’t possibly keep up an affair with him. It was wrong and you both deserved better than to drag each other around on strings and making promises you couldn’t keep. You’d uttered those words at the time but you weren’t sure that you actually meant them. And here you were — jealous.
You heard the front door open and close, signaling your boyfriend’s arrival. Before you went out there, you needed to pull yourself together. You took a deep breath. Suddenly, you wished that you hadn’t asked for him to come over. But maybe it made sense now. Instead of being left alone with your thoughts, having company seemed like the better option.
“Babe?” he called from the kitchen.
You wiped your tears with your towel before you went out to greet him. “Hey, babe.”
Of course, he greeted you with a smile that made you feel guilty. As you got closer, he said, “You okay, Y/N? You look like you’ve been crying…”
You said, “I think it’s just my allergies.” A lie, but believable.
As you wiped away what was left of your tears, he said, “Do you need some medicine? I can go get some if you need…”
You shook your head. “I’m okay,” you said, forcing a smile. “I’d love some of that wine though.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, planting a kiss on your lips.
“Yeah,” you said in a low, husky voice. You kissed him back, harder this time. Kun was surprised at your forwardness and pulled you closer to him. You could feel him getting hard and, sneakily, he made your towel fall to the floor.
“I’ll pour some wine,” you said, pulling away from his embrace, and showing off your body. You could see him biting his lips as you reached into the cabinet for your wine glasses. His eyes never left you, even when he was across the room on the couch.
A moment later, you were walking toward him, wine glasses in hand to place on the side table. Then you disappeared into your bedroom and changed into the lingerie set he liked. Little did he know, he followed you and watched you as you changed.
“You look good,” he said, coming up behind you. “Are you horny, babe?”
You turned around to face him, nodding. You were met with your wine glass. You took it from him and took a long swig of the red wine. A little bit dripped down your chin as you pulled the glass away and Kun was quick to wipe it away with his thumb, slowly.
You took another sip and you watched him over the top of your glass. After you put the glass on top of your dresser, Kun pulled you close to him, pressing your body against his. You said, “So are you going to do something about it?”
You bit your lip. “Maybe…” Reaching down for his pants, you pulled them down. He was left in his boxers, his hardness poking through to give you a nice view. You heard a small groan come from his lips as you pulled those off, too, freeing him from the constraints. You ran your fingers back and forth across the head of his penis, teasing him, and watched it jump each time. You got down on your knees and took him in your mouth. You sucked his dick, nice and slow, at first. Then, you picked up the speed, drawing louder moans from your boyfriend. He put his hand on your shoulder and you knew that if you kept going he’d cum before you could get him inside you.
You pushed him back onto the bed, to his surprise, and climbed on top of him. “Take this off,” you said, referring to his shirt. You quickly helped him with the buttons and tossed the shirt to the side. He sat up and latched onto your nipple; he had easy access thanks to the lingerie, which had a small hole designated for them. He licked and nibbled on them. You screwed your eyes shut in pleasure, letting out small moans. Then, he reached down to your slit, running his fingers across it. You could tell that you were wet, partially because of the stimulation and partially because you thought of what it felt like when Taeyong touched you.
He said, “Are you ready?”
You nodded. “Fuck me, Kun.”
With that, he flipped you over onto your back. He slipped in easily and started thrusting into you right away. Your walls gripped at him tightly, making him groan. With each stroke, you could hear how wet your pussy was from that wet, squishy sound. Hearing it must’ve made him excited because he was suddenly fucking you harder, faster; it was hard to catch your breath with the feeling of your body being pounded into the mattress.
He buried his neck into yours as he thrusted in and out of him. From the way his breathing got heavier and heavier, you could tell he was close. The thought got you so excited.
“Ride it, babe,” he said, pulling out.
No words were exchanged. You just sunk down onto him with a squish. He groaned in response and let you take control. You started grinding on his dick, back and forth. Your wetness began soaking his pelvis and his lips parted in pleasure.
“That’s my good girl,” he said. “There you go.”
