Submitted anonymously via Google Mail - November 7, 2016
You were in Information Technology because you believed that technology is something constant in this ever changing world. The freezing cold lingers through as you attempt to type the codes needed for the program to work. You once turned the air conditioner off, only to be told by the technician to turn it back on. It has been long known in your college that it had to be that cold in the net lab to make sure that those network switches don’t overheat. No one was really sure why it had to be that cold that it could make ice cubes in there. Maybe, you should start asking why.
You were in the University of Santo Tomas because it has always been your dream school. You can still recall how much of in awe you were when you took the USTET almost three years ago. You were astonished by the beauty of the campus. Your elder sister was patting your shoulder and claiming that you were going to be a Thomasian just like her. The university has been your dream school ever since but you’re not really sure of the reason why you chose UST. Maybe, you should ask yourself why.
You loved being alone, you lived for tranquil moments. Your earphones were always in, playing The Paper Kites’ “Too Late”. Shutting off the world seems to be the best thing to do in this chaotic universe. It has never been about other people not choosing to be with you, it was your choice, always been, always will be. You don’t know why the only company you can take is yourself. Maybe, you start asking yourself why. You were contented with what life had to offer, not making a fuss of what has been given to you. Well, that was until you met Lia on the first day of your junior year. She was one of your classmates in a minor subject you had to take in the Faculty of Arts and Letters. She smiled brightly and you sometimes smiled back. She would pass as student council president, you thought. She befriended everyone, including you. But you didn’t ask why.
You didn’t start asking questions until she came into your life. In that moment, you knew that it was going to be one heck of a ride with her. You would walk her to her dorm after her classes. You would watch her digest a hundred cases. You have seen her cry her eyes out after a bad recitation. You have witnessed her intense love for Starbucks that she has to go there thrice a day. You noticed how she likes to call you “Enzo” when everyone else calls you by your surname. You also note the way she looks at you when you speak, her small eyes staring at you as if you were a god. You’ve seen these little things but you didn’t know why she did these because you never asked why.
Her smile would welcome you on your 2:00pm-3:00pm class every MWF. She would slip notes on your desk, asking how was your day going. You would catch her absent mindedly looking at you in class that you would reciprocate with an awkward laugh. After class, she would drag her Longchamp as you exit St. Raymund’s building together. She would hum a random song as you walk to Dapitan and you would just look at her in amazement on how God has given you such a wonderful human being. You should have asked God why.
You’ve learned how to ask. You’ve asked her what was going on between the both of you. All she ever said was that she was so blessed to have you in her life, a friend that has always looked after her. You smiled at her as she said those heartbreaking words, accepting the fact that you were not meant to be together. Your dream, your future, your everything, gone in a second. She eventually left you at Lovers Lane and you didn’t ask why.
Lia was still Lia. She was still that bubbly girl in class that was everyone’s friend. Someone else would probably walk her to her dorm. She still digests a hundred cases, cries over bad recitations, drinks over-priced coffee thrice a day and calls you “Enzo.”
But you, who are you? You no longer like the feeling of being alone. You long for her company, her hugs and all the stories she tells you. Now, it wasn’t your choice to be alone.There’s a ghost of her in everything you do. You’d hear a song and hear her sweet voice with it. Now, you start asking why you never asked why?
You had been living with the answers this entire time. It only took a girl to make you realize the answers to the questions you never asked. Maybe that is why she left you, she was no angel sent to make your life less miserable. She’s just a girl who passed by who would have stayed if you only asked why.
