#letter5

[such-a-fool-for-you-blog1]

February 25th, 2018. Letter #5

Hello babe.

Changes are really awkward, don’t you think?

After yesterday, I decided to change a little bit, but I’d never know that it would change a lot. Pretty bizarre, huh? It’s like the Chaos Theory, though when isn’t about chaos.

“A small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.” 

I have no ideia what “deterministic nonlinear system” means, but my point is: one thing change everything. It’s waaay simple, don’t you think? I mean, one decision made me realize a couple things today. I have a little list and I don’t care if you’ll complain about me doing a list, so here it is:

even when you expect something, you can be surprised;

when you don’t expect, you’ll be even more suprised; 

nobody, never, will be satisfied with each other’s attitudes;

you never see yourself the way that others do;

changes are hard, but they’re meaningful; 

you learn with them. always;

you can be sad and happy at the same time. 

What do you think? It’s really great that one minimal thing made me realize all that, right? Even if it’s awkward and hard, I’m happy with my changes, babe. I’m waiting for the new challenges, new people, new habits. I’m calm, but excited to see what this new path reserves for me. 

I’m full of hope! hahahaha

I miss you and can’t wait to share every single detail of this new change with you. Hope you’re taking care of yourself! Don’t make me worry, ok? Rest well and have enough sleeps hours! 

Dream about me... About us, together. I know I will! 

Sincerely and Forever Yours,

[melissa-iliana-blog]

Letters to myself: Letter 5

Well I'm taking day by day, and I honestly DO NOT understand the concept of "time heals all wounds" like, uh noooo, it very well does no such fucken thing. It gets worse. A shitload worse. Ive gone these past weeks with little to no sleep. Weight mostly down. Therapist appointments and nasty meds that at the end make me feel worse. They're suppose to help with my panic attacks. Buuuut....I still fucken panic! Ill blank out randomly and next thing you know, I'm hitting myself in the face repeatedly. I'm not sure if its from my lack of sleep and I'm just delirious, or if my brain cant take my own thoughts and I start beating myself to feel anything but what I'm feeling inside. My eye sockets have been sore for weeks... I made a brand new Instagram profile, and ditched the old one. Keeping myself on private, my name not popping out anywhere, no picture of myself as the little icon. I went invisible mode. Yet, yesterday morning, I woke up to a friend request from him (that he took back by the way). And I ran to the bathroom to throw up. WHY. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. He seems very happy. From what I've heard he's posting and what she is posting as well. They have been an official couple for almost a month now. With the whole "mcm/wcw" stupid post they have going on. Which makes me think, WHO ARE YOU!? SINCE WHEN ARE YOU THIS MUSHY ASS MAN!? YOU LOATH SHIT LIKE THAT! WE WOULD MAKE FUN OF LAME ASS COUPLES WHO PULLED SHIT LIKE THAT. AND NOOOOW YOURE ONE OF THOSE FUCKEN PEOPLE? GOD YOURE SUCH A FUCKEN PRICK! I'm sorry, he's not. I just don't know who he is anymore.. I dreamt about him last night. That somehow I ended up close to him, I could smell his skin, feel his chest hair against my cheek. And even though I did reach for his dick in the dream, it wasn't sexual at all. I was just so happy to FEEL him in my hand. His hair smelled like sleep. He was naked, as he always is when he sleeps, and god I felt like I was laying down next to an angel. He spoke to me, of course it was all things I wanted to hear, sort of...he told me how much he missed the way I held him, (he liked being the little spoon) I caressed him as much as I could. I've been with women before, and I enjoy the human body of both sexes. So I will always admire and caress a body like a man would to a woman's. I loved his hips, his shoulders, his butt, and id die and come back to life every time I touched his stomach. I always told him it felt like I was floating, all alone in a quiet still ocean. And I felt all that last night. I asked him to stay with me, he told me no. And I just cried on his chest while I held him. It was the worst dream I have ever had... 4am, and I woke up in a sweat, I couldn't even cry. I felt like I had died then and there, in that dream. I rolled over, took my pill and laid in bed till my alarm rang. I still feel dead now.

[robertofrance]

Aprender a apreciar a alguien.  #MyOwnWords #Letter5

[transitar-se]

Eu nunca tinha entendido o que as pessoas queriam dizer com “o final do dia é a pior parte” afinal, quem em sã consciência, Emanuel, poderia não gostar do fim do dia? É o momento em que o clima (geralmente) fica mais agradável, já está escurecendo, estamos voltando para casa e parece que tudo fica mais bonito… Porém eu, finalmente, descobri o que eles queriam dizer. Hoje acordei cedo (sim, foi um sacrifício), minha chefe pediu para eu cobrir uma colega de trabalho que estava com alguns “problemas pessoais” (acho que isso era um código para dizer que ela estava grávida) enfim, eu superei minha aversão a acordar cedo e fui. Como sempre, um tédio, não tem nada de diferente lá pela manhã. O problema foi que as 15h eu já estava em casa, agitada demais para dormir e cansada demais para sequer me mover… E o tempo foi passando. Quando dei por mim, já eram 18h da tarde e eu não havia feito nada ( não que eu tivesse algo para fazer) mas aquilo me pareceu bem pior que o normal. Então fui tomar um banho, fazer um lanche e, após o que me pareceram horas, eu fui me deitar. 19 fucking horas ainda. Eu fiquei ali, deitada, esperando o sono vir e rezando para não surtar. Eu não conseguia parar de pensar na gente, no tempo, na falta de luz e de amor no mundo. Pensei desde a crise hídrica de São Paulo até o aumento da passagem e, de repente, não conseguia decidir o que era mais ruim. Tudo parecia horrível e a humanidade iria morrer em prantos. As 22h da noite eu ainda estava lá, acordada e pensando na origem do cosmos. Não entendo o que essas pessoas querem dizer com “adoro o fim do dia”, afinal. Para sempre, Estrela

Esther Lisbia

[the-letter-five]

Who is Sharon? She doesn't even know. #letter5 #4partspecial

[the-letter-five]

This one is real special yessss

[westrivetodowhatsright]

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely, JSH

— I could try to elaborate on your email but I think you did a more sufficient job

[quirksofquito]

Dressed Up Hermanas At The CCM and Futbol!  Happy Day!