Hearing his voice made you throb even harder. You started going faster. It wouldn’t be long until you rode yourself into an orgasm. It wasn’t often that you found yourself having vaginal orgasms but today was the day. You could almost taste that delicious feeling building up inside you.
In the moment of your orgasm, you got lost in the movement of your hips. You allowed yourself to forget. You forgot about the guilt and the lies. You lost yourself in the feeling of Kun’s fingers digging into your hips instead.
But even as you came, a part of you couldn’t help but wonder, in the back of your mind, where Taeyong was, who he was with, and if he was thinking of you, even just a little.
But this was safe. Being here with Kun was safe.
*
Taeyong tossed and turned in bed that night, not able to get much quality sleep. He’d dozed off here and there, but it’d been nothing substantial. You crept into his dreams again and things were perfect. It was as if he was living in an alternate universe, one where you were single and being right or wrong didn’t matter. In the dream, you were his and he was yours. He could almost smell the scent of your perfume, almost feel your lips on his. It was a dream he didn’t want to wake up from.
Despite the content of his dreams, he had a good time on the date. Her name was Hyewol. He started the night off in the same way he would’ve wanted to with you, if he had the opportunity. He met up with her, greeting her with a small bouquet of roses. Then they walked to the restaurant together and got to know one another on the way to the restaurant. They told each other the basics: where they were from and where they worked, what schools they went to and what countries they visited, and their favorite things. Then, they enjoyed steak and wine for dinner.
He let her know that he’d like to take her on another date and, luckily for him, she was all for it. Part of him believed that maybe he could date her, that he could move on. But the truth was that she wasn’t you. So far, she was a person he could see himself with, but that wasn’t enough. Their chemistry wasn’t as strong. He could tell just by the way that he was in no hurry to kiss her.
He’d spent the past week on dating apps, hoping that the void he felt in his heart would be filled. He’d swiped through profiles, messaged other women, and he even went on a date tonight. The problem remained and it was that you couldn’t be replaced.
It was a bit dramatic, he supposed, but he felt as though he couldn’t just be friends with you. The two of you had crossed a line and it was too late to turn back now. The damage had already been done, hadn’t it? What if he just pushed forward anyway? No, he thought. He had to respect your boundaries. He couldn’t just tell you no. So he needed to figure out if you were serious about him moving on. But for now, he’d give it some time first. Maybe you’d change your mind and come to him instead.
General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona
Lost for Words Taglist: @ridinjuyeon @soonyoonswoo
Summary: When things start to get sexy with your new date Kun, he gets scared.
Genre: Drunk!Kun, fluff
Word Count: 0.6k
“You know… I’m a teeny-weeny bit DRUNK,” Kun whispered, pressing his palms to his cheeks.
You looked at Kun’s glazed-over hazel eyes, his cheeky grin, the way his normally perfect hair was in disarray.
“No shit, Sherlock,” you said, laughing.
Kun leant down and captured his pink curly straw between his lips. He sucked long and slow on his pina colada, his eyes never leaving yours.
The way he looked at you made your entire spine tingle.
You fanned yourself. “Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here? What do you say we take this somewhere else… like my place?”
Kun stared deep into your eyes. He reached his hand forwards, and tentatively, touched your thigh.
You could have moaned in pleasure. This was your third date, and you’d only pecked him on the lips once. You were dying for more.
He smiled bashfully. “I have to admit, the thoughts I am having right now are not very... gentlemanly.”
You leaned towards him, smirking. “Good thing I don’t want a gentleman.”
Kun touched the hem of your skirt. He couldn’t meet your eyes.
“What do you say we…” he mumbled. But then a Rihanna song started playing, and the other people in the bar cheered so loud it drowned his voice out.
“What did you say?” You shouted over the thumping bass. “I can’t hear you!”
Kun looked around, as if contemplating whether to repeat himself. Then, he shook his head and stood up.
He pulled on his jacket. “I just remembered… I’ve got a very important meeting in the morning. I’ve got to go!”
