A rant about Loki - Where Mischief Lies
Loki - Where Mischief Lies is probably one of my favorite Loki contents, the book portrays this young Loki and a bit of his life in Odin’s court, it dives deep in his magic and how he feels growing up as a sorcerer in a warrior’s society, it also shows his relationship with Amora, who in the story is Karnilla’s apprentice and heir to the throne of Nornheim, Karnilla is the Norn Queen and Odin’s royal sorceress.
I think I love the book so much because Mackenzie Lee (the author) is not afraid to explain to the readers what’s going on inside Loki’s head. Sometimes I feel like I'm reading some meta analysis of the character (and I mean that as a compliment!), she really understands Loki, what his motivations are and portrays him as this charming young boy who’s so insecure about who he is but is so eager to please his father, to prove himself worthy of the title of prince of Asgard, to impress Amora, to be a good sorcerer, to be a good soldier, a good son, he is just desperate for someone to see his value, even though he doesn’t see any value in himself.
The book is supposed to show us who Loki was before he became the villain of the Avengers, before he embraced his role as a antagonist and in my opinion it does a really good job on that, we see how reluctant he is to accept that in the beginning of the story, but by the end he is sadly ready to take the mantle of The Villain and to become the awful man everyone around him assumes him to be.
Right at the beginning of the story we see a boy who lives under the pressure of being a son of Odin and a prince of Asgard, Loki says at some point:
“He wished he could afford not to care, not to feel like everything he did right or wrong was ticked off in a corresponding column and kept on file for the day Odin would name either him or Thor as the heir to the Asgardian crown.”.
Now, that is a lot of pressure for someone to grow up under, and this bit is specially heartbreaking to me because we as an audience know that Odin has no intents to put Loki in the throne of Asgard, but the boy feels like he has the responsibility to prove himself worthy of the throne, he feels like he is failing his father and his people and he is also so immensely alone, he has no friends in court until Amora arrives and no one in Asgard has a good opinion on her. Loki is very clearly in love with her, I find so sweet the way he describes how he feels when around her, he’s like this teen awkwardly in love for the first time, he sees her as a model of perfection, he wants to be like her, she is everything he ever dreamed to be: confident, skilled with magic, strong, witty and funny.
There's a few moments where he talks about himself and we can see that the self loathing is strong, he despises all the things that make him him and would gladly throw it all away if it meant he could become Asgard’s “ideal prince”, wich by the way is Thor, that’s it, in Loki’s opinion (and apparently in Asgard’s opinion) Thor is the perfect prince, he is blonde, muscular, strong, and an excellent warrior, Loki even says:
“The gods could not have handcrafted a more obvious model of kingship than Thor”.
Loki praises him (not out loud of course) for his appearance and describes himself as
“the scraps of (Thor’s) silhouette, the part that was discarded on the workshop floor to be swept up and tossed into the fire—thin and pale, with a hooked nose and black hair that hung flat to the nape of his neck, where it flipped into an unflattering curl. While Thor’s skin bronzed in the sun so that he seemed made of armor, Loki was pale as milk, and soured just as easily.”
It’s very clear Loki does not think much of himself, he hates pretty much everything that makes him unique and is very sad to see how desperate he is to fit in, to belong. We see his desperation when he talks about Amora arriving at court, he says he had never interacted with another sorcerer besides his mother and states that he thought of Amora as an equal, someone just like him. In his first conversation with her we can see clearly how unsure of himself he is, he wants to be more confident and open but fears she’ll not find him interesting enough to talk to him:
“He wanted to sit beside her, but somehow that felt too presumptuous, a bold assumption that he was interesting enough for her to want around.”
That almost seems like another character entirely, right? Imagine Loki from the MCU, that arrogant man who treated everyone else as being beneath him as a shy, insecure teenager who was scared the girl he had a crush on would not want to talk to him. That’s why I love that book so much, it shows who Loki really was before adopting the persona of the God of Mischief. The way he describes some of their interactions is literally so sweet and relatable, he really was just a boy in love with the new girl in town, there’s a bit where they’re in the gardens and this happens:
“Loki sank down beside her, close enough that their knees pressed together. Even through the hazy gloom lingering from his conversation with Thor, an electric shiver went through him when she didn’t pull away from his touch. No matter how small that touch was.”
This is so sweet, he is so in love with her, is so shy and insecure, he is always nervous when around her, always trying to hide things she would consider weaknesses, it’s clear he considers himself to be weak, as i said before he despises himself and all of his particularities.
He is also always seeing other people as being superior to him, is always looking down on himself and trying to be someone else, someone he thinks is who he should be. He wants to be accepted so bad, he wants to be loved, wants to know that he belongs in his family, wants to be just a good prince as Thor is, wants to feel seen by his father, this may sound silly but he just wants attention, he is tired of feeling inadequate, he is desperate for Odin to acknowledge his value and to consider him worthy of his attention.
Loki is almost obsessed with his father, everything he does he does to impress him, sadly he never succeeds, each time he creates a scheme to praise Odin he fails and his opinion on Loki only gets worse, Odin starts to see Loki as this corrupted man with darkness in his soul, with an evil and calculating nature and a danger to Asgard.
What he fails to realize is that Loki at his core is just (as Mobius himself put in the series) a scared little boy, he needs guidance and validation from the person he considers the most, he depends so much on Odin’s opinion of him, he lets it define who he is, he is not strong enough to stand up against this perception of himself, probably because he hasn’t got a single friend, no one he can be vulnerable with without fear of judgment, he bears his burden alone and is nearly falling apart under the weight of everything he has on his shoulders, he really needs someone he can be real with, but he probably will never feel comfortable enough with anyone to let his guard down.
He doesn’t even allow himself to be in love, when he realizes he’s starting to become too fond with people he immediately pushes them back, he puts on the act of the cold, bad guy, but at the same time he is desperate for connection, contradictory fellow innit?
Loki struggles with his need for love and acceptance and the fear of showing his true colors to people around him, he views himself as weak and he’s not willing to show weakness to anyone, he needs a friend he can be real with (and I feel the Loki series has hit the nail in the head with Mobius, he is exactly the kind of friend Loki needs), a friend who sees the man behind the mask of villainy and is willing to accept Loki for who he is.
I couldn’t help but feel impotent reading the book because at some parts you really wants to jump on the pages and hold him close to you, whilst telling him everything will be okay and that he is enough, that his worth is not tied to Odin perspective of him and that he is capable of doing everything he ever dreamed and more.
Well, that was quite a long post, sorry if I talked too much, this book is so important to me as a Loki fan, I could rant about it for hours!
