#letterstoher

[justbreathecas]

I know someday, somehow, at some point... you'll find your way home. Because its you, it has always been you. You're my beginning, my middle and I know you'll be my end. My happy ending. Our happily ever after.

[xctamirandax]

Writing to you is my escape.

[justbreathecas]

I was talking to someone about Alice in Wonderland.

I said to her "I think I'am like the Mad Hatter, we are both crazy fuckers. You know, crazy as shit, entirely bonkers, a complete whack job, but he is also loyal as fuck. He is inlove with Alice, he will do anything for her, risk his own life to protect her and he will never abandon her."

She said "Well, I could be him instead and you could be my Alice."

I was surprised by what she said, because I've been so used to being someone's Mad Hatter I never thought anyone could ever see me as an Alice.

But then I said "Nah. I'am him and I've already found my Alice."

She smiled, that sad kind of smile, then she said, "But no matter how much you love your Alice, and even if you gave her everything you have, no matter how willing you are to give up your life for her and no matter how loyal you have been, your Alice still chose to leave you and your Wonderland."

I smiled back at her and said, "Exactly why Im the Mad Hatter."

I think that moment she realized that I'am indeed the Mad Hatter and she could be anyone, literally anyone, she could even be the White Queen, but she will never be my Alice.

[justbreathecas]

Bit by bit, Im getting used to the pain of loosing you.

Bit by bit, the heartbreak is becoming comforting.

Bit by bit, the tears feel welcoming.

Bit by bit, the sadness feels warmer and warmer.

Bit by bit, the loneliness feels a little more like a great company.

Bit by bit, the emptiness feels a little more like home.

- C

[justbreathecas]

🎶 covering their old heartbreaks with new tattoos 🎶

[justbreathecas]

Someone told me...

"It was really beautiful that you made her your world, your life. That you gave her all the love you can give. That you have made her your happiness. That you do everything for her. What you did was pure love and it's beautiful."

But then she asked me...

"But now that she's gone, what are you gonna do?"

And for the first time...

I got nothing to say. I don't know what to say. I'm literally fucking speechless. I usually have an explaination for everything, but that question have rendered me speechless. I tried to think... I came up with nothing. So I just smiled and shrug. Because I have no fucking idea. Nothing.

- C

[justbreathecas]

It is scary how both our lives have been turned upside down over a cup of coffee.

I used to be happy waking up in the morning because I know that you were there and I wanted to be able to greet you and kiss you goodmorning the moment you wake up. Now, it pisses me off everytime I open my eyes.

I used love how I have weird dreams that doesn't make sense because I know the moment I share it with you no matter how weird it is you will make sense of it. Now, dreaming hurts. Its just pure fucking torture.

I used to get excited and giddy when I see something funny online, like an animal memes or weird shit people do, because I know that it will make you laugh. Now I just look and scroll down.

I used to welcome the interruption of my phone ringing because I know its you on the other line. Now, it is just that, an interruption.

I used to have good mornings and good nights because I have you. Now its just mornings and nights, sometimes I dont even know the difference, its just a day.

I used to have a future, you know a house with a white pickett fence, a vegetable garden that you always wanted and a huge backyard for the dogs because I planned it with you, because it was ours, its home, you were home. Now I dont even know if I have tomorrow and I dont know where home is. I dont even sleep in my own bed.

I used to know you like the back of my hand, I used to know me, I used to know, because we were us. Now you and I both are like strangers to me, I dont know me, I dont recognize the person that I have become and Im not sure if you are still you.

I used to love the night sky because we love looking at the stars. Now I just want them all to just fall down because maybe then I can wish our life back.

I used to believe im fairy tales, you know... the butterflies, the rainbows, the fairies, the boy in the moon, Peter Pan, Santa Claus... magic. Because I have you and we were magic. We were a dream that came true. Now I dont know if I believe in anything at all.

I used to live for you, to make you smile, to make you happy, to take care of you because when you're happy, Im happy. Your happiness is my happiness. Now, I dont know why I breathe, I just know I have to. I dont know what for and why but I know that somehow I have to keep breathing.

I used to love you with everything that I am. Now... who am I kidding? I still do. I still love you with all of me.

Everything might've changed but this is the one thing that Im sure is still the same, iloveyou, always and for the rest of my life.

We both might not recognize this life that we both have right now. But Im still breathing.

So promise me you will too. Promise me you will live and breathe, just keep breathing my love. Just keep breathing...

I can't and I will not promise you that everythings gonna be okay because I dont know that, no one knows. But still, keep breathing...

Just keep breathing...

- 🐨

[justbreathecas]

People say it takes about 90days to break a habit.

But I guess it doesn't apply on me.

'Coz I still can't stop thinking about you. In every second of everyday. You are there. In my head. In my mind. My brain always finds a way to relate everything to you.

It's fucked up I know. I know that. My brain knows that. Everyone knows that it is fucked up. Im fucked up.

Every song, every movie, every fucking line in a movie, every food, every conversation, every "hi", every good morning, every goodnight, everything, every breath...reminds me of you.

Even my own fucking voice reminds me of you. Pathetic I know. But it is what it is. You just have to embrace it... all of it.

Dont get me wrong. Im better now. The thoughts of you definitely breaks me but it doesn't make me cry everytime...just sometimes I guess, when Im alone and you're all I can think of.

Its fucked up I know, coz for all I know you already forgot about me. For all I know you could be happily living your life with someone else... with him. In his arms.

And Im here... drowning in the thoughts of you. In memories of you.

I dont blame you...for the pain? No.

I don't hate you...for giving up? No.

I actually still love you. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.

Your memories are a very welcome torture of my everyday.

You might've lost the magic but I didn't...

In my mind, in those memories, you are still magical.

- 🐨