To leave this place was to concede that he was lost to her forever. Six days ago Eilan’s lover fell into a rift in the sky and never came back.
She was told it had happened fast. A battle at a fort. A dragon. A collapsed wall. He, along with five others, fell into a portal to the fade. And that was it. That was all they knew. At first his advisers had kept the faith with her. He lived, they told each other, he must live. His advisers, leaders of this upstart Andrastian army, believed the Inquisitor must live because of divine providence. He was the Herald of Andraste, an avatar of their prophet’s will incarnate, and thus he could not die. To Eilan, he was Lex, her fate. If he died, what did that mean for her? There was no life without him, and yet she lived and so must he.
The advisers’ faith waned with each passing day. Eilan told herself that hers did not. Though it had become brittle, that much she could admit.
She sat at the edge of a wide, high-pitched tent. Her attention flitted between the portal that had taken Lex, still visible in the distance near the fort, and the soldiers who packed up the Inquisition’s military outpost. They had begun at dawn despite the deluge of rain. It had been raining for days, a portent the army’s mages misinterpreted as a sign of calamity. Eilan knew better. The rain was fat and heavy, like the rain of spring. To her it symbolized hope. The army’s mages had dismissed her interpretation as either the grief-desperate yearnings of a girl, or Dalish hogwash.
The soldiers slipped in the mud. Crates slid out of reach. Horses were stubborn. The men and women of the Inquisition had won the battle that swallowed their Inquisitor — her Lex, gods, he was so beautiful, so bright. Is, she reminded herself, he still is. But yes, the army had won at a cost too high. One in three soldiers had died. Those who survived would live forever with haunting wounds. But two in three survived. The odds were good, perhaps even applicable to those who fell in portals. She stared at it, unblinking, willing Lex’s return.
“Eilan.” Commander Cullen spoke her name with compassion as he stepped into her field of view. She looked past his shoulder. Yesterday he had told her to pack up the contents of the Inquisitor’s tent. She had not.
“The Inquisition must move on. We are all heart-broken by the loss of the Inquisitor, though I do not pretend any of us can begin to understand your grief.” His eyes were red and inflamed, evidence that he spoke true about his feelings on the matter. He was also correct that none could understand hers.
Something dark fell from the mouth of the portal. Then four more dark things. Eilan got up and pushed past Cullen, darting out into the cold rain. The mud was slick beneath her feet. She scrambled towards the fort.
“Eilan!” Cullen called after her.
“He’s here,” she cried back. Saying it aloud made her heart thump in her ears. She felt light-headed, reality slipped. Near the rift, lights flashed, a battle. Was it him and the others fighting through the demons that lurked near every rift? It had to be.
As she reached the entrance to the fort, Lex. He stepped out into the muddy field, already soaked through. A flash of recognition, then blubbering, sobbing cries, his and hers. They ran to each other. Her cheek slid against his. His hand gripped her back, his fingers dug in. She trembled, so did he. He smelled of sulfur and something astringent. She whimpered as she touched his face, saw him in blurry glimpses. A smear of blood on his forehead. Patches of soot on his skin. His armor broken at the shoulder. One arm held against his ribs in pain.
They kissed desperately between sobs, lips blue and teeth chattering. The water on her face was cold and hot in peels, a mix of rain and tears. She sobbed his name. Oh gods. He said he’s here, he’s here, it’s okay. His hand cradled her head against him. It shook and shook. They kissed again and again, could not stop crying, mewling and fumbling for each other, those poor and keening souls.