SANTA CLARITA DIET - The Chicken and the Pear (3.06)
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SANTA CLARITA DIET - The Chicken and the Pear (3.06)
Timothy Olyphant and Drew Barrymore as Joel & Sheila Hammond in SANTA CLARITA DIETÂ (2017-2019)
i thought the âthis is the face that launched a thousand ships, although now it would maybe be five-hundred.â line was just an internet joke but apparently that's a line Menelaus actually says in Nolan's Odyssey??
Not only that the language itself sounds straight out of a marvel forcibly funny haha moment, but Menelaus? The Menelaus who all thoughout human history, from Homer, to Sappho, to Euripides, to Virgil, to Shakespeare, to Brooke, to Barth; from Classical vases to Medieval poetry to Reinessance art, has been known as the man whose sword fell from his hands at the sight of his wife after 10 years apart?
"What joy for me to hold my wife" Menelaus?
"He flung the sword away, and kissed her feet" Menelaus?
"I believe all. I understand nothing. I love you" Menelaus?
"I have no fault to find; my wife, he daughter of Zeus and Leda, is mine again, she whom her brothers on their snow-white steeds, whilst torches blazed, made my happy bride, but gods removed her from my home." Menelaus?
The Menelaus who was picked out of the suitors by Helen herself? The Menelaus who couldn't kill a begging Trojan so his brother had to do it for him? The Menelaus who rescued Odysseus and got out Patroclus' body? The Menelaus who volounteered to fight Paris one on one so everybody could go home? Who kept expressing his guilt about himself being the cause of war through every assembly he spoke at in the Iliad? Who after 10 years away at Troy, took his wife through a 7-year long journey at sea back home, where he reinstated her as the queen of Sparta? Who wept like a child in front of Telemachus recalling the war and his brother and all the friends he lost and the only consolation being his wife' gentle hand on his?
You want me to believe that man scarred Helen's face and called her only worth half the ships because of it?
I'm actually physically sick just thinking about it.
I'm actually not done talking about Shane playing Never Have I Ever. On several occasions one of the Centaurs says something Shane's never heard of before, and when he asks what it is Ilya shakes his head and says, "just drink."
a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.
method actor this method actor that. toshiro mifune played a guy getting shot at by arrows by getting shot at by arrows
and yeah i believe it. ^ this is the face of a guy getting shot at by arrows
i can't cope
When Yuna has her âno son(in law) of mine will have inferior brand deals and managementâ takeover shortly after she learns about Shane and Ilya, how long do you think it takes her to figure out his money situation with his family?
Iâm imagining her/maybe Shane playfully ribbing him about how he has no real financial manger or decent investments and what do you MEAN you just let a paycheck like that sit in your account while buying luxury cars every five minutes no wonder your net worth is shockingly low for your value, etc etc. and heâs not even offended heâs surprised and pleased that his new family is so invested in him and also enjoys watching where Shane gets some of his crazy. Like Ilya Mommy Issues Rozanov is âyes please maâam optimize my finances and worry about my wellbeing harderâ while he shovels whatever David made for dinner in his mouth.
But then at some point while sheâs (lovingly) harping on his financial irresponsibility he just kind of quietly mentions that actually so much of his paycheck was going back home to his family when he was younger that he needed to blow shit on cars or whatever pretty quick if he didnât want it to disappear. And she realizes that yeah heâs a little dummy who spent a concerning amount of money on VIP sections last year and thinks bank account interest is investing but he was also a child supporting his entire family in a foreign country with no one bothering to look out for his best interest or explain planning for a future.
David gets treated to impassioned rants every night about how âDavid Iâm not convinced anyone even read that boy his contract in Russianâ.
She starts managing him as well, obviously, and sheâs kind of disturbed by how easily he just signs whatever she puts in front of him and doesnât bother asking questions before agreeing to hand over all his management to her. He just seems thrilled she got him a Lamborghini partnership and an invite to fashion week.