You frowned. “But tomorrow’s Sunday! Wait!”
But it was too late, because Kun had disappeared.
--
You stumbled into your apartment, alone, and even more drunk.
Your kitten, Baghira, mewled.
You knelt down and stroked her black fur.
“It’s just like my mum,” You sniffed. “Why does everybody leave me?”
Just then, you heard a knock on your door.
You pulled the door open and saw Kun. He looked handsome, with his deep dimples and plump lips. His face was tinged a deep red.
“Kun? What are you doing here?” Your heart started to pound.
Kun straightened himself up, brushing the dust from his jacket.
“Y/n, I’m sorry for running away like that. It was rude. I do want to be with you, it’s just… it’s just.” He sighed.
Kun pulled his hand out from behind his back and gave you a bar of Twix. You looked at him quizzically.
He pouted. “I wanted to get you flowers, but the only thing open this late was the vending machine.”
You giggled, swooning internally. Then you remembered how he’d ditched you, and the feeling vanished.
“I really am sorry,” Kun said, tugging a hand through his deep black hair. “I left because… everything was happening so fast. I want us to be more than some random hook-up.” He met your eyes. “When I make love to you, I want to do it right. I want it to mean something.”
You nodded. “If we’re gonna sleep together, let’s do it properly. Girlfriend and boyfriend.”
Kun grinned. “So… can I come in?”
“I’ll give you one last chance – but only coz you’re hot,” you said, shaking your head. You stepped to the side to allow him in.
Kun walked in and pulled you towards him. He kissed your lips softly. “I promise you won’t regret this,” he whispered.
Your heart thumped. “I know I won’t.”
—
MAIN MASTERLIST
Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋
i told him while pointing at the lonely chips bag lying flat in the shelf on front of me.
it seems like people did not bother to buy it today, i don't know if it's because they don't like the flavor or it's just gonna expire soon.
either way, i'll take it home 'cause I pity it. like how i should be for myself.
"take it if you want it, i'll pay for it anyway" he mumbled the last part, and I chuckled.
and then suddenly i jumped on his back and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"you serious?" i asked as I squished my cheek onto his.
"get off me" he said while quietly laughing, pushing me off his back, conscious that the few customers there could see us like that.
so I granted his wish and hopped down. i'm still smiling.
"yeah, i'm serious, just take what you want..." he said while continuing to roam around the aisles.
and so i got what i want...
"how about you? are you going to get something?"
"i'm good with this" he lifted the coca-cola can in his right hand.
We walked towards the sleepy cashier near the exit, suddenly jolting up when he heard the sound of the can landing on the marbled counter.
then i started staring at his face while he fishes for his brown wallet in his jeans' pocket.
and i stared.
and i stared.
and i stared.
"hey, let's leave now" kun snapped his fingers on front me, stopping me from staring at him too much.
he's used to it. i'm used to it. so it doesn't really matter i guess...
he was about to lead me out of the store, carrying the paper bag, when suddenly raindrops started pouring.
"shit, let's just stay here for a while..." he told me, pushing me gently back inside the store.
i said nothing as I went back to looking at his face.
"you know, your staring won't change anything between us..." he finally looked at me, then looked out the glass window walls to see if the rain finally stops.
"i'm sorry i can't help it, it just gets worse everytime i'm with you..." i mumbled the last part.
suddenly, the floor is so pretty to look at.
i felt that he looked at me again, taking a long pause before saying the next brutal words for me.
"you know i'll never be in love with you, right?"
shit. uhh, that hurts. like really fucking hurts.
i nodded in agreement.
"i hate that you keep torturing yourself for this..." he said to me. pitying me for what i am to him
"no, don't be...I...I'm just hoping that we w-would continue being friends like, this..I" a tear accidentally came out of my eye as I tried to explain it to him.
he stood there in silence.
