I've been pretty busy lately so haven't had a chance to upload this yet Celebrating two years July 11 with this dork right here (I mean the guy not the weirdo on the left) and I couldn't be any more lucky @bearswillkillyouirl It seems so strange to think firstly it's already been two years and secondly it's only been two years. It's a nice feeling, knowing that the shithole I slipped into that became my darkness keeps getting further and further behind me. That's not to say I'm all better but at least now I can keep my head above water instead of constantly drowning in it. A lot of things have happened to me in the past several years; if I hadn't have had Ben in my life then I would have suffocated on all my sorrows. He's been there for me through it all and has heard me curse and cry and scream and rage at anything and everything and he's still with me (no idea why haha) We had a talk while he was here- actually we've had a fair few while he was here and since we returned to our normal lives. While of course I'm always beyond excited and happy he's coming to see me or I'm going to see him, this trip especially our time together just felt...normal. Like we've been together always and he was just away on a business trip or something. Basically, there's no honeymoon feelings of giddiness or butterflies in the stomach; we just exist together. It's hard explaining and I know some people won't understand but that's okay. We both feel at peace with each other's presence. There's no grand feelings or Hollywood romance, it's just us. And I absolutely love that feeling. The feeling that we're already old and still in love; it gives me hope for our future if it just feels right for us now. Obviously we're not oblivious to the hardships that'll come out way, but we can make it through that I'm sure. I used to say I don't know what I did to deserve someone like him but he's always follow up asking me why I thought like that and tell me the same thing back to me. Sometimes I still ask that question but I think it's the wrong question to ask. In fact, I think asking any questions of that sort are wrong. I shouldn't be devaluing myself just because of my human nature and low self esteem. Being with Ben has given me (of course not always) the strength to be my own person, open and honest with all my strengths and flaws, and still be a part of him and his world. I didn't do anything to deserve it, we just had things fall into place at the right time and had the right people near us at the time. I will be forever grateful for all that I've had in my life. Ben is honestly one of the best things to ever happen to me. I'm glad I met him Two years and counting....❤️
