how it feels watching myself beg to be hurt after crying about getting hurt

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how it feels watching myself beg to be hurt after crying about getting hurt
why would i pay for therapy when i could just send him 10 voice messages in a row screaming crying begging him to talk to me instead ??
I deserve to be loved but I'm such a bad person I don't know what to do anymore
I hate splitting off after the bad things have already happened. Please, I'm not like that, I'm not her. Please pick me up like the new shiny doll that I am. I'm a novelty really, please love me.
I wanna cry. I look so horrible I hate taking pictures but I can never get away with just staying out of them😓
I hate my face I hate my body I look disgusting
i always find a way to fuck it up
@tiredkibty gone...! did they get termed! what happened!
self sabotaging isnt enough i need to kill myself