"I just still want to be someone you can lean on to, even if you don't really like me back or anything, no, I...just want to be your friend..."
now i can't stop my tears from coming out. i'm glad that the cashier finally gave in and slept so he wouldn't hear me sobbing at the corner because of the man right beside me.
i can't really look at him straight in the eyes because he's going to hurt me more, so my eyes just wandered everywhere around the store, avoiding his..face.
i know that kun doesn't really know how to react to this, to me.
so he just pulled me by the hand to keep me close to him, my left cheek on his chest as he rubbed up and down my back to calm me down from crying.
my hands gave in to him, and weakly held onto the hem of his shirt to keep him close to me even more.
and it helped me calm down, but the pain of it was still lingering inside me...
swee7dream's 威神V masterlist . last updated : jul 17, 2024
all members
wayv as agere caregivers — bulletpoints
genres : agere content, fluff .
warnings : none .
summary : how i think the visions would be as caregivers to an age regressor !
qian kun
nothing yet... maybe request something ?
li yongqin
scaredy cat — one-shot ( requested + work in progress )
genres : agere content, fluff .
warnings : to be determined .
summary : "...i just think that ten would be like the bestest cg EVER !?! like omg WAIT meeting his cats for the first time but the baby is kinda scared ? id love anything with cg!ten but like literally hear me out on this one.. let me cook..."
dong sicheng
nothing yet... maybe request something ?
xiao dejun
nothing yet... maybe request something ?
wong kunhang
nothing yet... maybe request something ?
liu yangyang
babbles of the night — one-shot ( requested + work in progress )
genres : agere content, fluff, comfort .
warnings : to be determined .
summary : "could u write ab cg yangyang w a little reader w trouble sleeping... ( mayhaps w baby reader but irdm the age range )"
in which a girl farewells every boy she’s ever loved (or at least had romantic feelings for) in order to prove that her feelings for one particular boy are very real and unwavering.
notas: oficialmente acabamos o penúltimo capítulo de the story of us. ai, tô nervosa! o final deste ato vai dar o que falar... hahahah.
A chuva cai sem perdão agora, justo porque você esqueceu o guarda-chuva uma vez no ano. Reclamar não é uma opção, a noite foi tão divertida pelo reencontro de alguns colegas de turma da faculdade, uma chuvinha torrencial que encharca suas roupas é pequena demais para te fazer ficar estressada.
Mas não dá para conter os xingamentos quando absolutamente todos os táxis ignoram seus sinais. Já era de se imaginar, né, todos os ocupados.
E se eu der uma voltinha no quarteirão?
A rua cheia de bares e restaurantes não facilitaria sua busca, mas talvez algumas ruas adiante consiga. Além do mais, já está toda molhada mesmo.
Apesar de ser um bairro diferente do seu, atravessar pelas esquinas não é tão difícil. O problema é que, mesmo olhando para todos os lados, não há um carro amarelo sequer, e para piorar, o movimento de pessoas também é menor.
Apressa os passos, virando à esquerda e quase comemora ao ver um táxi parado. Assim, de bobeira. Corre os poucos metros que os separam e entra com tudo no banco de trás, assustando o motorista é claro.
— Boa noite, moço. — sacode os cabelos. — Caramba, tá muito difícil achar carro hoje.
— Dona, o táxi tá ocupado. — o senhorzinho avisa, com pena nos olhos. Você vasculha o carro e não vê ninguém. Como se a entendesse, ele continua. — Tô esperando o rapaz que agendou com a cooperativa, mas confesso que ele tá um tantinho atrasado.
Uma luz de esperança surge no seu corpo tenso.
— Qual a tolerância de atraso?
— Ele tem mais 2 minutos.
Isso!
— Tem problema eu esperar aqui, então? Não, né?
O senhor balança a cabeça negativamente, e você suspira já cantando vitória. Em poucos minutos estaria em casa.
Quando um elevador sobe rápido demais, também cai facilmente.
A porta do táxi abre de repente, e um homem alto e forte entra, fugindo dos pingos grossos que ainda não deram trégua. O motorista te olha pelo espelho retrovisor com dó, mas também engole seco. Como iria explicar? Você revira os olhos e bufa, finalmente sendo notada pelo outro.