The only time he puts up a fuss is when he realizes sheâs not planning to take any significant cut of his money because âyouâre family sweetheartâ and he looks like he got smacked in the head with a shovel and has to go outside on the porch with Shane for a suspiciously long period of time.
Just to make sure itâs not suspicious that Yuna Hollander is now managing Ilya Rozanov she takes on a few more clients too. And if she specializes in managing rookies with no support network or active language barriers then thatâs just a coincidence.
I am thinking once again about Ilya Rozanov's fake finances, and I really like the idea that he spent his money so fast and obviously because he knew if he tried to save anything, his family (Alexei) would just take it anyway.
But...Ilya is the children of people who grew up in the USSR. He's the grandchild of people who grew up in the USSR. He's the great-grandchild of people who survived revolution (I don't even mean secret aristocrats, I mean that anyone who survives revolution, from either side, learns some harsh effing lessons). And he's queer in Russia at the exact moment the laws are changing fast against queer people. Ilya has "be ready for anything" drilled into him.
Every paycheck, he's putting a little aside and buying diamonds or gold bullion. One time, someone tweeted they saw Ilya Rozanov buying gold bars at Costco and everyone thought that seemed like a very Ilya Rozanov thing to do for the flash, but really...
He's got stashes all over the backyard, and in safety deposit boxes around the world. He knows the train and bus schedules for every city he spends time in--he doesn't bother with airports because they're the first to close, but you might get on a bus before anyone remembers to shut down the terminal. It drives Shane crazy that he keeps the keys to his cars in the glove box, but he if needs to run, Ilya can run without even stopping to grab the keys.
Ilya Rozanov is ready to run all. The. Time. Ottawa is the first time he starts to think maybe he won't have to.
Absolutely. Ilya was born June 15, 1991. The Soviet Union ceased to exist December 26, 1991. Ilya grew up in the wreckage.
The post-Soviet nineties were a time of economic, social and political crisis in Russia and the other post Soviet states. And Ilya wouldâve been a child during that. His father wouldâve been a high ranking police officer in Moscowâs police force, but when Ilya was six months old, suddenly Grigori wouldâve lost his job.
The Soviet state collapsed at the end of 1991 and pretty much everybody except the air traffic controllers walked off the job. Because they knew the country no longer existed and they would no longer get a paycheque. The economy had been sliding towards disaster for years, but nobody had expected the disaster to hit so fast or so comprehensively.
Clearly Grigori managed to regroup within a few years of 1991. He reinvented himself from loyal Communist Party apparatchik to loyal high ranking police officer in capitalist Russia, sucking up to the new oligarchs. It probably helped that he was high up enough to know where the bodies were buried. The KGB, for example, was soon rebranded as the FSB, with much of the same personnel. Vladimir Putin was a KGB lieutenant-colonel until 1991. Here comes the new boss, same as the old boss.
But Grigori was 50 when his country slid into virtual anarchy, taking his good job with it, at least temporarily. And he had a young wife, a preschooler and an infant to support. At a time when the currency had collapsed, peopleâs life savings had evaporated, there was mass unemployment, previously good jobs could barely pay for food, etc. It was an incredibly turbulent time.
Ilya was a perceptive child. He would have realized pretty early on that whatever prosperity anybody (including his parents) had was precarious. That the entire society he lived in was lurching from one crisis to another and the social safety net was nonexistent.
Thereâs a reason so many ordinary Russians were thankful when Vladimir Putin first took over. He promised stability, and theyâd had a decade of chaos. Hell yeah, Grigori and Irina wouldâve been hiding diamonds and gold bars if they could get them. Likely bought with bribes Grigori could extract. And Grigori and Irina likely wouldâve taught their boys to do the same.
Also, in The Long Game, Ilya says his father was 50 when he was born in June 1991. Meaning Grigori was born in late 1940 or early 1941. In June 1941, the Nazis invaded the Soviet Union. Approximately 26 million Soviet citizens died over the next four years.
