#liztopia8908

[liztopia8908-blog]

Hey girl!! If you ever need to talk I'll always be here. I think the way zewy treated you was wrong and no one should take some ones PREVIOUS actions so personally. He kept twisting it, until he didn't care about you at all. Personally, I don't think you need to apologize to him. HE needs to forgive YOU. No one should be treated like that. I'll always be here if you need to talk.

Lilarbia, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

You have no idea how much you're support and advice means to me. I've been pitted against for months. This is like a breath of fresh air. Personally, I'm done with all of this. But it's all just pent-up frustration and people are finding new ways to provoke me. 

But I'm trying to learn not to sweat it....I want to reopen my MEP Group but I need some help. 

But anyway, thanks for your kind words and support. 

HERE'S A HUG!

[liztopia8908-blog]

Seeing Things In A New Light.

It's been awhile, guys!

I've been away dealing with real life: school, friends, family, drama. I realized that the bullshit #Zewy and #BFLS had put on me PALES in comparison to the stuff I'm going through right now. I've really been through hell, real life and here.

I've taken time to heal myself from wounds of old scars and finding peace of a very ugly situation. There was a lot of anger, betrayal, lies and bitterness at both of ends. 

I want to take the time to address the situation in a truthful manner. To those who chose to read, please take into consideration of the feelings involved. Do not see this in a one-sided view. Though, I know maybe some of u might:

I was angry at the fact that Zewy went behind my back and scrapped my idea, without telling me. He didn't tell me what the other administrators said, he didn't tell me weather or not should I pursue it further...he just threw me under the bus. And it may seem like a frivolous thing right now (it is to me) But at that time, I was having relationship issues, coping with depression and trying to find somewhere or someplace to belong or to feel important. At that time, BFLS made me feel that way....but I couldn't even do anything because I had computer trouble and stuff. When I came back from hiatus...it was like I was a stranger.

I was more angry at Zewy because he betrayed me. He was my friend and it felt like a betrayal. And when I tried to voice my side of things, he cut me off again..saying I was crazy, he didn't trust me and "as long as I'm an administrator, rebelqueen is not coming back." I don't know where you're from but in America, FRIENDS DON'T TREAT FRIENDS LIKE CRAP.  So, I sent those hate mails and cussed him out. I took everything out on him and BFLS because none of them understood the pain I was in. They only took Zewy and Aveo's side. And it fucking pissed me off.

The hate video was uncalled for. I was in that place again....I just couldn't stand the fact that Zewy was acting nice and sweet like nothing happened and I felt miserable. It was almost manipulative. I just wanted, at the time, BFLS to suffer like I did. It sounds vindictive I know....and I regret it. I think that was the thing that burned any bridge for me in making amends to my friends.

When I tried to relaunch my MEP group, recruiting members was like pulling teeth. I know that MEP vidders would have each other backs...and I felt alone. I knew I burned a lot of bridges with my behavior and I had to start new. But I felt like it shouldn't be that hard..not everyone was in BFLS. And even if they were, they really didn't care about YT battles. I thought Zewy and Aveo were spreading vicious slander on me. So, I asked Zewy about it and if he was, to stop.

He denied it and claimed that he was helping me to get members. Normally, I would believe him but...I'm not a trusting person. I've been walked on, manipulated, and hurt too many times to know when someone is pulling a fast one on me. So that's what happened the second time Zewy and I argued. He kept saying that I was lying, forced me to apologize and accused me of slander  and having a crush on him. I just ignored him and stopped talking to him.

This recent fight.....well...I'll admit it was mostly my fault. I was trying to get JLPSE, my MEP group, up and running but it was some technical and inevitable obstacles I overlooked. That forced me to dissolve it. I was very depressed about it and blamed BFLS and Zewy for it because they broke my spirit and I felt crushed and defeated. And Zewy still wouldn't admit to his mistakes. It just pissed me off. Then one of the members, #Mori, accused me for putting the word "ASSHOLES" on the BFLS YT Channel feed. Truthfully, I didn't know about it until she told me. So, I was pissed when she accused me while saying she didn't want to be in my group. 