— Boa noite, senhor. Nós vamos para o… Quem é você? — ele pergunta ao reparar sua presença e passar os olhos pela sua figura.
— Eu já vou sair, me perdoa, eu…
O rosto é familiar. Familiar demais. Mas é impossível. Ele ainda está na…
Não consegue terminar de raciocinar porque o estranho sorri para você, também te reconhece, agora que realmente se veem. E esse sorriso é impossível ser de outro alguém.
Suas mãos tremem um pouco, e o coração bate mais rápido. Definitivamente ele está diferente, porém alguns traços são exatamente os mesmos. Delicados, perfeitinhos.
— Jaemin? — sai como uma pergunta trêmula. — Que coincidência!
— Nossa! Sim! Eu… nem sei o que te dizer. Quanto tempo! — ele ri de verdade, preenchendo o ambiente apertado com o som que não ouvia há anos.
— Pois é! — você o segue, envergonhada. — Não sabia que você tinha voltado pra cá, achei que estivesse na Alemanha ainda.
— Ninguém sabe, é recente. — confessa num sussurro. Parecia lhe contar um segredo, e você nota pela expressão brincalhona que o carisma ainda é uma de suas qualidades. — Cheguei tem pouco tempo, tô num projeto novo. Mas e você?
É então que se dá conta da situação em que está. Completamente tomada pela chuva e ainda por cima roubando o transporte alheio.
— Tô bem, melhor do que eu mereço. — desconversa, querendo adiantar o pedido de desculpas. — Olha, foi mal por isso. — gesticula para o carro. — Eu já tô indo, vou deixar você ir pra casa. Foi um prazer te ver de novo!
Cedendo à vontade de fugir, segura firme na bolsa e abre a porta; Jaemin, todavia, impede que saia do carro antes mesmo que coloque as pernas para fora.
— Não, tá maior chuva. — ele passa os olhos pelo seu rosto, parece pensar em algo. — Teria problema a gente alterar a rota? — pergunta ao motorista.
— Não, problema nenhum, senhor. — teria sim, só que não deixaria uma moça na rua essa hora da noite. Para tudo tem um jeitinho.
— Então tá resolvido. Te levo em casa e depois vou pra minha, não aceito não como resposta.
A cada palavra que ele diz, sua mente te leva de volta aos seus quinze, dezesseis anos. Você assente devagar, ainda um pouco estatelada, e então ouve o ronco leve do motor. Vê-lo pelo instagram muito raramente é completamente diferente de agora. Incomparável.
Foi uma grata surpresa, porque, além de ser o seu primeiro amor, Jaemin também te ajudou demais com a proposta de dividirem o táxi. Outra coisa sobre ele que não mudou foi a facilidade para conversar, ouviu-o tagarelar sobre assuntos aleatórios, rindo das expressões exageradas que fazia ao enfatizar uma ideia. Parecia que os anos sem se ver não eram nada para ele.
Chegando no seu endereço, você se despediu com um abraço fajuto e entregou o dinheiro da corrida para o motorista sem que o menino visse.
— Obrigada, Nana. Foi muito legal te ver! Até…
Jaemin sorri grande ao ouvir o apelido antigo. Há tempos ninguém o chamava assim.
— Eu te mando uma mensagem pra gente botar a conversa em dia direito. — espera alguma aprovação sua, que vem em forma de um sorriso tímido. — Boa noite.
Ele te observa sair do carro e disparar até o lobby, onde é recebida pelo porteiro preocupado e sua bronca paternal.
O motorista limpa a garganta.
— Podemos ir?
— Uhm, sim, sim. Claro.
Aquilo definitivamente foi um sonho. Mas Jaemin?
Grogue e irritada pelo despertador, se senta na cama e repassa os eventos da noite anterior.
Amigos, faculdade, chuva… Jaemin. Que loucura.
Começa a cumprir a rotina no modo automático, pensando em como ele está diferente, e se você também tinha deixado a mesma impressão. E se ele também acha que te ver de novo foi muito esquisito. Esquisito bom.
