Hiiii I recently found your account and love your writing.
Would you be able to write something angsty for Levi where the reader gets seriously injured while out on a mission? I’d like it to be really angsty but whatever you want to do I’m good with!
Hi lovely anon, thank you so much for your kind words and this request!! I've dabbled in angst here and there, but this is definitely the darkest I've gone. I was surprised to find I really enjoyed writing it! Maybe there's more angst in my future hm...
Anyways THANK YOU again for sending this, I love hearing from readers and love requests! I'm sorry that it took me so long to get back to you, I hope you still see this and that you enjoy it if you do!
don't fall away from me: Levi x Scout!Reader angst
[tw: hurt/no comfort, heavy angst as requested!, injury/gore, spoilers for No Regrets, mentioned (not actual) vomiting // wc: 2k // ao3 // set before the fall of Shiganshina]
It wasn't often that you and Levi were separated for missions these days. A combination of luck and called-in favors from the Captain meant that most days and nights you were by each other's side, sometimes worse for wear, but together, at least.
But luck didn't last forever, and Levi wasn't all-powerful. You had been sent on a long-term mission beyond the walls, leading a troop of Scouts to establish an outpost farther than the Regiment had ever been able to put down roots. It was risky, but if successful, would pay off immediately, filling in new corners of the Eldian map. Levi stayed behind, part of Erwin's private detail as the Commander lobbied for more funding.
Levi hated it. Hated the pompous bastards he had to deal with, the tasteless displays of wealth in the inner walls, and worst of all, that it kept him from you. But you had reassured him as you always did, strong arms around his neck and soft lips against his. "I'll be home soon, Levi. Wait for me." He saw your squad off, raised his hand in a stern wave, watching until you and your horse disappeared over the horizon.
It wouldn't last forever, he reminded himself. You were tough. So was he- a few weeks away was nothing in the grand scheme of things. And he'd seen you take down enough titans to know that they should be afraid of you. The memory made his chest swell with a quiet pride. You were a damn good soldier, and you were his. He'd make sure to remind you of both when you came home.
That was the hope that kept Levi patient as he waited out the weeks. Once the political posturing was over, he took his stress out on the spiders that had taken up residence in the rafters of the scouts' barracks. Hange was heard laughing quietly to Moblit that HQ was always cleanest when you were away. Luckily for them, Levi didn't overhear, too busy chasing his worry away with a dustrag.
The morning of your squad's return dawned clear, the sun cresting the Walls like it anticipated your arrival as much as Levi did. The Captain had been up before then- fussing over his hair and straightening his cravat needlessly, wanting to appear cool and calm when he rode out to meet you. You were sure to tease him otherwise. It had become something of a game to see who could spot the other first at your homecomings, waiting just inside the gate or, if impatience got the best of you, riding out to meet the other on some pretense.
He sipped from the teacup between his fingers, hiding a smile as he thought about the look on your face. Your eyes always lit up, your grim on-duty expression melting into relief, excitement- love, when you saw him again. He was almost sure it was love. Little as he knew about the subject, anyway. Hoped it was, would've prayed it was if he had any faith. Because Levi loved you. He hadn't admitted it yet, but the weeks of separation had shown him just how much he had grown to rely on you, to cherish your shared moments, the light you shone in the dark corners of his life.
Maybe he didn't need to seem cool and calm, this time. He allowed himself to believe that you'd missed him as much as he missed you. That certainty carried the Captain to his horse, through the gates, out on a hard ride through the outskirts of the walled city, until he saw the blurry forms of your squad through the morning mist. His carefully fixed hair fell back into messy bangs across his forehead as he urged his horse faster, his body taut with both exertion and excitement. You were almost home.
He searched for your face in the crowd of green-cloaked soldiers to no avail. Maybe you were scouting ahead, or keeping watch from the rear. He shook off the icy tendrils of fear that crept down his neck. Surely that was all. Levi looked to the rest of your squad, but they didn't meet his eyes. Some of them limped, some held bandaged limbs, others leaned on their comrades. The tendrils turned into choking vines.
Levi reared his horse in front of the ragged procession and leveled them with a glare. "Where is she?" Silence. He gritted his teeth, his voice a sword. "I won't repeat myself."
A single Scout stepped out from the ranks. Levi recognized her as a young recruit; this would have been one of her first missions. She gestured at a covered wagon hitched to the horse behind her. "She saved us, Captain." The girl's voice wavered, then broke. "We wouldn't be here if she hadn't-"
Levi didn't know if she finished her sentence. He was already off his horse and shoving past her, his mind a wall of white noise. Somehow he was standing beside the wagon, ripping the cover back with shaking hands-
In the days and weeks that followed, every Scout from that ill-fated mission would swear on their lives that the Captain maintained his composure in that moment. Whether in solidarity or out of the fear that came from watching the collapse of something unbreakable. Every last person there that day would deny that they ever heard Levi sob.
The sound tore from him helplessly, choked horror in the back of his throat. Your bloodless lips were parted, your hair strewn across the packs of gear they’d propped you on. Your arms lay limply atop a rough blanket that hid everything below your chest. When Levi reached for your hand, pressing it to his cheek, you were cold. He whispered your name, but you didn’t stir.
With effort, Levi tore his gaze from your body and whirled on the soldier that had revealed you. “Tell me what happened.”
In fits and starts, she managed the story. It had happened so fast, she said, the night watch asleep in the newly constructed outpost, the early sunrise revealing a trio of titans surrounding the camp, all teeth and eager eyes. 15m class and hungry, scrabbling at their tents, waking up to a nightmare.
You had slept in your gear- Levi clenched his fists against a sudden surge of nausea. You always teased him about his habit, sleeping sitting up or fully clothed, ready for anything. But out there, on your own, you had done the same. Did you think of him as you fell asleep? The girl was still speaking, her gaze far away. You had sprung into action, using the titans themselves as anchors to fly at their nape out there in the vast flatness of the wild.