Directly when soldiers died in combat and civilians were wiped out in SS atrocities. Including among the civilian atrocities Soviet Jews killed in the Holocaust. Indirectly in mass famine and crowd diseases starving people couldnât fight off. Obviously this was across the whole Soviet Union, not just Russia, but the numbers are still pretty boggling. And only 9 million of the 26 million Soviet dead were military combatants.
Grigori likely lost at least one family member as a small child during WWii. He probably went hungry quite a few times as a toddler and preschooler, given the chronic food shortages everywhere and outright famines in large parts of the country. His mother and any older sisters might have been raped by soldiers. It was a common tactic to terrorize the civilian population. And then, after the war ended, Stalin started the purges again.
Yeah, Grigori is a horrible person, a terrible husband and father. But he was likely also traumatized by his own upbringing. That may be partly why he was such a horrible person. He spent his childhood in a society that was always either fighting off invaders or ruled by a power mad dictator.
Iâm not excusing Grigori. Plenty of Soviet citizens his age lived through that and didnât go on to make their own families miserable. But it certainly provides context. He wouldâve been even more likely than Irina to have contingency plans. Even more so since the postwar Soviet Union ceased to exist when he was fifty and he had to reinvent himself to feed his family.
So yeah, absolutely, Ilya grew up looking over his shoulder. With multiple exit plans. He only looks like a dumb jock. Heâs smart enough to have exit plans and contingency plans. And those plans would have been drilled into him by his parents. Itâs probably one of the few things Grigori and Irina could agree on, making sure their boys had contingency plans.
And yeah, getting to Ottawa must have been weird for Ilya. Grigori and Irina are dead, he no longer talks to his remaining family in Russia. Yuna and David are kind, probably think gold bars and go bags wr ridiculous. But old habits of looking over his shoulder probably die hard. Especially given heâs hiding a secret romantic relationship with another man, his greatest professional rival.
Also, if Yuna was born in Canada, she may be the child of Japanese Canadians who were interned in camps for the duration of WWII and had all their property seized. Even though many were Canadian citizens born in Canada. Yuna herself will probably not understand Ilyaâs paranoia. But if her parents are still alive by The Long Game, and that is their background, they would likely understand it perfectly.
This is such a great post!! It is nice to think that Ilya probably struggled with handling money, but honestly he most likely had a team already to help him out. Especially a team who also spoke Russian. Maybe he struggled in his initial years in the NHL, but later he got a team who made sure he understood his contracts better. And yes, emphasis on the fact that Ilya looks like a dumb jock but he way smarter.
nobody ever leaves the les miserables fandom btw. it just kind of lies dormant in your soul until a new cast that speaks to you picks up the baton & then the cycle begins again
i just know that first year after shane signed with ottawa, every other team in the league held the DEEPEST grudge against montreal, whether they themselves were also homophobic or not because what do you MEAN you fumbled so bad that now WE ALL HAVE TO DEAL WITH SHANE FUCKING HOLLANDER AND ILYA FUCKING ROZANOV ON THE SAME GODDAMN TEAM
Okay, I need 100+ fics about it, pretty please, I'm dying here đ Please, I need the links so bad, please đ„ș
Im dying from the comment by @offkira
!!!!!
Gay and bi men from Montreal are going to get such a hard time. BOTH from hockey fans and queer people from other cities. Dick game in Montreal is so weak Hollander had to go to another city for a good lay! Iâm giggling so hard.
Also, gay and bi men in Montreal will be so frustrated. A literal underwear model lived in their city for a decade. But his goddamn fucking hockey team had him so closeted that he never partook in Montrealâs gay scene. So none of them got a shot with him.
