#lifcguard

[oeuvrage]

📸 !!!

@lifcguard    SENT    📸    TO    SEE    PHOTOS    RYAN    HAS    TAKEN    OF    HEATHER

[oeuvrage]

I have to admit there's a small part of me that's terrified you'll wake up one day and realize you don't need me anymore... that you'll leave.

his  face  shifts  through  a  WHEEL  of  emotions—confusion  scrunching  his  brows,  surprise  widening  his  eyes,  and  finally,  a  deep  frown.  it  sounded  ridiculous—at  least,  that's  what  he  told  himself.  if  he  were  honest,  it  was  almost  harrowing  to  process  the  information.  things  had  always  been  simple  between  them:  a  shared  honesty  that  pushed  all  of  ryan's  buttons  like  a  kid  who  had  just  wiped  their  hand  across  an  elevator  menu.  heather  was  ALWAYS  impossible,  always  too  hard  to  reach,  like  trying  to  lift  your  arm  through  the  water.  it  was  always  pushback  with  her,  like  he  had  just  pulled  on  her  last  nerve.  whatever,  he  didn't  care.  it's  not  like  he  gave  a  shit,  more  than  happy  to  stand  on  the  sidelines  and  watch  her  just  absolutely  bitch  someone  out.  better  them  THAN  HIM.

still,  he  didn't  expect  this:  a  level  of  honesty  he  hadn't  braced  himself  for  from  her.  in  some  ways,  heather  holloway  was  less  HUMAN  than  the  rest.  bitchy  and  constant,  a  fiery  presence  that  was  almost  like  standing  too  close  to  a  bonfire:  too  much  but  not  enough.  but  here  she  was,  being  weird  and  teary  and  making  ryan's  chest  ACHE  like  he'd  held  his  breath  too  long  underwater.  his  back  slides  against  the  wall  as  he  plops  down  next  to  her,  knees  curled  into  his  chest.  ❛❛  hey,  i'm  sorry,  OKAY?  i  didn't  mean  to  hurt  your  feelings  or  anything.  i  know  i  can  kind  of  be  a  lot.  ❜❜  understatement  of  the  fucking  year,  if  you  asked  him.  he  bumps  shoulders  with  her,  a  gentle,  clumsy  effort  at  comfort.  ❛❛  i'm  always  gonna  need  you.  no  one  drives  me  BATSHIT  crazy  like  you  do.  ❜❜

[sleuthscreams]

▪ ♪ ♩ ♫ ♬ @lifcguard sent: what if i'm broken?

“So what if you are?” A shocking amount of gentleness resonates in his voice when he speaks, a stark contrast to the humorous tone that normally dominates his conversations. Heather was talking about something heavy enough that he doesn't think he can joke it away if he tried, and he can't find a way to direct the topic to anything more lightweight. So he drops the flirtatious, comedic outer layer that people usually come to him for.

“Don't you know we're all fragile, busted up pieces of glass who spend absurd amounts of time trying to surround ourselves with other pieces that seem to fit? Like we're trying to put together a broken mirror. We're all damaged goods somehow, Heather.” Nobody could survive unchipped, uncracked, or without earning jagged edges. No such bubble wrap exists to defend you in this world. “I just don't think the damage has to define you.”

[hawkinsingenue]

@lifcguard mused from the headcanon meme:

🎶 What song instantly makes them emotional & why?

Ooooof, Ally and her musical choices could be its own headcanon, tbh, but like...I think I've mentioned a few times that while she has very diverse taste, she is a Bee Gees fan at her core, so while I think someone asked this at one point when I first rebooted this blog and I might have said a Bonnie Tyler song...I've flushed her out so much at this point that I have to say it's a Bee Gees song. She has a huge crush on Barry Gibb (and a poster of him) in her room, and he is why she named her red mustang convertible 'Barry'. So, when it comes to emotional songs I have to dig into them for her because she is so attached to them and to their take on Beatles songs too because she's obsessed with 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band', and she absolutely has a bunch of Beatles and Bee Gees records. So, I think I really have to shout out 'Run to Me' and 'How Deep Is Your Love' for this for her for a lot of reasons. The first because it's the kind of love she's always wanted to have, you know? Someone willing to listen to her and accept her and take care of her because she doesn't always want to carry her burdens on her own. The second in the same vein, and I think it's one of the Bee Gees songs that she can't help but belt? Her car might be a place when she plays a lot of Queen, but when she's at home, she can be in her feels/feels, and I think if she plays you Bee Gees, you're a lucky person.

❤️ Who is the one person they’d drop everything for, no questions asked?