You dispatched two quickly- of course, Levi thought, of course she did- but the third- the girl stopped to drag the back of her hand across her mouth, swallowing a dry heave. Levi had to resist the urge to shake her, to make her keep talking- but she soon continued in a whisper.
"The last titan caught her in it's teeth. It was a blur, we didn't see, only heard a- heard a snap, and a scream... we cut it's Achilles tendons, brought it to it's knees, and she fell..." The scout trailed off, her jaw working soundlessly as she remembered. "The wound, wounds- they weren't clean, sir." Her voice was a strained apology. She wobbled, clearly spent, and Levi turned away.
He stepped back toward the wagon where you lay. Levi took a slow breath, reaching into the depths of himself to find the strength to look at what hid beneath the blanket. He peeled it back, hissing through his teeth when the fabric caught on patches of drying, tacky blood.
It took a moment for Levi to process what he was seeing. Your lower body was a torn mess of crimson, contrasting hideously against the stark white of exposed bone protruding from your mangled calf. He could see the titan's attack written on your flesh- the purpling crush of teeth along your thighs and the shredded aftermath of those jaws tearing down to your ankles. The smears of dirt and gore told him how you were dragged along, out of the titan's clenching jaw, off the battlefield.
This is a dream. A nightmare. Levi told himself, clinging to it with a childish desperation that he thought had been beaten out of him long ago. He tried to swallow but his throat had gone cotton-dry. His tongue cleaved mute to the roof of his mouth. This isn't real.
He blinked, and suddenly it was Furlan in your shredded uniform, or you in his. A dizzy panic clawed up Levi's chest. He shook his head, looked away and back- and the scene changed. The hollowed pallor of your cheeks was that of his mother's corpse, a dim memory of hell. He thought he might be sick, thought wildly that he couldn't vomit in front of the other Scouts, couldn't let them see such filthy weakness- but that was forgotten when you opened your eyes.
You stared blindly at the wide, wide sky, and Levi saw Isabel in your place. Not again. Please, not again. He watched your chest rise and fall like it was the only thing tethering him to the earth, like he was the one willing it to continue. Please.
"Le-vi...?" Your voice shocked him into sanity. He cupped your cheeks in trembling hands.
"I'm here, I'm here," he rasped. "I've got you. Stay with me."
You slowly dragged your fingers through the blood on your uniform, then held them in front of your face. You didn't seem to understand where it came from, what had happened. Levi moved into your sightline. You reached for him, but your head lolled and your arm fell back in the next instant. Levi caught your hand and lifted it the rest of the way, pressing your bloody fingers to his lips.
"I'm here," he repeated, fixated again on the defiant movement of your chest as you slipped back into unconsciousness. "I'll protect you."
The other soldiers were shuffling about, some trying to quiet their nervous horses. Levi forced himself to inject authority into his voice, to project some stability on the surface as he crumbled within, never taking his eyes from your face. "I'm riding back with you. Let's go."
Eager to go home, the camp moved quickly at his order. Someone hitched Levi's horse to the wagon were you lay, seeing that the Captain wasn't about to leave your side.
Your body seemed to shift before Levi's eyes, a mist poured into the shape of the ones he had already failed, already lost. Their corpses laid atop yours, or beside you, or sprawled at your feet until he forced them away, the sight of your breathing like a talisman. Your blood dried and flaked on his cheek, but he hardly felt the itch. His cravat lay abandoned on the filthy floor.
Every jolt of the wheels made him grit his teeth, fighting down a surge of rage at the horses, the stones that made them stumble, the ground itself for not softening for you. He wanted to carry you home himself, wanted to tear off his own legs and offer them up for you. He wanted to wake up.
He spoke to you, the words pouring out, unstoppable. Vows to protect you, spiraling into impossibility- he'd kill every last titan to make sure they never touched you again, he'd give you his blood to replace what you'd lost, he'd burn down the world to keep you warm.
Confessions that had never passed his lips before, spilling into the space between you, overflowing helplessly in a whisper you couldn't hear. "I love you. Did you know that? Could you tell?" He choked on it. "I fucking love you. I didn't want to, but I do, and I need you to come back, so I can tell you to your goddamn face."
He couldn't stop touching you, kneeling at your side, his legs long gone numb. He brushed the stringy hair from your forehead, warmed your hands in his, smoothed the blanket back over your wounds. When there was nothing left to do, he did it all over again, repeating the words until they hung in the air and piled over your body, still breathing, only just.
If you like whump without a whumper, I'm sure you will enjoy these fics.
Attack on Titans
beyond the walls (written by Federtanz, link here, one-shot) : if you are craving for levi whump then read this one. He's suffering (a lot) from broken ribs during all of the story.
Fullmetal Alchemist
Crash (written by Sevlow, link here , one-shot). Ed and Roy are caught in a car accident. Roy is gravely wounded and ouch, this must hurt like hell.
One Piece
Spots of the Leopard (written by Eilike, link here, 3 chapters) : there's a very interesting flashback of Sanji suffering from broken ribs after his fight at the Baratie. What a shame he didn't have a scratch in the manga !
D. Gray-Man
Breaking Point (written by Fortune Maiden, link here, one-shot). This is about our poor Lavi being tortured, and the way his health is slowly deteriorating.
Pandora Hearts
00:00 surgery (written by Katy Starcatcher , link here, one-shot) : Break has to endure a painful surgery without anesthesia. TW this one is a little bit gory.
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Thank you sooo much everyone for following me ! I love sharing stuff with you and the whump community is wonderful. When I was young I used to think I was insane for liking whump and I was ashamed of it. But now I know it's totally okay and that I'm not alone!
