What's Left to Want
read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/0X7p2qr by letlovelive Dean Winchester hadn't wanted anything in a long time. When he was young, he’d cried himself to sleep wanting his mother back, and when he was older, he'd wasted time wishing his father wouldn’t leave for another month-long hunt. It didn’t take long for Dean to learn that wanting was just the shortest route to disappointment. So, from an early age, he learned to focus on what he needed instead: to keep Sammy safe, have food in his belly, and always obey his father. As he got older, the needs changed, but the pattern remained the same. He needed to hunt monsters, save the world, and drink himself into a stupor more often than he’d care to admit. When other needs arose, he satisfied them with whichever woman would have him for the night, always careful never to want anything—or anyone—beyond what was necessary for survival. Needs were simple—uncomplicated, instinctual, and painless. Wanting, on the other hand, was for suckers, for lucky bastards naïve enough to believe life was fair. Dean knew better; he knew the darkness, and the monsters in it, were real. So, whenever Dean’s subconscious betrayed him by dreaming up the things he wanted, he dutifully ignored it. Words: 15362, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy, Lee Webb Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester Additional Tags: Dean Winchester Character Study, Exploration of Dean's Past, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Season/Series 15, Abusive John Winchester, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Teen Sex Worker Dean (not explicit), Bisexual Dean Winchester, internalized homophobia/biphobia, implied suicidal ideation, Dean Winchester Comes to Terms With Own Bisexuality, Castiel is Saved from the Empty (Supernatural), Love Confessions, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, A little angst, Dean's Dreams, Cuddling Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Happy Ending read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/0X7p2qr
