It was only on rare occasions that Leo was finally suffocated by the loneliness of internalised feelings. He found no point in expressing his sadness, since he had no way to explain it to Elliot. He had explained so little of his past, and even less of the present.
It was painful to hide things from him. But sometimes, only sometimes, the pain of keeping it bottled up was too strong to bear. It was less like a piercing pain and more like a dull ache that spread and spread until his whole body felt numb and his lips couldn’t move out of a small frown.
There were little things he saw Elliot do that triggered it. He saw him smiling, or engrossed in a book, or looking fondly at a cat or something else so peculiarly charming it made him smile. And then he remembered the contractor’s seal on his master’s chest and it absolutely crushed him, threw a spear through his heart.
He found himself uttering the words without thinking. The concern in Elliot’s eyes made his pulse speed up, and he regretted speaking.
Then he sat close - that wasn’t new, they usually sat closer than was probably normal, arms touching - and Leo rested his head on his shoulder as if it was natural.
But his reply surprised him. He was taking him seriously? Not asking questions? Of course the blond always knew what to say. He knew not to pry, but he knew to reassure.
Despite his many flaws, he was always good. He was always perfect.
He wished he could say more.
;; Quiet exhale left fair lips as the ice blue orbs tried to catch a glimpse of his valet’s face -- just anything to attempt to read the other male. But alas, those pretty violet eyes, that delicate face, it was all hidden beneath unruly black bangs. It was a shame really. Leo had one of the most beautiful appearances he knew of, and yet, he did so much to hide away. As if he wanted to keep the world in its entirety away. Elliot couldn’t help but wonder if it also applied to him.
;; In moments like these he could truly feel his steadfast confidence being shattered. He was always so self-assured, but when it came to Leo, he was always wondering. What if what he did was not what the other had wished for? After all, when it all came down to it, Leo had been forced into the relationship they were currently in, and as much as Elliot enjoyed his company, he would hate to keep him trapped in something that he didn’t want to.
;; Then he would feel silly for having even thought such -- Leo was not the type to sit down and grit his teeth through something he found displeasing. If he didn’t want to stay by Elliot’s side, he would have already long vanished. He would have never sat down by his side and relied on him for comfort like this.
;; Elliot wanted to believe. Believe that he was as important to Leo as Leo was to him. Darned be if he wanted anything to separate them, especially now that they had finally found each other again.
;; Hearing the weak voice, Elliot yet again directed his gaze towards the top of his valet’s head, still incapable of reading him. A small sigh left him. “You know...” he began vaguely, unsure of how to continue. ‘Plese tell me if something was wrong’? That was way too demanding. ‘You can trust me’? What was this, some kind of soap opera? The blonde was feeling steadily more embarrassed at having spoken before sorting his thoughts out, and instead he diverted his head, jolting his shoulders in the process.
;; “No, forget I said anything...!”