Hello!! Can you write a little modern AU of a day in life of Levi and Erwin when Levi is in a wheelchair??
boop beep boop SORRY IM JUST NOW GETTING TO THIS ONE~~ hope u enjoy luv 🐸✨✨
—
Mornings were always the hardest part.
Upon waking, the pain was a friendly reminder of what he’d been through, as if the dreams alone weren’t enough. It usually started with an ache across his limbs, fiery on days when it was gloomy out. A sign of bad weather rolling in. His leg was the main source of Levi’s trouble, but also his scars, his back, his arms, his fingers and his chest. Almost everything seemed to ache viciously, first thing in the morning.
It was nearly impossible to fight the soft moan that tore its way through his throat upon waking to another day in a broken body.
But he wasn’t alone.
Erwin always turned over in the sheets at the sound of his husband’s wakening, or, more often than not these days, he’d already been awake. Erwin had been waking before Levi, something that neither of them had entirely gotten used to. Levi needed more sleep these days, it seemed. So Erwin had progressively gotten better at handling breakfast in the mornings.
He placed a soft, callused palm on Levi’s cheek. A beacon of warmth and sweetness rushing through to save Levi from the pain and the cold. His thumb brushed across the tip of Levi’s sharp cheekbone, his low voice carrying soft mumbles about how Levi should eat more.
“How long… have you been up?” Levi, stubborn as the day he’d met Erwin, tried to push himself up on his own. His arms were like jelly this morning, hardly able to take his weight before Erwin intervened and settled him up against the headboard. Without words, Erwin fluffed pillows behind Levi’s back and quickly kissed his cheek twice before he could protest.
“Don’t start with that shit again.”
But Levi knew there was no stopping it. Erwin leaned in with a devious smirk and kissed each and every scar on Levi’s broken skin. The places where skin had welted up pinkish gray over the years. The spot where a grenade sent shrapnel into his flesh and into his blue eye which now was painted in milky vacancy.
He was hard to look at… He knew that.
“So beautiful. My beautiful captain,” Erwin whispered low, exorcising Levi’s negative thoughts in between his sweet kisses against his pale skin.
Levi felt his face heat up red, as it always did whenever Erwin did this stupid ritual. His heart would pound in his chest like he was twenty again, instead of nearly forty and feeling seventy. Erwin had that effect on him, a mind numbing tenderness that swept over him entirely and made him feel alive again.
“How does my beautiful captain feel today? Up for a quick walk to the breakfast room, my love?” Erwin Smith, after the battles they’d faced, after war and service and endless heartaches, was sweet to spite it all. Intoxicatingly so. Irresistible and indomitable in his love.
“I feel as shitty as I do everyday. And I haven’t been your captain for years, where’s that shit coming from?”
Erwin smirked, a ray of sun in the briefest flash of his smile.
Intoxicating.
“Lay back.” Erwin’s voice was very low, as it always was in the mornings. Levi laid out on his back, knowing their routine well enough by now. Erwin would massage his aching muscles first thing to get them warmed up for the day ahead.
When they had come home to the states after their tours around the globe, Levi had been in and out of hospitals for years. Erwin had listened to each doctor intently, afraid of somehow doing their instructed massages and exercises wrong. But years of gripping guns had blessed Erwin with the perfect hands for this. They were firm but calculated, just like Erwin.
“Try to take a deep breath for me, Levi.”
Levi did so, following Erwin’s orders like second nature. His lungs had a rattle to them these days, something one could really only pick up on when he was laying down, breathing deeply.
“Good. Take a few more while I work on your leg, alright?” Levi nodded and watched mindfully as Erwin rubbed soft circles along the sides of his knee, working lower towards his calf. “How’s that?”
“Not too bad,” he mumbled back, but his eyebrows were creased together stiffly. The pain wasn’t the worst it had been, but it still left him a bit breathless in between each of Erwin’s strokes across the scarred flesh.
“You don’t have to lie, Levi. You know that,” Erwin instructed quietly. “I’m going to bend your knee now, tell me when it hurts.”
It always hurts. Levi sighed as the leg was bent and lifted towards his chest. He’d usually push himself to withstand it further, as if that would help him walk more frequently but today he stopped early on, when it actually started to hurt. A slight nod was all it took for Erwin to lower the leg back down slowly, giving him a gentle stroke on his calf as it hit the bed sheets again.
“Good. You did great, love.” Erwin was smiling in his best attempt to instill confidence, but Levi couldn’t open his eyes to see it just yet, the pain leaving him reeling for a moment.
Erwin was patient. Quiet as he continued watching Levi breathe through the pain. He knew Levi well enough to know when he needed words and when he needed silence.
Once Levi recovered from the strain, he opened his eyes again, looking to Erwin with a subdued expression.
“Will you take my hand, captain?”
A large hand extended out to him. His husband at the giving end wore a button up with a light shawl over his shoulders, already up and dressed for the day. He looked handsome. As he always did.
“You are ridiculously cheerful today,” Levi murmured as he placed his thin hand in Erwin’s large palm, watching the way they seemed to engulf his own. Erwin pulled him up, wrapping a hand around his waist and cradling his grip to keep him steady as they began their long walk to the breakfast room.
For short distances, Levi could walk. Or more so, insisted upon walking as frequently as he could manage without tiring. It irked him at first that he couldn’t do it without assistance, through a crutch or even a cane. But Erwin solved this for him, opting to hold him close instead as they walked together, hand in hand.
“I am cheerful.” Erwin gave his side a soft squeeze, careful not to aggravate any of his aches, “I feel something good about today.”
“Then we should go down to the boardwalk,” Levi mused, his breath going a bit labored from the short distance they’d covered.
The salty smell of bacon was filling up the kitchenette, light shined in through the windows left ajar to let in a cool autumn breeze. He took a deep breath, soaking in the sweet smell of morning as he was lowered into his unofficially designated chair.
