#lagbats

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

Starting a collection.

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

So, since I came home and started having my Gender Identity Crisis™, I have had the realization that I have. No idea. How to dress femininely. Like, I have the idea visually, but I have no idea where to start or how to put it together.

I'm gonna have to start taking notes on my friends' wardrobes.

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

So, being demiromantic (or something like that) sucks, and here's why.

I don't like approaching people with the intent of a romantic relationship, so I approach them as friends. This way I can get to know them and figure out if a romantic relationship could maybe work. Sometimes it wouldn't, but they're still a great friend, and sometimes even the friendship doesn't work out.

But then there's the problem of when I do catch feelings for them. Now I'm in a pickle. We're already good friends, and if I suggest feelings, what happens if they aren't mutual? Will it mess up the friendship? What if they never thought of me that way (somewhat likely) and would find it weird? What if they think I'm only friends with them because I like them (not true)?

Why can't I just be normal sometimes?

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

Brain: I think you might be asexual

Person: Fuck!

Brain: [Extremely Loud Incorrect Buzzer]

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

I don’t know how the fuck to be a woman.

I just know I want to be one.

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

This needs a bit of explanation.

If you scroll back far enough on my Tumblr, you can see my proposition for a new, easier-to-pronounce acronym for LGBT which takes the As from Asexual and Aromantic to make the acronym LAGBATs. This was not only to cut down on syllables but also so I had an excuse to draw queer cartoon characters as bats. With that said, here is the first of (hopefully) a few drawings for pride month of my favorite LAGBAT couples as, well, bats! This one's of Lumity!

I may shade them later, but it's getting kinda late. Luz is loving having fangs lol.

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

I feel like an undercover double agent on both sides. I'm still a christian, which comes with its... beliefs, but at the same time I am an ally and even a LAGBAT myself (demiromantic). The only people I feel I can tell everything to (well, not everything, but you get the idea) are my closest friends/DnD group (love y'all💜). I feel like I'm one of the least queer LAGBATs, but I also feel like the least religious christian, and am questioning everything about my religion and my family's beliefs, both religiously and politically. I don't feel fully blue, but I'm definitely not all red either (it's a good thing I like purple😅). I care for people on both sides, and I just feel like I'm being pulled apart at the seams every day. It takes effort to get myself out of bed every morning. To put on a face and try to blend in. I try to stay positive for everyone around me, because if they see someone else being positive, maybe they can feel inspired to do the same. I want everyone to be happy, to live good lives, to find love and joy and friendship. But the more I see, the more it seems like no one can be happy without someone else getting screwed.

Sometimes they deserve it.

But it still hurts.

Anyway, sorry for the vent. This started as an ADHD thought and slowly started getting a lot more personal.

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

So…. I’ve done a lot of thinking and research, and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that… I am demiromantic. I actually kinda figured this out a while ago, but I resisted it because… well, because I wanted to remain an ally and not a member. I didn’t want to be queer because I wanted to be proof that it’s possible for straight men to be allies, if not for anyone else than myself. I know it’s possible, but there are so few people who are just allies in my social circle that it gets hard to believe that sometimes, and I wanted to be that person for someone if no one else could. I wanted to support the group not because I’m part of it, but because I genuinely care. Now if I show support, certain people can brush me off, because “of course you support them, you’re one of them.” But I can’t deny this any longer. I already keep enough secrets from and for other people. I can’t keep secrets from myself. I’m still technically cishet, but now there’s a little asterisk next to it with a footnote denoting my romantic orientation.