I thought I knew what love was, I’ve written about heartbreak often, having been on both the giving and receiving end of it, I thought I was an expert, but heartbreak as it turns out is a lot more nuanced than I could have imagined, the first time around I knew I broke someone’s heart I was young and dumb and I just truly had no idea what I was doing, however the second time what I didn’t know is that I broke my own heart in the process too, because heartbreak demands grief, it requires it in order to heal, and I thought I had outsmarted my own heart, logically explaining away pain that needed to be felt, now I’ve been down this road many times but I wonder if all of it was for nothing, because I’ve left pieces of me imprinted in others DNA, so it feels as if parts of me that I wish I could take back are roaming the earth aimlessly, and I as a result feel incomplete, I tried falling in love again but it didn’t work, I was too broken and not able to see it, then I learned that hurt people hurt people, further down the road I learned that karma is a debt that must be paid, and when I tried to outsmart that, as if by a cosmic giggle karma showed me that the pound of flesh must be paid in full, I just didn’t think it would be that I’d meet the love of my life in you, but I’d have to live the rest of my life with the knowledge of your existence, knowing you are out there close enough for me to see you, and just far enough for me to never have access to you, my debt is paid in full, you will never know how my heart aches for you and the future life we never got to live, the real pain lies in knowing that you were the love of my life but to you I was just some guy that just couldn’t see your worth, I’ve written about this many times, but as always these words will never reach you, I know karma will make sure of that.