A soft thin blanket was placed over him, his shoulders being squeezed from behind and then rubbed with tenderness as Erwin’s touch filled his chest with warmth.
“You want to go to the beach?” Erwin chuckled lightly, carrying over two plates of eggs, bacon and a slice of toast. All home-gathered goods from their little far removed bungalow.
“Not particularly,” Levi deadpanned, rubbing his knee as he looked out the window. He watched a little blue bird gather up twigs in the birdhouse they’d put up a few days prior. “But, I know you would want to go.”
“Ever the self sacrificing type, are you?” Erwin passed him his plate and gestured to it sternly.
Levi rolled his eyes and poked the food around with his fork before eating a few careful bites. Mornings left him a bit nauseous, he probably wouldn’t eat if not given that same stern look every meal.
“It’ll be a bit chilly this time of year.” Erwin took a bite into his bacon with a soft crunch. “Are you sure you feel up to it?”
“Of course, the pain isn’t too bad. We’ve been cooped up here way too long anyways,” Levi replied, taking a few more hesitant bites. His appetite had waned bit by bit ever since his injury, but Erwin’s home cooked meals were enough to keep him on track. Erwin had become a much better cook. Levi remembered the days when he couldn’t even boil pasta in the barracks.
“If you’re sure,” Erwin smiled softly, spotting the bird’s nest building up from their long kitchen window. Levi took note of the excitement flickering behind his eyes as he spotted the blue jay in the morning sun, building up her nest.
Levi’s eyes didn’t leave his husband, cherishing every small detail in his loveliness. The way his hair fell softly, uninhibited by the hard cement-like gel he used to put it in when he was a commander of a squadron all those years ago. Now it was soft to the touch, even waving a bit as it grew a bit longer in the back.
Levi was so grateful everyday to wake up to find the love of his life here with him still. His sunshine. It made the pain of old injuries, the memories of horrors, and the grief of passed guilt worth it everytime he awoke.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
—
The boardwalk was stirring, there were extra booths sprawled out over the wooden walkway, patrons bustling back and forth with goods of all kinds. Kids ran amuck gripping candy dipped apples in one tiny hand and little sparklers with the other. Their excited breaths turned to steam in the cool late October air.
It seemed they’d stumbled across the annual autumn festival.
Erwin ushered Levi’s chair through the busy walkway, both of them tightly wrapped in wool and cotton to their cheeks. Levi, especially, as he caught colds more often these days. He leaned his head against his gloved palm as the wheelchair bumped along the wooden platform.
“I wonder if they’ll have fireworks this year,” Erwin suddenly mused, his voice easily cutting through the noises of the crowd like butter.
“Fingers crossed,” Levi responded dryly, shooting his low voice back behind him and tugging his scarf higher on his cheeks. He wasn’t extremely cold but he liked the feeling of the soft fabric against his chilled skin. And he liked that it still smelled like Erwin. Cedarwood and lavender… It made Levi’s heart flutter with each brief inhale. It was grounding, in a place so crowded.
“They have kettle corn. Want to share a bag?” Erwin's voice was close to Levi's ear now, his hair brushing ever so slightly across Levi’s cheek.
“Sure,” Levi murmured low, wanting nothing more than to lean into Erwin. As if their close proximity was not nearly close enough.
They made their way over to the line and waited quietly. To their left Levi spotted a young girl clutching her mother’s shirt and pulling her along the boardwalk. The little girl ran ahead of her mom, smiling brightly as she tossed up a ball into the air with excitement Levi could not imagine.
As the two crossed in front of the kettle corn line, the little girl tripped on her untied shoelaces, sending her ball rolling down the boardwalk, directly into the side of Levi’s wheelchair.
She came running up to him as Levi leaned down and picked the ball up. Handing it back to her gently, Levi’s eyes trailed down to her untied shoe as the girl said nothing and stared aimlessly at this new stranger.
“Here, better keep this shoe tied. You’ll just trip again and smash your face in next time,” Levi remarked roughly as he leaned down and tied the girl’s shoe for her. He did a quick double knot and then leaned back up with a slight wince.
He noticed her staring at him, wide eyes tracing over the scars on his face with great interest. Suddenly, Levi expected her to act revolted or maybe even be scared of him, but she just stared quietly with a blank look.
Just as he was about to say something, the little girl smiled that same bright smile from before, up at him now.
“Thanks mister!” She smirked and did a little curtsy with her yellow plaid dress.
The smile was contagious, finding its way to Levi’s cheeks as well as he nodded and sent her on her way again.
Unconsciously, he leaned back and intertwined his fingers with Erwin’s, giving his hand a soft squeeze as he watched the girl join once more with her mother. The two linked arms and walked in a rush to the next excitement they could find.
“Would you ever want children, Levi?” Erwin asked suddenly, taking Levi entirely off guard.
He scoffed awkwardly and wiped the stupid smile from his face. “Why are you asking out of the blue like that?” Levi nudged him and looked away.
“Sorry.” Erwin smirked at Levi’s embarrassed expression. “I was just thinking that you’d make a good father.”
“You’d make a far better one,” Levi mused aloud, fiddled awkwardly with his wheels. He thought of Erwin’s relationship with his father. He had grown up with a loving father, one who stuck around and taught him wrong from right. Levi didn’t have that in the slightest. How was he supposed to know what a father should be? What example did he have to shape himself after?
When they were in war, they’d never even had the luxury to think about life after. The chance at having happiness? Raising children with the man he loves? Did he even deserve something as sweet as that?
“Maybe we’d both surprise each other.” Erwin squeezed his hand softly. “Imagine that. You and me, and a little one to raise. I could read them to sleep while you make sack lunches for school.”