By the time they found out he was gay, heâd already been locked down by a fucking European. And then a month after they find out heâs gay, his fucking hockey team and their fucking homophobic fans run him out of the city. So even if he and the European ever break up, Montrealâs queer men still wonât get a chance with this Calvin Klein model.
Hi! Canadian, anglophone, French second language speaker here!
idk if this matters to anyone, except maybe for fic writing purposes?
re: Shane + the French language
tl;dr: in "Heated Rivalry" (TV), French, to show!Shane (and to Canada as a country) is not the same as what Russian is to Ilya (and Russia).
Reblogging this to add something I just realized on my (40th? I haven't really been counting) rewatch:
The scene in which Ilya is watching Shane talking to a reporter in French. That's the only time we hear Shane speak French. It's halting and unsure. His French accent isn't great (he can't get the French "r"s). Ilya can't understand him but is grumbling about how Shane is "perfect" and can answer questions in French.
This scene is IMMEDIATELY preceding the Nashville press conference scene. During which Ilya hesitates while trying to answer a reporter's question and Shane steps in to help.
What's so cool about those two scenes being back to back is that each scene provides additional context to the other.
Ilya is frustrated that Shane can be perfect while answering questions in his second language, not realizing that he (Ilya) is probably just as good if not better in his (Ilya's) second language than Shane is in his (Shane's). But it also shows how Ilya is nervous about sounding stupid when he speaks in his second language, so he keeps his answers so short. At the Nashville press conference: "still feeling like that's gonna happen?" / "yes." ; "what he said." It just so happens that his economy of words really works for his cocky asshole persona, but this is kind of a chicken and an egg situation. Did he decide to do the cocky asshole thing and then realize that keeping his answers short coincidentally and conveniently worked for that? Or did he start off giving short answers, realize that people were interpreting that as cocky assholery, and then lean into it because that's preferable to people thinking that he's nervous about sounding stupid in his second language?
It also shows that Shane totally knows what Ilya is going through when he hesitates after that question in Nashville. Shane has experience answering reporter's questions in his second language. Shane's answers in that interview were short, vague and kind of repetitive. How much of that is because he was just being diplomatic and how much was it because he didn't have to vocabulary in French to elaborate any further? Shane clocks the second language thing immediately because he's been there. And he's like, "I Can Fix This." And Shane uses his diplomatic, polite, media-trained, "perfect" press skills for Ilya's benefit, not to make him look bad. He even dresses it up with, "Sorry, not to jump the gun...with Rozanov's permission...my mom is the biggest Metros fan..." He made it look like he was jumping in because he was eager, because he already had an answer he was excited to share (the personal connection of his mom). He helped while making it look like Ilya was doing him a favor. And he repeated the question in his answer, to help Ilya understand and to give Ilya more time to think. This set Ilya up for the "what he said" joke, which got a laugh and allowed Ilya to keep up the cocky asshole image.
In the scene where Ilya's watching Shane be interviewed in French, Ilya is jealous. He thinks Shane is better than him. But they're SO similar, SO equally matched. Their rivalry is theatre which requires constant cooperation to maintain. They're each other's scene partners. The league and their teammates and the fans think that it's Hollander vs Rozanov. But in this Nashville press conference, we see how much it really is, as Scott says, "always Hollander and Rozanov, right?": in this together. Working together to help each other play their respective parts, just like in ep 2, onstage at the MLH awards in Las Vegas.
The parallels are paralleling. I love this show so much.