Max for sure. I want to say Nancy, and I think that Nancy is a really close second, and I only say that because I think that if she was under duress and had to pick between helping the two of them, Max would always win. Max and Ally are trauma bonded a little bit, but also Max is the little sister that Ally never got to have but always thought she'd have. She also is the only one that understands that Ally loved Billy because she's the only one other than El, that really saw the other sides he had. That knew about the abuse and could love the parts of him that no one else ever saw. More than that, Max and Ally are two dramatic, sarcastic, adorable young women who care so very much about the people around them and will dive headfirst into things even if diving into said thing will hurt them. They get along and they understand each other--even the terrible parts--and with the Max's I've gotten to interact with it's been so natural for them to protect each other in ways they aren't used to. They would do absolutely anything for each other, and while Ally would also do anything for Nancy, I do feel like she and Nancy have a mutual understanding that they can take care of each other and everyone else and while they take care of each other, I just feel like the dynamic is slightly different. All that said, I have to throw a shoutout to @hawklines, because Dottie is Ally's platonic soul mate in so many of my verses and there is literally not a thing in the world that Ally wouldn't do for Dottie. That's her person. Her 'sister from another mister', and her soul mate in so many ways. If you mess with Dottie, Ally's burying you in the woods--trust us, Dottie is getting a shirt.

[hawkinsingenue]

@lifcguard & @candidated mused from the headcanon meme:

🧸 Do they still have a childhood comfort object? Where is it now?

Yes! When Diane was pregnant with Ally, Oliver spent a lot of time getting a stuff dinosaur for their firstborn. He isn't into dinosaurs as much as Ally ended up being, but he was enough that he called her 'Allysaurus' for a long time--still does occasionally. That stuffed dinosaur is her prized possession, and it does comfort her a lot when she needs it. She sleeps with it and keeps it on the pillows of her made bed during the day, so if you are lucky enough to see her bedroom, you will see it. I do headcanon that it looks a bit like this:

[hawkinsown]

☈ @lifcguard liked for a starter !

❛ y'know – it's not exactly easy being me. contrary to popular opinion. ❜

[n6wheres]

❝ if you fall asleep, i’m drawing on your face. ❞

she  sticks  to  him.  like  a  SPLINTER.  no  matter  how  much  he  digs—dig,  dig,  dig—nails  scraping  raw  at  the  soft  skin  of  memory,  with  hopes  to  excavate  her  from  his  mind  once  and  for  all,  she  remains.  EMBEDDED.

he  wants  to  hate  her  guts.  and  her  disgustingly  pretty  face.  he  wants  to  claw  the  smell  of  her  perfume  from  his  nostrils,  erase  the  image  of  her  smile—that  sharp,  knowing  little  grin  she’d  wear  whenever  she  said  something  brilliant  just  to  watch  his  brain  jog  to  keep  up.  those  intense  eyes  that  ALWAYS  seemed  to  see  right  through  him,  judgemental  most  of  the  time,  but  always  holding  his  gaze.  daring  him  to  say  something  about  it.  she  was  just  born  with  it,  like  her  smile.  all  pearled  teeth,  delicate  jaw,  lips  he  had  been  fascinated  by  since  they  had  split  a  blunt  between  them  in  the  back  of  his  van.  Y'KNOW,  because  it'd  be  rude  to  smoke  in  the  house  with  her  parents  out  of  town.  no  big,  he  rolled  the  windows  down  before  they  got  bored  and  decided  to  head  inside  to  watch  a  movie.

the  glow  of  the  television  screen  washes  over  the  living  room,  blue  and  silver  streaks  flickering  across  the  couch.  on-screen,  a  movie  playing  on  HALF-WATCHED,  something  thrown  on  in  the  compromise  of  finding  something  they  could  both  agree  on,  though  neither  was  actually  paying  attention.  ryan,  always  able  to  make  himself  at  home  in  any  space  afforded  to  him,  had  spread  out  on  the  sectional's  chaise  like  he  owned  the  joint.  a  lazy,  long-limbed  SPRAWL  that  took  up  twice  as  much  room  as  he  actually  needed. 

❛❛  your  desperation  is  showing,  holloway,  ❜❜  he  mumbles, a  slow,  lazy  smirk  tugged  at  the  corner  of  his  mouth,  head  tilting  back  against  the  cushions  as  he  exhaled  a  quiet  laugh.  he  fights  back  a  yawn,  EXHAUSTION  pulling  at  his  eyelids,  though  he  refuses  to  give  her  the  satisfaction  of  seeing  him  crash.  ❛❛  i'd  like  to  see  you  try,  though.  ❜❜

he  sinks  into  the  comfort  of  his  hoodie,  lifting  his  arms  in  slow,  mock-surrender,  fingers  interlacing  behind  his  head  to  cradle  the  back  of  his  neck.  ❛❛  hey,  say  the  word  and  I'LL  LEAVE.  that'd  make  your  evening,  wouldn't  it?  ❜❜