“As if I’d let my kid eat out of a paper bag,” Levi noted gruffly.
Erwin chuckled. “So, you can imagine it?”
Levi nodded softly. He could see it clearly. The life ahead of them. The joy of finally having a real family after all they’d been through together. There’s nothing he wanted more.
“Yeah,” Levi surprised himself by admitting, “I can imagine it.”
The pair bought their bag of kettle corn and explored the other pop up booths on the boardwalk as the sun began to set and night drew in. The bag was nearly empty when they found the end of the pier looking over the edge into the oceanic horizon. The sky was painted a beautiful mix of pink and purple over the swaying waters.
“The fireworks should start once the sun drops,” Erwin said softly, his hand still tightly wrapped around Levi’s.
“Then let’s walk down to the beach.”
Erwin nodded and gathered both of Levi’s hands to help him stand from the wheelchair. Levi leaned into his chest and let him guide them into step down the boardwalk stairs. The stairs proved a bit challenging. Levi’s legs shook underneath his weight and pain flared harshly from his old wound with each staggering step down. But Erwin held him tight, keeping him from falling and whispering words of encouragement until his feet hit the soft crunching sand below.
The sounds of people bustling above washed away as they walked tightly wrapped together across the sandy floor. Erwin talked about the sea while they watched the waves crash against the shore. Levi listened intently, leaning up against his chest.
He had always enjoyed listening to Erwin talk. It could be about anything at all. He cherished the way Erwin would phrase things, the colorful words he chose, and the soothing sound of his voice. It all mixed together in a beautiful symphony in Levi’s ears.
They walked for much longer than Levi should've pushed himself. His leg was aching like crazy, but he couldn’t find it in himself to interrupt Erwin.
Eventually, he tripped over his legs and leaned heavily against Erwin, sparking his concern.
“Levi.” Erwin stopped in place. “Are you okay?”
“Uh,” Levi paused, trying to keep the pain from his voice. “Maybe we could… sit for a moment?”
“Of course.” Erwin quickly lowered him to the sand and leaned Levi up against his side as he sat next to him. He brushed his dark hair from his slightly damp forehead. “Are you in pain?”
“No. It’s fine,” Levi lied, grateful to finally have his weight off his bad leg again. It still burned like a fiery flame, even when seated. “Just… a little tired.”
“I’m sorry. I was distracted. I should’ve noticed, we’ve been walking for a while now—”
“Erwin,” Levi stopped his nervous worrying by taking his hands in his own. “Stop motherhenning. I’m fine.”
“But you’re shivering. You must’ve been—”
“Make it up to me by keeping me warm then.” Levi kissed his cheek softly and tugged him into his body as they laid out on the sand.
Scoffing, Erwin wrapped his arms around Levi tightly. The smaller man stretched out over Erwin with his head against his chest once more. The steady beat of his heart through thick cotton pulled away the aches in Levi’s bones.
“Levi.” Erwin's voice was nice like this, translating through his chest cavity like echoes in a cavern. “The fireworks are starting. You’re going to miss it.”
Levi hummed softly and turned his head to the side, catching a glimpse of bright colors sparkling across the night sky with the first round of loud cracks.
Very sick and feverish levi with Erwin trying his best to take care of his boyfriend/husband?
hiii hiii thank u so so much for requesting this <33 i went down a bit of a sad route for this one sooo~~ buckle up ;))
Crimson Lips
warnings: blood
“Erwin… S’hard to breathe…” Levi swallowed dryly, the effort only creating a tighter lump in his throat. His cough tore through his frail lungs, making them raw, as though they might just tear apart any moment now. His eyes raced to find his lover in the midst of his feverish haze. “Erwin… Please…”
“I’m right here, Levi. I’m here with you.” He responded desperately, his hands shaking as he replaced the towel on Levi’s forehead again. “I’ve sent for a doctor, I'm sure they’ll arrive any moment now.”
With the rain hitting like rocks against the window adjacent to him, Erwin was beginning to doubt that entirely. The thunderstorm had been raging on and off for days now, making their usual supplies and medicines run low. Since the first night of the massive storm blowing through the woodland, Levi’s fever suddenly burned like wildfire in juxtaposition to the impending freeze gathering in the air.
Erwin recalled just a few days ago as if it were months… They'd been sitting quietly by the fire, as they did on most calm damp nights in their remote cottage. Fresh jasmine tea filled the air while a calm fire warmed their exteriors. Erwin had been thumbing through a light read while Levi had been fixing a hole in Erwin’s coat in preparation for a long icy winter.
It was not uncommon for Levi to cough every now and then, an interruption to their still ritual by the fire before bed. At first it had been triggered by a light cold he picked up when the weather changed, nothing too serious, but concerningly the cough did not subside with his other symptoms. It was persistent, a dry and nagging tickle in his chest echoing throughout the house nearly every day since.
Erwin had tried to urge him to come with him to town to have the doctor take a look, but Levi preferred the quiet life, far away from civilization. He enjoyed working in the garden and tending to the animals in the small barn across from their humble cottage. He had said it wasn’t anything that wouldn’t go away with time. At the end of the day, Erwin was sure that worries over money was the main reason he didn’t want to take a trip into town.
As the night progressed, the cough had suddenly become more frequent. He had stood, his tea long since depleted, and carried himself towards the kitchen with a shawl from the couch slung over his shoulders to bite back the chill in the rest of the cottage. Erwin closed his book for a moment and offered to make the tea instead but Levi quickly brushed him off as he continued on his way towards the kitchenette.
“Storm’s almost here.” Levi had mused softly, stopping by the living room’s wide window to stare into the rainy night. Erwin’s eyes had returned to the words in his book but he answered with a low hum of agreement. The rain was only getting louder against the window pane. Thunder echoed through the wood, drawing nearer to their tiny cottage.