i think at a certain point shane would start getting seriously annoyed at the seemingly widespread idea that he's somehow supposed to be "controlling" ilya. maybe it starts off as a lighthearted joke with the way some of their friends will glance at him in anticipation when ilya says something particularly asshole-y like they expect him to tell ilya off. and at the beginning maybe shane somewhat gets it (but really though, he doesn't) because yeah it's his reputation in the league and maybe the rivalry plays a part in it too, especially for people who've never gotten to know him, but eventually, it just starts pissing him off
they're at the kingfisher after a game in new york and scott and some of the other admirals are there along with a majority of the cens and they're all having a good time. ilya and some random admirals player are chirping each other and ilya says something a little mean in the asshole way he does with a small tilt of his lips. and shane can suddenly feel eyes on him from scott and carter and troy and various other players, and for a second he doesn't get it. he doesn't get it, until all he does is snort in response, because well, it was true and also pretty funny and ilya really is the funniest person he knows, okay, and ilya nudges him with a small smile when he hears it, but then the stares slowly morph into something like confused gapes, and all of a sudden, he gets it. it's not the first time it happens and it definitely won't be the last, but shane starts noticing it a lot more and it continues to piss. him. the. fuck. off.
hayden giving him an expectant glance when ilya is half-yelling and groaning with a few cens in the bar at the soccer game on tv, like shane is for some reason gonna tell him to quiet down. scott giving him a quick side-eye when ilya chirps about his age on the ice, like shane is gonna tell him to stop; like he doesn't find the multiple layers to ilya's chirps to scott genuinely impressive, like he doesn't find it amusing. evan, though to his credit he was mostly joking, making a sly comment about shane needing to hold ilya back from fighting during a game, like shane would do that when ilya is well-fucking-aware of when to pick fights and when not to because he is the second-best hockey player in the league; like shane doesn't also find it unbearably hot when ilya has a little blood on his knuckles and dripping down the corner of his lips as he calls out mean little quips at the other team with a smirk on his face
because the thing about their relationship is that shane is undeniably attracted to ilya being an asshole. he thinks it's funny. it almost definitely also turns him on. and he likes when ilya is mean and smug and rowdy and a little shit. he likes when ilya is an asshole to him because that's their banter and their foreplay. he likes when ilya is an asshole to other people because he pretty much always thinks what ilya says is hilarious. (plus it's the fact that shane is also an asshole; it's just that ilya says it out loud more often than he does)
and so the thing about their relationship that, for some fucking reason, other people don't get is that shane, from the very beginning, has always and will continue to like when ilya is an asshole. and yes, they're married (shane also thinks some people seem to forget this, because why would shane marry ilya if he truly doesn't like ilya's personality. he thinks other people are a little stupid sometimes.) but they're also best friends and bond over being the best at what they do and how competitive they are and that they're both a little bitchy at times
long story short, i think that at some point during the first season of them playing together, all of the cens (and various other friends/players) eventually learn, as shane continues to not react the way they expect him to, that shane is THE biggest ilya enabler. he won't tell ilya off or nag him, but is actually probably standing a little off to the side with a tiny little smirk on his lips and hearts (and a little heat) in his eyes as he watches his husband
also did anyone consider putting ilya in a bathroom with a handful of drunk girls?? I'm sure that would fix him
now i need a fic of Ilya in a club, sometime when Shane is with Rose, looking depressed as fuck, taking the wrong turn and going into the women's bathroom. He immediately apologizes and is on his way out when the drunk girls are like nooo you look so sad whats wrong. And Ilya knows he's a public figure and he should get out but it feels so good to be asked so he leans agaist the wall and tells them (cryptically, vaguely) about his Montréal girl, and years later when Galina asks if he's ever tried therapy he says no but he realizes he's kinda lying because that night, he did group therapy
Hola! He estat veient que has estat parlant molt de la Guerra Civil recentment, i considero que és important dir que, tot i que la resta de les Balears van caure molt aviat, Menorca va resistir fins el febrer de 1939, després de la caiguda de Barcelona, que va iniciar un bloqueig naval cap a Menorca.
La batalla de Menorca va ser tant important que fins i tot tĂ© pĂ gina a la ViquipĂšdia, i a pobles com Alaior es fan visites guiades pels tĂșnels on s'explica mĂ©s d'aquesta experiĂšncia!
