Why are people framing two people having a casual relationship and seeing other people as ‘Ilya fucking up and conditioning Shane to believe he’ll never be enough for him’? Like no he didn’t? Shane is jealous of Ilya seeing other people (at least since the year of tuna melt) but how does that translate to ‘he’s doing this because I’m not enough’? Ilya certainly doesn’t say anything remotely close to that and Shane is his main focus whenever they are together. Also these are two guys that see each other five times a year and that desperately want what they have to mean nothing because it can’t mean anything, both far better reasons for the ‘casual’ relationship for the only-child of two loving parents to accept than going ‘oh this is because I personally, Rookie of the Year, Canada’s Prince, Rolex ambassador, am not enough’.
Shane (until Rose) doesn’t want a relationship, he’s terrified of it and has convinced himself that Ilya is just something he does until he meets The One. I truly believe that only reason he’s not hooking up with other guys is because the risk is not worth it for mediocre sex.
What Shane does want is more intimacy. That’s the whole ‘we didn’t even kiss’ and attempts to small talk are for. And please let’s notice the WE in we didn’t even kiss. This was not Shane going for a kiss and Ilya dodging him (which granted, was what happen with the conversation afterwards from the moment Shane brought up Russia, though Ilya did attempt to answer). This was them really getting into it and not remembering to kiss. (But that’s another discussion altogether). And by the time of tuna melt that intimacy is there.
My point is: having a casual relationship with someone doesn’t mean you are ‘weaponizing sex’, ‘conditioning them to think they are not enough’ or being a bad partner in general.
Did Ilya mess up by gosting Shane after Socchi? Sure he did, and he hurt Shane. But again, let’s remember that until the bathroom scene Ilya didn’t know he had hurt him. Which is not that crazy of him to think, considering that after Rookie of the Year, Shane spend two years playing hard to get and we see him ignoring some of Ilya’s messages. Now we know Shane is interested, but what Ilya knows is that he’s the one always reaching out and chasing Shane. And how many messages did Shane send after Socchi? Because we only know of the one ‘Are you okay?’ text. So it’s not a stretch for Ilya to think that after their fight in Socchi (very similar to the one in Vegas 1.0), Shane was doing the same thing he did back then and putting some distance between them and the only difference is that this time he’s also not reaching out.
Was he wrong? Yes.
Could he have considered the fact that it was right after Shane’s first time? Also yes, but Shane could also have considered the whole Russia thing (also completely normal that he didn’t).
Hudson Williams is a phenomenal actor so we all feel for Shane (and Connor Storrie is a phenomenal actor so Ilya is far more inexcrutable), but the problem was never one guy manipulating the other to get what he wanted. It’s two guys in a shitty situation that doesn’t allow them to get what they want refusing to communicate their needs to each other or even to themselves.
Also Shane is far, far more confident and aware of himself than people give him credit for. He just knows how to play humble for the media. I mean the second he figures out he wants Ilya he hires an stylist and goes and gets him, calling out his bullshit when he tries to downplay their connection. This is not a guy wondering ‘but am I enough for you’? I truly don’t get why people insist on whumpifying him.
(If anything the whole am I enough thing is far more Ilya than him, but again, that’s another post).
