Sam: Yeah, I know. You have this beautiful fantasy about marriage and your dream home and six or ten kids and loads of responsibility. I can respect that, but don’t expect me to buy into it. That’s not the way I roll.
Levi: I know. And it’s only three kids, not six or ten.
Sam: Whatever. One kid is one too many, if you ask me. Babies are screaming drool factories. Ugh...and think about all those diapers you’ll have to change. No thank you.
Carolina: But think about how cute and cuddly they are, and how nice it would be to hold them in your arms and rock them to sleep, and how your partner looks at you with that proud, happy smile because you made this little person together and--
Sam: And how you’re saddled with this ridiculously huge burden of responsibility you didn’t want.
Levi: We want the responsibility. It wouldn’t be a burden to us. I’ll probably be the one with the proud, silly grin on my face, too.
Carolina: I can picture it. I just know you’re going to be wonderful with our future babies.
Sam: If you guys are going to start making heart eyes at each other, I’m leaving.
Levi: Sorry. It’s just that this is a really big thing for us. When we have our first child, I don’t even know if there’ll be a word for how happy we’re going to be.
Sam: Yeah, okay. Come back and tell me how happy you are when you have to deal with 2 a.m. feedings and random shrieking for no reason in the middle of the night. You might think that’s great, but I think it sounds like some kind of torture.
Levi: 2 a.m. feedings shouldn’t even be an issue for you, Sammy. You’re always up at 2 a.m. anyway.
Sam: Oh, very funny, genius.
Carolina: You know what children really are? To me, they’re the greatest expression of how much two people love each other.
Sam: This sounds like the beginning of a philosophical conversation I’m not prepared to have. Seriously, not everyone sees it the way you guys do. Love isn’t this magical fairy tale thing for everybody and kids aren’t the ultimate expression of unity or whatever. Sometimes woohoo is just woohoo and kids are just accidents that happen, you know?
Levi: Sammy! You think of your child as an accident?
Sam: Don’t refer to it as my child, okay? If I’m not keeping it, it’s not officially mine.
Levi: Maybe that’s for the best.
