Já com a bolsa toda pronta, a campainha irritante te assusta.
— Bom dia, chatinho.
— Já fui mais amado, hein? — Kun deixa um selinho nos seus lábios depois que você fecha a porta. — Bom dia, linda.
Você sorri empática, sentindo a mesma ardência na barriga de sempre. Desde que dormiram juntos, Kun se aproximou mais: mãos dadas no carro, selinhos de cumprimento, expectativas… Tudo que você não estava procurando quando deu em cima dele. A cada dia que deixa ele pensar que tinham algo além de casual, a culpa dentro de você cresce.
Não têm absolutamente nada rolando, mas por alguma razão você não consegue deixar claro. E, como se fosse óbvio, não acha que dê para terminar algo que não existe.
No carro, por fim, tem tempo para checar o celular. Algumas notificações aparecem na tela: Yang, mãe, os amigos de ontem e Jaemin. Ignora todas as outras mensagens e, vencida pela curiosidade, abre o instagram e espera o aplicativo carregar com muita agonia.
Jaemin: não te perdoei por ter pago a corrida sem eu ver
Jaemin: agora eu tô te devendo uma
Jaemin: amanhã cê tá livre na hora do almoço?
A sua expressão chocada chama atenção de Kun. Preocupado, repousa a mão na sua coxa por um instante e deixa dois apertos ali.
— Tá tudo bem?
— Hã?
— Sua cara… aconteceu alguma coisa?
— Não, é… um amigo que não vejo há anos me mandou mensagem.
Silêncio.
Kun repara suas respostas curtas, sua distância, repara quando tenta evitá-lo no trabalho… Ele só não quer admitir para si mesmo que sabe o que isso significa. Na verdade, já reconhece, mas não vai permitir que sua chance se perca assim.
— Hoje eu vou ter umas reuniões, mas amanhã a gente pode almoçar? — ele pergunta, já no elevador.
— Amanhã eu tenho um compromisso. Acho que não vai dar. Outro dia? — sorri e avança pelo corredor quando as portas abrem.
O dia será longo, e Kun não tem tempo para pensar nisso agora. Entre os encontros com representantes, gerentes, líderes de equipe, ele te espia pela janela. Força um sorriso aqui e ali, encontra as soluções para as pendências dos contratos, mas o pensamento não desfoca de você, principalmente quando te ver sorrir para o celular várias e várias vezes.
Amigo? Compromisso?
Não gosta nada disso. No entanto, sabe que não tem o direito de ter ciúmes e muito menos de questionar algo.
No dia seguinte, a mesma coisa se repete. A única diferença é que o beijo que ele tenta te dar vai para a bochecha, você desvia. Conversam sobre qualquer coisa no carro, mas Kun percebe que está se forçando a criar assuntos, não é natural.
Os sorrisos ao usar o celular escondido são maiores, as risadinhas causam nele pequenas pontadas de desânimo. Talvez se ele tentar conversar…
Kun se levanta para ir em direção à sua mesa, porém bem quando abre a porta da própria sala, você pega suas coisas e deixa o escritório. Horário do almoço, é claro. Não contém um suspiro frustrado, voltando para a posição anterior.
Num dos restaurantes executivos perto do prédio, você encontra Jaemin Na já te esperando numa das mesas do recinto agitado. Ele acena para que o veja, então caminha até ele, animada.
— Você gosta de peixe, né? — faz a pergunta que estava ensaiando nos minutos passados, não conseguia lembrar disso.
— O quê? — finge estar magoada pela falta de memória do homem. — Gosto sim, claro. — relaxa a expressão rígida e ri, fazendo com que ele relaxasse.
— Pô, que bom! Porque eu pedi isso pra gente dividir.
— Hmmm, gostei. — belisca um dos pães como aperitivo. — Bom, me conta tudo, né. Cê disse que queria colocar conversa em dia.