“Erwin…” Levi had breathed through the word as though it were slipping from his grasp. “Something’s… I don’t feel…”
Erwin had turned quickly, suddenly alarmed by his husband’s panicked tone. It was unfamiliar. And deeply unsettling.
“Erwin.” Levi’s hand was grasping at the window pane, in panicked desperation, his knuckles a pale white and sweat accumulating fast on his forehead. A crack of lightning lit up the room as Levi’s teacup suddenly met the floor with a sharp shatter, his frail form quickly collapsing after it.
Tumbling over the side of the couch, Erwin had sent himself sprawling onto the floor to reach Levi. He hadn't managed to catch him. It haunted him that he’d been so close but too late to stop the crack of his forehead against the wooden floor.
A split above his eyebrow leaked blood onto the floorboards and onto Erwin’s hands as he turned his husband’s pale face with his palm. Searing heat had rushed like a spreading forest fire from Levi’s skin onto his hand as he tried desperately to pick up the pieces.
Erwin hadn’t had a chance to leave his side since his collapse.
For nearly three days now, he’d only managed to go back and forth from the kitchen to bring food and drink, not that Levi was able to stomach much anyway. Even the tea was going cold on most occasions. The only time Erwin had left the house was to mail the urgent letter to the doctor in the next town over. Nearly a three hour ride on horseback.
With the storm still raging days later, he wasn’t even sure if the mailman had even managed to deliver the letter at all. It was… defeating to say the least. Especially whenever he caught a glimpse of Levi’s cloudy, glazed over eyes.
What were usually a steadfast smokey blue were now a dull and lifeless gray that Erwin found hauntingly unrecognizable as he stared back at them, caressing his thumb softly near the bandage on Levi’s forehead.
“No, no… No doctors… Erwin—” A cough sputtered from Levi’s dry lips as the desperation inside grew fearsome. He latched onto Erwin’s shirt, roughly tugging his sleeve to keep him by his side, as he had many times before. “Don’t—”
Erwin tried his best to disregard his husband’s protests, taking up the glass of water he’d retrieved for him earlier, along with the basin of cool water and towel for Levi’s fever. Not that a cooling rag was doing much anymore. It grew hot within mere minutes of being placed on Levi’s forehead.
Useless, as Erwin felt.
With a steady and firm hand on Levi’s back, Erwin raised him to sit up a bit. His husband winced from the aches shooting through him, mumbling aimlessly about the pain. It seemed that every slight contact against Levi’s skin was like torture.
“Just try to drink a couple of sips for me, alright love?” Erwin offered the glass to Levi’s cracked lips and waited patiently for him to swallow. As he tipped the water up to his mouth, Levi did manage a few sips before squirming away from the glass in another bout of coughs. Erwin held him as the coughs tore through his lungs so recklessly.
“You did good, Levi.” Erwin felt his brows pressing together as he brushed back a few loose damp hairs from Levi’s forehead. “You did good.”
“Erwin…” Levi seemed to emerge from his coughing fit with even more confusion than previously. “Erwin, s’cold… but also not… not cold. Erwin, you…”
“What? What do you need, Levi? What can I do?”
He shook his head shakingly and turned with a grimace. “Something’s… something’s not… right… I think… I think I’m sick…”
“You are sick, my love.” Erwin felt like bursting into tears, desolation had taken hold of his heart as he heard his husband’s faint raspy whispers. The days of his illness had dragged on. His coherent mind slipped further and further away with each pressing hour of the fever’s deadly grip. “But it’ll be okay. You’ll have medicine soon, I promise. You’ll be alright, Levi.”
He was trying to assure himself more than Levi at this point. There was little way Levi could even understand him now.
Erwin flipped over the cool towel as Levi’s fever burned through it again. This isn’t working. Nothing is working anymore. There had to be something else he could do, if he had better supplies, if they didn’t live so far away from civilization… maybe he could try to ride into town… but Levi would be left here for… hours. Alone and… afraid.
Erwin couldn’t leave him like that. Especially when he hardly knew where he was anymore.
Maybe… a sponge bath? Something to cool off this fever. Erwin brushed the quickly warming towel from Levi’s forehead to his cheeks and down his thin neckline. Even the slight touch of the fabric against his tinder skin made Levi shivered and recoil with a tightly wound wince in between his brows. Erwin would hate to move him to the bath with the pain that every small movement seemed to do to him. He’d need a bit more water for the sponge bath, as the basin’s supply was running low.
Erwin stood, dipping the towel one more time before quickly replacing it on Levi’s brow. His husband winced and blinked heavily. Levi’s red rimmed eyes locked to his suddenly, like an infallible magnet. There was an alarming flash of alertness to them.
Then… despair.
Levi looked sad… Like a broken man… with the eyes of a haunted child.
Maybe he was back there, in his mind at least. Transported, just for a fleeting moment, to the days of his childhood. He had called for his mother several times during the last few nights of pyrexia. Would he utter her name again? Confused as to where she was, or positive that Erwin was she.
Erwin was sure that his heart would crack in two if Levi forgot yet again who he was. He couldn’t take it anymore. It was tearing him apart.
But as quickly as the look had appeared, it was gone. Levi’s expression went slack once more as restless sleep took hold of him and his head fell limply to one side.
Erwin exhaled, discovering the breath that he’d unconsciously held in his lungs as he’d stared into his husband’s desperate eyes. Attempting to recover his composure, for the both of them, Erwin gathered the basin in his hands and retreated down the stairs. Each step against the oak staircase carried creaks aloud that made him wince in sympathy. He hoped for Levi’s rest to remain at least somewhat undisturbed, but he knew this to be unlikely. Despite his time spent in bed for days now, Levi had hardly slept a wink. His time had been spent tossing and turning, unable to find any form of comfort in the peak of his remorseless illness.
