#lettersfrombs

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

There was not enough room for both of us to be sick

To fall apart

To try and save you and myself at the same time

You were an explosive while I was a hurricane

Your house too small

My heart open too wide

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

I know you are no good for me

Unhealthy for the soul

I wasn’t truly happy

It was more like just waiting for the good to come

It just got worse

I had never let myself be so soft and vulnerable

Even in the short time we had

It still doesn’t make sense

Why do you still haunt me

Why can I not let myself be soft in the arms of someone that is so good for me

I want the parts of me I gave to you back

I don’t want you to know me anymore

The nights I cried in your arms

I love hard

I just wanted to be loved hard too

They do say the heart is the same size as the fist

And you hit harder than you love

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

And if I could let go of the potential we had to be something amazing I would let it drown, to let it feel as breathless and helpless as you left me.

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

Being an older sister has led me into a bonus parent role and if I love my siblings this much, more than life itself. Then I cannot imagine what it will be like to love my own children. But until then. If ever. I’m content to be another parent for my siblings. Nothing brings me more joy.

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

Being an older sibling has brought me my life’s greatest joys

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

I think it's great to have someone love me - to try to love me back together

but honestly I think I'd rather do it myself.

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

I'm not yet together.

But I can't taste how much closer I'm getting.

[youmakemyassholewhiistle]

I got off the phone with my mother today she said I've grown up so much. I replied I try, and she followed with don't try too hard.

This has stuck with me