A la resta del territori catalanoparlant mai se'n parla, tot i que va ser un punt estratÚgic i amb la seva artilleria van parar moltes forces italianes, i agrairia si ho comparteixes a aquesta pà gina, perquÚ més gent sapi quÚ va passar. Merci! I grà cies per tot el que comparteixes
Molt interessant! Tens raĂł, no ho coneixia.
Tumblr Sexymen contests consist of 90% debating what a tumblr sexyman is, and âyou may find him sexy but did teenagers in 2012 find him sexy??â ad nauseum
Where is our Tumblr Babygirl contest. I need to see Olruggio square up against Ryland Grace and Jonathan Harker.
MyIlya is dozing off on MyShane's shoulder when they are on planes, because it's Shane's moment to listen to his russian courses and it makes Ilya feel so full of love that he feels sleepy.
Also, they are holding hands the whole trip and Shane's thumb caress Ilya's after turbulences.
"I'm here. We're in this together remember?"
"I'd prefer for you not to be here. I don't want you to die."
"I don't want you to die either, Ilya. But if you do, I don't want to live without you. I'm not giving you a choice here. We live or die together. I signed the papers for it."
And Shane kisses the back of Ilya's hand, then his forehead, before putting his earbud in again and pressing play.
And Ilya nuzzles in the crook of Shane's neck because if he doesn't, he will cry.
This is my headcanon for why Shane is chill with planes as a Centaur. If it's going down, they're going down together.
(Dysktra and Chouinard hold hands on every takeoff and landing since the incident. Wyatt has gotten into learning about aviation safety and disasters, and tells everyone how statistically unlikely it is they would be in a second incident. Nobody wants to hear him go into depth on specific aviation incidents even though each one has lessons for how things were improved and made safer in consequence.)
Wyattâs post emergency landing research into aviation safety makes him feel better. It makes everybody else feel worse. He is the least popular seatmate on plane trips for that reason.
Usually rookies are made to sit next to him on flights. He makes everyone else too nervous. Since the new rookies in the 2021-2022 season werenât on the plane that had to make the emergency landing, they are considered to be least likely to start crying or throwing up if they have to sit next to Mr Aviation Disaster Trivia. Seasoned hockey players who were indeed on that flight have started crying and/or throwing up after sitting next to Wyatt.
The Centaurs love their brick wall of a starting goalie. They do not love his coping skills for plane-induced anxiety.
Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles
The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.
But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!
I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.
I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.
Yep, Ilyaâs not the guy who throws punches or gets hit by them, thatâs an enforcer like Ryan Price. Itâs pretty clearly stated in the book. From Heated Rivalry chapter 9:
I think this confusion stems from the few hockey scenes in the show where Ilya checks people into boards (notably Shane đ). But we donât see any actual fights on screen and so we donât see an enforcer in action, only Ilya shoving people.. which is definitely NOT a fight.
Ilya gets called things like an aggressive player and instigator so i think combined with hockeyâs famously violent reputation it makes people think heâs personally starting fistfights when that would not generally be the case. Honestly Ilya probably only has to start a few fights over his early career to get that reputation
Also, does it ever say in canon that Shane never fights? The non-enforcer type of fight is the heat of the moment/protecting a teammate type fight like we see when 5'10", 180lbs-ish Hayden drops the gloves on Marleau. (Even in those, there's a bit of etiqeutte; if Hayden had concussed Ilya, Marleau can't exactly fight him, so it would have been Connors or someone while Marleau and JJ fight even though neither of them did anything).
If say Hayden was injured in a dirty hit and Shane didn't stick up for him, the old hockey men would be saying things like: Soft. Cowardly. Emotionless. Robotic. Doesn't care. (and yes, we all hear the dog whistles).
I think Shane probably does have a couple of official fighting majors on his record, from early in his career when he needed to prove himself.
If you look at the OG rivalry, Crosby's had 9 fights in his career and Ovechkin 4. Not what people would expect extrapolating back, is it?