I'm feeling a lot right now. I'm used to feeling a lot. Most of the time it's a lot of one or two emotions, negative or positive.
These days it's a mixture of sadness, anxiety, depression, joy, hope, relief.
There is still a lot to celebrate, both personally and in the world. Some countries are having major accomplishments, my self and some friends are too. I've been fortunate no one close to me has gotten really sick or died. I'm fortunate I was able to get unemployment I'm relieved, with these two facts firmly sitting in my mind I'm glad I have more mental space to try and develop my tours, lectures, and skills while I'm not able to be mobile. I have friends who are bringing or have brought new life into the world in the form of children, food, plants, and art. I'm trying my best to try and do something every day instead of moping about how much I miss my job and how mad I am that my busiest year got ripped away from me by a tiny virus. I've deepened some relationships and I've seen others adapt well to the changing times.
But I'm so tired of seeing cops kill innocent people. I'm tired of hearing people fight against science. I'm tired of people strapping guns to their bodies and threaten public safety just because they don't get their way. I'm tired of seeing employees get spit on, sneezed or coughed on, or beaten for asking people to follow the rules of reopening.
I'm tired of hate winning.
It's hard to be hopeful when, even though I personally had a really nice day, there are people just a couple states away literally burning things to the ground in justified rage.
There's not much I can do to change things. I try to be cheerful. I try to look on the bright side. But there are some things you can't ignore and they keep you up at night. Idk where I'm going with this, I guess just trying to get it out of my brain. But if you also are feeling a cornucopia of emotions, know you're not alone.