Jaemin começa a, novamente, tagarelar sobre como veio parar aqui. Ele abriu uma empresa de consultoria na Alemanha que começou a fazer sucesso, mas ele sempre teve interesse nas áreas de publicidade e propaganda. Acabou que, há um ano atrás, conheceu um cara que estava no país estudando exatamente sobre isso.
O encontro foi engraçado, se conheceram em uma festa da amiga da amiga de Jaemin, que estudava na mesma turma do tal amigo. Foram apresentados e clicaram na hora, foram os chatos que conversaram a noite toda sobre carreira. Honestamente, achou que não ia dar em nada, só que dali floresceu uma amizade. E, aos poucos, a ideia de abrir uma agência de publicidade juntos surgiu. Jaemin entraria para administrar, e ele com a mão de obra.
Quando o cara precisou voltar ao próprio país, eles já tinham todo um esquema pronto. Por que não tentar? Alguns investidores toparam o compromisso, e eles agora estão trabalhando juntos para erguer um nome.
— Você precisa conhecer ele, mas a agenda tá complicada. — Jaemin checa o celular. — Ah, não, calma. Sexta a gente se deu folga, bora num pub ou jantar? Acho que vocês vão se dar bem.
Às sextas, você normalmente passa um tempo com Kun. Hesita um instante, então resolve aceitar o convite. Não faria mal.
— Eu tô livre sim. — beberica o pouco que falta do suco. — Mas tem certeza?
— Quê? Claro! Vai ser legal, vai.
— Tá bom, então. Tudo bem.
Terminam de almoçar entre algumas piadas e as expectativas para a próxima saída. Depois, Jaemin te acompanhou até a editora a pé, disse que seria bom conhecer a área melhor, ainda estava perdido. Despediram-se com um abraço mais digno hoje, a vergonha foi deixada um pouco de lado. Ainda é estranho interagir com ele, mas é tão engraçado.
Kun: qual filme você escolheu pra amanhã?
Seu aparelho vibra sobre a mesa no meio do expediente.
A reação definitivamente não foi a que ele esperava. Você o olha através do vidro, culpada.
você: esqueci de te avisar, mas vou encontrar um amigo amanhã. me desculpa?
Ele toma o lábio inferior nos dentes, força um sorriso e balança a cabeça. Você se sente aliviada e murmura um obrigada de longe.
Ainda valeria a pena tentar esclarecer as coisas ou será que deve deixar tudo como está? Não aprecia a ideia de perder você, especialmente sua amizade. Afinal de contas, são amigos antes de tudo. Talvez só não insistir mais na ideia de vocês dois juntos fosse o suficiente.
Por isso, resolve abrir outra mensagem, uma que ainda não tinha respondido porque tinha esperança. Ainda tem, na verdade. Possivelmente isso seja uma oportunidade de espairecer.
Kun: te pego às oito, pode ser?
Rachel: perfeito
Enquanto você se arruma, pensa na pasta rosa bebê que está dentro da caixa que está na prateleira mais alta da sua estante, te encarando de cima. Lembra pouco dos detalhes do primeiro namoro, e se sente feliz por ter guardado aquilo. Algum dia, não hoje, tomaria coragem para abrir. No momento só quer se divertir com um velho amigo.
Jaemin: já chegamos aqui
Jaemin: mandei um carro te buscar, deve estar chegando aí
Você penteia o cabelo mais rápido e põe o perfume antes de sair apressada, toda atrapalhada. Ao trancar a porta, dá de cara com Kun e uma mulher, chegando de algum lugar.
A situação é um pouco constrangedora, o clima pesa e Kun sente o pescoço esquentar. A menina apenas olha de um para o outro, confusa. Seu sorriso, entretanto, não se desfaz em nenhum centímetro.
— Boa noite. — ela cumprimenta para quebrar o gelo do silêncio tenso que havia se instaurado.
— Boa noite! — Kun e você dizem juntos, ele se sente um idiota por não saber como agir agora.
— Essa aqui é a Rachel, e essa é a minha vizinha e companheira lá na editora.