Of course, Erwin had not slept much at all either, only managing a few hours in that chair by the bedside. As he crossed the hearth, into the small kitchen, he ran his fingers across the base of his neck, feeling the rough formation of stubble. If Levi were well he’d be absolutely aggravated by the sight of it, insisting on Erwin shaving immediately, lest he do it himself.
Erwin placed the kettle on the old stove in the corner of the kitchen, the fire lit up slowly and began warming the water inside. He placed his hands against the wooden counters and took a deep breath in, finding little comfort in releasing it into the air again.
He imagined the cool sensation of shaving cream being smeared with care against his cheeks and upper lip and the feeling of a blade against his face, but never breaking skin. Levi worked with care, in that way. Quiet, careful, and calculated. Although he’d surely complain about the stumble throughout, Levi had always seemed to enjoy that intimate moment shared between the two. A quiet and loving act of service.
Would they share moments like that again?
Erwin had a difficult time discerning if he was practicing denial in immediately shutting that thought away. Levi was not getting better. In fact, tonight it seemed as though the fever was only climbing higher by the minute, incessant in it’s pace. If Levi were any other man, he’d probably be dead already.
In their time as young soldiers, Erwin had often foolishly assumed Levi was unkillable. The things they’d seen in their fight against the titans had solidified his resilience to any force trying to steal his life. Now, years after their service had ended, it was illness that had quite literally taken his breath from him and left him clinging to his life.
The kettle began to steam, a sharp hissing shot out from the spout in response. Erwin shut off the stove quickly, pressing two fingers to the bridge of his nose as he willed away his sleepiness and poured out two cups of tea in their signature mugs. The twin mugs were rimmed with a faint umber color from being filled over and over again throughout the past few days. In the midst of pouring out a second cup, steam filling the cool air, a soft bout of raspy coughs interrupted his train of thought. Erwin nearly overfilled the mug as he twisted around and spotted Levi clinging to the railing of the staircase with a white knuckled grip.
Glazed-over eyes gazed back at him. Levi’s face, almost entirely hidden behind his palm, was pale as the snow that would soon blanket the forest floor.
“Levi.” In a single breath he’d uttered his name and crossed the room. Hands flew out to cradle his husband in his arms and hold him upright. “What are you doing out of bed?”
“I think I’m… I’m feeling a little better now.” Levi nodded into Erwin’s chest, with damp dark hair falling against Erwin’s thick wool cardigan. He was breathing heavily, letting Erwin take the majority of his weight, but his words sounded surprisingly coherent. More coherent than they had been in days. Is this some sort of repose from the delirium? “I needed… I needed some air.”
For a moment, Levi’s steel blue eyes lingered on the window behind Erwin, watching the rain beat down as he shivered in his husband’s grip.
“You want to go outside?” Erwin cupped his burning cheek, feeling trembles already coursing through his bones. He was sweating through his thin white nightshirt, the short trip down the stairs had obviously taken its toll. “Levi, it’s freezing out.”
Levi coughed into Erwin’s chest, struggling to squirm away and cough into his fist instead. “It’s too… stuffy in here. I can’t stop… coughing.”
“I’m not sure going outside will do you any more favors, darling.” Erwin stroked the back of Levi’s head, brushing through those tangled hairs with care. The skin beneath his silky hair was practically steaming over with the heat of his fever.
“Just for a few minutes… Please…”
Pleading didn’t suit Levi. There was something in his look as he lifted his head up that was alien to Erwin. Something in his eyes that he’d never seen there before and couldn’t even attempt to place a name to.
But maybe the cool, rainy air would do something good for his lungs. At this point Erwin was practically as desperate as Levi looked.
“Alright. We can sit outside. But only for a few minutes.” Erwin didn’t miss the sigh of relief Levi exhaled before coughing once more. “We’ll need to bundle you up first or you’ll catch a chill.”
“I’m already… chilled.”
“You know what I mean.” A weak smirk found its way to Erwin cheeks, as he brushed back Levi’s messy hair once more. His husband was standing, walking again, it felt like a small victory, even if it had been short lived. Erwin cupped his arms below Levi’s legs and lifted him into his chest. The movement seemed to trigger another coughing fit, causing Erwin’s fragile smile to break immediately.
With Levi against his chest now, as he carried him to the hearth, Erwin could hear the sounds of his breath in his lungs. It was as if the air itself was dragging like a hot knife against his frail lungs with each dry and raspy coughing bout. The sound alone was nearly unbearable to perceive.
As they approached the hearth, Levi’s shivering seemed to subside, at least to a lesser degree. He went quiet as Erwin wrapped him up, layering him not only in his own thick wool shawl but the winter coat he’d been sewing as well. Draped over their fireplace was a warming green scarf, Erwin’s originally, but he wrapped the oversized garment around Levi’s neck. Tucking the soft fabric up to Levi’s flushed red cheeks, he unconsciously brushed Levi’s unruly hair behind his ear. It was silky even in it’s hectic form, smooth and soothing to Erwin’s touch.
Levi gave no complaints to the overdressing and motherhening, but Erwin could feel his eyes on him. Just watching in silence.
Erwin wanted him to make a dry comment about it like he usually would. He wanted Levi to tell him he was fussing. His silence was worse than any lies he might make about the reality of his well being.
With Levi fully dressed for freezing weather and then some, Erwin took him up again in his arms and held him tightly as they exited through the front door to the wrap-around porch. The lingering scent of rain and damp grassy plains drifted in the icy air. Unconsciously, Erwin held Levi tighter to him as thunder bellowed through the dark oak trees surrounding their small remote cottage. He lowered them both into their swinging bench, his arms still wrapped with care around his ailing husband. They both looked on, into the rain pouring down in droves over the quiet woodland.
