#ladycave

[pinballforever]

Jurassic Park, Stern Pinball

[moochboss-blog]

Large vintage mounted deers head taxidermy #vintage #deershead #taxidermy #trophy #countryhouse #mancave #ladycave #mantiques #curios #moochboss #thedenemporium (at The Den) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3TyJARnrnv/?igshid=1o66t24fjqsob

[theqmmunity]

How do you get over internalized homophobia? I recently turned 33 and I've had this hatred of myself over this for so long. I grew up in a conservative, Christian household where being gay is a sin. I'm still in the closet and I don't know when I'll ever come out. I've struggled with this for so long and I just need help. I apologize if this question is too extreme, I don't know who to talk to about this.

Hey anon,

Thanks so much for reaching out. You’re question is not extreme and unfortunately is a common experience for people who grew up in conservative christian communities. All members of our community have to actively work on unpacking internalized homophobia (we all receive some version pf it growing up because our entire culture - even outside christian spaces - is embedded in it!). You may have to work harder to find which thoughts have been planted in your head that continue to contribute to your sense of internalized homophobia. I’m going to make a few suggestions for places to start:

You may want to look into LGBTQ+ spaces to access in person. Feeling part of a community and seeing other people living their lives can help normalize what you’re experiencing. This could be through local organizations, Pride Centre’s, or through an Affirming Church in your area. It could be helpful to look in to Affirming Churches - only in that the folks who attend and work there may have additional tools and resources to help uncover and undo the homophobia specifically coming from your faith during your upbringing. I know many LGBTQ+ Christians who are working to reconcile their identity with their faith. It is possible. 

Another in person option to look into would be counselling. Based on the level of distress it sounds like you are experiencing I believe this could be a helpful option for you. To find a LGBTQ+ affirming counsellor you could google: LGBT Affirming Counselling + Your Area or, you could call your local Pride Centre or a Crisis Line in your area (they’re there for support) to see if they have a list of LGBTQ+ affirming counsellors. 

This article by Revel & Riot has some interesting informaiton about internalized homophobia and a list of several references that could be good additional reading at the bottom: http://www.revelandriot.com/resources/internalized-homophobia/

The Riddle Scale may be helpful to you in determining where you’re currently at and what you could be working towards in terms of acceptance and celebration of yourself and your identity:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riddle_scale

Lastly, there are several authors who write about LGBTQ+ identities and christianity - it could be worth googling these key words and searching for books that fit your own questions. Be sure to read the abstracts and avoid any literature that talks negatively about LGBTQ+ identities.

I hope this gives you a place to start, Sending you lots of love for the journey ahead - you deserve to feel loved and supported for who you truly are. 

–LadyCave

[pinballforever]

#pinballpaws

[theqmmunity]

So I haven’t had a period in a long time. Like years? Can’t afford doctor and no other symptoms to my knowledge. It’s been kind of a blessing if you know what I mean. A friend suggested it might be a big deal. With my paranoia I’m kinda worried now. Worst case scenario?

Hey anon,

I honestly have no idea. I know sometimes stress, sometimes massive weight loss or massive weight gains, but I know there are likely more complicated health issues that could cause this (I’m just not quite sure what they could be).

You aren’t taking any form of hormones or birth control are you?

Any chance there’s a free clinic somewhere near you? Sometimes places like planned parenthood or other sexual and reproductive health centres have free clinics for those who can’t afford to pay.

If you’re not sure, there’s also often a local number you can call for local services. I’m not sure if that exists in your area. In my area we call the city number and they can direct you to a local service like that.

I hope all is well with your health. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. Please try to find a way to get it checked out?

—LadyCave

[theqmmunity]

For the anon about inserting a tampon: I‘be always had issues with them too. I find it easier if I use a wet wipe, like summer’s eve or just the plain flushable wipes, before trying to insert it. Also, taking some deep breathes to relax myself helps too.

[theqmmunity]

If a transboy takes T will there come a point where he will not be able to become pregnant?

Hi anon,

Great question! If what you are asking is if a trans guy can accidentally get pregnant on T then the answer is yes. If a trans guy has ovaries and a uterus there is still a risk of pregnancy. Its hard to say exactly what percentage that risk is, but there have been guys who got pregnant while taking T. The thing is that hormones fluctuate in the body and the body may still accidentally release an egg because of that. Someone can still ovulate (release eggs) even if they do not have a period. T alone does not completely eliminate the risk of pregnancy so someone may still want to do things to reduce that risk.

Condoms, copper IUDs (have no hormones in them so they do not re-introduce hormones people don’t want but do prevent pregnancy), pulling out, having different kinds of sex, abstaining from sex, or having surgery (tubal ligation or a hysterectomy) could all reduce this risk. 

If what you are asking is if someone taking T can purposely get pregnant the answer is also yes. Studies have shown people were able to get pregnant after hormone therapy (on purpose in this case).

Let me know if you have any more questions,

–LadyCave

[theqmmunity]

My girlfriend has lately been taking everything out on me and I'm beginning to go emotionally numb. Today she started yelling at me for something that wasnt my fault and I knew something was up because I started to feel guilty and that's a sign of manipulation. But how is that possible? We were happy in love and now she says she's going through a lot and all I'm getting is coldness. Is it possible someone showing signs of toxic behavior can snap out of it and go back to normal?

Hey anon,

Situations like this can feel complicated or confusing.

It is typical that abusive relationships start off loving and then one day a person realizes things have gone too far outside the lines of normal and fights are no longer disagreements but personal attacks and manipulations.

On the flip side -it is also normal for someone under a great deal of stress (I’ve seen people who have PTSD do this so maybe I mean trauma not stress) to lose all their typical coping tools and start taking out their intense feelings on others.

In any case this behaviour isn’t okay.

Have you had a opportunity to discuss these things with your partner? Is it safe to? If it is - try discussing how you two can “fight fair”. This could involve taking a break when the conversation turns to a fight (I’ve read our nervous systems need 20minutes to calm down before they can properly process emotions again), never calling names, avoiding absolutes “you ALWAYS” or “you NEVER”, starting a conversation with feeling words as opposed to blame “I’m feeling hurt because of ______” then offer solutions, asking yourself “what am I getting out of this” AND “why do we need to discuss this?”. If the point is to make the other person feel guilty or bad - don’t. If the point is to offer a solution so you can love each other better - talk it out and offer solutions. Maybe your partner was never taught these skills (many people are not). If you point out the manipulation through “I’m feeling hurt when you say ______ It would help to hear ______ instead” or something of that nature, and the manipulation continues you may want to reassess your relationship.

If it’s not safe to talk to your partner about these things that is a major red flag. If they continue to manipulate you - get help. Tell friends and family what has been going on. You don’t have to go through this alone.

–LadyCave