Rachel? A ex dele? Kun foi noivo dela por alguns meses, segundo a história que ele havia lhe contado. Terminaram mal, se reconciliaram, brigaram de novo e, pelo visto, estão se falando de novo. Bom pra ele, então, apesar da situação ser delicada.
— Oi, Rachel, prazer, viu? — deveria complementar com um o Kun fala muito de você? ou seria mais estranho ainda?
Você olha para o vizinho, e nota seu semblante assustado, ansioso. Decide, portanto, ir embora logo.
— Eu tenho que ir, gente. Boa sexta!
Não espera ouvir a resposta e aperta os passos para aproveitar que o elevador está parado no andar. Respira fundo para aliviar a tensão e tenta não deixar que os pensamentos sobre Kun com a ex te atormentem, ele sabe se cuidar bem.
É normal ficar nervosa para ver o seu primeiro ex-namorado? Com certeza é. Né?
O pub está cheio, a música é agradável e não muito alta. Caminhar entre os grupos é mais fácil do que parece, mas achar Jaemin entre os rostos demora um pouco. Reconhece-o pelo sorriso outra vez, ele mexe no celular numa das mesas mais reservadas e está sozinho.
— Ahh, finalmente! — Jaemin levanta para te abraçar rapidamente, puxando uma das cadeiras para que se sentasse.
— Cadê seu amigo? — pergunta e olha para os lados, ansiosa para conhecê-lo.
— Foi no banheiro rapidinho, deve estar voltando já. — ele bloqueia o celular e guarda na bolsa. — Quer alguma coisa pra beber?
— Pode ser uma cerveja.
Jaemin sinaliza para alguém no bar, e você acompanha a direção com o olhar. Aproveita, então, para reparar tudo com mais calma. Estranho nunca ter ido ali, é aconchegante e o ambiente é super leve. As pessoas falam alto, assistem o jogo que passa na TV e comemoram ou desaprovam o desenrolar da partida como se fossem amigos de longa data.
Um homem traz sua bebida, você o vê atravessar o balcão e vir até a mesa onde estão. Assim que ele deposita a caneca enorme na sua frente, você dá uma golada. Estava precisando.
— Vai com calma, hein. — Jaemin provoca, a risada te deixa sem graça.
Antes de rebater, o ranger da cadeira vazia interrompe a conversa. O olhar do menino que voltou do banheiro encontra o seu, e perceptivelmente vocês congelam.
Quais são as chances?
Demorou poucos segundos para que se reconhecessem, é claro. Óbvio. O ar para na sua garganta fechada, se tentasse disfarçar com a cerveja não funcionaria. Quando se trata dele, é difícil o seu mundo não parar.
Não esperava rever Jaemin tão cedo, mas ele, nada teria te preparado, nem se fosse avisada com antecedência. Pois ele é… ele.
A ferida no seu coração lateja um breve segundo enquanto analisa os traços tão surpresos quanto os seus. Os cabelos lisos agora caindo sobre as bochechas, um quê de maturidade na expressão outrora mais jovial, os lábios cheinhos que não sabem como proferir um cumprimento… continua lindo.
— Eu, é… você… — ele é o primeiro a falar.
Jaemin analisa a cena com as sobrancelhas unidas, claramente existe algo aí.
— Vocês se conhecem? — o outro questiona, mesmo sabendo a resposta.
Você desenha círculos na superfície de madeira com as unhas, olhando de um para o outro.
— Sim.
— Não. — mente sem nem saber o motivo. — Quer dizer, sim. — se corrige antes que ele pudesse te interpretar mal.
— Que coincidência, né. — Jaemin está desconfiado, mas também muito perdido. — Vocês vão ficar se olhando como se fossem fantasmas a noite toda ou vão me contar como se conhecem?
Você solta uma risada super forçada, ele ainda não diz nada. Não sabia que te ver de novo causaria uma comoção dessas nele, o interior está completamente bagunçado.
O que resta saber é se é bom ou ruim.
Para você, um reencontro assim só pode significar uma coisa.
