Please take time to watch this through to the end and show it to anyone who says that trans people using the bathroom that matches their gender doesn't matter
The thing about the government telling public schools that trans people can use whatever bathroom matches their identity? Yeah its trending on facebook. And its killing me. Most the the posts in it are about how dissapointed people are, how 'I'm not letting my daughter in a bathroom with a man!' God why cant people understand? We just want to pee! Thats it!
Do not ever ask, “But what if they play the trans card.”
TW: descriptions of child molestation, and strong language about transphobia
Someone asked a friend who posted about trans people just wanting to pee, “But how do you stop a child molester or rapist from using the "transgender card" as a ploy to gain easy access to women/children in a vulnerable situation?? How would your three year old be able to tell the difference between a transgender of male birth and a sicko child molester? There in lies the major problem.”
My answer beneath the cut
This is a straw man argument and a dangerous one. I wasn't molested in a public bathroom, I was molested in a public alley. And in a public classroom. And in a school hallway. And in a friend's bedroom.
Trans people have never been anything but kind to me. It's the cis het men I'm fucking terrified of. And not all of them. But those are the ones who actually hurt me.
And don't you DARE hurt my friends because some asshole "might play the trans card". The assholes don't NEED the trans card. They are assholes completely independent of "the trans card”.
As for teaching children... children should be taught boundaries. They should be taught that it's okay to ask for help. That their bodies are their own.
The reason I wasn't more than just groped when I was molested was that when the man grabbed my crotch in the alley I pulled away, and he said, "Can't I touch you?" And I said NO and ran because I knew my body was mine. Even at nine years old.
When the boy smacked my ass in the school hallway when I was twelve, I reported him to a teacher, who told me to "grow a thicker skin." When a different boy ran his hand up my inner thigh when I was sixteen and justified it because I was wearing nylons and a skirt, and I yelled at him, the teacher said I shouldn't take HIS HAND ON MY INNER THIGH so personally.
When a guy at a party when I was 19 grabbed my breast while I was sleeping in a formerly unoccupied room, I rolled away, put on my clothes and left because it wasn't his to touch.
SO TEACH THEM that they have a right to their boundaries. That they can yell, and pull away and run away and say NO and have someone fucking believe them. Believe them.
Do NOT put trans people in fear of their lives--their lives are so fearful already and they haven't done anything wrong. THAT would be evil and wrong.
My trans friends have my back. And I have theirs. Don't you dare punish them for something someone who isn't even trans did. It's not right and it's not moral and it's not okay.
He then asked, “But how do I keep my daughters safe in public if I’m going out without my wife? If I see a male go in the women’s bathroom, I don’t want to send them in?”
Here’s the thing... if there aren’t bathroom laws, you could.... go in with them! My father used to take me into the men’s room. He told me to not look at the urinals, and I didn’t, and I peed in a stall, and it was fine and the world didn’t end. Honestly I would not care a bit if a dad brought girls into the women’s room.
Make stronger laws against peeping toms and actual sexual predation. Enforce the laws we already have. Empower women and girls to yell no and point to the abuser and BELIEVE victims. Do NOT punish a whole group of people on the off chance that showing them basic human decency might maybe allow some asshole access. The assholes won’t be stopped by the law, or enabled by its absence.
The problem is that the laws you think will protect your kids will actually hurt kids. I know two little trans girls, one of whom has already fought this battle because ignorant parents thought that she was a "threat". She was six.
You hurt actual people by protecting against theoretical people. How do you not understand that? You're not comfortable... I honestly just don't care about your comfort. I care about the fact that trans teens have a terrifyingly high suicide rate. I care that the documented difference between happy and well adjusted vs. suicidal is "how well does my family support me and my community accept me."
I care about my 50 year old trans friend who is so happy and relieved to be a boy that he's just one of the most fun people to hang out with, and are you going to make him go back into the women's room? It would break his heart to have someone look at him now and say, "Nope, you're not a boy." And then you'd have a 5 foot 9 bearded dude in the bathroom with your girls, who would be FINE, by the way, because he's not a monster. He is, however, a MAN.
I care about the kid who just started transitioning and doesn't "pass" yet, but who holds to her fragile sense of femininity like a lifeline and the thing holding her in this world is a friend saying, "I'll go with you" and the thing that could drive her to end it is someone saying, "You're a dude in a dress, get out of here before I call the cops." You make her go into the men’s room now, and she maybe can’t take that friend with. The world just turned into a much scarier place and she may well be at risk because people like you think she’s “icky” or “dangerous” or “deviant” or merely... prey.
Do I worry about sexual predators and my kids? Every day, everywhere. I have a nonverbal 11 year old who is at extraordinarily high risk and who has no way to tell us if something goes wrong, and I can't be with her every minute and that terrifies me but like hell your bathroom bills will help keep her safe. What keeps her as safe as we can keep her is that she has 1:1 carers through all of her waking hours who have all had criminal background checks.
I think gendered bathrooms are kind of silly and wish there were more that aren’t. Because the gender binary just so much nonsense.
Let my friends pee in peace.
This isn’t about bathrooms. It’s about “you think trans people are icky and weird.”
Fuck that. Get over yourself. Don’t make your paranoia someone else’s problem.