*Sighs* I didn't want to have anything to do with people who kept acting shady and talking bullshit. They kept accusing me for spamming their tumblr page, putting hate messages, accusing them. I had nothing to do with that!  I was busy with school and my own life. Then, I found out that Mori posted our private conversation, my confessional video and everything I said and did on her page. I asked her can we please call a truce and not to post anything about me. She told me it's her blog she can do what she want. As much as it pains me to say this: she's right. I can't control the feelings of others. They hate me, they hate me. They want to forgive me...so be it. I can't do anything about it. As long as I forgive myself. So, instead of spreading more hate, I did what I do best: Write. 

I created a animated mini-series "Battlefield Chronicles" I didn't want to offend anyone. This was to tell the story of my redemption from this situation through my eyes. And, shockingly enough, many BFLS members find it offensive. I don't care. Not anymore. Zewy calls it "cyberbullying." I'm not insulting him so I've done nothing wrong.

Zewy tried to "apologize" to me recently about two or three months ago. I knew he meant well, trying to make this go away. But, I don't see the genuineness in it anymore. He's just doing it so I would shut up about it. When he did it, it was a half-insult. I told him: Can you please take the moment and consider what I had to go through? The pain I was in? I understand I hurt you, but you hurt me as well." He made a public post on August 10, saying this:

You know whatliztopia8908 ? Keep acting like you do. I really couldn’t careless.

Personally for me, that was very immature. But I don't really care anymore. Here's my take, if he means acting like I've moved on and taking this situation in stride than okay....I'll act like that. 

Just know...I've moved on. I'm seeing things in a whole new light and perspective. Things don't get to me anymore. I'm finally at peace with what I've done and I will continue to pursue my creative career. To the people that stuck with me and are still sticking by me: Thank you so much! 

Here's my message to #bflsmepgroup: I'm sorry for what I've done to you but it's in the past. I've taken responsibility. So it doesn't give you any excuse to spam your own tumblr page pretending to be me. If any of u, newbie or otherwise want to bring out the worse in me and start something, it won't work.

To #fatgirlandrobin: I don't care personally if you blog about me. Hell, you can blog about this: I give you permission. But my only request is this: you give me the proper respect. You can, rant, bitch, call me a barbie-lover. But DO NOT  stoop so low as to twist my blogs into something it isn't.

To #oozewyoo: I forgive you. Mind you, it has taken me a long time to do so. But I realize that weather or not, you do take responsibility for your actions, I can't live my life staying pissed at you and every other person that has wronged me. I know that deep, down inside you are a genuinely wonderful person with a good heart. I still have that video you made me when I was going through my breakup. If there is any sincerity left in you, please do not see this as an insult. Rather, a letter of closure. 

I hope anyone reading this....finds it in their hearts to forgive me and give me another chance to become their friends again. If not, I will continue to be nice to them. Just please do not attack me anymore. 

Love. Peace. Joy. Laugh.

Queeny.

P.S. Battlefield Chronicles is still going to air.

[liztopia8908-blog]

Mending Bridges

Mending Bridges with past friends is tougher than I realized. People just can't get past the fact that I spit all this hate on BFLS! I said I was sorry, multiple times. The second time I was trying to defend myself and I was in a really dark, sad and low place. 

Sometimes, I wish someone was here to understand how hard this is for me. There are times when I want to give everyone the satisfaction and cuss them out, go back to my old ways and start another hate war. 

Then I realize...that's not me. There are people that still see my as "Queeny" They want me to get better. So, I'll do it for them. I'll keep mending those bridges. I'll tell my story, put whatever I want on my blog and if anyone has a problem with it, then screw 'em.

This goes to all the people who can't get past The Past. It took me A WHOLE LOT IN ME to get better. Everyone has gone through something. You probably have someone I.R.L. that u were friends with for a long time, that has probably did u wrong and  u gave them the cold shoulder, 3rd degree or whatever.

Yes, I let it go too far. Yes, I let my anger get the best of me. But now that I look back on it, it was between me and another person and everyone else got caught in the crossfire. I wish you guys forgave me, I wish we can go back to the way it was.

But we can't...the damage is done....

So, I'm won't even sweat it. If you see the genuineness and sincerity, then thank you. If not, fine okay. I ask you, politely to not reblog this and use it to spread hate and shit about me even though I probably deserve it. Let me cope with this my own way. If it means making mini-anime videos with ur likeness. Swell! At least, it's not with Barbies. 

If you're gonna reblog or reply to this, I ask you to be polite and dignified. 

Thank you.

Queeny.