These woods… this cabin… it was their little slice of forever. A place for them to finally live the years they’d always promised to each other.
And they had.
They had broken away from everything and retreated to the hillside where they’d never be found. A place they were free to love one another for years of sweet, treasured peace.
They had raised their own garden of all the fruits and vegetables they could desire, as well as pigs, chickens and one unruly dairy cow. Over the years, they’d shared birthdays, holidays, and beautiful quiet moments to their fullest extent. It was a peace that neither of them truly felt that they deserved.
“Erwin.” Levi suddenly croaked, clearing his throat with a raspy cough.
“Yes, my love?”
“Earlier… I felt like I… c-came out of a long dream… I felt…” Levi was cut off by a sharp crackling cough once more, wincing briefly at the intensity of it. “Like I was finally back… in my body...”
Erwin felt the cold winds of rainfall pick up, taking Levi’s hair up into the air with it. He stared down at him, seeing only coherent clarity in his icy blue eyes.
“I was in bed and… and I saw you...”
Levi huffed a short chuckle, but it didn’t reassemble happiness at all.
“After all those years of… fighting. Slaying beasts… struggling just to stay alive for another damnable day… I just never thought I’d die in a b-bed.”
Erwin felt his breath leave his lungs with a sharp wrench.
“You’re not going to die, Levi.” He said it as if he had control over the man’s very heartbeat, willing it to beat on until he’d be prepared for it to fade. As if he could have that sort of power over fate itself.
Levi ignored him, cleared his raspy throat and continued.
“One of my first memories… was of my mother… Or… I guess s-she was more of a corpse by then… but…” He turned away, another sputtering cough tearing through him as he shuttered from the pain it caused. He was shaking harshly in Erwin’s hands now. “I remember staring at the bed… where her body laid… I felt s-so cold… And small…”
“I don’t…” A breath sucked tightly into Levi’s damaged lungs. “I can’t leave you like that… To stare at me in that bed...”
“You’re not going to leave me at all, Levi. So stop talking like that right now.”
“It’s okay, Erwin.” In all truthfulness he was not afraid, not for himself at least. Levi had woken up every day of his life with the knowledge that he might die, he’d been ready for decades now. It was leaving Erwin that was the most terrifying piece of all of this. “It’ll be okay.”
“You’re not making any sense.” Erwin felt nearly every emotion possible bubbling up inside. For once in his life, he couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe… not without Levi by his side. “You’re just delirious, Levi. You’re not dying. You won’t die. You won’t.”
“I’m not delirious, Erwin.” Levi’s words broke off suddenly, a harsh cough tearing through him and quaking his whole body in fierce waves of breathless rasps. His thin, pale hands trembled to his mouth, covering his lips as the coughs continued to wracked his entire weak form.
“We need to get you inside. This was a foolish idea. I don’t know why I agreed to it in the first place. You’re just getting worse out here and I—”
“Erwin.”
Levi's voice was calm.
Quiet, but as calm as when he used to stare down monstrous beasts. A stillness in the wake of horrors.
Like the unbeatable and irresistible pull of gravity itself, Erwin’s eyes were drawn to his husband’s form once more.
There was blood on Levi’s lips. 
Blood on the hands that lingered in shaky trembles over his mouth.
Red, red, red, red.
Erwin felt the color rush from his face as he stared helplessly at the splatter of crimson against his husband’s cracked and dry lips.
No… This isn’t…
Blood on those soft lips he’d kissed so tenderly time and time again. Blood dripping down his chin and onto Erwin’s thick green scarf.
Desolation.
The greatest and deepest despair he’d ever felt in his tragic life spread over Erwin’s entire body. Heart wrenching agony was all he could feel as his eyes trailed the blood dripping slow across pale skin. Levi’s skin.
He’s… going to leave me…
Erwin felt his mind slipping away. His very sanity, lost to him as he quickly tugged Levi into his chest, holding him as if his grasp could stop his lover from disappearing from this world.
“Shh… It’s okay, Er…win. D-Don’t cry…”
He had not realized he was crying. When was the last time he’d cried?
“It’s… okay…”
Levi wouldn’t stop repeating the words. A mantra to pull Erwin from the brink of madness.
For after all of these years, it was only Levi that could do so.
Even with blood on his lips, Levi was comforting him.
“It’s not, it’s not, it’s not…” Tears were flooding his cheeks, he was sure he’d never cried harder in all of his life. It wouldn’t stop. The pain in his heart would not cease. “Please hold on a little longer… I’m begging you… Not you…”
“You’ll… b-be okay…” Levi rasped, his breaths getting impossibly shallow. It was obvious that even hardly murmuring into Erwin’s cardigan was the extent of his strength at the moment. “Have… Y’have… t-to… p-promise… me…”
“I can’t--” Erwin sobbed, feeling Levi’s head falling heavier against his chest through the trembling. “Please, don’t Levi… Not like this… Please, just--”
Over the horrid pounding of his own heart, even over the pouring rain, a sound rang out in contrast to it all. Erwin recognized immediately the familiar sound of hooves crunching against leaves and rocks.
Levi let out a weak rasp in response, his head lulling against Erwin’s body. His breathing was so labored now, his breaths running low. In a desperate attempt to ground himself, Erwin pressed a cool two fingers to Levi’s burning hot neck, feeling for a pulse. Erwin’s eyes lit up, cherishing that slow and uncertain beating against his skin. He’s still here. He hasn’t left me yet. Levi’s heart was beating in tune with the hooves against leaves.
Still as he was, with lips red with caking blood, Levi was still alive.
And there were horses coming through the treeline to meet them.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
“On a expedition gone horribly awry, Erwin and Levi find themselves stranded in the forest with no other option than to put their faith in each other despite their vast differences.
Under the same stars, they discover a new kind of consolation in one another that neither has known before.”
